


between lines you fail to see

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: A little controversial - who's in the wrong?, AU, Angst levels are high, Dark, Established Relationship, Family, Gen, Husbands, Jealousy, Lots of kissing, M/M, Multi Chapter, Obsession, Rape discussions, Relationship Growth, Roblivion, Scars Mentions, Secrets, Slow Burn, The Past, kidnap, sinister - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-09-20 15:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 166,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9499139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: robert hires calum after nicola and jimmy go off on their holidays and leave him in the lurch, aaron instantly doesn't like him and sees ulterior motives behind his flash smile and interesting stories.soon issues arise when things become more sinister and robert continues to turn a blind eye as calum drives a further wedge between the 'happy couple' becoming even more determined to have robert all for himself.





	1. Happiness rests above

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo guys, so i'm back with yet another multi chapter au fic to hopefully get you all hooked. i started writing this ages ago, like some time last year i think even before rebecca arrived on the show and i sort of ran away with the idea. it's a bit of a slow burner ... and one of those fics where you may have to read more than once (every chapter is like this) just to make sure you pick up on the little hints that are dropped. i already have an ending in mind and it seems pretty damn dramatic and epic of course so i hope that you stick around to read it. this isn't fluffy but i'd like to think it's probably one of my most sorta realistic fics in terms of a family vibe for roblivion. there should be a 'settled family yet still with hints of drama lurking beneath' feel to it so i hope that comes across well and yeah i hope you enjoy this first chapter.

  
"I don't like him." It hangs in the air and makes Robert roll his head back and laugh as he looks at his husband, the younger man lets out a shrug and his eyes turn an even deeper blue that Robert has to look away from because he knows he'll get caught up in the colour.

"Yeah, I heard that the first time." Robert says, his frown telling Aaron he's unimpressed because once again they're talking about Calum.

Robert had hired the man a few days ago to help out with the haulage firm whilst Jimmy and Nicola jetted off on a holiday, deciding to spend their compensation money on a luxury hotel rather than anything to do with the business.

Aaron narrows his eyes, drinks down the remainder of his pint with gusto and then looks back at Robert, wondering when the older man became so oblivious, so _soft_ when it came to sad cases wanting a job. Calum was just that. He had literally no experience but flashed a smile Robert's way and said all the right things and Aaron couldn't believe Robert had been charmed by the lad. The _boy_ really who Aaron concluded was younger than both of them and had too much to say.

He has a look about him, an intense one and Aaron couldn't help but feel a little unnerved by it when he first was introduced. He had a thick black jumper on and a pair of jeans and Aaron wondered when Robert was going to start asking him to turn up in suits to sit in a portacabin. He had laughed to himself at that and Calum, with his light brown hair and matching hazel eyes, just stared back almost absorbing Aaron as he stood there before smiling as Robert walked towards them.

"This is Aaron, my husband. He runs the scrapyard with my brother in law." Robert had said to Calum and Aaron had noticed the reaction, small, just a flicker of _something_ in the younger man's eyes that said he didn't like that fact. Not one bit.

"Doubt he likes me either to be honest with ya." Aaron says, looking at Robert and then swiftly grabbing at Robert's packet of crisp that he had foolishly left open on the table. Aaron ate one and watched as Robert frowned, as if he was too deep in thought to even care.

"Why'dya say that?" Robert looks at Aaron, a smile on his face because he knows he wants to wind Aaron up now, "Is it because you're always just so happy and jolly and -"

Aaron smacks him then, hard on the arm and then kisses his husband. Robert squirms away, tasting the salt and vinegar on Aaron's lips and sipping his pint to take away the strong taste.

Aaron leans back, "Oh charming." He says with a smile on his face before he leans a little closer, looking a little more serious as he meets Robert's eyes. "Honestly though, you have to admit that - he's a bit, strange."

Aaron has flashes of scenes in his mind, he's only known the lad for a few days but already he has seen little flickers of things. Things like the way he almost slips away just before the end of the day, and how particular he is about getting his work done. Just _strange_ things.

Robert bites back what he wants to say, knows it won't do any good right now because Aaron will storm off and they will have their first proper argument over Calum Radels. It won't happen on his account so he nods and then sighs and Aaron settles against him, holding onto his arm a little and not caring that they are in public. In the pub, nearly shielded away by sitting in the booth nearest the back room.

Robert kisses Aaron's head, "He's a fast learner though, I mean - he's being a great help so if you could -" he knows he shouldn't have tried offering advice out like that, but Aaron's already raising his head and pulling away and staring at him as if to question him further.

"Could what?" Aaron demands, a tightness in his voice because he realises that Robert thinks _he_ is the issue here.

Robert gulps hard and knows he might as well just say it, he'll probably be sleeping on the couch anyway tonight because _something_ is _bound_ to happen later on. "Well, I mean - I know he bothers ya but, if you could try and make it a little less obvious that you think he's a weirdo then, then I think we'd all get along fine."

Aaron dosen't say anything, doesn't need to really as he breathes in and then out slowly as then looks away. It takes a second for him to turn around again though and Robert braces himself for something, _anything_ but he dosen't get it. Instead Aaron nods because deep down he knows all the stares he is giving the kid is probably making him feel uncomfortable and it's certainly giving Tom the upper hand, making Robert feel for him and Aaron doesn't want that happening.

"Yeah okay," Aaron whispers into Robert's neck, an apology there somewhere and Robert smiles. He knows that a few months ago Aaron wouldn't have reacted the same way, he knows because his mind still isn't used to how calm and collected Aaron has become. He still thinks the worst and it makes him feel guilty as he does so. He thinks of shouting and tears and apologies and then making up afterwards with hot breaths and confessions of love and hours in bed. Now, he tells himself, it's different.

 

 -  

 

 

Aaron's not in the mood and let's Robert know first thing in the morning when he reacts a little over the top about Robert's cold feet in bed. Robert rolls over, kisses him hard and tries to make him laugh, it works for a little while and then the alarm goes off and Aaron shrinks back into himself.

Liv's at the table already as Aaron stalks down the stairs, her headphones are in and her hair is braided. Aaron looks up at Robert, catches his eyes and sees the older man blushing.

"I had a little sister too once upon a time." Robert says shyly and Aaron arches his eyebrows as he walks towards Liv, feels at her hair so neatly done and then pulls Robert closer to him.

"Hm, yeah well I'm impressed." Aaron's voice is husky, almost like gravel and Robert can't believe braiding Liv's hair is a turn on. He'll keep note of that, he thinks.

Robert dares to lean in and then smiles because of course he can, Aaron won't squirm away because Charity isn't around and no glasses need collecting because this is _their_ home and they can do whatever they like.

Aaron's soft as he moves towards Robert and places their lips together, they kiss without passion and Robert feels his heart tighten because he never thought kisses like that could make him feel so complete inside. Soft and gentle and tender and all from Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, his _husband_ Aaron.

Liv clears her throat and Robert looks her way, he nearly forgets she's sitting there and he knows Aaron did as his cheeks redden.

"Liv alert." Liv says through a mouthful of cereal, "I was here first ya know so I _can_ actually say _get a room._ " She adds as she finishes and begins drinking the glass of orange juice that Aaron knows she won't finish.

"Ha ha." Robert says dryly before watching the young girl rise to her feet and look down at her phone, changing a song, or texting Gabby or both.

"Right laters." Liv says, not lifting her head as she speaks and so both Aaron and Robert say, "Have a good day at school." At the exact same time.

Aaron smiles at Robert and feels his bad mood subside completely, leaning over he kisses Robert's neck and feels the need to drag him back to bed. He hadn't slept the next before, thinking about what Robert could be thinking about. The last thing he wanted was for his husband to think he was _jealous_ of someone like Calum.

"Why don't we," Aaron has an arm draped over Robert's shoulder and his standing on his tiptoes. Robert notices and his heart melts because he loves how Aaron has to do that sometimes. "Go back to bed." Aaron finishes and Robert feels his throat beg to be cleared because Aaron is almost irresistible.

Robert nods into another kiss and begins pulling at the younger man's trousers eagerly before -

The sound of the phone ringing is constant, persistent and Aaron's face clouds as he watched Robert go to grab it. He has his ideas, says he knows who it could be and then it's confirmed as he hears -

"Calum hi." Robert's voice is high, happy and light and Aaron frowns harder, tells himself he didn't want to spend the day in bed anyway and begins walking to the door feeling like a sulking child.

Robert catches Aaron walking towards the stairs and feels bad but tries to ignore it as he listens to the younger man on the phone and nods along for a few minutes before hanging up and going to find his husband.

 

- 

 

 

Aaron's already dressed by the time Robert reaches the door to their bedroom and he feels unsure of what to say.

"He needs my help with a client." Robert says, a hand out towards Aaron as he speaks and sees Aaron stop searching for his watch, or phone or whatever.

Aaron sees the look on Robert's face and feels awful, he dosen't want Robert looking that way. He dosen't want him feel guilty or bad. Aaron knows he just dosen't like Calum, first impressions weren't the best for some reason and he knows that to let Robert feel sorry for it is just wrong. He doesn't want to emotionally blackmail him like that.

Aaron moves forward and kisses Robert's cheek lovingly, "Yeah and I need to pull my weight at the scrapyard. We can go together if ya like?" Aaron hears his words and wonders if he is being overbearing, he hates the thought but then it clears as Robert flashes a smile and tells him to give him ten minutes, Aaron sits, knowing he'll have to wait at least twenty.

 

 

- 

 

 

The journey there is one they both always enjoy, Robert usually drives to the scrapyard and Aaron is like an annoying child changing the station every time a song comes on that he is bored of listening to. It drives Robert up the wall but he laughs about it, always laughs. They're both smiling when they pull up and see Adam attempting to break up an engine with his bare hands. 

Robert says something about him looking like a daft caveman and earns a punch from his husband as they approach the hapless Barton.

"Ya need a hand there mate?" Aaron asks through a laugh and Adam lifts his head up just to scowl at him.

"Oh look who it is eh? The wonderer returns." Adam is sarcastic as he speaks and Aaron ducks his head shyly before smiling up at him.

He knows he's hardly been working lately and he keeps telling himself that it's because of the honeymoon and the jet lag but he also tells himself that two weeks in Portugal was more than a month ago and besides - the difference was only two hours.

"Yeah sorry mate," Aaron blows out, tugging at his jacket because it's colder than what he expected. "I'm here now so -"

"Half an hour late." Adam interjects with a warm look on his face that tells Aaron he isn't being serious.

Robert places a hand on the small of Aaron's back, "Yeah well the boss said it was alright so..."

Adam makes a sound and Aaron laughs as he sees his best mate point towards Robert and shake his head, "I'm my own boss mate! You just invested your poxy money into the place."

Robert's shaking his head as he walks towards the portacabin, leaving Aaron behind and kissing him as he does so, "Yeah yeah, what do you think got this place up and running?"

The door of the portacabin opens with ease and Robert wonders inside, stopping at the small draws and pulling out a file before looking across at Aaron's desk and seeing Calum sat there.

Robert frowns, confused a little by Calum's complete silence. "Er hi." He says, looking towards him and then seeing the younger man smile up at him.

Robert bites his lip, goes to speak again but Calum is already lifting himself from the chair, walking quickly towards him, "Er, yeah this client rang and - I wasn't really sure what to say to him."

Robert settles himself as he sees Calum staring down shyly, almost embarrassed he thinks. "Don't worry, um what - what was the name?" He says, taking his coat off and sitting on his chair, pulling it closer to the desk as Calum tries to remember.

"Um, ah - Jefferson." Calum pushes out with a look on his face that said it was hard for him.

Robert nods, trying to smile at Calum and tell him it's alright but then again he isn't the comforting type and he knows that he can't just pretend that Calum is Aaron or Victoria or Liv. He can't speak softly and low and be all understanding, it just dosen't work.

"Look leave it with me and I'll ring them back." Robert sighs before hearing the door go and seeing Aaron stand there.

Calum ducks his head and Aaron offers a smile that Robert catches, _he's trying_  he thinks and it makes him proud.

"You alright Calum?" Aaron says before breathing a little heavy and looking towards the kettle. "Brew?"

Calum shakes his head and Aaron looks towards Robert.

"Nah not for me thanks." Robert offers with a sigh as he looks back at his work.

"So is there any filing for me to do?" Calum asks, his voice is a little louder than before and Robert concludes that it is because of the kettle and not because he's trying to appear a little more confident in front of Aaron.

Robert hands him an orange file, "Just make sure all the dates and orders are correct and in line with the ones on the spreadsheet."

Aaron watches Calum take the file from Robert's hand and _sees_ the way Calum looks as their hands brush together. Calum's cheeks redden and then he looks at Aaron, catches him staring and clears his throat as he sits down and begins to work.

Aaron pours the water and finishes making himself and - presumably Adam - a tea. Before going to leave Robert lifts his head and sees Aaron walking towards him, leaning close.

"Fancy dinner in the pub tonight?" Aaron asks, waiting for the inevitable groan of disapproval from his husband who doesn't fancy dinner with Chas and Paddy. The reunited couple who Aaron adores.

"Ah -" Robert tries to protest but gives in, knowing that it'll make Aaron happy. Aaron nods and leaves and Robert thinks for a second, he does a lot to make Aaron happy, a lot he dosen't want to do.

Robert shakes his head, tells himself that's what love is all about and gets back to work. He misses the way Calum stares, having heard it all and silently watched Robert sit there and think for a while, frown heavy on his face.

 

 

-

 

 

Chas and Paddy are nowhere to be seen when they arrive and Robert blows out a sigh of relief as Charity tells them that Paddy has taken her out for the night.

Aaron looks glum, tells Robert that he should have texted either of them beforehand and Robert rubs at his back, again in public but Aaron dosen't mind.

"Well we might as well eat, now we're here." Robert says looking around the rather empty pub and smiling. "Liv's at Gabby's and -"

"She dosen't like Bernice's cooking." Aaron interjects with a frown that makes Robert smile and think about his step sister and her questionable culinary skills.

Robert shrugs his shoulders, "Text her that we're eating here, if she's hungry she'll come running."

Aaron tuts, "She's not a dog Rob." He says, typing the message all the same.

 

 

-

 

 

She doesn't come running, texts back that Diane came round and made a stew instead and Aaron is suddenly envious as he looks down at his plate of food, all gone.

The discussion is light and Robert smiles as he leans over and pulls their hands together, he remembers Aaron in Portugal and he thinks back to carefree kisses on the beach. The sun smiled down on them then, instantly he wants to go back.

"We should book another holiday." Robert says, seeing Aaron's eyebrows raise. "For a few months time, not right now but -"

Aaron frowns, "Adam would actually _kill_ me rather than let me take any more time off."

Robert sighs, feeling defeated. "It's just an idea." He whispers and then feels Aaron moving his foot towards his, moving them around and then up and down Robert's leg.

"Yeah look, I'll think about it yeah?"

"Yeah." Robert nods his head.

"Besides, _you_ can hardly have any time off either. Unless ya want Calum to run the firm into the ground." Aaron laughs at his own words and Robert looks less than impressed.

"That isn't very nice." Robert says, frowning as he stares at Aaron. "I thought I was the mean one?"

Aaron shakes his head, "Nah you've gotten soft." He knows he has and he adores it.

Robert's eyes widen, "No I haven't." He protests.

"Yes you have," Aaron laughs, "It has a lot to do with me though, you know me and Liv and us all being a little family. It's made you _soft_." There isn't a jokey hint in his voice and Robert knows he means it, doesn't know how to feel as he thinks about it and realises it's true.

Robert pulls a hand up to his face in embarrassment, "I _have_ haven't I?" He sighs and then sees Aaron laughing, "Ah I don't know why you're laughing. Mr grumps has finally settled down and got _married_ and _mellowed_."

Aaron frowns, "Mellowed?"

Robert nods as he reaches for a cold chip on his plate, "Yeah, you've calmed down, you deal with things differently now." He says, serious and Aaron smiles and sees the compliment.

"Yeah?" Aaron says softly.

"Yeah." Robert leans over and kisses Aaron gently before pulling away and seeing the look on Aaron's face, he seems confused and it takes a second for Robert to understand as he takes a look across his shoulder and sees Calum walking towards them.

"Fancy seeing you here?" Calum says, he dosen't look as shy anymore and his whole demeanour has changed as he looks towards Aaron. "You alight?"

Aaron looks at Robert and then back at Calum, "Yeah - er, fine."

Calum looks towards the bar, "Is this your local?" He says, clearly wondering and Aaron is hesitant as he nods because he doesn't understand why he is there. Then it clicks, he doesn't buy the surprise in Calum's voice and he remembers that he was there when he had asked Robert about going to the pub for dinner. Had he heard it all the way from his desk? Aaron thinks, decides he must have and then feels uneasy.

Robert smiles, "Yeah it is." He says before shifting on the booth and making space. Aaron's eyes widen and he looks towards Robert to ask him what he's playing at but Robert misses it and before Aaron can intervene his husband is already asking Calum to join them.

Calum looks awkward, "I don't mean to intrude."

 _Yeah you do_. Aaron thinks and it makes his heart hammer in his chest.

"Don't be daft." Robert says and Aaron immediately hates how friendly his husband has become. "It's fine isn't it Aaron?" Aaron knows that the question isn't really a question and just nods his head along until Calum is sat across from him and attempting to make small talk.

 

-

 

It turns out Robert and him have a lot in common.

"Wow I didn't know that. That's - that's amazing." Robert is animated as he talks and once again Aaron feels like a child for feeling the way he does, _pushed_ out.

Apparently Calum has been to Dubai and Morocco and suddenly they both have tons to talk about it and it makes Aaron feel even worse as he sits there.

Calum looks at him, smiles and then turns back. He keeps doing it as if to say 'look at how I can make your husband, you can't do this' and Aaron seethes as he watches them both, his hands under the table firmly playing with his wedding band that normally calms him down. It does, a little and Aaron realises that instead of just sitting there he should make conversation himself and grow up.

"So how comes you're working with Robert then? You know, _temporarily_." Aaron leans forward, appears interested and Robert catches the way he makes an effort. He knows he isn't being genuine though and the older man feels wary.

Calum gulps, "Um ya know I - fresh out of Uni and I needed a job where I could get used to filing and seeing how a business works." The answer seems to suffice for Robert but Aaron still frowns.

"Ya know how it is, I mean you started your own business yourself didn't you?" There's something there, behind his eyes and Aaron _knows_ that Calum isn't as oblivious as he makes out. It's almost like he is fully aware that it wasn't that simple and he had help. Robert's help. The man who he was having an affair with at the time.

Aaron stays silent and then Calum smiles.

"With the help of your husband of course." He adds, a smile still on his face as he speaks and for the first time Robert becomes uncomfortable.

Aaron squints, "How'dya know that then?" He says, his eyes flickering towards Robert to tell if he is equally as perplexed.

Calum seems flustered but then shrugs his shoulders, "Robert and Adam this morning, what they were saying." He says and it makes sense. It fits and it's enough to make Robert's shoulders relax again but for Aaron only a fake smile flashes across his face and his stomach still remains tight. There's something not quite right about him, Aaron knows.

Robert gives him a look and suddenly Calum rises to his feet, "I best be off now." He says, pulling on a coat that reminds Aaron of Robert's green one, in fact it almost looks exactly the same. He wonders if Robert has noticed and offers him a look but Robert simply looks back at him blankly.

"See ya tomorrow yeah?" Robert mumbles as he looks down at the table and then back at Calum, he misses the smile on his face and how giddy he seems by the prospect but Aaron doesn't. He's observant like that and he _seethes_ silently.

Calum disappears then, giving Aaron a small smile as he goes and leaving the air feeling odd as Aaron and Robert both sit there.

Robert opens his mouth as if he is going to say something but he doesn't and Aaron fills the need to break the silence somehow.

"We need to get Diane round to make us a stew." Aaron says, blurts out more like and it makes Robert laugh, eases the tension he thinks and then sighs because he hates the fact that Calum created even the smallest bit of tension between them in the first place.

 

-

 

 

Robert's by the sink, looking out onto the village and seeing the pretty lights that make the night sky sparkle a little. He thinks about Calum, and then about Aaron and what he thinks of the younger man. The thoughts make him sigh as he hears Aaron coming down the stairs, snaking his arms around Robert's waist and kissing him lightly on the temple.

"Ready for bed?" Aaron whispers, soft and slow.

Robert nods against him and smiles, "I was just getting a glass of water." He says, gesturing towards the empty glass by the side of the counter.

Aaron smiles, "Good boy." He mumbles and Robert's cheeks redden because he realises that Aaron is winding him up, knows that the younger man is referring to the conversation they had had a few days earlier about all the coffee Robert drinks and how he should be drinking water more often.

"Oi you're getting me an americano first thing tomorrow." Robert teases, pinching at Aaron's side and then looking at him more seriously, turning around to face him better.

"Sorry if, if tonight me and Calum were - ya know," Robert knows he should apologise, he thinks about what they had talked about and how it may have seemed.

Aaron shrugs his shoulders, "What?" He asks, biting down on his lip awkwardly.

"If we were, secluding you or whatever. I know you don't like him." Robert bites down on his lip this time and Aaron pulls him in closer.

"Don't worry, it was nothing. You were just being - _friendly_." Aaron pushes out, knowing that he can hardly be angry at Robert for being _nice_.

Robert scrunches his nose up and sighs, "Yeah well I am _soft_ now aren't I."

Aaron nods, taking him by the hand and then kissing him, soft at first and then harder, more passion and heat and Robert smiles knowing where this is heading and loving it.

Robert pushes away first, far enough so that he can whisper into Aaron's ear, "Get up those stairs now." His voice is low and dark and it makes Aaron shiver as he turns towards the stairs, smiling.

Robert pushes a hand through his hair and then frowns, something telling him to look back towards the sink window. He notices the window open and goes to close it, his eyes widening as he looks closer and sees _something_ and then blinks, opens his eyes agains and then sees nothing.

It makes him frown but he rubs his eyes and yawns, his thoughts of Aaron laying in their bed waiting for him seem to overrule any suspicion he has.

 

 


	2. Americano's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to say a massive thank you to all of you who left a lovely comment or just gave this fic kudos already after just reading the first chapter, it means the world so thank you so much! <3 i hope you enjoy this chapter !!

Aaron's in a 'kissing Robert' mood and his husband is taking advantage of it, fully. They're both ignoring the fact that they are late for work and concentrating on bruising their lips for as long as possible.

"What's got into ya?" Robert blows a breath as Aaron pins him against the wall and attempts to mark the older man's neck.

Aaron shrugs a little, "You. Hopefully. Now." His voice is like gravel and it makes Robert twitch all over as he places a hand in Aaron's hair.

Aaron kisses him hungrily, tells himself it has nothing to do with last night and the bit of jealously he felt, he tells himself as he peppers kisses down Robert's body that he isn't saying _mine mine mine_ with each one and claiming Robert as his own.

Robert pulls away, grabbing Aaron's writs and -

It's Aaron's phone that goes off, he knows because of the stupid ringtone Liv put on for him. It fills their bedroom and Aaron shakes his head with frustration, swearing to himself that he won't answer it. He does though, because Robert gives him a look that says he should.

It's Adam.

"Hiya mate." Aaron says, pinching the bridge of his nose as he speaks and waits for Adam to answer.

"Tell me you're on your way." Adam says back, snappy and short and then his voice lowers. "This kid is giving me the creeps." It makes Aaron's eyes widen, a smile on his face because he wants someone to agree with him about Calum and the fact that it's Adam makes it all the more sweeter.

"Yeah? What's he playing at?" Aaron asks, voice low as he watches Robert on the bed.

Adam sighs, "Nah he's doing work but - just a bit weird that he's sitting at your desk."

Aaron imagines him sat there and frowns harsh, he shouldn't be sitting there. Aaron knows he's being overly possessive and he nearly wants to tell himself to get a grip but he _can't_. He thinks of him and Robert at his desk, papers flying as they try to make the most of the delivery Adam is on. Naked bodies, Robert's arse on the chair. His chair. The thought of Calum spoils it, mares the memories and it makes Aaron feel silly for giving it so much importance.

"My desk yeah?" Aaron's voice is tight and low as he speaks and then suddenly he feels Robert's arms around him and he knows he has to wrap the conversation up. "Listen we're in the car, on the way so just - get back to tearing up an engine." He cuts the call and Robert kisses him hard.

"Everything alright?" Robert questions, a hand sliding down towards Aaron's waist and resting there.

"We're needed at the scrapyard mate." Aaron whispers, softly and Robert groans. Aaron turns to face him and kisses him lightly before walking towards their bed, suddenly eager to get to the scrapyard and pull the kid from his chair.

Robert catches his arm, "Woah you alright?" He asks because he knows something is wrong without Aaron saying a word.

Aaron smiles, knows that if he tells his husband he wants to go to the scrapyard to tell his little friend to do one then it wouldn't go down too well, so instead he nods and makes an excuse. "Adam's swamped, I feel bad for doing this to him all the time. It's not fair." He isn't _really_ lying when he thinks about it, he does feel bad about not doing as much work as Adam, not pulling his weight.

Robert frowns and then pulls Aaron nearer to him, the thought of his husband feeling guilty makes him sad. "Let's go then yeah." He says, pressing a kiss to Aaron's head and then going to get dressed.

 

-

 

Aaron doesn't even wait for the car to slow down before he unbuckles his seat belt and walks towards the portacabin, ignoring Robert's calls as he gets there and pulls open the door.

Calum is sat there, papers out in front of him but he isn't look at them. Instead his eyes are firmly fixed on the picture that Aaron has on his desk. It's the one in the brown leather frame, Liv had given it to Aaron when they moved in together and Aaron treasured it.

Aaron looks at it, sees Liv poking her tongue out and then Robert's face, his own face staring right back. He remembers the moment, how lost they were in each other's eyes and it makes him even angrier. It's personal and now Calum has seen it. For a second he panics almost and then it subsides as he sees Calum looking at him, all shocked and surprised and almost worried by his presence. Suddenly he feels like a fool for becoming panicked about the situation and then all the anger builds again because he still doesn't like the thought of Calum sitting on _his_ chair, at _his_ desk.

"You're sitting at my desk." Aaron says, makes a point of it by actually pointing to the desk and then arching an eyebrow.

Calum raises an eyebrow, almost perplexed and it catches Aaron off guard a little.

"Oh." Calum lifts to his feet, shuffling a little towards the counter and then smiling. "I didn't know you even had one." He says, and although he isn't facing Aaron he knows what Calum is saying - he hears the tone of his voice.

Aaron clears his throat and balls his fists, hating the way he is getting so worked up. "I'm a co - owner of the business so," he doesn't know what else to say because Calum's already facing him again, as if to say 'carry on' and it unnerves Aaron.

Calum smiles then, a little smug as he frowns. "It's just, I've never seen ya _actually_ here, ya know doing work so I wouldn't really know." His eyes are wide as he speaks and Aaron knows he wants to appear all ignorant and just confused but it doesn't work.

"Yeah well. Now you do." Aaron snaps, a hand coming up to his head that is now throbbing.

Calum folds his arms over and watches as Aaron reaches for his hi-vest jacket, pulling it on angrily as the room stays silent.

"Nice photo." Calum says looking across at the framed photo, _dares_ to say because Aaron nearly forgot about what he had walked in on. Calum just sat there oddly looking at the photo, at the family Aaron loved more than anything.

Aaron tenses his jaw, his eyes lifting towards Calum. "Cheers." He forces out, thinking of Robert just outside probably teasing Adam about something. He knows that Robert would be unhappy with him if he flew off the handle, just like Aaron would be upset with him if he did something sneaky, manipulative or underhand.

Calum is relentless suddenly, perking up as Aaron moves towards the door. "Is she yours? I mean - like adopted?"

Aaron's heart races a little, knows the boy is talking about Liv and that manages to make him feel _uncomfortable_ beyond belief. He doesn't like it and he knows he'll tell Robert about it when they're alone.

"Nah. She's my sister." Aaron offers before fiddling with his hoodie and feeling shy all of a sudden.

Calum makes a sound with his tongue and then lifts up a hand as if he has just realised something, "Course yeah I mean, it'd be a bit tricky getting a little one with your record."

Aaron lifts his head up so hard it nearly snaps. His eyes are wide and filled with this fear because, how the hell did this lad know about him and his criminal record? How did he know that he had been in trouble with the police? Did he know what for?

It makes him begin to shake and he has to hide his hands as he stands there, stunned. Calum doesn't move, in fact he carries on as if it meant nothing.

"Thank God Robert's record is squeaky clean eh. Might just win the social round one day." His voice is light as he speaks but it doesn't help anything.

Suddenly he isn't just some strange kid who most probably has a thing for Robert, now he is almost dangerous.

Aaron stays silent still, his mouth slightly parted as he looks at Calum and notices the suit that he is wearing. It's smart looking and he only just realises that it's the first time he has seen the young boy in one. He'd already abandoned the thick jumpers and jeans look then, he'd already started to dress like Robert.

Aaron thinks about it and feels sick. The whole situation made him panic and he didn't know _why_ when it came down to it.

The door of the portacabin opens, air coming into the small space and making Aaron look away from Calum. Robert notices the tension in the air, knows something has happened but doesn't get time to ask because Aaron's bolting out of the door and out of the scrapyard completely. Even Adam's shouts don't manage to turn him round, he'll feel guilty about walking out, by himself - over a pint.

 

- 

 

Vic serves him with a scowl.

"You on an early lunch break then?" Vic asks, placing the pint in front of her brother in law and leaning towards him.

Aaron ducks his head and nods. He thinks about telling her what happened, what Calum knows but the more he thinks about it, the more odd it feels to say aloud. He can't explain himself, doesn't want to say that he felt intimated by a weedy looking kid with dark circles under his eyes and a pale complexion, wearing a suit a size too big. It's pathetic. _You're pathetic_ he says, knows.

Vic bites her lip, "It's just - Adam's been working really hard ya know. Flat out and," she looks towards her stomach and appears glum. "We _are_ trying for a baby, can hardly do that when he's coming home looking like a flipping zombie because he's been trying to finish deliveries. He's never in the mood and I try to -" Vic flaps a hand out and Aaron pulls a face.

"Ah alright I get it Vic." He says, shaking his head. "Spare me the details about you trying to have a sprog." He adds before feeling Vic push at his arm and nearly spill the pint that he is holding in his hand.

"Where's my brother then?" Vic offers, clearing the bar as she stands and talks.

Aaron thinks about it, frowns. He knows where Robert is, he's at the scrapyard, in the portacabin, with _him_. Calum.

"At the scrapyard." Aaron says, drinking his pint.

"Oh with that Calum?" Vic questions, a smile on her face that makes Aaron pull a face.

"How do you know about him?" He wonders, trying to connect the dots.

Vic laughs as if she is remembering the moment, "He just introduced himself to me the other night. Dead charming he was, he might be learning from Rob on that front eh." She laughs again and this time Aaron's face simply falls. He doesn't know what to say but the thought of Calum knowing more and more members of Robert's family, 'his family now too' is enough to make his stomach tighten.

 

- 

 

Aaron wishes he hadn't stropped off, a part of him wonders if it was what Calum wanted, to be alone with Robert. To kick Aaron out of the picture. Aaron shakes his head, his thoughts were going wild now, becoming far fetched and silly and he knows he's running away with himself as he thinks more.

Aaron sits on the sofa, bites down on his nails and then sighs because Robert would chastise him later.

Robert.

He suddenly realises that Robert would have something to say about him just running off like that. Aaron picks up his phone and sees the messages. Four from Robert, all soft and delicate and making Aaron sigh again.

The door goes as he sits there and wonders what to text back. It saves him he thinks as he looks towards the door and opens it swiftly. It's Adam and he winces, knowing that he's going to be shouted at and he'll probably yell back even though he's aware he's in the wrong.

"Bro," Adam sighs, punching at Aaron's arm as he walks into the house. Aaron shuts the door and follows him into the living room.

"Look I'm sorry for just leaving like that. It - it was wrong of me yeah? I'm sorry." Aaron says, knows that if he apologies and means it then Adam will back down.

Adam smiles, slouching down on the sofa and making Aaron mirror him on Robert's favourite armchair.

"I just don't get it. I mean, was it that Calum boy?" Adam asks and Aaron can't help but feel tempted to divulge into what happened.

Aaron nods, decides he will.

"Why? Did he say summat?" Adam questions, his voice a little more serious.

Aaron leans towards his best mate, feels foolish as he begins. "I walked in and he was just sitting there, just staring at the picture of me and Liv and Rob."

Adam arches an eyebrow, "What the one on your desk?" He says and Aaron nods towards him before continuing.

"Then - then he was just being all snide, saying how - he wouldn't know it was my desk 'cause I'm never there and -" Adam smiles and Aaron rolls his eyes. "He mentioned Liv." Aaron adds darkly.

"What did he say?"

"Asked if she was ours, like adopted and when I said she wasn't he said it made sense 'cause of my record, it'd be tricky he said but - but it might not 'cause Robert's squeaky clean." Even saying it to Adam makes him feel sick. Aaron knows he is private, personal and likes to keep everything quiet and now, the thought of Calum knowing personal private things about him shatters all that.

Adam gulps, looking a little concerned as he digests the news. "That's a bit, _odd_." He reasons, trying to think of what else to say. "Why would he just say that?"

Aaron shrugs his shoulders and then sighs, "Mate _how would he know that?_ " He presses his hands down his thighs nervously.

"Maybe Robert told him, in conversation or something." Adam says.

Aaron thinks about it, he doesn't know what would be worse. The thought of Robert talking about private things with this little assistant makes him feel even more on edge.

"Yeah maybe," he says, biting his lip and trying to settle himself.

 

-

 

The door slams shut at half six and Aaron winces, knows a row will most likely take place because he didn't reply to any of the messages Robert left for him. He told himself he shouldn't, that they should speak face to face and it somehow settled him.

Liv's sat on the sofa, stretched out watching TV and Aaron signals for her to go to her room as he sees Robert standing by the door, brief case in one hand and a coffee cup in the other. He places them both down and then makes his way towards the stairs, almost meeting Liv as he goes but Aaron calls out to him and he turns back slowly.

"I'm tired Aaron, I had a _long_ day at work." Robert says, making a point of the word 'long' considering Aaron was there for all of five minutes.

"Look, we need to talk." Aaron says seriously and Robert catches something in his eyes but he is too angry to see it properly.

"About you just charging out of there like that? Scaring me shitless 'cause I didn't know how you were feeling and all of a sudden you just run off?" Robert has passion in his voice and Aaron tells himself it's a good sign, _he cares, he cares so much about you_. "I - I didn't know what to think and Adam was pretty useless!" Robert continues, his eyes glassy as he speaks.

Aaron catches his breath.

Robert hasn't said _did you self harm?_ yet but it hangs in the air and makes Aaron want to cower. He hates how it always comes back to that, how _he_ always boils down to _that_.

"You think - Robert it wasn't that, fuck it's - I don't do _that_ anymore." Aaron snaps, doesn't want to but does and Robert relaxes his shoulders a little as if he needed to hear Aaron say it. Aaron thinks about running off, taking the bed and making Robert sleep on the sofa but he doesn't. He's different, he tells himself, he won't just run and leave.

"Look this - why I left, it's because of Calum." He forces out, feels his heart thump hard as he mentions his name and sees Robert's reaction.

An eye roll. Appreciated. _Not_.

"Not this again." Robert sighs because if he's being honest with himself he had actually enjoyed the hours with Calum. They had worked, sure but they had also swapped these amazing stories about travelling and books and it had been fun.

"I don't trust him." Aaron reasons, he's firm in that belief.

Robert waves a hand up, "Why?" He sighs out, knowing Aaron won't rest until he's told Robert everything.

Aaron ducks his head, "He was - sitting at my desk when I came in. _My_ desk."

Robert stares at him blankly, remembers seeing Calum there the day before and the momentary confusion he felt but he ignores that. "And? He's sat there before."

Aaron clicks his jaw, "You what?"

Robert shakes his head, "Mate it's not like he's peed on it and claimed it as his own." He wants to laugh because his husband is obviously so worked up over _nothing_ but he doesn't because he can see the way Aaron is processing it all.

He's sat there before. Does he thinks it's his?

"Why can't he sit at Jimmy's?" Aaron snaps, "He's _Jimmy's_ replacement so -"

_He wants to sit opposite Robert of course, wants to play footsie with him under the -_

"I don't know Aaron! I don't _care_ either alright, just drop it." Robert doesn't mean to shout but he does. He sighs as he looks towards the floor and then up towards the stairs. He knows they'll only carry on fighting if he stays so he walks towards the flight of stairs and then feels Aaron turning him around.

Aaron's eyes are wide and he looks frantic for a second, "Listen to me Rob. Listen - he knows things about me. About us." He says, desperate now to make Robert listen to him, to wake the fuck up and see who this weirdo is.

Robert frowns, instinct kicks in and he is already rubbing at Aaron's shoulders and trying to make him feel better. He hates seeing Aaron this panicked, his own heart rate increases just at thought of Aaron having a proper panic attack about all this.

"What - what do you mean babe?" He says, slipping in the term of endearment because he knows it helps Aaron, makes him feel loved when he's like this.

Aaron gulps, "He knows I've got a criminal record, and that - that yours is squeaky clean," he pants a little in between shallow breaths. "He actually said that Rob. How would he know that?" He begs Robert for answers because he hates the way he feels and Robert is quick to offer them.

"Village gossip Aaron." Robert says slowly, "He probably told Brenda he's working for me and she couldn't help but spill all to him, give him a bit of goss as he waits for a cream slice."

Aaron tries to laugh and shake of his panic and it works, it makes sense he tells himself even though it didn't at the time.

Robert rubs at Aaron's arm, "I hate seeing ya like this." He says, his voice soft and low.

Aaron instantly feels guilty, "I'm sorry -"

"Don't apologise Aaron. It's alright." Robert presses a kiss to Aaron's head and then feels the younger man hug him, reaching up and burying his head deep into Robert's neck. They stay like that for a few seconds before Aaron pulls away and kisses Robert on the mouth, gently.

Aaron pulls a face as Robert leans away from him. "Gosh did you have a coffee?" He questions, Robert's breath stinks off it.

Robert nods, gesturing towards the empty cup on the side. "Yeah an americano of course."

Something flashes in Aaron's mind and makes his stomach tighten.

"Calum got me one." Robert continues as he moves towards the sofa and begins taking his shoes off. "He says he knows it's my favourite but I think he just asked Bob, _he's_ the true expert." He continues as Aaron stays there, staring, remembering the conversation they had the night before. Robert telling Aaron to get him an americano the next day.

They were by the sink, they were talking and kissing and Aaron felt the cold hit his neck. He remembers as he looks towards it and then recalls looking at the window and seeing it was open.

Calum bought him one, knew it was his favourite. But how? Bob. Robert had said it himself, Calum was probably just trying to show off and be all perfect by getting Robert his favourite by suprise. Or, there was another way he knew. He had heard last night, he had listened and took note.

It made Aaron feel sick, unsafe in his own home as he thought about it. It was a dark thought, a dark, dark one and completely irrational. He couldn't know where they lived. But he knew where the Woolpack was? He was there. Maybe he stayed behind and watched them leave, followed them down the road and watched as they went into Mill cottage? Aaron begins to shake and then suddenly feels Robert touch his arm. The contact makes him flinch and Robert doesn't know what to say or do.

"Aaron -" Robert tries because he's been calling his name for some time now but his husband seems to be lost in his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I said are you sure you're okay?" Robert says softly, leaning his forehead against Aaron's and then feeling Aaron kiss him gently.

"Yeah - fine." Aaron says, lies. He moves his arms around Robert and hugs him again, catching Robert by surprise as he holds him by the waist and buries his head into Robert's chest.

Aaron tries to settle, the smell of Robert making him feel safe. "I'll be fine." Aaron adds, wanting to say _we'll be fine_ but failing as he tugs at Robert a little harder and feels his husband kiss at his head protectively.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun !!! #creepy cal is definitely getting creepier, or is it just aaron's paranoia that's playing up ????


	3. Comfort in darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's getting creepier ...

Robert's busy. Swamped apparently because Nicola failed to organise the files correctly before she jetted off. Aaron offers to help but Robert is quick to point out that's why he pays Calum. _Calum_.

Aaron's eyes flicker as he hears his name. It's been a few days since the 'americano' discovery and Aaron stills feels on edge.

The night he found out he didn't sleep, parts of him begging Robert to wake up so he could tell him his worries, his fears and suspicions and they could work together on this like they used to. They could face anything together, Aaron thinks, but the problem is they aren't together on this.

Different pages, different books.

Aaron slams down on the car, deciding to take all his frustration out on it and throw himself into work considering Robert's practically done the same thing.

"Oi mate would ya be a little careful there?" Adam says, a frown on his face as he watches bits of the car fly around the place.

Aaron looks up, apologies and then stares into the portacabin. Robert's in there and he's working. He's been doing nothing else all morning and Aaron knows he's due a lunch break but it'll be hard to convince him when Calum's there sharing stories about riding elephants and staying in the desert for a week.

"Twat." Aaron whispers to himself as he spots Calum getting up, probably going to the kettle and using Aaron's mug as his own, just because. He's wearing a suit again but this time it looks better, Aaron hates to say it but he can't ignore the face that this one actually fits him well.

"You alright mate?" Adam offers, knows something is wrong because Aaron can't pull his eyes away from the portacabin.

Aaron turns to him and shakes his head, "Yeah I'm fine."

"You and Rob had a fallen out or -"

Aaron thinks, they haven't, not really. Robert's just tired and they haven't had any _proper_ alone time for a while because it's always being interrupted. He misses him, he thinks and then he wonders if his husband feels the same. It hurts to think he doesn't.

"Nah, it's just - he's working hard innit." Aaron concludes before biting down on his lip and deciding to do something about it.

Aaron pulls off his gloves and walks towards the cabin, he stops just before the door and hears Calum laughing, saying something about a diving experience he had and Robert gaps, tells him he's done the same and Aaron feels his heart drop a little. How much else did Calum know about Robert that he didn't?

"Fucking _diving_." Aaron says roughly to himself before he opens the door and sees Calum and Robert.

Robert sits on his desk and Calum is inches away from him, they are both looking down at a laptop and Aaron wonders if Calum was leaning in closer before he arrived.

"Alright?" Aaron says, suddenly feeling out of place and as if he is intruding something.

Robert nods his head, smiles and then clear his throat. He can tell there's something wrong with Aaron, knows there has been since that night when he nearly lost it over Calum sitting at his desk but he tells himself he's fixed that. Calum has moved all his stuff over on Jimmy's desk and now there's nothing for Aaron to be so worked up about. It isn't that easy though, he knows it isn't.

"I was wondering if ya were planning on getting your lunch anytime soon babe?" Aaron drops the last word out purposely, he sees Calum react and then Robert, all flushed and pink and smiley. Aaron settles his worries, proud that he has that effect on Robert when no one else does.

"Er yeah, let's -" Robert begins packing up his things and then suddenly Calum goes to speak.

"Actually, could I go now?" Aaron looks at him hard, he knows what he's doing as he asks the question and knows that it means Aaron and Robert will have to wait to eat together because Robert's too much of a control freak to leave the business completely alone.

Robert looks at Aaron, sees his face and then goes to protest but Aaron waves a hand up, knows that Robert will appreciate him being the bigger person.

"Yeah sure." Aaron says but Calum doesn't react, instead he carries on looking at Robert until he gets a nod from the head and _that's_ when he moves to pull his coat on and leave.

"I think Adam needs ya mate." Calum says just before he leaves and Aaron can't stand it, he looks across at Robert and he has missed it - already fallen back into his work that he doesn't even bother looking up as Aaron leaves the room.

 

- 

 

Aaron tries again twenty minutes later, this time planning on getting at least a snog out of his husband before he's back to smashing up metal.

Robert has his face down when Aaron enters and Aaron almost smirks at the challenge, thanking the heavens that Adam has sulked off to find Vic and so he can take his time with husband.

Aaron moves towards him and kisses at his neck, soft and slow and then a little harder so that Robert makes a small sound and looks up.

"Aaron, I've got so -" Robert begins but Aaron's already moving onto the desk and pulling at his tie, tugging hard and making Robert tingle all over.

"We haven't done this for a while and I _know_ you're busy but - I have _needs_ babe." Aaron knows he sounds like Robert but he realises that recently the roles have changed somehow.

Robert arches an eyebrow, "Needs? Mate you have hands, _use_ them."

Aaron shakes his head and laughs as he leans in towards Robert, "Yours are bigger." He says with a breathy sigh before pushing his mouth towards Robert's and making a mess of the paperwork.

For a second Aaron wonders if Robert will care and feels guilty but then Robert is Robert again and he isn't giving a shit because Aaron is offering it to him on a plate and he has needs too for God's sake.

 

-

 

Aaron pants hard as he moans out for a final time and catches hold of Robert's head that nearly drops as he climaxes. His heart beats proudly in his chest as Robert lifts himself up and kisses him hard before slowly down and pulling off of him.

"I knew there was a reason I liked sharing this work space with you." Robert mumbles, still gloriously naked but trying to find both their pants at least because suddenly the high is subsiding and the thought of someone walking in and Aaron going all shy and embarrassed, is taking over.

Aaron reaches down for him and pulls Robert by the waist, "I missed ya." Aaron whispers, knows he's going ridiculously soft because Robert hasn't gone anywhere but it feels that way.

Robert gulps, understands how it may seem and feels the need to shower Aaron with love as he leans towards him and kisses him over and over again, whispering "You have me, I'm not going anywhere," over and over again until it's almost incomprehensible.

Aaron pulls away, goes to say something soppy but then -

The door goes and Aaron's eyes widen as Robert shields him from view. Aaron gaps, hears Robert gasp too and prays it's just Adam and he'll do his laugh any second now. But it doesn't come. Instead it stays silent for too long until Robert goes to speak.

"Shit, er - sorry, could ya maybe -" Robert is a mess as he talks and even though one hand is shielding Aaron and the other is hiding his modesty he still feels vulnerable and odd because for a second, maybe longer he hadn't been hiding anything and -

The door slams shut and Aaron grips hold of Robert's hand, holding it tightly before seeing Robert turn towards him and try to smile.

"Well that was close." Robert says, knowing he has to try to appear jokey despite being a little unsettled.

Aaron gulps, he hadn't seen who it was but he can guess. "Who was it?" He asks, praying it wasn't Calum who had just seen his husband naked.

Robert bits his lip, "A fucking delivery guy." He laughs and Aaron joins him, breathing out a sigh of relief as he moves away from his husband and goes to grab his clothes.

"Can't he knock?" Aaron growls, still feeling awkward about it.

Robert's still standing there, naked and if Aaron wasn't still a little nervous he would pounce on him, looking all confident and protecting him the way he did.

"Thanks for - ya know." Aaron whispers and Robert smiles, grabbing at his pants and pulling them on.

"I'll always protect ya." Robert says, walking towards Aaron and kissing him, he knows why he had to jump towards Aaron and cover him like that. He knows it's not because he's self conscious about his weight, he's fit beyond belief on that front, it's because of the scars that still remain there long after the need to hurt himself is present.

Robert subconsciously stares down at them and then looks away, noticing the blinds are open, "Let me close these eh? Whilst you get dressed." He says, walking towards them and then staring out onto the scrapyard.

As he twists the leaver to the blind he can still see Calum's face staring back at him, hazel eyes wide and alert and just _looking_ at him. Admiring maybe and it makes Robert feel unsure of himself. Robert blinks and then opens his eyes again, notices Calum walking away from the scrapyard and wonders why he hadn't bolted out of there as soon as he saw the pair of them naked. No, he had stayed and it makes Robert feel uneasy.

Robert closes the blinds completely, thinks about the way he had lied to Aaron and knows it's justifiable. He knows that Aaron already doesn't like him, thinks he's a creep and now it would only make him panic if he told him that there was no delivery guy. No, he'd keep it to himself, it was better this way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys still are interested in this, let me know what you think of #creepy cal!


	4. Dinner parties cause problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys right this chapter is full of angst so ... you've been warned!

Calum's there when Robert comes into the portacabin and a part of the older man doesn't know where to look. Aaron's found the whole thing amusing since it happened and Robert can't help but appreciate that. It means Aaron's a little lighter, a little more happier and Robert's glad. He tells himself he is but in reality he's still weirded out about it, because he knows more than Aaron. He knows it isn't funny. Not really.

Calum's sat at his desk looking sheepish and Robert feels awkward as he places his briefcase down and clears his throat.

"Hi." Calum says and Robert knows he can't just ignore him, might as well bring the whole thing up now and figure out where they stand.

"Hey." Robert says, a smile on his face that isn't genuine as he looks towards his desk. He can see the photo from Aaron's desk, thinks of Liv and is reminded of how panicked Aaron seemed a few days ago about Calum knowing about her. It makes him feel odd because despite Calum _potentially_ having a crush on him, he isn't dangerous. He really isn't.

"Yesterday -" Robert begins saying but then suddenly Calum shakes his head and Robert wonders if he'll say anything.

Calum sighs, smiles as he looks at Robert. "It's alright, no harm in having fun at the workplace." There's something in his voice that Robert latches onto and his eyes flicker. Is he flirting? Robert wonders and it's obvious on his face because Calum suddenly seems flustered as he tries to speak.

"I mean - ya know - what you get up to with your husband has nothing to do with me." It's an answer that Robert wants to hear, knows Aaron would want to hear and it makes him settle a little as he digests it.

Robert ducks his head, "True but it was a little - unprofessional." He says and then laughs a little, "Couldn't keep our hands off -" he stops himself, sees Calum looking a little unimpressed and he knows not to continue.

"Anyways," Calum says with a smile. "I'll knock next time eh?"

Robert nods and his heart begins to loosen from the tight grasp, he feels better about it all already and suddenly he's actually grateful for Calum being the way he is.

"Thanks for understanding." Robert offers, a smile genuine on his face.

Calum shakes his head and then becomes animated as he speaks, "Mate it's not the first time I've walked in on blokes getting hot and bothered."

Robert raises his eyebrow and suddenly wonders if Calum _is_ gay, for the first time. He thinks if it would matter, tells himself he wouldn't because he isn't attracted to him in the slightest but he knows if Aaron knew then - it'd be a different story.

"Yeah?" Robert asks, his voice a little high with curiosity.

Calum nods slowly, holds Robert's gaze and then breaks it as he looks away. "I went Uni, lived in halls. I saw all sorts." Again there's something there in his voice and Robert knows that if he entertains it too much he might get the wrong idea so instead he nods and looks back down at his work.

"So you and Aaron," Calum says and it makes Robert stop working almost instantly. "When did you tie the knot then?" He seems genuinely interested and Robert gives in, tells himself that he won't act differently around the potentially gay lad who saw him naked yesterday and may have a crush on him.

"Just after the New Year." Robert says, reminiscing as he thinks about and he smiles without meaning to.

"Must have been freezing, did you get married in the village?"

Robert nods his head and then frowns, "Yeah it was a bit cold." He remembers just _how_ cold the barn was and thinks about the spats he had about getting married in the spring. "But Aaron was intent on getting married then, new year and all that. He got all sentimental about it." Robert says, thinking back again.

"That's nice." Calum says, looking down at the file in front of him as he speaks and then seeing Robert's blank expression staring at him. "How you do things for him even when you don't want to."

Robert feels his heart hammer in his chest. He hears the way it sounds and doesn't like it. It's like Aaron's romantic thinking has been twisted and tainted but Calum's smiling, offering the words like a compliment and Robert's not sure what to do with them at first.

"If he's happy, so am I." Robert pushes out after a few minutes because he knows that although he was freezing that day, he had never been happier and Aaron's smile and tears of joy made everything worthwhile.

Calum nods, "Course." He says and Robert looks back down at his work, a little annoyed with himself for letting Calum get under his skin.

Robert writes something, concentrates and then looks up quickly. "Listen uh, Aaron doesn't know it was you yesterday so if you could just keep it to yourself then I'd really appreciate it."

Calum looks at him with a smile on his face, his hazel eyes seem to flicker with satisfaction and Robert wonders what he's thinking.

"He doesn't like me much." Calum says, folding his arms over and staring at Robert.

Robert gulps, he wonders what to say and the silence nearly speaks for itself. "Um it's not that he doesn't like ya, it's just - he doesn't really know ya that well." He says cautiously.

Calum rolls his eyes, "That's a nice way of putting it." He forces out before sighing. "Doesn't matter though." He says with a shrug. "It's not him I have to impress is it."

Robert shifts on his seat and his eyes widen because _what does that mean?_  he thinks as he focuses on the tie the younger man is wearing. Blue, checked. It's familiar.

"I mean you are writing me reference aren't ya?" Calum says, cuts the silence and Robert just smiles. He doesn't know what to say because for once flirting isn't something he wants to take part in.

"Look don't worry about me telling Aaron yeah? It'll be our little secret." Calum looks serious as he says the words, his eyes falling on Robert's.

_'Our little secret.'_

It sounds cosy and Robert blinks the thought away.

 

-

 

Robert welcomes the sight of Aaron as he comes through the door, his sweaty and panting heavy but Robert doesn't care as he lifts up and kisses his husband hard on the lips.

Aaron raises an eyebrow, surprised as he sees Calum still sitting at his desk, looking at them, _watching_.

"Not here," Aaron hisses into Robert's ear, his darting towards Calum and Robert nods. A wave of relief washes over him again because he is grateful that Aaron doesn't know anything about what Calum saw the day before.

Calum stands, "Mind if I go on my lunch break?" He says and before Robert says anything he is disappearing past Aaron and giving him a look that says 'you ruined it' and it makes Aaron frown.

"What's up with him?" Aaron offers but Robert doesn't want to speak about Calum.

"Don't know," Robert says quickly. "How's your day been?" He says and soon they fall into a conversation that makes Robert feel at ease again.

 

-

 

Calum comes back, knocks to make a reference to the night before and Robert watches Aaron, wonders if he will connect dots but he doesn't.

"Yeah?" Aaron says, looking at the door and then pulling a face as Calum enters.

Calum looks straight at Robert and smiles, clearly wanting it to become an inside joke and Robert just smiles back - awkwardly.

"I got ya one." Robert hears Calum say and then he sees the younger man extending an arm, handing him a coffee.

Aaron remembers what he thought and he feels his stomach tighten once more. He feels sick as he sees Robert take it without thinking and a part of him wants to bring it up there and then. He hadn't forgotten.

Calum turns to face him and let's out an awkward smile, "Um - sorry I thought you'd be gone." He says, a fake smile that makes Aaron need to restrain himself.

"It's fine." Aaron says, forces out and Robert looks his way and smiles.

Aaron's phone rings and he answers, "Alright mate?" He says, a smile on his face and Calum attempts to get Robert's attention but the older man is too busy looking at Aaron, curious about who he is talking to.

"Yeah that sounds great." Aaron lifts from his chair and nods. "See ya later then." He says before hanging up.

Calum goes to Jimmy's desk and begins working again, trying to almost camouflage himself so that Robert and Aaron can talk, so that he can hear.

"Who was that?" Robert mumbles out as he carries on working.

"Paddy." Aaron says and suddenly the air is thick and Calum almost _knows_ to raise his head.

"Right." Robert says because despite the handshake at their wedding and the smiles for the pictures he knows it was all fake, he just doesn't have the heart to tell Aaron that Paddy still loathed him and hadn't forgiven anything at all. "What did he want?"

Aaron smiles then, leaning a little over and then raising an eyebrow. "Well ya know the other day when - when him and mum were out. Well to make up for it, mum's invited us round for tea tonight."

Robert groans, doesn't mean to make it so obvious but can't help it and Aaron tenses as he sees.

"Just the reaction I was hoping for." Aaron says sarcastically, stapling something down hard and making Robert flinch.

"Aaron -" Robert tries but Aaron is waving a hand out.

"You know they're trying, so why can't we? Look it shouldn't be like this anymore. We're married." Robert thinks Aaron has tears in his eyes and his heart breaks for him, he keeps saying that. Keeps insisting that things have to be better because they are married, because they made vows and signed a piece of paper and everyone just has to accept them now. Robert wishes it was that simple but knows it isn't.

"I don't care about the _past_ okay? Me and you and Liv, we're a family now. Paddy and my mum are meant to be your family too." Aaron makes little chopping signals with his hand as he speaks and his face reddens as he sits there.

"That doesn't make a difference Aaron. He still hates me." Robert snaps as he looks at Aaron.

Aaron rolls his eyes, "He doesn't hate ya Rob." He shakes his head. "But maybe if you _tried_ -"

"I'm _done_ trying." Robert says loudly and Aaron looks stunned.

Silence fills the air before Aaron raises from his seat and goes towards the door, "Giving up on them means giving up on us." He says, serious as he stands there and Robert's eyes widen because of course it doesn't.

"What? Aaron don't be -" Robert tries but Aaron's already out the door, slamming it shut and Robert fights back angry frustrated tears as he sits there looking towards the ground.

Calum's there suddenly, a hand on his shoulder and Robert looks up at him.

"It'll work out." Calum says and then suddenly his face clouds as he watches Robert try to gather himself.

 

 

-

 

 

It does. A bit.

Aaron's there, ready to go when Robert gets home and Liv is sitting there, school uniform still on as she looks down at her phone.

Robert doesn't know what to do so just goes to their bedroom, kicking off his shoes and thinks about the day. The weird day.

There's a knock on the door and Aaron pokes his head round, he looks regretful and Robert stares.

"Can I come in?" Aaron says, voice gentle as he waits for Robert to nod. When he does Aaron moves slowly into the room and crouches towards Robert.

"I'm sorry," he says before anything else because he _is_. He really is and he won't shout his way through another argument before he can finally admit it. He's different now, he tells himself.

Robert doesn't expect it and he catches his breath as he sees how glassy Aaron's eyes are. "I'm sorry too." He whispers and it takes less than a second for Robert to bury his head into Aaron's chest, lowering himself and hugging him tightly.

"I didn't mean what I said, I know that you're not giving up on us. I know." Aaron whispers as he pulls away, "I just want everything to be fine." He says firmly. "I was so happy when they got back together."

Robert nods his head and thinks about Chas and Paddy, he remembers how wide Aaron's smile was as he punched Paddy's arm hard and made the vet laugh.

"I know," Robert's whispers as he rubs at Aaron's arm. "I'll try harder, I will." He says and Aaron pulls a face.

"You shouldn't have to try anymore Rob, he was fine with ya at the wedding. I just don't get it." Robert wonders if he should tell him but he doesn't. He lets him think that they did actually sort everything out like Paddy wanted the younger man to think.

"It'll work out." Robert says seriously, "I'm sure of it." He adds, kissing at Aaron's cheek.

"You don't need to come tonight." Aaron says, "I mean it. I don't want ya thinking -"

"I want to." Robert lies, he doesn't but he knows that it's what Aaron wants. He knows it'll make Aaron happy, he thinks back to what Calum had said and it makes him feel odd.

 

-

 

Chas is happy, giddy with excitement and Aaron passes a comment about it being because of the champagne that was left behind by some couple at lunch that she helped herself too. Robert bites his tongue and smiles, genuinely does so as he sees Chas and how happy she really does look.

He remembers dark times, her sobbing into a phone as she tried to find information to help with Aaron's case against _him_. He remembers the dark circles under her eyes, worry lines and smudges of makeup and he smiles as he looks at her now. Better, much better because _Aaron's_ much better now and so is he.

Robert's eyes meet Paddy's across the table and there's a flicker of something that passes between them. Robert looks for understanding but knows it's not there. 

As if Aaron has seen it too he suddenly draws small circles round Robert's thigh and the older man relaxes a little.

"So how's married life treating ya?" Chas swirls her fork around the spaghetti she had poured haphazardly into a pot, Robert's beady eyes watching her and commenting on the fact that she needed to break the bits apart for it to all fit.

Aaron's first to speak and it makes a change, "Yeah it's -" Robert looks at him and sees Aaron soften, "Great." He finishes, cheeks turning red as he speaks. Robert smiles, thinks back to the argument they had earlier and feels like it was years ago. It didn't matter, he thinks as he stares at his husband and sees how happier they are, _knows_ that it won't leave them ever, that happiness they have when they look into each others eyes.

Paddy ruins the moment, clears his throat and makes a point of it and Robert can't help but scowl at him.

"My room's so much bigger." Liv comments and Aaron wants to lean over and hug her for trying to diffuse the atmosphere.

"Really love? Well I hope it's tidier." Chas says, smiling as she speaks.

Robert draws himself away from Paddy and his stares, "Nah, more space equals more mess. Isn't that right Liv?" Liv nods and Aaron laughs, Chas joins and Robert can't resist either but Paddy doesn't and Robert feels himself become more and more agitated as he sits there.

 

-

 

The night hadn't been as bad as he thought so far and a part of him regrets being so short about it with Aaron earlier but Paddy proves it to be exactly what he thought it would be.

"Business booming?" Chas is full of questions and Aaron smiles, albeit awkwardly as he turns to Robert and asks him, with his eyes, to take the baton and answer the question.

"Both are doing great yeah." Robert nods before rolling his eyes, "Well the haulage firm could be doing better but ya know, Nicola and her needs for a holiday obviously come before the business."

Chas nods as if he understands and Robert feels at ease as he talks to her, so much so that when Aaron's hand leaves his thigh he doesn't feel needy and want it to rest back there again.

"Aw, all on your lonesome then." Chas passes Liv a plate of bread and misses the way her son shifts on the chair, thinking about Calum. The weird kid that plays havoc on Aaron's wandering mindset, fragile at times and able to think things that are far fetched.

"No actually." Robert feels like he's telling a secret, as if he is talking about 'he who shall not be named' and the way Aaron reacts makes him feel even more awkward. "I've got some lad working for me, Calum. Jimmy's replacement." Chas raises an eyebrow, looking towards her son as if to say 'you never said' and Aaron darts his head towards the floor.

"Oh," Chas sips at her wine and then looks at Robert again, "That's nice." Her smile seems fake now and a heavy atmosphere hangs in the air.

"Yeah he's not bad actually." Robert says without really thinking, to fill the silence really but Aaron's head snaps up and he's clearly annoyed by the comment.

That's when Paddy finally speaks, showing interest in the whole affair and Robert wishes he could pipe down.

"Hm, not bad." Paddy says with a tight smile on his face as he looks at Aaron and sees the expression on his boy's face.

Robert watches the exchange and instantly fills a pang of jealously hit him hard, he resents what they have sometimes and how _easy_ it looks from the outside looking in. He knows that Paddy has probably read Aaron's thoughts now and is fully aware of how uncomfortable he is about Calum. Suddenly a thought flashes into his mind and he wonders if Paddy already _knows_ about Calum. He imagines Aaron confiding in Paddy about the situation, all his worries that he had a few days ago. It makes him jealous again, wishing that Aaron confided in him more instead.

"Yeah he's alright." Robert pushes out, deciding that he won't back down in his judgement.

Paddy exchanges another looking with Aaron and Robert nearly snaps.

"Is there a problem?" He says, his voice high as he speaks and puts his fork down on the plate dramatically.

Paddy sighs and shakes his head, "Why would there be a problem?" He asks and Robert feels like he is having a go now, trying to push Robert over the edge, face forward.

"Rob -" it's Aaron and this time the small circles have little effect because he knows that he isn't trying to calm him down, he's only trying to shut him up.

"No. No he has something to say. So what is it exactly?" Robert questions and Liv looks towards Chas wondering if she should say anything. Chas shakes her head quickly and Liv stays silent.

Paddy stares at Robert. "It's _you_." He says quite plainly and for once Robert welcomes the blunt tone, says 'finally' as he hears it. "You're married now. You do realise that don't ya?"

Robert feels himself getting even more angry and suddenly he has to hold down onto the chair to stop anything nasty spilling out of his, occasionally, spiteful mouth.

" _Paddy_. What are ya talking about?" Robert expects it to be Aaron but it isn't, it's Chas and he wants to smile at her but he's too angry to.

Paddy looks at her for a second and then stares back at Robert. "This one is meant to _count_ for ya. I'm not meant to see him upset." Paddy looks towards Aaron and Robert sees his husband's face. He looks small and guilty in the chair he sits on and Robert doesn't understand, not yet.

Liv latches onto a few words, "Aaron's upset?" She concludes and Robert hates the panic in her voice, hates Paddy for putting it there and then wonders if he should hate Aaron for it too as he remains silent.

"No Liv, I'm _fine_." Aaron says after what feels like minutes of silence. Robert thinks it should settle him but it doesn't. "Paddy's just - he's just tryna look out for me. That's all."

Robert frowns hard, doesn't like the way it sounds and suddenly turns to face Aaron. "From what?" He feels sick as it dawns on him. " _Me_?" He says, shaking a little as he sits there and stares at his husband.

"No, no don't be _daft_ Rob." Aaron ducks his head and blushes, hating the attention all of a sudden and silently cursing Paddy for bringing it up.

Chas tuts, breaks the atmosphere as she does so. "Of course it's not like that." She says, rolling her eyes and Robert looks at her and feels safe as she speaks, sticks up for him.

"But - but what is," Robert frowns and then looks at Paddy again, "What are you talking about?" He forces out harshly. "Why was Aaron upset?"

Paddy sighs hard, "Because of you, you and this - this _Calum_." Robert sees Aaron wince at the corner of his eye and knows that it shouldn't have been said.

Robert can't help but think about the way it sounds, as if there is _something_ going on between them and that's why Aaron's upset about it all. He hates it, hates thinking of Aaron as someone insecure but he knows _deep_ down that Aaron _is_ like that.

Robert dares to look at Aaron and he sees the panic on his husband's face.

"What does that mean?" Chas asks with a frown before rolling her eyes and shoving at Paddy's elbow, "No, _no_ don't try and twist things love, Robert wouldn't -"

"Wouldn't he?" Paddy warns and suddenly Robert feels like a child being chastised by his father and it makes him sick.

He wants Aaron to say something, expects him to but he doesn't. Instead Robert has to speak for himself as he stands up suddenly and shakes his head.

"That's a bit _rich_ coming from _you_. Or have we all conveniently forgotten about Leo's sadly departed teaching assistant." Robert spits and then he hears Chas sigh shakily, hopes he hasn't lost her support as she shakes her head.

"That," Paddy raises his hand, "Is _completely_ different. Completely." He says seriously and Robert laughs in his face.

"Really?" Robert says and Paddy nods confidently. "How's that then?" Robert asks, genuinely curious to hear how someone like Paddy justifies himself.

"Because I didn't _marry_ her and then still look elsewhere!" Paddy suddenly stands and Aaron sinks into himself, he's suddenly biting down nervously on his nails and Liv catches him and feels her stomach tighten a little because she knows he isn't handling this well.

Robert's insulted beyond belief as his eyes widen, "I'm not looking _elsewhere_!" He shouts, knows it's about a Calum and hates all of it because 'it's not true' and he hasn't done anything wrong.

"Robert wouldn't cheat. He wouldn't do that." Liv says defiantly and her face softens as she looks towards the older man. "Yeah?" He voice is gentle and Robert places a hand on her shoulder, hating the fact that she even has to hear all this nonsense.

" _Yes_ Liv, I'd _never_ do anything to ruin what we have." Robert whispers to her but directs it towards Aaron who looks his way.

Paddy scoffs at his words, "I find that hard to believe." He says and Chas calls for him to stop, Robert hears it and hopes it's Aaron, his heart hurts when he hears his mother in law instead.

"Yeah? Well I don't give a _shit_ what you think. I don't _care_ about having your blessing or - or approval because it means _nothing_. I know I'd never do that to him, _I_ know that Calum is an employee and if Aaron has doubts -" the words stick in his throat and he can't get past it as he thinks back to the countless conversations about trust. They mean nothing suddenly and Robert shakes his head as he tries to continue, staring at Aaron as he does so.

"They're all in his head. For _once_ , _I'm_ not in the wrong here." He barks out and even Chas' soft face doesn't help.

"Yeah well," Paddy doesn't know what to say and he's back to being the fumbling fool that Robert knows.

"Well _nothing_." Robert snaps. "You can _stick_ your 'nice little family meal'." He says before reaching for his coat and pulling it on.

That's when Aaron stands up and Robert could throttle him as he sees the way his husband looks at him, his eyes are glassy and he still looks panicked and torn.

"Robert - don't, _wait_ he was only trying to look out for me." Aaron says, hands out in front of him as he speaks but Robert walks past him and goes to leave.

Aaron bites down on his lip and suddenly he walks towards Robert, shooting a look at Paddy as he follows his husband out the door.

Robert's strides are purposely long as he walks out into the night, shoulders hunched as he realises that it's not just about Calum anymore, it's about Aaron not trusting him.

"Robert wait!" Aaron pants as he turns Robert around and battles to hold onto his arms to stop him from walking away.

"Leave me alone." Robert says, roughly becoming free from Aaron's grasp and turning to leave again. "Go speak to Paddy, I'm sure he'll love to know I made ya cry." He says because he notices the tears in Aaron's eyes even though he doesn't want to give them too much thought.

"It's not like that." Aaron admits into the air, to Robert's back. Robert sighs, turns and faces Aaron.

"What's it like then?" Robert frowns and Aaron hates the hurt that is so present on his face.

Aaron sighs, remembers the conversation that he had with Paddy the morning after the 'americano' incident. He was clear with what he said, but somehow Paddy managed to think it was all about Robert cheating, Robert showing his 'true colours' and Aaron couldn't change his mind. Afterwards he felt a fool for trying to convince Paddy of his genuine fears about Calum, knowing somehow it turned into jealousy in Paddy's mind and that wasn't what Aaron wanted out of the conversation.

"Remember that night I was all - all, I was trying to tell you about what Calum told me." Aaron says darkly, "Well I - I wanted to talk about it more but I knew if I talked to ya then you'd think I was making a big deal of it. Paddy was there, he saw me wallowing over a coffee in the cafe and he was tryna help."

Robert tugs at his coat, cold breath making him shiver. " _Stir_ more like." He says with bite. "Make ya doubt me."

"It wasn't about that!" Aaron snaps, "It's not _you_ , it's _him_. Calum." He adds a little louder.

Robert gulps hard. "Then why didn't ya say anything then?" He can't understand it. "Instead you let your _fourteen_ year old sister and your mum support me."

Aaron darts his eyes around the place, "I didn't know what to do - Paddy's like my dad, it's -"

"Hard isn't it? You had to do something you didn't want to, like I did tonight. The difference is I actually _did_ it, whereas you -" Robert looks at Aaron and shakes his head. "You just sat there."

"I said you didn't need to come if you didn't want to." Aaron tries, moving towards Robert because he knows he has to fight.

"But I _did_ because of you, because it was for _you_. Don't you understand?" Robert says and suddenly Calum's there in his mind.

"That's nice." Calum had said says, looking down at the file in front of him as he spoke and then saw Robert's blank expression staring at him. '" _How you do things for him even when you don't want to."'_

Aaron lets a tear fall down his face and then anger rises inside him, anger towards himself that he has to project out, "What do you want me to do huh? I'm sorry for not standing up and shouting the place down and causing a fucking scene but maybe you could have just controlled yourself and taken it instead of mentioning _Tess_ and -"

Robert staggers a little, it's not his fault. "Of course. Of course it's me who caused _this_. Not him, this is all down to me." He says sarcastically, disbelief and anger on his face.

Aaron pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes, "All I did was talk to him. I didn't expect him to say anything."

"Why couldn't you talk to me?" There's the question, Aaron's said something about not wanting to make a big deal out of it but it doesn't wash with Robert. He wants to know _why_ Paddy's been able to know things he doesn't.

Aaron's eyes flicker, "I already said." He pushes out. "I didn't want you jumping to conclusions and thinking all sorts. He was there for me, he's _been_ there for me -"

Robert scoffs, "Depends on _when_ you're talking about. This time last year I don't think he was the shoulder you cried on." He spits the words out and instantly regrets them as the cloud of _Gordon_ hangs over them. It's a sensitive topic, they don't talk about it in conversation. It's saved for post nightmare conversations in the safety of Robert's arms and the comfort of the night. Not now.

Aaron flinches, knows that him and Paddy were fractured then but doesn't like to dwell on it. "Don't go there Robert." He warns. "He's been there for me long before you came into my life, so I'm sorry if I wasn't ready to have a go at him, he means a lot to me. He's - he's practically my dad -"

"Yeah and _I'm your husband!"_ Robert stresses the point, lifting up his hand so that Aaron can see the ring on his finger and Aaron feels himself crumble because he can't win. He just wants them all to get along and Calum is still there in his mind and he knows that as they drive further away from each other the creepy git is grinning somewhere, nearby.

Aaron ducks his head, he can't say anything else. He wishes that Robert knows he'd fight for him until the end of time, against anything and any one but it just wasn't the time and he almost felt powerless against it all as he sat there. Liv had seen him and he knew that she was aware of the effect it was having on him. He can't tell that Robert either though, not now he's like this.

"I know," Aaron whispers, "I'm sorry." He adds gently as tears fall from his face. "I just - I didn't know what to do."

"Exactly." Robert points out. "It should have been easy for you to stick up for me like Liv did, gosh like _Chas_ did but you couldn't. You didn't want to."

"That's not true, you know it isn't."

"I've tried so hard Aaron, so hard to be apart of your family." Robert has tears in his eyes, "Yeah, Cain's stopped kidnapping me and he bought me a pint on our wedding day but it's not like I'm apart of any of it." He shrugs faintly and Aaron hears the sadness. "Paddy hates me. We didn't make up like you think we did." Aaron raises his head and frowns, "He hasn't forgiven me for all the mistakes I made and you know what Aaron, like I said in there, I don't care."

"Why didn't ya say anything?" Aaron's voice nearly breaks, he was an idiot to believe the handshake was real on their wedding day. Paddy was too smiley and Robert didn't seem as shocked as he should have been, it was almost like he was briefed about it before.

Robert shrugs and tilts his head.

"I didn't want upset ya, _another_ thing I did for ya even though I didn't want to." Calum's words ring true he thinks and suddenly he isn't that odd or strange and his more respected in Robert's eyes.

Robert shakes his head, "I can't do this anymore." He hears Aaron gasp and he knows he has to leave. "Don't wait up," he grumbles and suddenly he is walking away again, unsure of where exactly he'll end up because Aaron will probably cry down the phone to Adam who will let Vic know and he doesn't want to speak about it so he can't stay there.

"No, no Rob - Rob _please_ -" Aaron chases, the old him would shout something like ' _wasn't planning to_ ' but now he doesn't. He can't. Robert's too important for that. _Their_ too important for that. He's calling as he runs and he has tears running down his face because it feels like, and he knows it's silly, but it _feels_ like Robert is walking off into the arms of Calum.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay," Aaron pleads and Robert nearly gives in but he doesn't. He tells himself that he normally does and it hasn't stopped any fighting from taking place later down the line. He's angry, has every right to be and so he continues.

"Go home Aaron." Robert says roughly as he feels Aaron by his side. He wants to hold him but he doesn't. He wants to tell Aaron to stop crying because it makes him sad but he doesn't. He just carries on walking down the village.

"No, not without you. It's _our_ home." Aaron has a hand up towards Robert's chest and Robert stops walking, he knows Aaron is sorry and he nearly falls into him before -

The sound of the back door of the pub opens and Paddy stands there with his hands in his pockets. Robert tenses his jaw as he looks towards him and then back at Aaron, his eyes seem bluer as they fill with tears again and there's still something so beautiful about it all that Robert nearly kisses him. Their love is like that Robert has realised, intoxicating.

"I said don't wait up and I meant it. I can't keep doing this Aaron. I just can't." Robert bites, knowing he needs time away as he turns from Aaron and walks a little faster to ignore the sound of his husband crying behind him.

Aaron feels hollow as he stands there and thinks about going back to the pub and seeing Paddy, he doesn't want to. He wants Robert. All he wants is for his husband to tell him that it's okay, that they're okay and this whole Calum thing is ridiculous but he's gone.

Aaron sniffs, pulls at his sleeve and then wipes his eyes harshly. For a second he thinks he sees something in the bushes but then he blinks and nothing is moving anymore. Letting out a sigh Aaron looks away, turning back to the pub he sees that Paddy has gone inside and he is grateful as he tells himself that him and Liv will go straight home and he'll wait up for Robert, all night if he has to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i hope you've started to notice how little things that calum is indicating is actually starting to influence how robert thinks and views things differently about his relationship with aaron, of course it only works to add to the existential problems within their relationship already but it it's supposed to be subtle. also i'd love to know who's side people are on so far? was aaron right not to defend robert? was it really not the time? or should he have? is his own paranoia stopping him from doing such things? hope you liked the angst though guys, come find me on tumblr: littlelooneyluna


	5. Wrong places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter already? this one is quite short which is why it's being uploaded so quickly after the last, it's also a direct continuation!

 

Robert walks further into the village, his eyes darting towards Vic's cottage and a sense of temptation taking hold because he's freezing. He decides against the idea though, he knows Vic will push him to offload and he'll end up crying like a baby into her arms.

Robert moves his eyes away from the cottage, turns towards the bus shelter and then suddenly feels a weight push into him.

Robert shakes his head, confused and suddenly sees who it is.

"Hiya Robert." Of course it's Calum.

Robert nods, just a small tilt of the head because he isn't in the mood for some chat with the guy Aaron hates. But then again, Calum hasn't done anything wrong - so why should he get the cold shoulder here?

"What are ya doing here?" Robert wonders, his eyes fixed on Calum's.

Calum pulls a face and then looks towards the pub, "I was supposed to be meeting someone but they bailed so -"

Robert raises an eyebrow, wants the conversation to continue he decides because he needs company. Even if it's from Calum. 

"You?" Calum asks and suddenly Robert gulps, unsure about talking about what had happened with Calum of all people. Aaron would hate it, but then again at least he had Paddy there to console him.

"Family dinner thing." Robert settles on saying but Calum just frowns.

"No Aaron?" Calum asks and Robert ducks his head, Calum even saying Aaron's name feels like a betrayal but he doesn't care because he 'hasn't done anything wrong.

"We - we sorta had a row, I left early." Robert points out, vague as he speaks.

Calum nods slowly and then looks down at the beer he is holding in his hand, "Mind finishing these off with me?" He says cooly, as if it isn't nearly ten at night.

"Uh." Robert says awkwardly as he watches Calum face redden.

"Sorry - gosh you're going home, sorry -" Calum is suddenly all flustered and Robert winces at the awkward scene in front of him.

"I'm not going home." He decided that a long time ago, he knows that Aaron will be apologetic and sad and he'll give into the younger man and hold him and make love and pretend he's okay just for the sake of it. He doesn't want that anymore. He'd rather spend the night in the portacabin and then sort it out properly the next morning.

Calum arches an eyebrow, "Oh." He says softly and then suddenly he starts shuffling on his feet. "Where are you off to then?" He asks.

Robert starts walking and gestures for Calum to follow him, "We can finish them at the scrapyard." He says, missing the look Calum gives him as he follows behind.

 

-

 

The portacabin is freezing and Robert regrets being so stubborn and not going home to Aaron, to his _husband_ Aaron.

Calum is sitting on Aaron's chair again and Robert debates whether or not to say anything but he doesn't because he can't be bothered to be so petty. That's what this whole thing is - _petty_.

Robert is on his third can and the world seems a little hazy as he stretches his feet across the desk and talks to Calum.

 It's light, about travelling again and the best places they've been to and it makes Robert feel young again.

"The views there are just - like amazing, just -" Calum is animated as he speaks and Robert looks at him and smiles.

"Me and Aaron went Portugal for our honeymoon, I didn't think it'd have such great fucking views but it really did." Robert hears himself becoming looser but doesn't care.

Calum takes the words as an opportunity and leans towards Robert a little, "So come on then. What happened with you and Aaron just now?"

Robert knows it's a forward question and if he was sober he's tell Calum to leave it. But he isn't and he needs a mate and Calum seems to really want to be one. He is, Robert tells himself.

"His sorta dad hates me. Always has done - with good reason and, it all just kinda blew up and -" Robert shakes his head, he doesn't want to say anymore and Calum isn't pushing him either.

They stay silent until Calum says something.

"Aaron didn't stick up for you." Calum doesn't ask, merely states and Robert hears the tightness in his voice. Almost like anger.

Robert nods slowly, "He couldn't do it." He says sadly, feeling sorry for himself. "I mean usually, he shouldn't but - I wasn't in the wrong this time and he said _nothing_ until I went to leave." He feels tears prick his eyes and he swallows hard.

"Maybe he just didn't want to." Calum says, like he wants to stir everything up and Robert scoffs, almost like he agrees.

Robert wipes a hand over his eyes and takes another gulp of beer. He notices how _not_ drunk Calum is and he's confused but doesn't say anything.

"Me and him - him mainly, he's been through so much _shit_ and I get scared." Robert doesn't even know where this is coming from but he has to let it out.

"Like the other week when he just ran out of here after speaking to ya." Calum shifts uncomfortably and nods for Robert to go on.

"I get scared that - that it'll all become too much and he'll do it again and -"

Robert closes his eyes and suddenly imagines Aaron doing it now, sobbing by the bed and hating himself and wanting to do something about it.

_He could be hurting himself right now._

_Right now Robert. He was sorry, how many times did he say he was sorry? But you still run off. You let him go home guilty, so guilty and you know what he does when he's guilty and hates himself don't you?_

Robert stands suddenly, a little off balance and then Calum is rushing towards him and settling him back down, trying to.

"No I - I have to go back or he might, I can't risk him hurting himself -" Robert looks towards the door and then feels Calum stop trying to hold him back. He's silent and Robert realises he's told him something he shouldn't have. Aaron would hate this, he'd hate Calum knowing.

"He - hurts _himself_?" Calum's eyes flicker as if he is finding it hard to believe or something. "Like self harms?"

Robert knows he can't backtrack now and nods sheepishly, "He doesn't do it anymore - not since -" Gordon enters his mind and he suddenly sobers up a little, knowing he can't go there.

"But you feel like you can't risk not going home after a fight?" Calum seems stunned as he speaks and Robert knows he is making it seem worse than what it is. He tries to shake his head but then he realises it _is_ like that. No matter how many times Aaron says he would never do it again, Robert knows it isn't that easy, he can't help but worry and feel anxious whenever he leaves Aaron in tears.

Robert shuffles on his feet, tells himself that Aaron is probably with Adam or with Liv and they'd see the signs and wouldn't let him out of their sight. He slowly moves down onto his chair again and Calum has a hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't realise it was like that." Calum says gently but Robert snaps.

"Like what? Don't - you judge him or - or what he does or - or how he deals with things!" Robert explodes even though he doesn't really think Calum meant to cause any upset.

Calum's eyes widen and he removes his hand from Robert's shoulder, "I was only -"

"He's the _bravest_ man I've ever known and I love him so much, he - he's _perfect_." Robert's crying now, a finger on his wedding ring as he speaks and misses Calum's jaw tighten. "I just want him happy." He whispers before feeling his eyes droop down and a need to sleep take hold. It's been a long day, one he didn't imagine ending by sleeping on a chair in the portacabin.

"I just need some sleep, and then I'll - I'll tell him I love him, yeah?" Robert mumbles as his eyes close.

Calum nods and stares for a few moments as Robert drifts off. The sound of the messages coming through on Robert's phone make Calum walk across and pick it up. He grimaces at the lock screen of Robert and Aaron and then sees four messages from Robert's husband.

 _Vic hasn't heard from you, tell me you're okay?_ **(10:04)**

 _I'm worried now, come home Robert._ **(10:32)**

 _Just ring me so I don't worry anymore, I need to know you're safe._ **(10:36)**

 _I'm sorry, I love you, come home._ **(10:48)**

The phone vibrates in his grip and he suddenly reads another one.

 _I'll be waiting up for you. I can't sleep without knowing you're okay. I love you._ **(Now)**

Calum swiftly deletes the message and then the other four before hearing Robert shift on the chair.

He gently takes off his coat and wraps it around Robert, freezing by his face before pulling away as Robert opens his eyes.

"Aaron? I need to see Aaron." Robert whispers but Calum is already shaking his head.

"Go to sleep, it's fine." Calum says slowly before daring to push a hand through Robert's hair and begin playing with it gently.

"He doesn't deserve you, he doesn't deserve you Robert."

Robert thinks he hears it before he fully delves into a deep sleep, it's on repeat the thinks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this, very creepy i know but i am pleased about the support this has been given! X


	6. Facing the music

 

It's the sun that stirs him awake, the blinds are open and he blinks quickly to stop the light from blinding him. He has a headache, it kills and he knows why.

There are cans around him and he remembers last night suddenly - more cans then he remembers drinking, maybe he lost count, a wave of information hits him as he stares at them regretfully. It explains why he feels like he's been hit by a train, maybe they did take something the night before and he just can't remember it. He doesn't even want to think about it. Robert shifts and looks down at the coat that is covering him. It doesn't smell like him. It isn't his. Calum.

He thinks of the younger man and wonders when exactly he left. It must have been late.

The door of the portacabin opens and it's Aaron who stands there. He looks awful, tears in his eyes and hair all out place. He's wearing what he wore last night and has his phone shakily in his hand as he stares at Robert.

"So here's where you ended up." Aaron wraps an arm around himself, the cold making his teeth chatter.

Robert doesn't know what to say, he isn't angry anymore but he can't just run back into Aaron's arms. He won't.

Aaron moves towards Robert and sits on his desk. Robert notices that he is playing with his wedding ring and feels guilty for some reason.

"I tried calling ya, I messaged ya _all_ last night." Aaron says, panicking a little as he speaks. "I didn't know what to think. Thank God the door was bloody locked."  
He'd approached the scrapyard with crossed fingers, hoping that it was locked and at least Robert had the sense to do that before he dozed off.

Robert frowns and lifts his phone towards his face, no messages.

"I didn't get any." Robert says, not giving too much away in his voice.

Aaron goes to say something then doesn't, "Well maybe my phone isn't working."

The silence grabs hold of them both and Aaron has tears still in his eyes as he dares to hold Robert's hand. "I'm so sorry for last night Rob." He seems nervous as he speaks and Robert knows that he is sincere.

"I'd do anything for ya, I love you so much babe -" it slips out and Robert meets his eyes. "I'll even call ya _babe_."

Aaron tries to chuckle out and Robert smiles at him before sighing.

"I can't make Paddy like me Aaron." Robert says softly.

Aaron nods his head and begins rubbing at Robert's arms gently, "I know and I shouldn't make ya feel like you _have_ to." He says as he looks into Robert's eyes.

Robert nods, he wanted to hear that. "I shouldn't - make ya feel like you have to choose either." He says, ducking his head. "You and Paddy, your relationship shouldn't effect ours okay?"

It's probably the most sensible conclusion they'll reach and so Aaron nods before leaning closer to Robert.

"Promise to never leave me like that again Rob." Robert's eyes flicker and he suddenly realises how scared Aaron must have been last night. _'I can't do this anymore'_ did Aaron think Robert was ending it? Them?

Robert nods and kisses Aaron gently, hands falling into Aaron's hair and their bodies crashing together, coming home.

"I'll never leave ya Aaron, I _couldn't_." He whispers into Aaron's ear making the younger man shiver and then dive into another kiss, this time more passionate than before, all opened mouthed and heated and Robert knows Aaron is in control as he rips off his clothes and pushes him down on the chair hard.

 

-

 

Aaron's happy now, he knows their happy and that's all that matters. His eyes meet a coat on the floor, it's navy. He remembers it hugging around Robert as he came into the scrapyard but he knows it isn't either of theirs.

Robert's pulling on his trousers again and trying to find some tablets so he misses the look on Aaron's face. He misses his husband's eyes find a small note resting beside the coat and what it says.

_'Last night was great, we should do it again soon. Calum. X'_

Aaron feels his heart almost give way, it aches as he picks it up and holds it in his hand, shaking.

Last night. Calum was with Robert. In the scrapyard. It was his coat.

Robert turns and sees Aaron, half dressed and staring down at the note. He doesn't recognise it and he suddenly walks towards his husband.

"Babe what -"

"Calum was with ya last night." Aaron seethes before pushing the note towards Robert and watching him read it. "Don't even _try_ to lie to me."

Robert doesn't know what to say. He can't lie. He _can't_.

"We - we had some beers." Robert says cautiously as he watches Aaron shake his head.

"After the row we had, after everything I was saying you decided the only person you could possibly have beers with was _Calum_?" Aaron spits, anger in his voice because he can't believe Robert.

Robert shakes his head, "He was in the village, I just - I was upset Aaron." Aaron lifts his head and stares at Robert, really stares at him.

"Before you ask - nothing happened. _Nothing_." Robert pushes a hand out in front of Aaron and shakes it. "You've got to believe me."

He does. He's learnt from Rebecca White that Robert wouldn't cheat on him. It's not that thought that makes him shake with anger though.

"I do." Aaron says, "But where's the respect Rob?" He asks bluntly.

"You _know_ I don't like him, don't _trust_ him but you don't care about that. You just do what you like. Imagine it the other way around hm? I was meeting someone you didn't like and just ignoring how you felt."

 Robert rolls his eyes, "I'd imagine you'd tell me to stop controlling ya, you'd say something like 'don't tell me who I can and can't see Robert'!" They both know it's true and Aaron can't hide that.

Robert settles himself and pulls Aaron towards him, "I'm sorry okay? I know how you feel about him and it was wrong to ignore that." His voice is gentle and soft. "But nothing happened Aaron."

"I know it didn't." Aaron snapped, "But he wanted me to think it had." He says darkly and Robert frowns at him.

"You what?"

"Who leaves a note in a pocket eh? He wanted me to find it and hit the roof." Aaron says and even Robert can admit that it is a little odd to leave notes behind rather than just text him.

Aaron knows he has Robert's attention and holds his gaze. "And last night, Robert I _did_ message you I swear. And now they're all gone. Deleted Robert. _He_ deleted them I bet he did." He says desperately.

"Why - why would he do that for?" Robert asks.

Aaron can't help but feel frustrated, "Because he wants us to have issues so he can sneak in."

Robert's eyes widen and he moves away, "And what? Silly little Sugden would just let him yeah? Have you heard yourself Aaron." He's insulted.

Aaron knows he's lost him and sighs hard. "Well you were drunk last night. I bet you can't remember half of what happened. He could have kissed ya if he wanted to." He snaps at Robert and then imagines it.

Robert pulls a hand up to his temple, "How many times Aaron? I'm not going to cheat on ya, no one comes fucking close. You know that."

Aaron nods shyly, Robert's told him enough times.

Robert sighs, "You need to stop all this talk about Calum trying to worm his way in or - or ruin us. It's not true Aaron. Last night he was being a mate. That's all. He's - he's a mate okay? I don't have many of those." The last part rips at Aaron's heart and he can't help but walk towards Robert and hug him.

He wants to say, _'I'm here for you, talk to me'_ but he knows it'd be hypocritical considering he had talked to Paddy instead of his husband.

"Let's just forget all this yeah?" Robert whispers before holding out a hand and watching Aaron grab hold. "C'mon, we're going for a drive." He says, kissing Aaron's cheek before watching the younger man smile.

Robert goes to the window, pulling his top on and then checks the time. They'll miss work, it's still early. They could make a day of it.

The blinds are open and Robert fishes his hand through to shut the window, surprised it was left open. Something grabs his attention and suddenly he's trying to locate the sound of feet under the rubble. He can't though and as he feels Aaron against him, he tells himself he doesn't care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter guys, I know not a lot happened but I'm a sucker for good lengthy dialogue, I'd love to know if sides switched for you after reading or your opinion still stays the same <33


	7. Tutoring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo my lovely readers! it's been too long (it's been like three days) but here's the next chapter. i would personally like to blame emmerdale and the writers for causing the minor delay of this chapter because they went and released pictures and spoilers and then ... the magazines stepped in and i was left in quite a mess and felt too attacked to write about creepy cal - you can just imagine what next week will be like right ... anyway hope you enjoy this!

Robert can feel Calum staring at him and he shuffles in his chair and clears his throat as he looks up. He tries to ignore the way it keeps happening, has happened quite a lot recently.

Calum's wearing a tie that Robert recognises as almost the same as his own and he knows he shouldn't tell Aaron because he'll only tease him about it and then jump to these massive conclusions. They've reached that stage now where Aaron isn't showing his annoyance over Calum, well at least not aloud.

"You alright there?" Robert has to say because Calum is still just staring at him blankly.

"Uh yeah. I'm fine." Calum looks away and then suddenly flaps around the papers on his desk. "Actually - I was just wondering if you fancied getting a beer later on?" His voice is a little innocent and Robert doesn't know what to say.

Aaron has got really busy at work, it's been a couple of days since the whole note - in - the - pocket - incident and Robert can see that Calum is not on Aaron's mind anymore. Robert stares for a second, his eyes drifting towards the papers on his desk. He can't decide in his mind whether it's bad, whether it's going against what Aaron would want but then he weighs it up and thinks back to what he had said a few days ago,  _'He's - he's a mate okay? I don't have many of those._ '

That's all Calum had become, a mate. Robert knows he feels nothing for him, not even remotely attracted to the young man at all and it settles his worries over what his husband might think.

 _I don't complain about Adam._  It rings in his ears and makes him sit up again.

"Um sure - what after work?" Robert arches an eyebrow and highlights the title of the report as he speaks.

Calum nods and then suddenly Robert members the date. "Bit too early to be classified as goodbye drinks eh?" He laughs and Calum looks confused.

"You know - because Jimmy and Nicola are back on Monday?" It's Wednesday and he wonders why Calum doesn't seem to know.

Calum eyes widen for a minute and then he smiles, nice and fake. "Yeah er we'll have to do that on Friday or something then. If you're up for it -" he looks shyly at Robert as he speaks.

Robert nods, "Yeah great."

"Just me and you though. I doubt Aaron would want to tag along." It's the way he says it that makes Robert snap his neck up and frown. He doesn't like the sound of it but apart of him tells himself that Calum's smiley face doesn't mean any harm. He keeps telling himself as he looks towards his wedding ring and thinks of Aaron. Calum isn't wrong really.

"He's busy with the scrapyard." Robert pushes out, making a point of not directly commenting on Calum's words.

Calum nods, "Yeah there's that too." He mumbles out before sipping at his coffee and eyeing the one he had bought Robert - an americano of course.

 

 

-

 

 

The door bursts open and Liv stands there, hair all out of place and eyes searching for Robert. When she spots him she sighs hard and places down a sheet of paper in front of him.

"Need - your - help." Liv pants out, out of breath from running all the way.

Robert looks up at her and then shakes his head, "Er Liv I'm working." He pushes out and then suddenly the door goes again.

It's Calum, carrying a sandwich and smiling at Liv.

"Hiya." He says, friendly and smiley and Liv gives a fake one back because she doesn't understand why this boy is being so nice to her. It's weird.

"Hi." Liv says before she looks back at Robert. "Who's this?" She asks, her breath still a little shaky from the running.

Robert frowns and then it dawns on him that Liv has been perfectly good about what has happened that night at the pub dinner, she hadn't asked questions and Robert simply presumes that Aaron had talked to her whilst he was too busy getting wasted in the portacabin.

Robert clears his throat, "This - this is Calum. The guy filling in for Jimmy."

As soon as he says it he sees Liv's reaction, she turns and faces Calum and practically says ' _oh so you are Calum, the guy who made my brother cry.'_

"The one Aaron doesn't -" Robert stands and silences Liv who he knows will probably say something horrible, she's so protective over her brother.

"Nice to meet you." Calum says and Robert smiles at him, grateful that he isn't biting back but then again he doesn't seem the type Robert thinks.

Liv smiles quickly and then turns back to Robert, pointing towards the paper that she put on his desk. "This is due like yesterday and I need help on it."

Robert huffs out a sigh and pushes his head down to see it. He immediately groans, it's maths and he hasn't got the time to explain it all to her.

"Liv." Robert says resting a hand on his thigh, "I haven't got time to go through all this. Ask Aaron to help ya." He says, passing the paper to Liv with a sorry look on his face.

Liv flings her head back and sighs dramatically, "Aaron's working late today. _Remember_?" She says and Robert does, letting out a little pout at the thought of Aaron coming home later than usual.

"Liv - I - I have to finish this work by tonight or -"

"So do I. I'll get a detention if I don't do it." Liv says, pinching at the side of the paper in frustration. "Please Robert -"

"I'll help."

Liv turns and hears Calum speaking, she almost forget he was in the room. He had been silent the whole time, just listening in.

"Uh I -" Robert shifts on his seat.

Calum shrugs his shoulders, "I've finished those reports and rang the supplier. I could help her if she wants it."

Liv frowns, debating in her mind before cautiously passing him the paper. "You know how to do these equations?"

Calum's eyes them quickly and shrugs as if to say 'of course' "Yeah. I _did_ do Further Maths as an A Level." He has his chest puffed out as if he holds that information dear to him and Liv snorts before controlling herself and realising that she needs him.

"Cool, let's go then." Liv opens the door and Calum smiles as he follows her.

Robert frowns hard, "Go - go where?" He says quickly as Liv waves goodbye.

"Home, duh." Liv says before rolling her eyes and slamming the door behind her.

Robert stands, a little unsure about letting Liv go home with Calum but then he feels bad. Calum's a mate and Aaron's working until late so he won't even see him. It's fine.

 

-

 

Robert comes through the door and finds Calum's sitting at the kitchen table with Liv, spare papers filled with sums scattering it.

"So it's just the x and the four that need to be multiplied with the twelve." Calum points out, his chewing the end of the pencil and Robert can't help but smile as he sees Liv's confused face stare back at her pseudo tutor.

Calum says something and Robert can't hear as he hangs up his coat and kicks off his shoes. Aaron's already text him, he's still out on the scrap job, and it had settled Robert when he first read it. He didn't want Aaron getting any wrong ideas despite the fact that this 'thing' against Calum had subsided recently with the pressure of work replacing the worry and unease.

"Hiya." Robert calls out softly, a smile instantly forming on Calum's face as he looks up and sees Robert approach the table.

Robert notices that Liv has her head down, scribbling like mad and he can see the numbers that fill the page. She must have for it then, he thinks as he stands by the table.

"Uh hey," Calum says before eying Robert rather obviously. Robert notices and gulps, deciding to bury his suspicion.

"Looks like someone understands now eh." Robert plays with Liv's ponytail and smiles down at her, he's proud and although he rarely is this affection it with his sister-in- law, her smile back at him clearly tells him that it's welcomed.

"Yeah once we got passed the first few it was a breeze for her." Calum says, leaning back on his chair rather confidently.

Robert gives him a nod and Liv dramatically sighs as she drops her pencil down, "Thank _God_ that's over." She sighs out before standing up and instantly fishing out her phone from her pocket. "Back to having a life." She mutters as she begins to walk towards the stairs.

"Uh Liv." Robert calls and watches her to turn around slowly, "Maybe a thanks to Calum for helping ya with it all?"

Liv blushes, "Soz, thanks for helping. I don't know why Aaron -"

"Thanks Liv." Robert says just in time for Liv to roll her eyes, stop herself and stalk up the stairs in haste.

Robert clears his throat and looks back at Calum who is staring at him. "Cheers for that." He says, tidying up the papers on the table.

"Oh no worries." Calum says, "Even if it I did miss out on that drink we were supposed to have."

Robert remembers and blinks quickly, "I - gosh I forgot about that." He realises and then looks towards Calum. "Sorry." He pushes out, feeling awkward.

Calum shakes his head, "Don't worry." He raises a hand and then tilts his head towards the kitchen, to the fridge. "Wouldn't say no to a quick can now though." He says and Robert hesitates before nodding.

 

-

 

Robert joins Calum at the table, his called Liv for her dinner but apparently she isn't hungry so Calum eats the pizza Robert shoved in the oven for her.

"Nice house Rob, I've got to admit." Calum picks up another slice and Robert's eyes flutter at the sound of the nickname. It's weird, a little odd because only Vic and Adam and Aaron, sometimes Liv too call him that.

"Cheers." Robert says, biting at his nails as he sits there.

"You and Aaron bought it together?" He asks with intrigue and causes Robert to nod.

"Yeah we used to live in the pub." Robert has fond memories as he looks on hindsight, it wasn't like that when they were there though, it was cramped and noisy and always someone using the bathroom when Robert needed to.

"With Aaron's family. The famous Dingles." Calum takes a sip of his can and laughs. "Wow."

Robert chuckles along with him and then feels bad, feels like he is mocking them or something and so he stops. "They love him so much, in their own ways." He thinks of Cain when he says it.

"And how do they feel about you?" Calum frowns and Robert feels a sense of unease, he doesn't want to go into that.

"I'm tolerated." Robert says before thinking, "Actually, it depends on how you ask." He shrugs his shoulders. "I mean Chas, his mother, she appreciates me." He thinks of the wedding reception, the hug that squeezed him to death and the soft kind words that made her cry.

"And Liv." Calum points out with a nod of the head, "She thinks you're amazing, I can tell."

It makes Robert smile and he doesn't know why but he can't help it.

"She's great." Calum says before frowning. "I think it's ace that you and Aaron are raising her."

Suddenly he's full of compliments and Robert just flashes a smile, unsure of what to actually _say_.

"Yeah well she _can_ be a handful at times." Robert laughs out.

"Yeah but that's understandable considering her upbringing, you know all that she's been through with her dad."

Robert snaps his head up quickly and his heart races. Instantly he thinks about that night in the portacabin, he was drunk. Had he told Calum about _him_?

"I - Calum - how you know about _that_?" Robert leans forward towards him and tries to speak but Calum stops him.

"It's a small village." Calum ducks his head as if he can't meet Robert's eyes."People like a good gossip you know?"

It makes him angry, it makes his blood practically _boil_ because the thought of _that_ becoming subject to merely village gossip is enough to make his stomach churn. "That - _that_ is not _gossip_. How could you even stand there and hear about _that_?"

Calum seems like he is flustered and unsure as he speaks, "Robert I didn't mean to offend you - I was just tryna understand."

"Understand what?" Robert snaps loudly and Calum seems taken aback.

"You. You and Aaron." Calum sounds bitter as he speaks. "The little happy family you've got here." Robert frowns, it isn't making sense. "I was just interested and the woman at the cafe was more than happy to spill the details on how you ended up back together after -"

"How much _do_ you know?" Robert seems a little unnerved as he speaks and thinks about the affair, his shooting, the helicopter crash, it all just smashes in front of him.

Calum looks towards the floor and then back at Robert, "Oh nothing other than that." Robert seems unconvinced and Calum rolls his head back and laughs.

"Don't look so .... weirded out about it. It's not like a spent days in the library tracking down your records. I thought we were mates."

Robert gulps hard, "Yeah we are." He reasons with a frown on his face. "I just don't get why you found out about .... _that_."

Calum sighs, "I wanted to know why Aaron didn't seem to like me and the woman said he'd been through a lot last year and the year before that and well, now it makes a little more sense - you know why he doesn't really trust or like me in the slightest. He has - a past."

Robert knows he wants to say 'he has issues' or something like that but he doesn't. Instead Calum just waits for Robert to reply with a nervous look on his face as he stares.

Yeah Aaron has a past but that doesn't get blamed for things like why he doesn't like people, his past explains why he's angry sometimes or feels like he isn't enough and can't be loved. Aaron'd hate for it to be used to try and justify why he doesn't like a random bloke. It's not that simple. It's all complex and Calum doesn't have a fucking clue.

"Listen," Robert leans towards him and looks seriously, "You can't let on to Aaron that you know - he, he wouldn't like it. He'd _hate_ it quite frankly because he wants to leave that all behind."

Calum nods along, "Of course I won't." He says with a smile on his face, it fades almost immediately as he watches Aaron come through the door and slam it shut.

 Aaron's eyes fall on the scene, it looks cosy but he ignores that and notes how tense it also looks. He's been busy recently and Calum has left his mind, he is happy and Robert definitely makes him feel loved each night. It's enough to put his outlandish thoughts about Calum away in his mind, locked shut.

"What's all this?" Aaron notes, tugging his coat off and walking towards the table. "You alright Calum?" He says with a nod before watching Robert turn around and stare at him anxiously.

Aaron rewards Robert with a kiss, soft and slow and then a little bit harder - he tells himself it isn't for Calum's benefit as he pulls away and says, "Alright husband?" with a sweet little voice, unfamiliar and playful.

Robert blushes a little at the greeting, a little turned on but he hides it as he coughs hard and clears his throat.

"Calum was just _kindly_ helping Liv with some Maths homework." Robert emphasises the kindness of the gesture and Aaron gives in, his heart stops thumping a little loud at the thought of Robert having a nice little drink with Calum in their home.

Mates. Calum is a mate.

He keeps telling himself that, sometimes it actually works.

"Right then, well I should be saying thanks then shouldn't I." Aaron stands above Robert who is still sitting on the chair and then begins to drape an arm around him lazily. "You staying for dinner or?" Aaron's proud of himself for probing the question and he immediately senses a smile on Robert's face that says:  _well done._

Calum shakes his head then, "Uh no thanks. I should be getting off actually." He stands and then frowns, "Is it alright if I use the bathroom before I leave?"

"No." Aaron says bluntly and watches Calum's face twitch. "Of course it's alright." He adds and this time he's the one unnerving Calum.

"Cheers." Calum says, almost a little unimpressed by the joke as he goes up the stairs and meets Liv at the top who directs him further.

"You alright kid." Aaron calls out to her as she comes down the stairs, headphones in and face towards her phone like always. She looks up though and actually smiles at him.

"Er Robert - could you check if the garden needs - uh you know doing up again." Aaron blurts out awkwardly and Robert scoffs at him.

"You what?" Robert asks, staring out onto the garden they had properly abandoned after about two weeks of trying to make it look presentable.

"Yeah well I was talking to - to Doug and he wants to come round and help so, so you know could ya - just check for me how much needs doing. I mean he's not charging so." It's awkward again but this time Robert just walks off and does as he is told.

Aaron smiles and let's out a sigh of relief as he calls Liv over to him, practically barks because she's probably playing the most loudest booming song she has.

"LIV!!" He hisses out before watching her finally react and come towards him.

"Right tomorrow is a little you know anniversary thingy of ours. Me and Rob have been married two months now." He smiles when he says it and then sees Liv staring at him blankly.

"You want to celebrate being married for _two_ months?" She isn't impressed and Aaron isn't happy with her response considering.

"Hm yeah remind me why we couldn't do anything for our first?" Aaron asks purposely because Liv is fully aware that her being stuck in the middle of nowhere with Gabby at half eleven at night was exactly the reason they had to cut short - very short - their night away in a posh hotel that Robert had booked for them.

"Oh yeah. Soz." Liv says awkwardly before sighing. "So what are you planning then?"

Aaron leans towards her a little, "Well I'm going to make him think that we're just going out with you and you haven't showed up, you know take him ice skating or something and then boom, same hotel as last time but this time round we'll actually benefit from that soft mattress -"

Liv's eyes widen and she raises a hand, "Woah. Too much information already." She shakes her head and then frowns, "So what do I have to do then?"

"Call around eight and say you don't feel well and that you're staying with my mum, which you are by the way so pack an overnight bag yeah?"

Liv nods and then smiles, "Look at you being all romantic." It suits him, makes him look gentler.

Aaron nearly blushes, "I've been stressed lately and all these orders at the scrapyard have made it even worse. But he's my husband and well he comes first." He means every word and despite Liv pulling a face she knows he does too.

"Well second to me of course." Liv teases and Aaron reaches out, manages to tickle her and make her roll her head back and laugh.

Robert pushes through the door and shivers, "The garden can wait babe, it's still winter and there's no point in getting Doug to come and try to sort it out for us." He kicks off his shoes again and Liv moves back towards the sofa as Robert places his hand on Aaron's waist.

"How was the delivery then?" Robert asks with a small frown because he can see how tried Aaron looks.

"Fine, just happy to be home though." Aaron kisses him instinctively and then pulls away to see Robert staring rather awkwardly at Calum.

He'd almost forgot he still was in their home.

Aaron turns and sees him standing by the stairs, silently just _watching_ and he tells himself it doesn't matter.

**_Don't overthink._ **

**_Don't overthink._ **

**_Don't overthink._ **

It's on repeat as Calum moves towards them and clears his throat.

"Well I'll see you both tomorrow then." He says with a nod of his head, "Bye." He adds before leaving.

"Wasn't I nice to him eh?" Aaron declares and Robert has to agree.

"The nicest." The older man says before kissing Aaron and forgetting about how odd Calum looked before just staring, watching them. Aaron deepens the embrace, tongue sliding in and hand finding a firm place in Robert's hair and - 

Yeah Robert can forget how odd Calum seemed. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #creepy cal vibes are still going strong lmoa, but now we know that he knows the deepest darkest parts of aaron's history ...


	8. Happy anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the delay of this, a little thing called THE ROBRON WEDDING managed to freak me out, hope you enjoy this chapter, there's reference to aaron's mental health at the start so just be mindful of that.

Aaron's not in the best mood, it's not a good morning and Robert knows it as soon as he wakes up and sees Aaron clinging to the sheets, sweaty and shaking.

Robert gulps. "Aaron," a ghost of his arm extends, wants to reach out and touch his husband but he knows he better than to touch him when Aaron's not ready.

Aaron slowly turns, eyes bloodshot. "Sorry, I just had a nightmare."

Robert shakes his head, "Don't apologise to me." He says softly and then he feels himself almost ache to touch Aaron, "Baby can I -" he leans forward and Aaron understands him, lets Robert slowly wrap his arms around him.

Aaron slowly lowers himself down on the pillows again and Robert kisses his head. "You should have woken me up." Robert whispers, he usually does wake him up, just a little nudge, a little noise that says Aaron wants to be held.

"You looked peaceful." Aaron reasons, looking up at Robert and kissing his nose.

It makes Robert smile, grin even and then he stops. "Talk about it?" He suggests but Aaron shakes his head.

"Nah not today." Aaron fights a smile, Robert definitely doesn't know what day it is yet. He would be kissing him senseless if he did, being all over the top. He's forgotten their anniversary but Aaron doesn't mind.

A wave hits him, it's like a bout of sadness and Aaron hates it. It happens, he's used to feeling like this sometimes and Robert knows. Robert sees the pain in his husband's eyes and knows that the morning won't be a good one at all, despite Aaron trying to be okay.

"Oh Aaron," Robert whispers, caught up in how sad Aaron looks.

Aaron fights with himself and then rubs his eyes. "Just a bad morning." He mutters and then suddenly shoots up in the bed before turning and give Robert an apologetic look. "Too much touching all of sudden." Aaron's almost embarrassed by his own words and turns red. He hates admitting it, admitting that he could be happily laying with his husband in bed one minute and then feel suffocated the next.

Robert rises in the bed too, a hand in his hair. "It's alright." He says slowly before climbing out of the bed. "I'll go and make Liv her breakfast, you stay here for a bit yeah." He kisses Aaron's head and then leaves him, paddling down the stairs and shaking his head at Liv, almost letting her know Aaron's not the cheeriest this morning.

 

-

 

Aaron's snappy and Robert lets him be. He's finished clanging around metal outside and is sitting opposite Robert, their desks facing each other.

"Would ya stop that." Aaron barks, looks at Robert hitting his pen against the table. That's when Calum walks through the door and Aaron doesn't even look up as he passes Robert a coffee and doesn't acknowledge him at all.

Robert stops tapping the pen and then clears his throat. "Sorry," he mumbles and then Aaron wants to hug him, feels awful, hates how what he has planned for later is getting clouded by this blackness that he can't run from.

"Why? Don't say sorry." Aaron doesn't mean for it to be so snappy but it is and Calum notices.

Robert looks almost embarrassed, "Fine then, I'm _not_ sorry. Happy?"

Aaron tenses. He's not happy. He wants to be, he wills himself to be happy and think back his wedding, it was the happiest day of his whole life.

"No I'm not." Aaron fires back and Robert sighs.

"That isn't my fault is it." Robert hisses. "Will you stop being like this."

"No you're right, it's all my fault. My stupid brain's fault for being so crazy." Aaron can't help himself and Robert goes to speak.

"He didn't say that." Calum says from across the room.

"Calum leave it." Robert says, he knows his input won't help matters.

Aaron scowls at Calum. "Yeah get lost, stay out of it or -"

"Don't take your bad mood out on him." Calum says, voice strong. "He doesn't deserve it."

Aaron stands quickly and goes to say something but he doesn't, instead he runs out and slams the door shut.

 Robert rolls his eyes and goes to stand by Calum speaks.

"I didn't think he'd run off. I was only trying to help." Calum admits, looks innocent.

Robert slides back in his chair and doesn't say anything.

"You shouldn't have to deal with his mood swings." Calum argues, he means it as he speaks.

Robert scowls at him, "They're not mood swings. It's more than that." Of course it is, Robert thinks, he thinks a lot about it and concludes sometimes that Aaron has some sort of disorder maybe, some days Robert thinks he's depressed and that makes his world fall apart until he reminds himself that it doesn't change who Aaron is, what he means to him.

Calum looks down at his work. "Whatever you say." He says like he has to hold something back.

 

-

 

Aaron comes in sheepishly an hour later, Robert's thankful that Calum's on his break.

"I come in peace." Aaron whispers, holding his hands out. He's calmed down, told the demons to have a day off because it was his anniversary and nothing was ruining that for him.

"Do you?" Robert says, his spent the last hour really thinking about Aaron, not just causal things, his been thinking about what's going on in his husband's brain and he's sad.

"Yeah I swear." Aaron says a little more seriously as he closes the door behind him. "I didn't mean to snap."

Robert holds his breath, "It's not your fault." He knows that, he knows it's not just like the nightmares aren't.

Aaron slowly approaches Robert. "It's not yours either though." He says, soft and almost tender as he bends and touches Robert's knee. "You look sad." He realises, he sees how Robert's eyes are filled with the emotion.

Robert bites down on his lip, he doesn't want to say anything.

"Don't be sad." Aaron whispers. "I just - I wasn't feeling great." He adds, small circles made in Robert's knee.

Robert nods. "I know," he whispers, dares himself to say more. "I just hate how I can't make you happy sometimes."

Aaron shakes his head, "It's not 'cause you don't make me happy Rob." He wants to hold Robert's face, stare deeply into his eyes so that Robert knows, he does. "It's just something you can't fix, I can't control."

Robert slowly looks up at him. "Yeah?" He says slowly.

"You make me happy all the time Rob, sometimes though, sometimes this - this darkness just trumps ya." Aaron tries to explain. "It doesn't take anything away from ya though, I promise."

Robert hates this, knows he shouldn't make Aaron's mental health all about him so he stops himself.

"I love you." Robert words are effortless and Aaron smiles at him, brings their foreheads together.

"How about we go out tonight, bring Liv too." Aaron suggests and Robert nods before kissing him tenderly on the lips.

 

-

 

"She's not showing up!" Robert shouts so that all the people ice skating can hear him. It's freezing cold and Aaron's dragged him there, all a part of his master plan in action.

"I don't know why we didn't just wait for her at home." Robert's nose is pink from the ice and Aaron can't help but find him adorable. He's shoved a bobble hat on his husband too and that's what makes Aaron grab him by the hand and lead him off the ice not so gracefully.

"Come on then, let's go home." Aaron says, a smile hidden on his face as he takes off the ice skates and sees Robert's grumpy face stare at him.

Robert notices Aaron holding his hand down the street and his bad mood subsides, it's still freezing but he can't help but love how open Aaron can be now. They pass the car and Robert goes to speak but Aaron only smiles at him and continues leading them somewhere.

It makes Robert frown until he realises where they are going, he sees the hotel sign and he nearly melts.

"Aaron." Robert whispers out in shock as they stand outside the building, all posh and twinkly lights.

"Robert." Aaron whispers back, teasing his husband and his surprise.

"What's all this?" Robert questions and Aaron smiles even wider. "Do you know what date it is today?" Aaron asks.

It hits Robert right in the gut and his eyes widen, he instantly feels awful. "Fuck Aaron I'm so -"

Aaron shakes his head, he isn't angry at all. "Don't worry, I just like how I knew and you forgot." He says, rubbing at Robert's arms in an effort to soothe his worry and upset.

"How could I forget? I - I'm so sorry." Robert leans towards Aaron and places their foreheads together, "Are you sure you're not pissed off?" He says after a few seconds.

Aaron kisses him then, soft and gentle and then he strokes at Robert's cheek. Robert can't help but stay still, he's almost in awe of how gentle Aaron can be with him.

"We have the _whole_ night for you to make it up to me baby." Aaron whispers into Robert's ear and makes him laugh a little at the word 'baby' because they usually don't use those terms to describe each other.

Robert kisses Aaron's cheek lovingly and then walks towards the hotel with him, a smile on his face.

 

-

 

"What? What do you mean it's full? I _booked_ the room three days ago." Robert is standing behind Aaron, making small circles into his back as he hears his husband get angrier with this daft receptionist who clearly doesn't know what she's doing.

"We have nothing under your name sir." The lady forces out with a smile.

Aaron frowns, all confused. "Try Dingle then." He says, questioning himself as he watches her type it in.

It doesn't work.

Robert senses Aaron grow tense around him and he sighs, "It's fine Aaron, let's just go home." He whispers gently and then Aaron snaps his head around.

"I paid good money for this!" Aaron's eyes well up and Robert knows they're just angry tears that Aaron will want to wipe away fiercely in a minute. "How can I just not be - be on your little thingy." He points to the screen and Robert pulls him away.

"Aaron seriously let's just go home, we'll sort this out tomorrow yeah?" Robert has to practically drag Aaron away from the desk and back out of the hotel.

"I can't believe this." Aaron says, this time he has sad tears in his eyes as if he hates himself. "I just tried to make things perfect for ya, like you did last month before Liv had to ruin it all."

Robert tuts and pulls Aaron into his arms, "There's probably just been a mess up in the system, I'll get the money back for ya."

Aaron squirms, "This isn't about the money." He snaps. "It's about proving how much I love ya, how glad I am that we're actually married."

Robert kisses him softly, pulling at Aaron's hair and holding him close. "You can do that over a pint and a curry at home Aaron." He whispers and them feels guilty for making Aaron think he had to go to all this effort for him. Maybe the old Robert but not this one. This one found himself content in simpler ways, much simpler.

"Yeah?" Aaron whispers and then sees Robert nod.

"Come on, let's go home." Robert squeezes Aaron's hand and leads them back towards where their car is parked.

 

-

 

  
Victoria has a smile on her face that drops when she notices her brother and Aaron coming into the pub. Robert seems to be trying to appear in high spirits but Aaron isn't.

"I thought -" Victoria tries but Aaron shakes his head and sighs.

"Summat' wrong with the stupid booking system." Aaron says lowly before feeling Robert's hand on the back of his neck.

"I said it doesn't matter though," Robert sighs before leaning across the bar. "Could we get a bottle to go, champagne eh."

Aaron frowns and tries to stop any possible excitement from showing, "Why? This night's been ruined."

Victoria passes Robert the bottle and he exchanges some money over which makes Aaron tense. The whole point of _him_ booking the hotel was that he wanted to splash out for once and not continuously have his husband spending all his money on them. Aaron can't help but feel like he was just a passenger, just _take take taking_ as Robert gave him all he had. Tonight was the night he'd prove otherwise.

Robert holds the bottle in his hand and smiles down at Aaron, "How about we open this at home." He says before leaning closer down, "In _bed_." He adds and Aaron can't stop the shivers that dance through him as he climbs off the chair and walks towards the door.

They'll celebrate tonight, he thinks, because nothing will get in the way of it. Not some poxy hotel and especially not his deep rooted insecurities. They can have a night off.

 

-

 

They're laying there, swapping stories about their wedding day and laughing as they drink out of champagne bottles. It's bliss.

"Remember Charity cried?" Robert laughs, his drunk now and he's only got a quilt covering his naked body.

Aaron playfully gaps as he remembers. "Oh my God yeah." She had tried to hide it but then failed, getting all teary as Robert and Aaron cut their cake together. "It was perfect, our wedding day, wasn't?" He looks up, has a hand on Robert's chest.

Robert nods eagerly, "Of course it was."

Aaron pours more champagne down his throat. "Better than your last one?" He giggles and Robert pokes him in the ribs before kissing him messily.

"So much fucking better." Robert mumbles into Aaron's neck, spilling champagne over the sheets but not caring.

"Why? I mean - got fucking - married in a _barn_ , and - and -" Aaron's slurring his words and Robert laughs at him.

" _Our_ barn." Robert corrects Aaron. "The one I fucked you senseless in if you remember rightly." He adds.

Aaron pulls a face, "Ew and then my mum was there, my whole family was in the barn we had sex in more than once." He slaps Robert's chest. "Why did we think it was romantic eh?"

Robert laughs breathlessly, "More romantic than church. More _unique_."

Aaron nods. "Maybe, the food was better at your last one though." He mumbles and Robert frowns down at him.

"Stop comparing Dingle." Robert chastises him. "'Cause ya can't."

It's Aaron's turn to frown and he's looking up at Robert, wide eyed. "Why not?"

Robert holds Aaron's face. "'Cause I wasn't marrying the love of my life the first time round, doesn't count."

Aaron catches his breath, maybe it's the champagne that makes his eyes water but he can't help it. He sees Robert looking at him like he's the sun, like he's everything Robert will ever need and he believes him.

"You mean that." It's not a question, it's a fact and Aaron looks up at Robert in awe.

Robert nods, smiles. "Of course I do." He says, "'Cause ya know ..."

Aaron presses their mouths together, pulls at Robert's hair and laughs as they break away, "I know." He whispers.

Robert pants, "Happy anniversary Aaron."

"Happy anniversary Robert." Aaron replies before feeling Robert pounce on him and then squealing as Robert kisses his neck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to say i hope everyone enjoys emmerdale tomorrow and cries like never before once we see all the goodness of robron, it's going to be epic, the whole week will be so yeah i hope the talk of marriage in this fic put you even more in the mood for it! Xx


	9. Ready for the afterglow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay my lovlies, the robron wedding happened and then the heartbreak of the separation and i forgot to upload but this chapter is quite long. there's quite a bit that is mentioned so pay attention to all the little details !!!

  
Robert has an arm thrown over Aaron when he wakes up in the morning, like usual really. He squints as he watches Aaron and remembers the night before. Aaron had finally let loose and dragged him to bed, they'd had fun getting drunk on the fizz and actually laughing through rounds of sloppy loved up sex. It had been what they needed, he thinks as he sees Aaron stir around him and then finally open his eyes.

"Morning," Aaron says, he already seems in a good mood and Robert's shoulders relax a little as he presses a kiss to Aaron's hand in response to the greeting.

Aaron smiles as he lifts himself up on the bed and then takes the covers off of himself, almost massaging his face and then feeling a bout of ache hit his head.

"Fuck, last night." Aaron looks at his arms and sees the bruises, he remembers falling off the bed after trying out something weird and kinky. His eyes meet the champagne bottle on the floor and then notices the cans laid out everywhere else. "What were we _actually_ thinking?" He says, shocked at the state of himself and then smiles as he remembers how much laughing he'd done the night before. It had been _fun_.

Robert groans and shakes a hand through his hair, not styled and floppy and showing off all his pretty boyish charms. "We weren't." He says before he looks at Aaron and sees his husband smiling at him widely, "What?" He asks, unsure of why he is being stared at.

Aaron turns red, points to Robert's neck and actually _remembers_ leaving the mark there, and the sound that escaped Robert as he did. It had sent a chill through Aaron's body so he kept kissing and sucking at the spot until he was satisfied. Robert frowns and places a finger to the exact spot, it's a little sensitive and then his eyes widen as he remembers too.

His feet move his body to the bathroom hastily and he gasps as he sees the red mark on his skin, it's a _deep_ red and has little red spots all around it. Robert's closes his eyes and feels himself stirring as he remembers Aaron giving it to him, head pressed against the headboard and Aaron's mouth attacking his neck again and again. It felt _amazing_. But now it looked -

Aaron places a hand on Robert's shoulder, "Sorry," he says softly, "You're not meeting clients today are ya?" He adds with a smirk.

Robert turns around and catches Aaron off guard, pushing him against the cold tiles of the bathroom and staring lustfully into his eyes. "You're lucky I'm not." He says, a smirk on his face that can't seem to fade.

Aaron laughs and squirms from Robert's grip before he spots a bruise on Robert's forearm. "Gosh we - we _really_ had fun." He says, unashamedly.

Robert nods, he can't help but feel grateful that a stupid hotel didn't manage to ruin things for them.

Aaron turns to leave and then his mouth goes dry a little as he realises that Calum will be in the office, he'll see the hickey and probably have something to say. "I'll look for a scarf for you," he says and Robert winks as he leaves, unaware of the reason why.

 

-

  
Calum's there on time as usual, coffee on Robert's desk for him and a look about him that makes Robert feel like he's being watched.

"Alright?" Robert asks, sitting down on the chair and removing his coat, he keeps the scarf on and fights back a smile as he is reminded yet again of the night before. _That_ _completely_ _mad_ _night_ _before._

Calum nods his head, "Sorted out the Handers file you had laying about, it's all in order now." He has a smile on his face and Robert can tell he is rather pleased with himself.

Robert raises an eyebrow and tilts his head, his way of saying 'oh well done you.'

Robert's surprised as he sees how Calum reacts to the almost non existence response, his eyes practically glisten and Robert has to look back down to his work. He thinks about Aaron then, he thinks that maybe he's right when he says all that stuff about Calum being interested in getting between them. A part of Robert just wants to ask the obvious question: Are you Gay?"

But something holds him back, makes him bite down on his tongue really hard. It would be awkward if he wasn't, how would Robert justify asking such a question. Robert's heart races, it would be even more awkward if he _was_ he thinks to himself.

Calum clears his throat, "Oh uh I forgot to say congrats." He smiles and Robert lifts his head. "Marriage anniversary?" He adds and Robert is awkward suddenly because Calum literally had to _jog_ his memory.

Robert nods his head and then places a hand in his head, "Uh yeah thanks." He sighs. "My head's a bit -"

"Sore?" Calum says, his voice a little more friendlier and Robert finds himself relaxing a little in his chair as he nods.

"We had a uh good night." Robert smiles and then blushes as he rubs a hand over his face and remembers _again_.

Calum pulls a face, it's barely a twist of the mouth but Robert notices. "I'm sure you did." He says before glancing down at his files to show that he has work to do.

Robert senses something in the air and stands, walking towards the kettle and turning back to Calum, "Cuppa?" He asks casually and Calum nods.

Robert reaches over to grab a cup and for a second the arm of his jumper lifts so that his bruises are on show, he pauses as he pulls it down but as he stares back at Calum he sees the look on the younger man's face.

For a second Robert wants to laugh, Calum honestly looks horrified and he needs to break the silence but he doesn't get the chance to because Calum is standing next to him and leaning in closely.

"Are you ok?" Calum asks seriously, his eyes darting down towards Robert. "Who did that?" He adds with bitterness in his voice.

Robert squints, "Don't worry, I'm fine." He says, a little awkward suddenly about discussing how he got the bruises, discussing how they were formed after tossing his husband around in their bed passionately and then falling off of it.

"Was it him?" Calum snaps, his eyes dark and Robert stares at him blankly, he doesn't know exactly what to say. "You can tell me."

Aaron. He knows he's talking about Aaron and he doesn't like the way Calum was so adamant that his own husband could be responsible. As if Aaron would bruise him, _like_ _that_.

"No. Yes, no we -"

The door bursts open and Adam is smiling like an idiot, a hi -vest wearing idiot.

"What?" Robert dares, looking up properly and then seeing Adam's mouth fall open.

"Ah you're actually wearing it!" Adam laughs, not just a normal one either, it's a head rolling back and slamming his hand down on his thigh repeatedly sort of laugh.

Robert feels self conscious and stares down at his scarf, the one Aaron forced on him a few hours ago.

  
Adam takes a few steps further into the room and makes a grab for the scarf, taking it off until Robert bats his hand away. "Do one Adam." He says, irritated and a little embarrassed.

  
Adam scoffs, "Did Aaron inject a little of his famous lines into ya when he did that then eh?" He points to the spot on Robert's neck, The Hickey Spot, and Calum's face reddens as if he has connected dots.

  
"Aaron over sharing again then?" Robert spits out, a little annoyed that Adam knows even the slightest bit about their wild night.

  
Adam laughs again, "Nah. He had this stupid smile on his face and I had to get to the bottom of it that's all."

  
It staggers Robert a little. He doesn't know what exactly to say because his heart is almost fluttering. Just the thought of Aaron being so obviously happy is enough to make him feel almost complete, almost like his purpose has been fulfilled. It's all he wants, Aaron happy. 

"Yeah well, now you know you can get back to work and leave us alone." Robert says, going back to his desk and sitting down.

Adam clicks his tongue cheekily, "Hickey's at your age, you should be ashamed." He says, letting out a laugh and then looking over at Calum. "Aren't I right? I mean have you ever gave a bird a hickey?" He asks and then there's a little silence hanging in the air.

Robert doesn't look up from his work, feels himself willing Calum to answer the question and then he does.

"Uh nah can't say I have." Calum says, an air of cockiness about him that makes Robert feel odd. So he isn't gay? He thinks, it drums into his head and then - But he said he hadn't ever given a girl a hickey, what if he'd given a guy one?

It doesn't matter. Robert concludes. He doesn't care, Calum's a mate and has no ulterior bloody motives.

Adam slaps a hand down on Robert's shoulder, "Mate he even went _Uni_ , he's a bloody student and he hasn't." He laughs again.

"Yeah well I was just the receiver so," Robert points out, looking up at Adam.

Adam pulls a face and then exits shortly after, telling Robert he is off to be sick.

Calum is staring at Robert when he looks his way, "I uh - _get_ the whole bruises thing now." He says, awkwardly. "I didn't mean to -"

"We were just messing about last night." Robert says, unsure why he feels the need to explain to Calum. He did look concerned though, very concerned and maybe Robert owed it to him. "Aaron'd never hurt me."

Calum nods, "Yeah I get that now." He says, pointing towards Robert's neck and then tensing a little.

Robert smiles and returns back to his work before his phone bleeps. He stares down and sees a reminder pop up on his phone, it's to call the hotel from last night and sort things out for Aaron. He knows it's not about money, he knows it more than that but still, he wants to help and using his long words and cuffing tone is his way of helping.

Robert types the hotel name in and sees the contact number flash up on the screen, it takes seconds for him to be on the phone.

"Yeah, I'm wondering if you can help me. Last night my husband and I were planning on staying in one of your rooms, but we arrived and were told it was all booked - "

Calum's ears twitch as Robert continues.

"- Yeah, yeah he booked it three days ago. Name? Yes. No, Sugden."

Robert taps his fingers against the desk and catches Calum looking up at him. He stares back for a brief second before looking towards the photo on Aaron's desk. He smiles and then gets wrapped up in it all, nearly missing the woman speaking to him down the phone.

"Pardon?" Robert raises an eyebrow. "Are you telling me that he cancelled it?" There's a pause and Robert's blood boils. "Well it wasn't him. Are you sure?" Someone had cancelled the booking, someone had actually rang up the hotel and cancelled the booking on Aaron's behalf.

Robert blinks, perplexed. "I just don't understand." He mumbles out and even though the woman is telling him she can check exactly when the phone call was made he doesn't register it very well and neglects the deeper reasoning behind it all.

"Yeah - yeah well thanks I guess. Yeah, bye." Robert places his phone down and feels overwhelmed with disappointment. He honestly thought that he'd be able to sort it out, get the chance to go again free of charge or something like that because of all this misunderstanding but _no_ , that hadn't happened.

"Something wrong?" Calum asks, his voice is filled with concern and Robert looks at him.

"Yeah." Robert frowns. "The hotel told me that Aaron apparently cancelled the booking for the hotel he wanted us to go to last night. It doesn't make sense though, I mean why would he do that?"

Calum has this look on his face, like he is fighting back a smile and he just shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe he realised he couldn't afford it." He says, legs kicking against the desk.

Robert doesn't like that idea, he doesn't need to be wined and dined by Aaron like that, he doesn't need to be. "Then he wouldn't have been so crushed about it all not working out." He chews his lip and then sighs. "Someone else must have done it."

"Like who?" Calum says, raising an eyebrow.

Robert looks at Calum, really looks at him and wonders if -

No. No Calum was just a mate, a business co-worker, basically his little secretary. He wouldn't purposely ruin things for them, he congratulated them for God's sake. No, someone else must have been behind it. Robert tells himself that over and over again like a mantra, he also tells himself that Aaron doesn't need to know until he finds out who was behind the sabotage because he knows who Aaron will blame - Calum.

"I don't know, I'll find out though. I'll find out." Robert vows, his fingers lightly brushing over his wedding ring and feeling suddenly protective.

 

-

 

Robert walks into the pub briskly, eyes meeting Aaron's as he enters. He smiles warmly and then sighs to himself as he sees the company his husband is keeping. Paddy. Good old Padders he thinks as he shifts his weight to the side and plunks himself down on a stool at the bar. Somehow Paddy and him have mastered staying out of each other's way since The Dinner From Hell, it's working out well.

Charity's there within seconds, a smile on her face. "Not going over there then?" Robert lifts his head and squints. Charity smiles and looks towards Paddy who now is leaning closer to Aaron. "You know, playing the charming son in law?"

Robert isn't in a bad mood, if he was he'd probably throw something back like about Noah and her never playing the dutiful mother, but he isn't so instead he just rolls his eyes.

"Pint when you're ready." Robert says and Charity stares him down for a few seconds before she turns and starts pouring the pint. He looks at her for a second and finds that the separation has made him miss her little, not a lot, but just a little. He misses the madness of the pub when it's quiet at home. Only a little bit though.

Charity passes him the pint and collects the change after Robert nods at her. He presses the glass to his lips and then goes to drink before feeling someone at his shoulder, pressing a loving kiss to it and then pulling away. Robert turns and smiles as he sees Aaron standing there.

His face softens instantly and butterflies seem to burst inside without meaning to, Robert can't get over just how _soft_ Aaron is around him now. He is so settled and content and it all makes Robert melt inside before he can reply.

"You alright?" Robert asks, soft and kind and then he kisses Aaron's cheek, still not over how open they are with each other in public. In front of bloody Charity.

"Well my 'ead still feels like a train's been _rammed_ through it but I'm alright." Aaron's sighs before looking at Robert's scarf, still tight around his neck. He laughs and then it jogs Robert's memory.

"Cheers for letting Adam know," Robert hisses into Aaron playfully as Charity serves a customer.

Aaron pulls a face, "Ah he got it out of me, I was laughing into an engine." He says lightly, he had been so happy, so very happy that he could hardly contain it around his best mate. It was amazing.

"Yeah well, the idiot whipped it off just to be sure." Robert says, sipping his pint. Aaron's face falls a little, just a little because he imagines Robert talking to Calum about it, about their _sex_   _life_.

Robert briefly looks back and sees Paddy sat there, playing with his hands and looking towards the floor.

"I would have come over but -" Robert begins and Aaron lowers his head, making Robert realise he needs to change his words. "You seemed like you were having a deep and meaningful."

Aaron relaxes a little and places a hand on Robert's back, "Nah not really." He sighs before looking at his phone and tutting. "I've got to be in for a delivery," he says before his eyes meet Robert's. "I wanted lunch with ya."

"Aw, how cute." Charity leans over and tries to grab Aaron's face but he pulls away and shakes his head at her.

Robert smiles, can't resist against it because Aaron's blushing like mad over his auntie (or cousin, Robert's still not sure the relation) finding his love so very sweet, albeit playfully on her part.

"Don't worry, I'll cook later year?" Robert says before feeling Aaron press a kiss to his temple as a thanks and then he's turning around and telling Paddy he has to go.

Paddy gets up as Aaron closes the door behind him and within seconds he is standing awkwardly next to Robert at the bar, waving around his empty pint glass at Charity.

Robert tenses a little and fleetingly looks at Paddy before Charity takes the glass from him and stalks off.

Paddy clears his throat, "I uh - me, I - " Robert raises his head and it almost catches Paddy off guard.

"Listen, listen I had a chat with Aaron," Paddy says, starting again.

"Yeah I could see," Robert said flatly, eyes down onto his pint until he hears Paddy cough.

"He said he uh - had a surprise for you. A hotel or something." Paddy seems like he is reciting the words in his head and Robert looks up, feels this need to at least give him some sort of attention.

"Didn't go to plan though?" Paddy points out and Robert just nods, for a second wondering if it was him who had pretended to be Aaron and ruined things. It fits but he doesn't blurt it out, the old Robert would have, the old Robert also watched said man nearly drown in grain because he was just like that. But he isn't like that now, he tells himself as he sips his beer and attempts to look as if he is open for discussion.

"We still had fun, it didn't ruin the night." Robert sips his pint again and Paddy nods.

"Yeah I know," Paddy says and Robert's eyes widen just at the thought of him knowing about _what_ they had got up to the night before.

Paddy seems to realise and shakes his head over and over again. "I - no _obviously_ I don't know but - but - my p-point is that, Aaron looks - I mean he looks happy." He stammers out almost embarrassingly.

Robert nods, "He is, believe or not I'd like to think it's a regular occurrence." He snaps a little and looks at Paddy. "I know it might be a bit hard for you to realise that sometimes _I'm_ the reason why he looks like that."

Paddy gulps and his eyes dart towards the bar counter, "He was like that at the wedding." He says slowly. "I thought it wouldn't last."

Robert rolls his eyes, "You didn't think _we_ would last more like. Don't worry, only two months in I've got _plenty_ of time to break his heart." He adds bitterly.

Paddy swallows and it's like he hasn't even registered Robert's words. "I remember telling him once, when he first - first came out, I told him one day he'd love someone and - and he couldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't be able to control it." Robert's eyes flickers. "And he did, he met Jackson."

Robert suddenly looks towards the floor awkwardly.

"But that didn't last, he told me that love didn't do that and I kept telling him one day it would." Paddy looks at Robert like it hurts him to. "Then you came along, you stuck." He says and Robert frowns.

"The worst possible person." Robert recalls, he hasn't forgot that. He's been unable to look over that one. 

Paddy nods eagerly, "For a long time, so long that - that I couldn't think anything else."

Robert bits his lip and tries to understand, he hates his past, _their_ past because of how he acted and how badly it clouded Paddy's judgement of him. It scares him to think back to a time where he couldn't care less what Paddy thought of him.

_'Cheat, user, liar, I'm not bothered what you think of me!'_

It feels a life time away, two whole years ago he had said that, _meant_ that, and then he was asking Paddy for his blessing and trying to prove to Chas how serious he was about her son.

"I get it, I do." Robert said lowly, "But I'm not the same man, I'm not Paddy." He is serious as he speaks. "I know I can't change what I've done but - I _love_ him."

"You loved him then didn't you?" Paddy says, looking right at Robert and nearly catching him off guard.

"I think you'd be the first to say we were hardly healthy then. Yes I loved him but - but things weren't right, we weren't in good places." Robert points, looks on reflection at how toxic their loved had made them. It was different now, so different.

Paddy nods slowly, "I'm always going to have reservations about you, always." He says almost like he can't help it. "And when Aaron comes to me with something, worried about you and this - this Calum well, I'll be the first to think bad of you. It's my job to give him an alternative." Robert sighs, hoping that some sort of progress had been made. "But I'll also remind him of how _different_ you keep saying things are now." Robert looks up in shock, he hadn't expected that.

Paddy flies a hand up and shakes it, "I'd have to be blind to try and say that he isn't happier, Aaron, I know he is." He says, firmly.

Robert nods, his mouth a little dry. "I want to keep making him happy." He says, holds onto as Paddy meets his eyes. "I'm not asking for you to like me, or - or even understand how I feel about Aaron, but he's my _husband_ and, and I'd like you to _get_ that I wouldn't ever hurt him like I have done again. Not ever Paddy." He says before gulping and seeing Paddy's expression, he looks a little more settled.

"Right well," Paddy looks away and shifts on his feet. "I have a cow waiting for me so -"

"I'll tell Chas you said that." Charity appears from the back and points at Paddy accusingly, enjoying watching the man squirm a little.

"I - no, _no_ , I have an actually _cow_ waiting -" Paddy begins but Charity just rolls her eyes and waves a hand out to show she's only messing with him. He blushes a little and then turns back to Robert, he doesn't say anything, just nods and there's something in his eyes that make Robert seem to relax, a breakthrough maybe. Maybe.

Robert's still in the pub, mulling over ideas in his head about what to cook for him and Aaron later and then Liv walks in.

"I thought you were at Gabby's tonight?" Robert asks, a frown on his face.

Liv takes her school bag off and places it on the stool next to Robert's. "Yeah I know, I am, just getting Ashley some crisps."

Robert frowns harder and Liv rolls her eyes, further explains.

"He's doing that Will's head in, going on about wanting salted vinegar crisps from the pub and no where else. He probably won't tell the difference but -"

Robert has a smile on his face as he pets her hair, overwhelmed suddenly with appreciation for the type of girl she is, he knows it's all Aaron in her, he knows that she has picked up on his cheek and wit and business brain but not much else. All the goodness, it's from Aaron. 

"That's nice of you." Robert says, a hand pulling away from her because she's blushing.

"Yeah alright, just want a packet of crisps thanks." Liv says, a smile on her face as she cheeks him and then gets Charity's attention, passing over a few coins and then heading to leave with the packet in hand.

"Oi ring us when you want picking -" Robert says, turning around and looking at Liv.

" - Up, don't cause trouble, ' _yeah yeah yeah_." Liv says and Robert's eyes widen playfully in shock.

He looks down at the floor and then looks up again, Calum's standing there and he's frowning a little.

"So here's where ya sloped off to then." Calum says, tutting and shaking his head playfully as he sits next to Robert.

Robert pulls a face and then looks at Calum's atire, his tie is almost exactly like his own and Robert can't take his eyes off of it for a few seconds. "Uh you seemed on top of things." He admits, he hadn't even thought about going back because they were hardly booming and Calum always seemed eager to get to work.

Calum's eyes practically sparkle, "Yeah?" He ask, liking the praise seemingly.

Robert nods, "Yeah you're doing great." He points out, a smile on his face. "Shame Nicola's back soon eh." He adds, not really meaning it all that much. He likes Calum yeah but Aaron doesn't and he does feel almost uneasy sometimes - like a weird feeling whenever they're alone. Ever since the day Calum caught him and Aaron naked in the portacabin.

Calum looks a little sad and then fights through with a smile, "How about you buy me a drink if I've been such a model student then eh?"

Robert slowly begins to nod and then sighs, "Oh no I - I can't, I promised Aaron I'd cook."

Calum squints, "Oh well he won't be home yet." He says quickly before his eyes dart towards the floor and then up again. "He - left, he went and -"

"What do you mean, _went_?" Robert frowns, he only thought Aaron had one delivery to do.

"Beats me." Calum says. "Come one, one pint?" He leans a little on the bar and Robert just nods.

 

-

 

He has the pint, deciding to move into a booth instead of sitting at the bar mainly because Charity is being Charity and pulling all sorts of faces at Calum when he isn't looking. She's a child, Robert thinks, such a child.

"Leaving drinks on Friday yeah?" Calum slams the table as lightly as possible and Robert nods.

"Yeah," Robert sighs, his head hurting a little and an excuse to head off on his lips.

"I've enjoyed it, you know working with you." Calum has a hand over the top of his empty pint glass and he looks a little nervous. "Mr Robert Sugden." He says comically.

"Dingle." Robert smiles, nothing's official and he's still persuading Aaron to drop the name altogether but for now let's say they're double barrelled. "You've been great, honest. Your reference will be _glowing_." Robert says.

Calum gulps, his eyes on Robert's and then a hand sliding across the table, edging closer to Robert's. "Thanks," he breathes out. "I wish I didn't have to go." He admits to Robert and the older man arches an eyebrow, a little shocked.

He doesn't have the chance to answer as he sees some commotion by the doors. Robert looks straight ahead as he recognises the voices, the _bickering_ ones that make him realise that.

"Jimmy will ya hold the piggin' door for me, God's sake." Nicola heaves, a hand on her head in frustration at her husband's clear incompetence.

Robert's face falls a little in shock, they weren't supposed to be back until next week yet here they were standing in the middle of the pub. He looks at Nicola and notices she has caught the sun, for a second jealously burns through him and then he looks at Jimmy and it melts away.

Nicola spots Robert and immediately comes over, "Robert, how's business?" She asks quickly.

Robert clears his throat and looks towards Calum, attempting to feel him in. "This is Nicola and," Jimmy stays at the bar and Robert points to him. "That's Jimmy, her husband." He adds and then he sees the way Calum reacts as he realises why they're so important.

"As in, the couple on holiday, the ones I'm filling -"

"Oh so _you're_ the young little replacement." Nicola eyes him closely and then looks back at Robert. "Aw he is even dresses like you." She points out, it staggers Robert how obvious it is.

"Calum." Calum nods towards Nicola and then shifts on his seat, "Calum Radels."

Nicola nods quickly before gesturing for Robert to move up so she can sit down, "God I've been itching to get back into this, I've got so many ideas for the business." Nicola rubs her hands together eagerly and Robert feels forced to ask her how her holidays were, just to be polite.

"I thought a holiday was supposed to take your mind _away_ from work, not make you want to be there more." Robert smirks and Nicola just points to Jimmy, sat at the bar catching salted nuts in his mouth and laughing.

"Trust me, I'm happy to be back." Nicola says with a smile. "Need something to get my bran working again."

"So - so you're back then?" Robert asks tentatively, missing the way Calum tenses a little.

Nicola's eyes are bright, "Yes. Yes, tomorrow." She says and then Calum's face actually falls in disappointment.

Robert looks at him, "Sorry mate," he says slowly. "I didn't know that -"

Calum stands awkwardly, "It's fine, don't worry." He argues, "As long as that reference is _glowing_ eh?"

Nicola looks on awkwardly, biting her lip and making a little sound.

"I'll pay ya until the end of this week obviously. Not your fault some people like to spring surprises on us." Robert looks at Nicola and shakes his head.

"Well here's me thinking you'd be happy you've got more time to spend shoving your Aaron against the walls at yours." Nicola laughs and Robert just rolls his eyes, missing Calum's face and the look of disgust there.

"I'll get my stuff tomorrow then." Calum says flatly before looking at Nicola, scowling, then turns and heads out.

 

-

 

Robert closes the door behind him and sees Aaron sitting on the sofa, he feels guilty because he was supposed to be cooking dinner and, it's not that he forgot, it's just that he lost track of time. He walks towards his husband and kisses his forehead lovingly.

"Babe I'm so sorry, I -" Robert begins but Aaron shakes his head and points to the microwave in the kitchen.

"I figured you forgot so I got a takeaway instead." Aaron shrugs and then smiles, he wasn't upset when he came home to an empty house and it made him feel a bit better inside.

Robert slides in next to Aaron so that their thighs are touching. "I didn't forget, Calum told me that you left to go somewhere so I didn't know whether to -"

Aaron nods his head, "I told him to tell ya I'd be back at seven, my phone died." He tries to hold back the spite in his voice because it's _typical_ that Calum kept that to himself.

Robert just frowns, "He must have forgot then." He says, desperate not to start something.

"Mmm," Aaron makes the sound as he thinks about it and then he looks at Robert and smiles, not wanting to drag the moment out.

"Hey guess who I just saw in the pub." Robert leans in a little and Aaron let's out a shrug, pulling his body to the side and stretching so that his legs are out across Robert's lap like usual.

"I don't know, Elvis?" Aaron says, making Robert laugh.

"No, Nicola and Jimmy." Robert says and Aaron's eyes widen. "They're back early." He adds, stroking up and down Aaron's leg softly.

Aaron doesn't know what to say, his first thoughts turn to Calum and he realises that he won't be needed anymore, light relief washes over him and he smiles. "Wow, when are they coming back to work then?"

"Tomorrow. Well Nicola is." Robert places a hand in his hair and rubs. "She has all these ideas which she'll probably bore me with tomorrow." He pulls a face and Aaron laughs.

"You love it really." Aaron says, cupping Robert's face lovingly and then kissing him. For a second Robert thinks about pinning him down and getting carried away but something stops him -

"I spoke to Paddy," Robert says, he knows it will make the night better if he gives Aaron more good news.

Aaron looks nervous, "Yeah?" He says, titling his head a little as Robert hovers over him.

Robert nods, "I think - I think we sorta made progress too." He says, pleased with himself and seeing the pride on Aaron's face.

"Rob that's amazing," Aaron's eyes glisten with tears, happy ones this time. "That's -" Robert kisses him again and this time he can't help himself, attacking his lips with haste and then feeling Aaron's hands clamber for his belt. Aaron pulls away for a second and pants hard.

"So, you and Paddy are sorta getting back on track and - and Calum's going then?" It's music to his ears if he's being honest and Robert knows that.

Robert nods, "Yeah." He presses a hand on Aaron's chest. "I know ya don't like him but - but it doesn't matter now does it? He'll be gone by tomorrow." He says softly and Aaron relaxes.

"Yeah," Aaron let's out a soft sigh and kisses Robert sweetly. "Just you and me." He feels silly for saying it, knows it has always been that way and it's not like Calum has changed that but still.

Robert smiles and dosen't take offence, "You and me." He repeats seriously before lowering himself onto Aaron. "Now how about I return the little present you gave me last night eh, give Adam something else to talk about." His voice is like gravel as he attacks Aaron's neck and the younger man finds himself in a fit of laughter as he tries to squirm away, becoming all hot and bothered and loving every second.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on the surface i think this is probably one of the more lighter chapters but there still are little bits in this like calum automatically thinking aaron had robert that make it creepy but nicola's back now so everything's good now right ???


	10. Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next week is manic for me and filled with exams so because of that I don't think I'll be able to upload until Saturday :( and I apologise for this chapter because I don't really think it goes anywhere but the next chapter is DRAMATIC in a plausible way lmoa!
> 
> \- just a little note, nicola isn't paralysed down one side in this fic and her absence was merely a holiday for her and jimmy after she was trapped in the fire at the mill!

Robert's up early the next morning when Aaron finally opens his eyes, his husband is flittering around the place and making Aaron feel dizzy.

"Rob, what are ya -" Robert turns around and Aaron frowns at him, he's wearing a a suit and he looks _to die for_ but Aaron won't let him know now.

"I tried waking ya but you were dead to the world," Robert reaches for his watch. "Nicola's rang, she wants me in early." He says softly, like he's trying to be quiet on purpose.

Aaron sighs and looks a little saddened, "Oh," he says flatly. "She ain't your boss you know." He adds as he sees Robert looking down at his watch like he is cautious of the time.

Robert stops and then smiles down at Aaron, "I know," he says, sitting on the bed. "Which is why I'm going to tell her that I'm having a week off."

Aaron lifts himself up and frowns. "What do ya mean, you can't just -"

Robert nods, "They've had ages off, Nicola wants to take the reigns so I'll let her." Aaron stares a little blankly. "We deserve a holiday, don't we?" He adds.

Aaron nods slowly and then feels Robert rubbing at his thigh, "Yeah we do." He whispers. "I suppose." He adds, thinking of leaving Adam to handle everything.

Robert almost reads his mind, "City break, just a few days then yeah?" He bargains and Aaron nods a little more eagerly.

"Yeah, that's great." Aaron smiles before kissing Robert and then feeling him move away.

"I'll see ya at the scrapyard then yeah?" Robert says before he leaves, giving Aaron a wink as he shuts the bedroom door behind him.

 

-

 

Nicola's already flapping her arms about and barking orders at her husband when Robert sheepishly enters. He raises his head awkwardly and Jimmy shoots him a weary look that says 'help me' and makes Robert want to burst out laughing.

"I'm here, bright and early." Robert grumbles a little and Nicola smiles, fake.

"Good." Nicola says before pointing to Jimmy's desk. "This all needs to be sorted out." She says, her eyes on the bits and pieces that Calum's not collected yet.

Robert waves a hand out. "He said he'd come and collect them today."

"Well he'll have to do more than that, your little friend's put things in order and made all these little scribbles that must stand for something." She looks exasperated and Robert rolls his eyes, wants to say, 'well no one asked you to go off on holiday for weeks.' He doesn't though, he holds it back with a sigh.

"I need to have a sit down with him." Nicola says before the phone goes and her attention is dragged away.

Robert rolls his eyes away and makes himself busy by flickering through pictures on his phone, there's one of Aaron from a few days ago. The very drunk anniversary night. Robert can't remember taking it which makes it even more hilarious when he looks at himself, all smiley and drunk and looking at Aaron like he is the light of his life. Aaron's asleep on his shoulder and he looks adorable.

Robert smiles and then hears Nicola clapping, trying to get his attention. "Right so, bit of short notice but I have a potential client coming in. Lewis Blorn." Robert raises his eyebrow but Nicola just carries on. "He really would be good for us so, let's try and get him on board yeah?"

Robert frowns, new clients isn't something they had discussed together. "Nicola, you can't just -"

"I'm doing this for the business. Can't you see that?" Nicola tuts and then the door opens.

It's Calum and he looks almost embarrassed as all eyes focus on him when he enters.

"Ah Caleb you're here, thank God." Nicola launches a hand out and grabs at Calum's arm, steering him towards her.

"It's Calum." Calum sighs before he looks over at Robert and smiles, Robert nods back and sees that the boy isn't wearing a suit anymore, he's back to his whole jumper and jeans attire.

"Oh well, same difference. Look I need you to help me out, fill me in." Nicola is waving her hands around as she speaks and Calum looks confused.

"I'm _just_ here to get my things, I thought I'd been -"

"Yeah well I need your help for a bit and then you can leave properly." Nicola waves a hand out again and Calum cautiously sits.

Robert sighs, gets on with his own work and feels Calum keep looking at him every now and again. He doesn't think much of it though, doesn't allow himself to.

 

-

 

At 12 o'clock Nicola finally gives her mouth a rest and Aaron arrives. Robert's already smiling as Aaron kisses his head and pants a little hard.

"You been busy working then?" Robert can tell, he stirs a little as he imagines his husband lifting heavy metal and getting all hot and bothered. It makes him smile wickedly.

"Yeah," Aaron pants, oil on his jacket from one of the cars he's torn apart. "Stupid bloody car." He looks down at the oil and then looks up, Robert's still smiling. "What?"

Robert shakes his head, "Sexy that." He says, shrugging.

Aaron's eyes widen, "What oil?" He laughs and then goes to sit but Robert catches his wrist.

"Dirty little grease monkey." Robert mumbles as he stands and kisses Aaron hard on the mouth, it makes Aaron feel all lightheaded and he grabs hold of Robert's blazer as they continue.

Robert pulls away and kisses Aaron again, this time only lightly on the lips. Aaron smiles and then twitches, "I spoke to Adam, ya know about us having a few days off. He's cool with it, a little annoyed but cool with it."

Robert nods, "Yeah well I haven't told Nicola yet but," Aaron's eyes widen, "Don't worry I will." He adds.

Robert looks towards the door and a man stands there, right behind Nicola. "Robert." Nicola hisses and Robert clears his throat a little as he looks towards her. "This is Lewis, the man I was talking to you about."

Lewis smiles at Robert and then looks over at Aaron, he isn't subtle about how attractive he finds the younger man and Robert's chest hammers a little as he notices.

"And who's this?" Lewis asks, smiling at Aaron as he steps closer.

"Aaron," Nicola says quickly, "Don't worry he isn't apart of the business."

"What a shame," Lewis eyes Aaron again and this time Aaron looks at him, he blushes a little because he looks far from attractive right now and only his husband can think oil all over him is a sexy look.

"Right well, I'll see ya later." Aaron says to Robert before moving towards the door and heading back to the car he was working on. Calum walks by, presumably coming back from his lunch break and he has two large boxes of salad in his hand.

Aaron frowns, "Still collecting stuff then?" He asks, face towards the car as he speaks. He hears the sound of feet on gravel coming to a halt and then Calum clicking his tongue.

"Yeah well, I was _needed_ so." Calum sounds smug as he speaks and Aaron just nods, actually scoffs at the boy and his confidence.

"Well don't let me stop ya," Aaron actually looks up and Calum just nods and walks back into the portacabin.

 

-

 

"We have plans to really take the business further." Nicola is yapping away like mad and Robert just sits there, already decided that he doesn't like the man.

Lewis looks towards the window and eyes Aaron again, "Yeah that's good." He says disinterested all of a sudden as Aaron's comes into view more clearer.

Robert tenses, this is what jealously really feels like he thinks because he had forgotten. "Look mate are you interested or not?" He snaps and Nicola looks at him in horror.

Lewis turns around slowly and raises an eyebrow, "Depends on what you're talking about." He looks towards the window again, gesturing towards Aaron and Robert raises from his feet. Calum is standing near to him and gestures for him to sit back down but he ignores him.

"Woah there, you want to chill out there mate." Lewis jokes, a hand coming up to Robert and a smirk on his face.

Robert feels anger travelling through him fast and he shakes his head. "No not really, when it's my husband your _gawping_ at like he's some piece of meat." He points angrily and then sees the surprise on Lewis' face. "What didn't you notice the big _wedding_ rings." He looks towards his own and then ducks into himself as he sees Aaron approaching the door.

"I didn't - you didn't say -" Lewis is fumbling and Aaron storms through the door.

"What's wrong? I can hear shouting from outside." Aaron says roughly, a small frown on his face.

"Robert's overreacting to this one fancying you." Nicola snaps, "Look can we get back to business or -"

Aaron looks at Robert, "Is she right?" He asks quickly and Robert's silence gives it away. "Look I think you better leave." Aaron turns back to Lewis and can't meet his eye. "You know, flattered n'all but I'm spoken for, _married_ so -"

"Yeah, I get it. I'll be leaving." Lewis looks at Robert, frowning harshly and then at Nicola. "Sorry." He says before leaving.

"Well _thanks_ for that." Nicola sighs hard and Robert looks down, embarrassed. He hadn't meant to snap, of course someone would find Aaron attractive, it was _logical_ but still it makes him feel like a fool because it all comes back to _jealously_ and he's spent weeks trying not to use the word against Aaron when it came down to Calum. It's so easy to feel it though, too easy and now he can't help but emphasise with his husband.

"Sorry I didn't -" Robert sighs, "Actually _no_ sorry he was being the unprofessional one first."

"It doesn't matter, look that could have bought us in more business."

"Yeah well I'm sure you have other ideas up your sleeve." Robert mumbles before sighing. "Which will have to be carried out without me for a few days." Nicola goes to speak but Robert shakes his head. "Me and Aaron are going away for a bit. City break and you and Jimmy can take over."

Calum's eyes widen and then his face falls in disappointment, anger.

Nicola frowns hard and Aaron looks almost sorry. "You did leave him in the lurch didn't ya. I mean he had to hire help just 'cause he was so bogged down with it all."

Robert smiles a little as Aaron helps him out. "We won't be gone long."

Calum clears his throat and looks at Robert, "Where are you planning on going?" He asks and Robert shakes his head.

"Haven't decided yet." Robert shrugs and then Aaron twitches his mouth.

"We _are_ going though, nothing's going to stop that." Aaron speaks almost protectively and Nicola blows out a breath.

"Whatever." Nicola waves a hand out and then looks up. "Oi, uh - uh _Calum_ could you come here then, help me out with -" Calum approaches her and passes over a box of salad and a sandwich. "Oh, thanks." She says almost sweetly.

Robert watches them speak for a second before looking up and seeing Aaron staring at him, he keeps staring until he turns around and leaves, silence telling Robert to follow him.

When he does Aaron has his hands on his hips and is frowning, "So why did ya kick off?" He asks, knows why really but wants Robert to tell him.

Robert does and Aaron nods, "So it was a jealousy thing?" He says gently, not pushing.

Robert ducks his head, "You could say that." He whispers and then feels Aaron near him.

Aaron wants to say something, his thoughts jump to Calum and how unreasonable he thought Robert was about his feelings, and he wants to point that out and make it all clear. He doesn't though because he knows that Robert's already connecting dots.

Robert looks at him, really looks at Aaron and the younger man tilts his head. "What?"

"Just thinking." Robert says honestly and then Aaron kisses him.

"Well don't," Aaron pulls back and cups Robert's face. "Makes ya look old." He adds and Robert laughs against him, staying there for a few seconds before he feels someone watching and sees Calum looking at them and then looking away, back to Nicola, watching her eat her salad instead and sandwich instead.

 

-

 

"Right well I'll be off then." Calum says, eyes not leaving Robert's as he lifts from the chair.

"Bye then, it's been fun." Aaron's a little sarcastic and then he sighs. "You've helped loads, thanks." He adds a little more sincerely and Calum hardly looks his way.

"Yeah he's right." Robert says, "Thanks for all the help." He adds with a smile that makes Calum mirror it.

Robert extends his hand and Calum shakes it for a second too long before pulling Robert closer to him and looking at Aaron over his shoulder. It's almost awkward and Aaron fights the urge to pull a face but then Calum pulls away and he relaxes.

"Bye." Calum says, lingering at the door and then smiling as he leave.

Robert smiles at the door and then sighs as he looks back and sees Aaron's face. Relief washes over his husband and he doesn't know what to say.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spot any little hints lmoa, all will be revealed on Saturday! Thanks for reading this mediocre chapter of mine <3


	11. Seeing red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MANAGED TO WRITE A CHAPTER!!!
> 
> This is the turning point of the fic, this is where shit goes down and everything gets angsty ... sorry for the cliffhanger!

  
Liv's at the scrapyard, causing trouble Robert thinks as he sees her swirling around in his chair and blasting the radio.

"Oi, Liv. _Liv_." Robert walks up to her and turns the radio off. "What are you doing here?" He asks a little annoyed.

"The heating isn't working, they sent my year home." Liv says, easily finding an excuse but Robert still frowns.

"Then why aren't you at home? Or at the pub annoying Chas and Marlon?"

Liv sighs and then leans back on the chair, "I'm waiting for Aaron, he said we can go for lunch somewhere when he finishes a collection."

Robert frowns at the silence in the room and looks towards Jimmy's desk.

"Where's -"

"Sick apparently, like _proper_ sick." Liv looks a little engaged and Robert tries to hold her attention for as long as he can.

"Wait. What do you mean _sick_? He only got back yesterday." Robert pushes it but Liv shakes her head.

"No not Jimmy, it's Nicola who's sick." Liv plays with her hands and then stretches. "She can't get out of bed apparently." She adds.

"How do you -"

"Brenda, she was gossiping in the cafe." Liv explains and it reminds Robert of how worried and emotional Aaron got over Brenda over sharing with Calum. He doesn't like her suddenly.

"Well if Brenda says it then it must be true." Robert says sarcastically before pulling out his phone and ringing Nicola to get certain answers.

It's Jimmy who picks up.

"Nico can't come to the phone right now Robert." Jimmy says flatly and Robert shakes his head.

"Why -"

"She's currently being sick so -" Jimmy is cut off by the sound of Robert moaning.

"Are you kidding me? What's wrong with her? She's supposed to be taking over for a few days whilst me and Aaron go away." Robert pinches his nose like Aaron usually does and then sighs. Last night they had decided on Madrid and got themselves all excited, finally won Liv around and told her next time they'd do a big holiday altogether and now, _now_ it didn't matter.

"I think she's got food poison or something." Jimmy sighs. "Look I'm sorry, I have to look after her, what with the kids and that."

Robert understands, hates how easily he does because he wants to be angry and bitter but he can't. "Fine." He says harshly.

"Nico's said she's sorted out some orders to tide things over for you." Jimmy tries to act like it's doing Robert a favour but Robert sees through it.

"Oh great, so more work for me then." Robert snaps before hearing Jimmy mumble an apology. "Yeah alright, okay whatever I'll talk later. Bye." He purposely doesn't wish Nicola well, he's being petty like that.

Liv says nothing for a second and then begins playing with her hair. " _See_ I told you I wasn't lying." She says before Robert falls onto the desk dramatically and she pulls a face.

"You're such a drama queen." Liv declares and Robert lifts himself just to poke his tongue out at her.

The door opens and Aaron's stood there, phone out and a smile on his face. "So look, I've found some cheap tickets for Madrid, we could leave tonight if we wanted to." He passes the phone to Robert but his husband seems reluctant to take it. "What?" He says, a little nervous.

Robert hates letting Aaron down but he has to, "We can't go, Nicola's sick and - and we can't just go off on holiday." He places a hand on Aaron's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Aaron can't help but feel disappointed but he doesn't let it show. "It's fine." He says, thinking of their honeymoon and wanting to have that care free lifestyle again.

Robert stands and pulls their bodies a little closer, "It's not, but I'll make it up to you." He isn't being seductive for Liv's sake but Aaron thinks otherwise and pulls Robert closer, he's wearing a leather jacket that Aaron admires and he tugs on the fabric. "You better," he says before kissing his husband.

Liv flies a hand in the eye, "Serious level of Liv alert!" She shouts and they pull apart. "Gosh I had hope that when you tied the knot you'd turn into an old married couple who didn't -"

"Still want to snog each other's faces off?" Robert tugs at Aaron just to make Liv squirm and it works effortlessly as she reddens.

"Urgh gosh are we going to get lunch or what?" Liv moans and Aaron nods.

"Yeah wait in the car," Aaron says, looking at her and then watching her leave. Robert looks a little more stressed as she leaves and Aaron notices.

"It's alright," Aaron says. "It'll be fine, you'll manage. I'll help." Robert raises his head as if to say 'really?' and then Aaron's rolls his eyes. "When I can." Aaron adds slowly.

Robert gulps and then sighs, "She's ordered all these new -" he sighs harder. "I can't cope with it all if she's gone for so long." He doesn't know how to stop being so honest, he wants to push it all back in but he can't.

Aaron rubs his arms and then something flickers his mind. "Call Calum, see if he can come back and help out." He hates the idea, he was so relaxed the night before knowing the creep was gone but Robert needs him. He needs Calum's help.

Robert swallows hard, "What?" He blurts out. "But you -"

"Don't like him." Aaron helps out. " _Yeah_ that's true but," Aaron smiles a little wearily and rubs at Robert's arm again. "I _love_ ya, I know it'll help. I can cope with him." He says gently.

Robert nods slowly, it would help. "Are you sure?" He says tentatively and Aaron nods, tells him to give Calum a ring.

"You coming with us for lunch in town?" Aaron says, turning towards the door grabbing his jacket.

Robert tells himself he'll ring Calum later as he pushes his phone into his pocket and then nods. "Yeah course." He says, walking towards Aaron and placing a hand on the younger man's back lovingly.

Family is what matters most, Robert thinks as Aaron opens the door and he hears him chastise Liv for putting her feet up in the car.

 

-

 

Victoria's in a happy mood, almost giddy and Robert smiles at her as he enters the pub. Apparently it's nearly all systems go on the whole baby front and her and Adam are just waiting for a few more days to pass until they can take a test.

Robert moves over to the bar and orders himself a pint before settling in a booth and pulling out his laptop. He is a stress head according to Aaron and despite the fact that Calum practically came back running, there's still lots to get through and Calum's talents only stretch to a certain point before becoming void.

"Here you are," Victoria settles the pint down next to her brother and then slides into the booth. "Aaron told me about your plans for Madrid getting cancelled." She says, a little cautiously as if she is testing the waters.

Robert's eyes flicker, Aaron's been great with it all really. Calum's presence hasn't been bought up much in conversation and he has seemingly dropped the whole 'he is dangerous and he's after ya' sort of mantra. Maybe because Liv is acting up at school again or the scrapyard is busy.

Or both.

"How did he seem?" Robert asks because Aaron's hardly complained and it stupidly makes him worry, he's _that_ used to an argument that when it doesn't come it makes him even worse.

Victoria shakes her head, "Oh fine really." Robert isn't sure if she is lying and then she tilts her head. "I mean it's just this and then the whole hotel thing too, seems like the world is against him doesn't it."

Robert swallows hard, "Is that what he said?" He feels a rush of guilty travel through him. Aaron hadn't ask questions about the hotel situation and Robert had just sat on the knowledge that someone had pretended to be Aaron and cancelled the room. A part of him still thought it was Paddy and it was guilt that prompted their talk at the bar.

Victoria twitches a little, "Not in so many words but," she looks away a little awkwardly and Robert sighs.

"Look Nicola's seriously got _food poisoning,_ I can't control that. And the hotel well - it's not my fault that someone pretended to be him and bloody cancelled the whole thing." Robert doesn't really know why he is taking it all so personally but he is and Victoria shakes her head at him again and then her eyes widen.

"Someone pretended to be him?" Victoria seems shocked and Robert nods slowly, it does sound - creepy.

"Yeah, I know." Robert says darkly before pushing the thought out of his mind and feeling grateful as a punter waves their hand at Victoria and she leaves.

 

-

 

Aaron rolls his eyes hard at Liv and passes her some more money, "You know you're lucky that I can't bring myself to look all this stuff up online," he says, half - joking, half - serious.

Liv smiles at him like she's the cat that's got the cream and relishes in the fact that Aaron seems to just buy the reasoning that periods can come three times a month.

"Now _go_ , and don't cause any trouble at school." Aaron points as she leaves the cafe and Calum enters.

Aaron sighs hard within, fighting back a groan as Calum nods at him. To be fair they have effectively stayed out of each other's way over the couple of days he's been back and Aaron's been grateful for it.

"Alright?" Calum asks, almost uncharacteristically and Aaron just nods before turning towards the counter and ordering himself a coffee to go. He was going to stay, enjoy the quiet but now Calum's here and he has a feeling the air could become frosty.

Brenda obliges, turning her attention towards Pete and Leyla who have just walked in.

"Oh did you hear about him and Vanessa?" Brenda hisses towards Calum as Aaron stands aside, looking down at his phone.

Calum shakes his head, "Uh no what?" He asks, confused.

"Apparently they're having an affair. How shameful." Brenda says and Aaron raises his head as he is reminded of her gossip, her absolute rubbish _baseless_ gossip. It's what got him so worked up all those weeks ago when Calum suddenly knew things about his life.

"What's wrong with ya?" Aaron says harshly, Brenda looks a little taken aback before she widens her eyes.

"Oh no offence to you and -" Brenda tries but Aaron shakes his head.

"Just stay out of people's business." Aaron cuts her off and then throws down some coins as Brenda settles his coffee down on the counter.

"I was only saying -" Brenda tries again but Aaron turns to leave.

"He's right, I mean - it's not nice and it's hardly the truth is it." Aaron's eyes widen as he hears Calum actually defending him, it's weird and a little unsettling but it shifts how he views him. All of a sudden he can't be _that_ bad and Aaron gives him a little nod before he leaves just to say thank you.

 

-

 

Robert has Aaron against the wall of the portacabin and he won't let him go, he is smiling into the younger man's neck and then kissing him hard on the mouth.

"Adam's - out - side," Aaron pants, desperately trying to resit Robert as much as he can.

Robert presses against Aaron, " _Yeah_ and I'm in here, unless you want him instead -" Aaron slaps Robert's arm and kisses him hungrily before pulling away and licking his lips, "I want you." He says, hands clambering around Robert's trousers and making the older man's cheeks flush.

"You changed your mind quickly." Robert says after a few seconds and then Aaron pauses, hands teasing around Robert's waist.

"Not here though." Aaron whispers against Robert. "Barn? Old times sake?" He teases and Robert suddenly has flashes of tossing Aaron around in the hay, hot, steamy, hungry sex that made them explode inside and feel gloriously loose and spent.

Robert nods and then catches sight of his phone, it's buzzing and he realises it's a client. "Fuck," he sighs and Aaron let's him go.

"Answer it, go on." Aaron says, picking up the phone and then passing it to Robert.

Robert answers it and nods a few times before saying a time and then hanging up again.

Aaron looks on a little guilty, "I should leave you to it." He says and then begins to leave. Robert holds him by the waist and kisses his temple, he loves and hates that they work together.

Aaron stalks back to Adam and tries to stop his sexual frustration boiling over as he asks Adam to pass him some gloves.

"None 'ere mate." Adam says, his eyes looking towards a car.

Aaron frowns, "Well it's all oily and I ain't getting it over my wedding ring -"

"Alright _princess_ ," Adam laughs, rolling his head back and then seeing Aaron's face, all serious. "Just take it off then." He says quickly.

Aaron does so, reluctantly and walks back to the portacabin. Robert's busy on the phone and has his head down, not looking up as Aaron leaves the ring on his desk and leaves again.

Robert doesn't even look up when Calum arrives for the day, passing Robert a coffee like always. He doesn't look up when Calum's eyes spot the ring and he holds it up, eying the ingrained date and the word, 'Forever' and then sliding it on.

He keeps staring at Robert and then down at the ring on his finger, he doesn't take it off.

 

-

 

Aaron's in a state, tears in his eyes and a hurricane in his stomach as he rushes through the bar.

"Vic, _please_ tell me you've seen my ring." He has his hands out in front of him and feels sick as he doesn't see his ring where it should be. He feels _naked_ without it on, almost vulnerable.

Vic claps a hand over her mouth, "No, no I haven't." She says and then she comes across the bar, rubbing his arm soothingly. "We'll find it alright -"

Aaron shakes his head hard, "Rob already knows summat's up. I mean he - he'd be so upset if he knew I'd lost it."

Aaron had gone to bed as early as possible the night before just because he didn't want Robert asking him about it all.

Victoria tuts, "Don't be silly, it's only -"

"No Vic, it's not just a ring." He wishes it was. "Rob went _back_ for it, he won't back in the water for the stupid -"

Victoria rubs at his arm again and then blows at a breath. "Ok when's the last time you actually had it on?" She tries gently.

Aaron thinks back to the day before. "The scrapyard." He forces out. "I had to take it off 'cause Adam didn't have anymore gloves for me to use. I didn't want to get it dirty."

Victoria nods, "What did you do with it?"

"I put it back on my desk. But when I came back it was _gone_." Victoria goes to speak but Aaron shakes his head. "I checked all over the floor, nearby too."

Victoria squints, "I mean, maybe - maybe Rob has it." Aaron frowns. "You know what he's like, he's probably messing with ya, seeing how long you'll go before you cave and ask him."

Aaron settles just a little because it's very much a Robert thing to do and he can imagine the sly sod chuckling away about it to himself at the scrapyard.

"Yeah maybe," he says, nodding his head a little.

Victoria sighs, "Gosh I mean if not - the world really _is_ against ya." She tries to smile but Aaron just rolls his eyes. "Oh c'mon, you lose your wedding ring, Madrid gets cancelled and I mean - you've got someone pretending to be ya and cancelling hotel rooms for you anniversary. It's a bit much isn't -"

Aaron's eyes darken and he feels his heart hammer away in his chest. The hotel. He hadn't mentioned that for a while, shoved it under the carpet because he just thought it was the hotels fault, double booking or something but not -

"Someone _pretended to be me_? Are ya serious?" Aaron is in shock, feels the walls closing in around him and then suddenly he is thinking back and trying to work out - _who_. Who could do that?

"I thought you knew about -" Vic's voice drowns out in his mind as he thinks hard.

He remembers telling Liv, only Liv knew and she wouldn't have done that to him. They were at home, hushed voices and -

"Calum was there." Aaron says almost to himself, he is shaking as he speaks and remembers that Calum had been lurking, _helping_ Liv with homework or something and he must have heard.

Aaron suddenly turns and starts charging out of the pub.

"Aaron, woah Aaron wait - calm down -"

 Victoria's words fall on death ears and she winces as she imagines the damage her brother-in -law can do when he's like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll uploading on Saturday I think so sorry for the long wait but it'll be worth it (if you like angst and drama !!) hope you enjoyed this chapter anyways <3


	12. Don't you see?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOO lovelies okay so this is where the angst steps up a gear, I should warn that this chapter does involve violence as well. It's about time we see a good Aaron and Calum confrontation right?

  
Aaron charges towards his car and pushes down on the pedals as hard as he can, he looks reckless to the villagers as they see him speeding off but he hardly cares. He doesn't even think about the possibility of Robert being present as he gets the truth from his little pet, he doesn't _care_ as long as Calum stops telling him lies and starts being honest.

Aaron stops his car and climbs out, thankful that Adam isn't around and that his best friend won't be able to restrain him at any given moment. The door of the portacabin opens with ease and he arches an eyebrow as he sees Calum sat there, he's sitting by Jimmy's desk and has a hand flickering through a folder.

Calum lifts his head and frowns at Aaron, "What do you -"

Aaron shakes his head and finds his feet dragging towards the younger man. "It was _you_." He says angrily, a finger coming up and pointing straight at Calum.

Calum swallows and shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know what you're -"

Aaron feels himself getting angrier and desperately tries to think of something that calms his thoughts. Liv. Liv would hate to see him like this wouldn't she.

"The hotel I booked for me and Robert. You cancelled it. You did that, _you_." Aaron can't get his words out the way he wants to, he wills himself to make sense and not waste time just growing redder in the face but he can't help it.

Calum stares at him and then begins to smile, "How did you work that out then eh?" He suddenly lifts from his chair and Aaron's eyes flicker, he's unnerved by how Calum is handling this.

He thought that Calum would squirm, start going on about it not being down to him and Aaron would catch him out with his own words but _no_.

"C'mon Aaron, let's not pretend that you have the brain or the intellect to start saying all of this." Calum fires the insult and Aaron holds his nerve, staring right at the younger man and forcing himself not to use his fists.

"So you did it yeah? It _was_ you." Aaron says, wants Calum just to tilt his head, just to _nod_ so that Aaron knows he isn't going mad and running away with himself once again.

Calum leans a little forward and says nothing, exaggerating the misery Aaron finds himself in.

"It had to be you, I only told Liv and you - you were at our house when I did. You pretended to be me so that it would _ruin_ everything I'd planned, didn't ya? All because you want Robert all for yourself, don't ya?" Aaron pushes him a little, not a lot and Calum backs himself against the wall.

"Don't ya?" Aaron repeats, this time he is even closer and he finds his hands coming up to grab hold of Calum's shirt. For a second he looks at his tie and his heart races frantically, it's purple and has straight lines running down it and he's seen it before, seen it on his bedroom floor because it's Robert and -

"Yeah? _Prove it_." Calum leans forward and spits the words out maliciously, he's still smiling like he doesn't care. Like the feel of being pushes hard against a wall doesn't faze him in the slightest.

It makes Aaron suddenly drop his hands in shock and then they begin to shake and won't stop. Can't stop.

He pretty much just confessed didn't he? He did, he did.

Aaron can't look at him, feels sick and doesn't know what to do or say.

Calum clears his throat and lets out a breathless laugh, "Haven't you considered that it was Robert who did it eh?"

Aaron doesn't expect that, it's like a punch to the gut and he is forced to look up at the little snake.

"I mean in all honesty it's plausible isn't it? Why _would_ he want to be with ya?" Calum spits the words out like venom and Aaron feels tears begin to swim in his eyes, he tries to fight against it but he can't.

It feels like the wall that he built on his wedding day, the one that blocked out all his insecurities about his relationship, that wall, is being crushed down with every word Calum utters.

"Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being anywhere near ya." Calum says and despite the fact that Aaron knows it isn't true, he can't help but let it chip away at him.

"Maybe Aaron, he's throwing himself into this business because it's worth more than you are." Aaron looks up and his face falls, suddenly Calum isn't just a creepy little prick, he's dangerous and malicious and -

"You need to stay away from us." Aaron says, tears falling fast and being caught just as quickly by Aaron's left hand. "I mean it."

Calum frowns, "Who? You, Robert and -" he looks at the photo, the one on Aaron's desk. "Liv." He adds and that's when Aaron really looses it. That's when he explodes and he suddenly lands his fist against Calum's jawline, hits him, once, twice and then pants hard as Calum fights against him.

Aaron comes away for air, trying to get his breath back. "Stay, away, stay - stay the - fuck away from my family." He cries down onto Calum, this time kicking the younger man hard in the stomach.

Calum groans in pain and then suddenly he's smiling, "Go on, hit me again. I'm sure it'll give Robert just the right reason to leave his thuggish pathetic excuse of a husband." Aaron shudders, he can't hear that now, not when he wants to keep punching the creep and not stop until he can't feel his knuckles. He raises his hand again and Calum's eyes glisten.

"Oh Aaron, - where's - where's the darling wedding ring of yours? You haven't _lost_ it?" Calum says before panting out a laugh, Aaron sees red and can't stop because -

"My fucking ring, you - you -" Aaron raises his hand and goes to punch Calum but suddenly the door opens and it's Robert pulling him away. It's Robert staring wide eyed in shock and looking at the state of Calum and then Aaron's hands.

"Aaron, Aaron - what are ya doing?" Robert's close to him, breathing into Aaron's ear and it should soothe the younger man but it doesn't. It makes him feel sick with guilt.

"Your husband is a nut job." Calum spits, eyes all innocent and scared as he speaks to Robert. "I suppose you already know that though." He adds, eyes looking back at Aaron who is being held back by Robert.

Aaron wriggles, trying to break through and pounce again. Calum suddenly retreats, cowering almost and Aaron knows he's acting. He knows that Calum didn't even look _fazed_ when he had him pinned up against the wall. It's all an act, for Robert's benefit of course.

" _Aaron_ ," Robert warns, a hand clasping down on Aaron's shoulder and holding him. Aaron gives in and looks up at Robert for the first time, Robert is floored at the way Aaron stares at him, he looks like a little lost boy who's lashed out and hates himself.

  
"Robert it was him, he wants to ruin us." Aaron isn't speaking sense and Robert frowns.

"What are ya talking about?" Robert looks embarrassed and Aaron holds onto him.

"The hotel, the one I booked for us. Vic told me someone pretended to be me, and it was him. I know it." Aaron pleads with Robert and the older man's face falls. He didn't want Aaron knowing and becoming paranoid like this.

"I didn't," Calum says loudly before he winces, drawing attention to his punches that have left cuts. Robert winces at the same time, he can't help it because it does look bad.

"You're a _liar_." Aaron spits at Calum. "You're sick - you -" Aaron feels himself getting worked up again and Robert rubs at his arms, it's instinct to settle Aaron when he's this upset, regardless of what he's done.

"So you beat me up for it? You can't just do that." Calum says, coming towards Aaron and Robert and then being stopped by Robert's hand.

"Let's just _all_ calm down alright." Robert hates how he is currently the voice of reason, the peace maker, because he never wanted to be. Not between Calum and Aaron.

"He's messing with my head." Aaron shakes his head, "He wants ya to leave me Rob, he needs to go, I can't -"

"I'm not the lunatic who can't control his fists." Calum shouts and Robert's eyes flicker.

"Don't call him that." Robert says, he doesn't raise his head and it's practically a whisper because he doesn't want Aaron thinking he is blindly on his side but still, in front of anyone he would defend Aaron's behaviour, then kill him when they were alone.

Calum doesn't expect that, his face gives it away. "Rob he _attacked_ me like some animal."

Aaron narrows his eyes angrily and wants to say, ' _don't call him Rob, don't nickname him like you can, only his family call him Rob and you're not family_ ', he doesn't though because he is ashamed of his behaviour.

"Robert make him leave." Aaron begs and looks up at Robert. For a second Robert doesn't know what to do but then he sees the fear in Aaron's eyes, he knows whatever Calum said has affected him greatly.

"Me leave?" Calum scoffs, "I work here."

Aaron blows out a breath, "Yeah and I'm his _husband_!" He yells, exploding and Robert has to hold him back again.

Robert sighs, "Go Calum." He says and Calum shakes his head before looking towards the door. "I'll sort this, just go now." He adds and Calum's feet move slowly until he is at the door and he opens it. "You won't get away with this." He promises as he looks at Aaron and then slams the door behind himself.

It makes Aaron shudder and Robert stares at him blankly, stares at his husband crying ugly fat sorry tears and resists the urge to hold him until the moment passes. He stays strong, shakes his head and realises that a hug won't fix the damage done by Aaron's quick temper and even quicker fists.

 

-

 

Aaron's chin wobbles and he tries to think of something to say, "Talk to me Rob." He says softly, it isn't an order though because he knows better than to do that now.

Robert stays silent, his face down towards the floor.

Aaron tuts and then lets out a shaky breath, "At least _look_ at me then," he says before attempting to hold at Robert's waist.

That's when Robert moves, edges away and swiftly dives into his coat pocket, pulling out his car keys and gesturing towards the door. "We're going home." He says and Aaron just nods and follows him.

The journey there speaks volume despite no words being spoken, usually Aaron has a hand over Robert's and he draws little circles into his husband's hand as he drives but now Aaron has his hands to himself, stretched out over his thighs and stinging.

When they finally pull up over the gravel Robert doesn't even wait for Aaron to unbuckle his seatbelt before he walks towards their house and opens the door, leaving it ajar as Aaron wonders in after him.

They're in silence again and Aaron can't bear it. He wants Robert to shout at him, call him an idiot and say he ruins everything. He can deal with that but not this, this wreaks of disappointment and that hurts even more.

"Please Robert, just say -" Aaron says, his voice weak as he watched Robert standing by the sink window. He turns quickly and cuts Aaron off.

"Why?" Robert blurts out, hand in front of him. "I thought you were _passed_ that, you know being a _thug_ and _beating_ people up 'cause you don't like what they have to say." Aaron winces and takes everything he thought back, he wants the silence, not this.

He doesn't want his own husband mirroring the words of that creep. He doesn't want to be called a thug and judged my the man who is supposed to love him unconditionally.

"I just _lost_ it, Robert he mentioned _Liv_ and I -" Aaron says, a hand coming up towards his face and then he looks down at the state of himself. He's bleeding and for the briefest of seconds he wants to do something about it, press hard into the cuts and ease this ache. He doesn't, he wouldn't.

Robert swallows hard, as if he noticed and can read Aaron's mind, within seconds he is guiding Aaron towards the sink and warning him it might be cold as he turns the tap. Aaron winces and then feels his hands growing numb, he thinks back to that time where he was hurt just like this, only he purposely turned the hot tap instead and allowed it to wash over him until steam was in his face and Chas was calling him an idiot, asking him if he wanted to make it worse as she turned it off.

It's a dark thought.

Robert turns it off and gets a towel for Aaron who wraps his hands in it and stills. "I'm sorry," he says effortlessly.

"I know you are, _now_." Robert says, arms crossed over. "But then, when I came in you were about to punch him _again_." He shakes his head. "You weren't sorry then."

Aaron has tears in his eyes and he closes them, "I was angry, upset about the hotel thing and -" he pulls his hand out and waves it in front of Robert. "Haven't you even noticed? He stole my ring Rob." He snaps and Robert's face falls and then he shakes his head, as if he remembers something.

Suddenly he is walking towards his coat and digging deep inside, revealing the band and setting it down on the table.

Aaron is flawed, speechless for a second and then realises that Victoria must have been right. "You had it. You think this is _funny_?" He says, he's eyes hard on Robert's.

"Cal found it on the floor, he gave it to me." Robert knows that it isn't what Aaron wants to here but he won't lie.

Aaron's blood boils at the nickname 'Cal' but then he looks defeated. "Oh what a marvellous coincidence that _he_ found it." He says bitterly.

"You left it in the place where he works, hardly a coincidence." Robert snaps at Aaron. "You should be thankful." He adds. "He gave it to me to give to you, I was going to do just that before I walked in on you going all Mike Tyson on the lad."

Aaron turns away and lets out a shaky breath, "Perfect timing." He says sarcastically. "The minute he stops saying - saying -"

"Saying _what_?" Robert shouts, a hand close to his forehead. "What did he say to earn all that then?"

Aaron trips on his words, thinks back and recalls what Calum said about him, about them, about Robert being the one who rang because he didn't want to be near him, he goes on and says more and soon Robert can't look at him.

"So you punched him?" Robert says after Aaron finally finishes and it feels like a kick to the gut to the younger man who just poured everything out. Aaron sighs and darts out of the kitchen, desperate to escape and fly up the stairs but Robert catches his arm and stops him.

"He could call the police, you could get arrested for this." Robert says bitterly, "You can't run away from that too." He says a little louder and Aaron frowns.

"He can't prove anything." Aaron shrugs like that's all he cares about, he's terrified that this is Calum's chance to get him sent down for good, to get him out of the picture like he's always wanted. He can't let that show though, not now.

"I think the state of his face can." Robert barks and then shakes his head at Aaron. "What were you thinking? Yeah he was acting like a dick, but they were only _words_ Aaron and they shouldn't have meant anything from someone who you obviously can't stand."

Aaron bites his lip and suddenly a rush of anger hits him because Robert should understand, Robert's his husband and they've talked about how he feels sometimes, how he can believe things that aren't strictly true because he's a little fucked up. "You know more than anyone else about my insecurities. You should understand." He fires back.

Robert rolls his eyes, "Of course it's my fault. _Of course_." Aaron shakes his head and then goes to leave but Robert holds him again. This time though Aaron pushes at his husband and Robert doesn't expect it so he staggers back and nearly slips.

Aaron turns back, eyes wide as he holds onto Robert and steadies him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed ya like -"

Robert just shakes his head and breaks away, "Yeah well at least I'm better of than Calum." He spits angrily and tries not to look at Aaron as he speaks.

Aaron shakes his head, "Don't say that." He says, "I'd never hurt ya. Not ever." His voice is shaky but he means it.

"Yeah well you have in the past haven't ya? You've _lost_ it in the past." Robert says angrily, he doesn't mean it but he says it nonetheless.

Aaron's eyes flickers, he remembers the roadside, punching at Robert as he rolled on the floor, jacket filled with mud. He remembers the lodge, the sofa and the hits until he passed out. He wants to be sick.

"Do we really want to talk about the _past_ eh." Aaron says darkly and Robert pulls his gaze towards him, regrets even going there.

"Aaron - " Robert says but Aaron shakes his head hard.

"Don't make me out to be some sick abusive bastard. Don't you dare." Aaron shudders at what he has just said and Robert is near him within seconds. He thinks of - of _him_ and for a second think he's like his so called father and he feels sick.

Aaron shakes his head and then wipes at his eyes, he doesn't want a fight, he hates himself too much right now and he knows he is only deflecting it all on Robert because it's easier. Aaron turns and Robert calls him but he doesn't turn back as he goes towards the stairs.

"Don't follow me." Aaron begs, "And don't try to fix all of this, it's me who ruined it." He says, a sigh escaping him as he climbs the stairs and suddenly remembers his wedding ring isn't on his finger _still_ , it says more than it should and he has to look away as he collapses on his bed and begins to sob.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you like angst I hope you enjoyed this all. Once again when I was writing it I really did try and keep it fair on both sides so I hope that it comes across despite obviously you all forming your own opinions. The next chapter will follow straight on from this one and I hope to have it up soon so look out for it <3


	13. Come together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy another chapter, direct continuation guys - hope you enjoy <3

Liv senses it as soon as she comes into the house. Robert's in the living room, has a half empty whiskey glass out and looks like someone's just stepped on his heart.

She clears her throat and it draws Robert out of his thoughts, makes him look up and try to smile. "How was school?" He asks flatly, _still_ trying to smile at her.

Liv frowns and looks around the room. "Why are you home?" She asks and then subconsciously looks up the stairs. "Is Aaron okay?"

Robert nods slowly and gulps, he's heard Aaron crying, thinks he has anyway and had battled with himself about going to comfort him. He imagines him alone in the room, access to the en suite, access to his razor and -

Robert presses it down, he tells himself that Aaron needs space. "Uh he, he's upstairs." He says, dodging the question and then watching Liv move towards the stairs. "Best leave him alone for now yeah."

Liv comes towards him and stares hard into Robert's eyes before she sighs, she can see the red rings around Robert's eyes and knows instantly, "You've had a row?" Robert's eyes flicker but he doesn't answer. "Gosh a big one?" She adds seriously.

Robert nods, "Yeah." He says sadly before he looks at the door and walks towards it. He told himself when she came home he'd go and sort it all out with Calum, reach some sort of agreement.

"Where are you -"

Robert turns, "I need to sort something. I won't be long okay?" He looks seriously at her. "If he comes down, just - don't push him for answers. Please." He says.

Liv nods, "Yeah sure." She smiles and then sighs as Robert turns and leaves.

The door shuts and Liv lets out a shaky breath before hearing her brother shuffling and seeing his sheepish face appear at the top of the stairs.

"Where's he gone?" Aaron asks, his voice tight and hoarse from all the crying. Liv looks up at him and her small frown gives her worry away so he comes down the stairs slowly.

Liv shrugs, "I honestly don't know." She admits before she looks down at her brother's hands. "Maybe you can let me know though."

Aaron pulls away his hands and then shakes his head, "Leave it Liv, just -" he has tears in his eyes and Liv knows not to push him.

Aaron pulls his hand up and for a second his jumper moves with him, revealing his forearm. Liv's eyes are glued there, she's trained for this, for looking and seeing if -

Aaron's heart breaks and he pulls his sleeves up shakily, "Liv I haven't done anything daft." He says, tears are in his eyes still and they start swimming like mad before he pulls her into a furious hug and for a second doesn't even think about her not being able to breathe against him. "I haven't," Aaron whispers, letting her go and then kissing her head.

"I'm sorry, for looking." Liv explains and then her chin wobbles. "I just knew you were upset and -"

"It's fine," Aaron pets her hair softly and then feels all his anger, all his guilt, just seep out of him as he goes to hold her again, none of that matters now. "Don't worry, don't worry about anything." He adds before letting a tear roll down his face and holding her tighter.

 

-

 

It's dark by the time Robert pulls up at the scrapyard and he half expects Calum not to be there. He text him, _Scrapyard in ten, we need to talk_ and thought for a second that Calum wouldn't show. Robert arches an eyebrow in surprise then as he opens the door and sees Calum waiting there, a dim light making him look eerie as he sits there in Aaron's chair.

Robert tilts his head and clears his throat, "I didn't think you'd come." He admits, a little caught off guard.

Calum stares, his brown floppy hair resting against his forehead. "Yeah well," he makes a point as he looks around the room and then back at Robert. "You've had the decency of leaving your rotweiler at home so I suppose I can take my chances."

Robert's jaw tenses and he bites down hard on his tongue, "He's sorry about what he's done."

Calum scoffs and then points towards his face, "Funny that," he pauses for a second. "Nope that hasn't magically changed the _state_ of my face."

Robert sighs and shakes his head, "You _know_ he's sorry." He pushes out before edging closer. "You pushed him and -"

"Oh so you believe the things he said?" Calum looks hurt as he speaks and Robert squints.

"He's my husband, he doesn't have a reason to lie to me." Robert says protectively, Aaron isn't the liar. He is. He always has been.

"Of course he does." Calum says before shaking his head, the amber light shines on him and makes him wince. "Don't pretend that's the first time you've seen him like that, _violent_ , acting like a thug." He watches Robert's face flicker and shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe I _was_ right about those bruises you had." He adds and that's when Robert shakes his head furiously.

"Aaron would _never_ hurt me like that. He couldn't." Robert knows that, he knows that Aaron would never be able to live with himself if he lost it like that and hurt Robert with his fists. It would break the younger man's heart and then it would break them both.

"You've got it wrong Calum," Robert stresses but Calum just shakes his head again.

"He's dangerous." Calum says defiantly.

Robert sighs, "No, not it's not like that -"

Calum shrugs hard, "Yeah well, we'll let the police decide that won't we?" He says and then he sees Robert's face fall.

"No please," the plead escapes Robert before he has the chance to gather his thoughts properly, it just rushes out because despite how angry he is at Aaron, he knows that he can't loose him to prison. He knows that the judge would throw the book at him and Robert would let them.

"I'm begging ya," Robert says, attempting to edge closer and then Calum stands, closing the gap between them and making Robert step back a little.

"You're begging?" Calum almost looks amused and then disgusted. "For _him_? He doesn't deserve you." He says.

Robert shakes his head and ignores it, "Please Calum, look I'll do anything. Just don't let him get sent down for a mistake." He says quickly, his words making him catch his breath and it scares him for second, he'd do _anything_ for Aaron. He loved him that much.

Calum arches an eyebrow and then smirks, " _Anything_?" He says almost playfully and Robert swallows down the way he feels as he nods.

Calum has his eyes on Robert and for a second Robert thinks they dart down to his lips. He closes his eyes and then Calum is backing away.

"I still want my job." Calum remarks. "I want to keep working here until Nicola comes back and I don't want him here whilst I am." He lays out his demands, counting on his fingers and then looking at Robert.

Robert feels a sense of relief wash over him as he hears him, he tells himself that when he closed his eyes a few seconds ago he wasn't giving into the idea that he could allow Calum to kiss him in return for his husband's freedom.

He thinks about Calum's words, what he wants to happen and he frowns. He doesn't understand it because surely Calum would want to go as far away from Aaron, 'The Lunatic' as possible.

"What?" Robert blurts out. "Why would you want to keep working here?" He frowns harshly.

Calum rolls his eyes, "Believe it or not Robert but I actually like working here, with you." He says, blushing just a little and Robert feels uncomfortable.

"I'll pay ya, I'll pay enough -" Robert habitually goes down the money route because he can't have Aaron and Calum still within punching distance of each other. He needs Calum to _leave_.

"I don't want your money Rob. You can't buy my silence like that." Calum almost looks hurt. "I thought we were mates." He adds, a little defeated. "Your _psycho_ husband shouldn't come between that." It's spiteful and Robert hates it.

Robert tenses again, "Easy Cal. Easy." He warns. "He's sorry, like I said."

Calum pulls a face, "Yeah well, it's not good enough. Why should I be pushed out of my job 'cause of his _obvious_ issues."  
Robert bites down hard on his tongue and Calum continues.

"I keep my job or I tell the police, see 'im crumble and get set down like he should." Calum adds and Robert has to look away, he can sense how he was when Aaron was in the office, malicious and cruel and cutting. He's completely different from the shy, awkward looking lad who he first met.

"So, what'll it be?" Calum folds his arms over and then tilts his head.

Robert nods his head, feels like he is doing something wrong but then reminds himself that he has absolutely no choice, it's the only way he can keep Aaron close to him, get him _actual_ help and be there for him like he should.

"You keep your job." Robert says slowly and then Calum's eyes flicker as he smiles. "And the police don't find out about any of this."

"Good." Calum says before moving towards the door. "See you tomorrow then." He adds before leaving Robert looking at the floor, a hand through his hair as he thinks of how he can tell Aaron all of this.

 

-

 

Robert shuts the door and braces himself as he hears Liv shuffle about in the kitchen, he wonders if she'll be upset, if Aaron came down in a state and she got worried. He suddenly feels guilty for leaving her.

Robert walks into the kitchen and raises an eyebrow as he watches Liv wash her plate silently. Any other day, he'd take a picture, threaten to frame it, but not now. Liv turns as if she knew he was standing there.

"You're back," Liv says, her shoulders relaxing.

Robert nods, "Yeah, look I'm sorry for leaving ya like that. I just had to sort things out."

"And did ya?" Liv seems hopeful and Robert can't disappoint her so nods.

"Yeah, yeah I did." Robert blows out and then he sees the way Liv is looking at him, his chest tightens. "Did Aaron come - "

Liv comes towards him and then sits down at the table, "As soon as you left." She says before chewing on her lip.

Robert winces and then thinks again of how long he has left Aaron, he could have hurt himself ten times by now.

"I checked," Liv blows out a breath and Robert knows instantly what she's talking about. "He saw me and - and he lifted up his sleeves so I could see better, he hadn't done anything."

Robert's almost flawed, he can't speak but he can imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for Aaron to let his sister see him that vulnerable.

Liv's chin wobbles, "I didn't look at his knuckles though, I'm sorry, I didn't get the chance to look at -"

Robert is by her side within seconds, he's holding her and she's letting him and nothing else gets in the way of this rare comfort that Robert is giving her.

"You have _nothing_ to be sorry for," Robert has tears in his eyes and he is petting Liv's hair. "You hear me?"

Liv lifts her head and nods, "Rob are you going to leave us?" Her voice is so small and vulnerable and Robert's heart breaks into a million pieces, it makes him feel like he holds her in his hands and she's slipping from his grip.

Robert holds her arm and squeezes as he shakes his head fiercely, " _No_. No I'm not, not ever Liv I promise you." He says, means it with all his heart because he can't leave them. "You're my family." He adds, like it explains it all.

Liv nods her head again very slowly as if she is taking her time and trying to process it all.

Robert lets her go and she wipes at her eyes.

"I'm going to bed," Liv says softly, she looks a little embarrassed and Robert knows better than to hug her again so he just nods and tells himself that he has to sort things out, for her sake as well as his own.

 

-

 

The bedroom door looks huge and menacing and Robert has to swallow hard before he can turn the handle. He pictures Aaron laying there, dead to the world and it makes him take a few steps inside. He doesn't mind sleeping on the sofa tonight.

The door creeks and Robert is startled as he sees Aaron sit up hastily on their bed, the lights are off but the moonlight makes his worry visible.

Robert stares at him for a few seconds and then brings himself to speak, "I thought you'd be asleep." He says, not sure of what else to say.

Aaron holds his breath, he expected Robert to completely ignore him so this is something at least. "I can't sleep without you." He says simply.

Robert just makes a little sound and takes a step further towards Aaron. "I went to see him." The air is frosty and Aaron looks away because he knows who _he_ is and he feels sick.

"He was going to go to the police." Robert says and that's when Aaron looks back up at him. "He's keeping his job instead." He just keeps pushing out the words and bracing himself for Aaron to react.

Aaron's chest tightens, he had this hope that his husband, his amazing Robert would sort it out and he'd never see Calum again but -

"You should have let him call the police." Aaron says flatly, dry and cold and Robert can't hear it, not after what he had done for him.

Robert shakes his head hard and backs away, taking a few steps back towards the door. "That's all you have to say? That's _it_?" Robert tries his hardest not to blow. "I just _begged_ him not to call the police 'cause I couldn't _bare_ the possibility of _losing_ ya and - and you just -" Robert feels anger race through him and he keeps trying to repress it. "I would have done _anything_ for ya, to keep you out of trouble and for what? You don't even care." His mind travels back to that moment, when Calum was inches from him and he thought that the younger man was going to kiss him. He would have let him, if it meant Aaron was going to be safe.

Aaron gulps hard and suddenly he is clambering off of the bed and daring to step towards Robert, "I'm sorry - I'm _sorry_. Thank you, I'm grateful, I swear." He says, tears swimming in his eyes.

Robert settles himself and then he looks at Aaron's knuckles. They look untouched but he can't be sure.

Aaron ducks his head, "I thought about doing it. Three times." He admits, can't keep secrets any longer. "Twice when you were here and then - then when I was alone, when the bathroom was only over there and it might have helped me from feeling so _worthless_."

Robert holds his breath and feels sick as Aaron slowly lifts his hands up so that Robert can see better.

Robert looks down and notices the red scabs already forming, the bruising.

"I didn't do anything though," Aaron confesses. "Honest." He says, like he's a little boy. Robert nods slowly, he trusts him and then he doesn't. "Your arms, your chest, Aaron let me -"

Aaron resists for a second and then slowly he removes his shirt. Robert examines quickly, he knows there's no new scars, he has a trained eye like Liv and he nods at his husband until Aaron pulls his shirt back on.

The air is different, crushed down and both of them don't know what to say until Aaron lifts his head.

"I'm sorry," Aaron whispers again and he has to hold his breath as Robert looks at him.

"I know you are," Robert presses out. "I know." He adds, it's what he told Calum over and over again.

Aaron rubs at his face and his heart aches, "It's not enough though is it?" He shudders, feels sick because he knows he can't make it right despite how madly in love he is with Robert.

Robert doesn't say anything and it makes Aaron's heart actually break as he sits down on the bed slowly.

"It shouldn't be, you don't deserve someone like this, someone like me." Aaron whispers. "You're amazing and I'm just -"

Robert kneels in front of him and takes him by the hand, their touch is welcomed by Aaron and still manages to make his heart flutter a little. "Don't say that." Robert whispers. "Why do you think I went to see him eh? 'Cause you were _worth_ it, because I don't want to _lose_ you."

Aaron looks up at him and doesn't believe it. "This is your chance to leave, to never turn back Rob, I'm bad news. I couldn't _stop_ hitting a bloke." Aaron swallows, "I've hit you."

Robert wishes he had never mentioned the past, "That was different Aaron, that wasn't like this. I shouldn't have even mentioned it. You're not bad news." He forces out, holding onto Aaron's hands still.

Aaron sighs out heavily, "I need to get help for it." He says knowingly. Robert's eyes flicker. "I don't want to hate myself like I do sometimes."

Robert feels relief wash through him, it's a break though maybe. "I think so too." He admits, he won't deny it. "Maybe it would help, talking to someone."

Aaron nods, "Will you - I mean, I don't know if -" he fumbles on his words, wants to say, _Will you stand by me? Will you stick around?_

Robert seems to know exactly what he's thinking, "Yes." He says quickly. "Of course I will, I'm your _husband_." He leaves circles in Aaron's thighs and makes the younger man smile faintly before he raises an eyebrow.

"You don't hate me do you?" Aaron's chin wobbles as he speaks, it won't go away and he needs to ask.

Robert steadies himself and then tries to smile, "I love you, you idiot." He says before he feels his emotions get the better of him and he falls into Aaron, loosing his strength. "'I love you so fucking much Aaron." He says, thinks back to how Liv had asked him if he was leaving them and more emotion pours out.

Aaron has a hand shakily in Robert's hair and he kisses at his head, "And I love you. _God_ I do, I do." They don't say it enough, they really don't.

Robert pulls his head up and then goes into his pocket, pulls out Aaron's ring which was left on the kitchen table and then puts it on his husband's finger slowly. "For better or worse remember?" He says, through tears.

Aaron nods silently and then lets out a shaky breath, feeling complete as it rests on his finger again, "I'm serious Rob." He says out of the blue, "Tomorrow I'll try and book somewhere, some counselling or -"

Robert nods thankfully and presses a kiss to Aaron's head, "Let's just go to sleep now yeah?" He says, the day has been long and tiring and he just needs to feel Aaron against him and forget everything else.

Aaron nods his head and slowly climbs back under the covers, watching silently as Robert removes his trousers and shirt and shudders a little before sliding in next to his husband.

They face each other and their hands touch as Robert looks into Aaron's eyes.

"I am _sorry_ you know." Aaron can't help but say it again, "I need you to know that." He says.

Robert nods, "I do." He says before he kisses Aaron's head. As he pulls back he suddenly becomes started, Aaron looks so small, so lost and vulnerable and he can't imagine the same man beating someone up only a few hours ago.

Aaron tries to smile and then holds Robert's hand. "I'll get through it, with you by my side." He knows he will, he just needs Robert's support.

"I'm not going anywhere, you can't scare me away Aaron." Robert whispers and then tightens his grip on Aaron's hand before shutting his eyes, "I'm here, always." He mumbles.

It's the last thing Aaron hears before he shuts his eyes, ' _you don't deserve him, you're so lucky_ ' is the last thing he thinks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... Calum stays and now has hold over Robert doesn't he? I'd love to read your thoughts on this chapter guys, hope you're still liking it despite Creepy Cal! Xx


	14. Louise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what I'd call a brighter chapter. I hope you enjoy it <3

Aaron's playing with his hands, Robert's said it's his thing apparently, when he's nervous or unsure of what to say.

The idea fits now, when Aaron's sitting in a small room and can feel someone staring at him, almost waiting expectantly for something to come out of his mouth so she can nod her head and offer something else to say back.

"Aaron, these are your sessions, anything you want to discuss _will_ be kept between us."

Aaron raises his head and the woman - Louise - smiles at him, she doesn't look like a counsellor really, she's young and bright and he supposes she should have a few frown lines considering she carries the weight of people's problems on her shoulders every day.

Her hair is blonde, practically _yellow_ and she has these piercing eyes and Aaron can't tell exactly what colour they are. Green, he first thinks. Then blue, maybe blue. Louise tilts her head and she smiles again, even more warmly than before.

"Aaron?" She asks again and this time Aaron blows out a shaky breath.

Aaron swallows then and thinks of Robert. It was him who got him the session so quickly, it was only yesterday they were fighting, screaming at each other and then this morning Robert was passing Aaron sheets of paper and telling his husband that everything's sorted.

"I don't know what to say," Aaron finally lets put. He had just about managed to shake her hand and introduce himself without tripping over his words.

Suddenly it all feels like a mistake. A big one. He's back to being that angsty teenager with the issues and the self hatred and he doesn't know how to escape it.

"Okay," Louise says delicately. "Let's start with, why you've chosen to have these sessions."

Aaron tries to relax as he hears her speak, he grips onto the use of the word _chosen_ and feels safe, he wasn't forced into this. He wanted to get better.

"'Cause I can't go on the way I am." Aaron pushes out, looking towards his wedding ring.

Louise raises an eyebrow, "Congratulations." She says, eyeing the silver band. Aaron is surprised that he doesn't pull his hand closer towards him and shields it from her, he would have done so in the past, because it was all about _privacy_ or whatever. Now though, he can openly accept her congratulations as nothing but congratulations.

"Thanks," Aaron mumbles under his breath before meeting her eye and offering a smile.

"How long have you been married for?"

"Two months." Aaron says and it doesn't feel like it gives his relationship enough credit. "Well we've -" he pauses for a second. "It feels like I've loved him all my life." He adds, then blushes hard because it just slipped out and he doesn't know what to say. Robert makes him like this now, his love for Robert makes him this open and he can't help it.

Aaron looks up and sees Louise's face, she's smiling and she looks almost touched by Aaron's words. For a second he wonders if she views him differently now she knows he's gay, but her eyes hardly even flicker and it settles him. It doesn't matter.

"Is that the reason why you've come here? You want your marriage to work and it won't when -"

"I've got anger issues." Aaron says effortlessly, he looks down at his knuckles and Louise notices too. For a second he wonders if she thinks he's abusive towards Robert and his heart sinks. "I don't hit him, I _couldn't_." He adds but notices that her face hasn't changed in the slightest, she isn't judging him.

"It's anyone else though, I can't control it." Aaron shakes his leg and looks up again. "That's why I need your help." He admits, chewing at his lip.

Louise nods her head, "Well that's why I'm here, to help. To make sure that you can find more healthier approaches to dealing with your anger."

Aaron looks towards his feet, "I just - I need to sort out my problems and then we can _finally_ just move past this."

When he looks up again Louise is frowning and he doesn't know what to say.

"Your problems?" Louise repeats and then shakes her head. "You're married Aaron, surely your problems are -"

" _His problems,_ yeah." Aaron's eyes roll and then he chews his lip again. "You sound _just_ like 'im." He is a little amused and then his smile fades as he clears his throat. "That's the issue though, I'm sick of my problems always being his." Aaron thinks back to Ryan, to all the trouble that had nearly caused Robert, it was _all_ for him.

Louise arches an eyebrow, "I think that's how marriage works to be fair," she smiles, "You know, sharing problems, dealing with things together."

Aaron looks at her hands, she's not married and for a second he's angry at her for saying something like that but then it subsides because - she's dealt with so many cases hasn't she? Still though, he wishes it was that simple and finds himself cowering a little as he speaks, "Not about this." It drips out and he can't turn back on his words because Louise is already moving forward and frowning.

"What? Your anger issues?" Louise tries, using her soft and gentle voice that makes Aaron come out of his shell a little, just enough to shake his head. It's not his anger issues that they can't sort out together, it's not that, it's -

"It's about who I hit, attacked. Rob's little assistant. Calum." The effort to speak his name makes Aaron feel sick, he is fighting with every fibre which tells him that he should picture Calum in the office, close to Robert like nothing has happened, like all the horrible words he sprouted were just meaningless.

Louise looks interested but Aaron knows she won't push him and he's grateful, he takes his time and then clears his throat. "I didn't like him as soon as I met him but that's not what really started it off." Aaron sighs like he's bracing himself for a long story, "It all really started with an americano."

 

-

 

Robert's eyes flicker as he walks into the pub, he's already decided that he'll work through lunch and then until five. Calum's there, turned up bright and early with bruises on his face that he didn't seem to even mind being on display.

  
( _("Oi what 'appened to your face mate?" Adam had asked, his eyes wide as Calum approached the scrapyard._

 _Robert had tensed and his jaw protruded as he heard Calum sprout a lie and then look his way, his eyes were practically glistening and Robert could tell he was enjoying it.)_ )

Vic's behind the bar and serves him a pint whilst squinting, he knows he has to tell Chas at some point but he doesn't know what exactly to say. Maybe he could practice on Victoria he thinks as she seemingly waits for some sort of answer from him.

She'd text him last night and he'd seen it through a sleepy haze, Aaron's arm stretched out on top of his chest. He'd meant to tell her things were alright but he hadn't.

"So, I take it you caught up with Aaron, stopped him rearranging that Calum's face then?" Victoria leans forward as she speaks and Robert is grateful.

"Well no," Robert whispers back to her, "I mean - I was a little bit late." He explains, eyes tightening as he remembers and then feels sick. "It got ugly Vic." He doesn't want to have the conversation here, in the pub, but he sees the way Vic looks at him and then the way she tuts.

"How bad?" Vic questions and then her eyes darken. "Is Calum _alright_?"

Robert nods fiercely, "Trust me, he's more than alright." He thinks about it, Calum was acting like the cat that got the flipping cream. "It's Aaron." He says, forces out.

"What about him?" Victoria says, "I take it you had a row then." She adds softly, like she's treading on egg shells.

"Well you know us, shouting and screaming, hitting below the belt." Robert blows out a shallow breath. "But it wasn't all bad, he's - Aaron's seeing someone about it all." He is so proud of his husband that it almost bursts out of him.

Victoria raises an eyebrow, "Wow. I mean, that's good then." She smiles, tries to and then she frowns. "I just don't get why he went off like that, I mean Calum seems decent enough, he was in here before giving Jimmy some chocolates for Nicola and wishing her better soon, why is it that Calum gets him _so_ wound up he needs to see a -"

Robert knows that it's because Calum is Calum and Aaron can't handle that. He knows that Aaron thinks Calum isn't just dangerous and creepy but also out to get them, _him_. "He just uh - he thinks he's coming between us, that the whole hotel booking and him loosing his ring, it's _all_ down to Calum."

Victoria's eyes flicker and then she squints, "Well, maybe seeing someone will help with it. Make him see things differently." She says, treading carefully before extending her hand and placing it on Robert's. "I just want to see you happy," she says and then tuts. " _Both_ of ya."

Robert nods, "So do I." He says and then hears footsteps approaching him. He turns, half expecting it to be Aaron considering he'd been gone all day but then he sees it's Liv.

"You alright?" He speaks with enthusiasm and it's a little too much but he can't help it, she'd been gone at the crack of dawn that morning and he's been worried about her ever since.

Liv looks a little taken aback, like she hadn't expected to run into Robert. "Yeah."

Robert frowns, looks at the time and then back at Liv. "Shouldn't you be at school?" He says and her cheeks grow redder.

Victoria leans forward, "Why don't you go through to the back? Chas us out shopping and well - Charity is AWOL as per so,"  
Robert stands and shakes his head at Liv, "Follow me," he says, the stern older brother voice comes into play and she looks at him sheepishly before following him. Robert turns to face her once they are in the back room. For a second he looks around the room and feels almost at home again, reminds him of all those months he lived there - cooped up like battery hens.

"Well care to explain yourself? I mean you were up and out so early and then you skive off school." Robert stresses his points with his hand and then titles his head at her.

Liv's chin wobbles and Robert's almost flawed.

"I left early 'cause I didn't want to have to see you packing your things and leaving." Liv says harshly. "That's why." She's obviously fighting back her emotions and Robert drops his hands and sighs.

"What makes you like I was leaving, I told ya last night that -"

"Yeah but - but I heard you come down really late last night, you were on your laptop, printing something off and I thought -"  
Robert frowns, thinks that Liv herself doesn't even know really what she thought and the walks closer towards her, bracing himself to tell her what he was doing.

"I was printing off something for Aaron." Robert sighs, "He has decided to see a counsellor."

Liv's eyes widen and then she bites her sleep, "Oh." She says and then she falls down onto the sofa. "That's good _right_?"

"Yeah," Robert says softly. "Yeah it's good."

Liv shakes her head, "He hit Calum didn't he?" She says darkly and Robert nods. "He must have deserved it."

Robert doesn't really know what to say but then he does, " _Liv_ , you thought he was alright a few days ago."

Liv nods dramatically, " _Yeah_ before he made my brother hit him."

Robert is tight lipped, "Aaron's got anger issues Liv. Cal didn't make him do anything."

Liv stands and suddenly she's anger again, "Oh it's _Cal_ now is it? You should be standing up for Aaron."

Robert has no problem speaking to Liv like she's an adult and he draws closer to her, "Where do you think I was last night eh? Begging Calum not to tell the police and -"

"Police?" Liv's eyes widen and she looks fearful until Robert shakes his head.

"Well no, no look - it's sorted now. He's still working there and - and Aaron's getting the help he needs."

Liv raises an eyebrow before turning to the door, "Maybe it's not Aaron who needs some help."

She shuts the door with force and Robert suspects she'll slope back home, possibly run into Aaron on the way there considering the session should be over by now. Maybe he can talk some sense into her.

Robert sighs as he thinks about what she said, maybe it _was_ Calum, he was happy to blackmail Robert practically.

 

-

 

He nearly falls asleep on the sofa, he had hardly slept the night before, but he's stopped as he hears Chas flying through the door.

"I've just seen my son, cuts on his knuckles like he's been in a boxing ring." Her voice is tight and shrill and Robert backs away from it. "He told me what happened." She says shakily, "Although I had to _drag_ it out of him."

Robert nods slowly, he doesn't know exactly _what_ she knows but it lessens the pressure on his shoulders. Aaron had been all soft and gentle this morning and agreed when Robert said he'd tell Chas when he saw her, he hadn't wanted to keep everything hidden.

"Yeah well," Robert leans forward. "It's sorted now, we made up, Calum's not going to the police and Aaron's been," Chas is still looking at him anxiously. "He's been to see someone, he's going to carry on seeing someone, a counsellor."

Chas sinks slowly down on one of the chairs near the table. "He's done all that before," she says nervously. "To deal with Jackson, self harming and - I didn't think he'd want to go through it all again."

Somehow it makes Robert smile, knowing that Aaron wants to make it better because he wants to make _them_ better is heartwarming and proves that Aaron's willing to go through all of those feelings for their relationship as well as for himself.

"It was all his idea, maybe - maybe this needed to happen." Robert points out and Chas just nods her head and tries to smile.

"Yeah, maybe." Chas says before standing. "You make sure he stays out of that Calum's way do you hear me?"

Robert swallows, "Heard." He says.

 

-

 

Aaron's standing in the garden, head towards the sky, when Robert gets home, it makes the older man feel nervous and he wonders how the session went. He's been so proud of Aaron and worries that it will all be for nothing as his husband chooses to run away from the problems.

Robert takes cautious, slow steps towards the garden door and then hears Liv's music from upstairs, it doesn't distract him like it would usually do.

It takes a few more steps until he is standing behind Aaron and daring to snake a hand across Aaron's waistline.

Aaron jumps a little at the surprise and Robert whispers an apology into his husband's neck before Aaron turns around and faces him. Robert checks, tries to see if his eyes are blotchy, if he's been crying.

Robert swallows, "How was it?" He whispers and Aaron looks towards the floor.

He talked about Calum, he talked about trust and anger and lots more but he doesn't want to speak about that now.

"You don't need to tell me, sorry." Robert says quickly, a hand on Aaron's shoulder.

"No it's just - I talked about a lot." Aaron says like it's still heavy on his mind. "I just - I don't really want to talk about it now." He adds.

Robert understands and then he frowns. "How comes you're out here?" He says, curious.

Aaron rolls his eyes and sighs, "Giving Liv some space." He pushes out, "You know she was back here when I walked in."

Robert looks sheepish. "Yeah I know, I caught her in the pub."

"What was she doing there?"

"God knows." Robert sighs, "Probably wanting to stay out of the way." Aaron frowns. "She thought I was leaving, she thought that -"

Aaron chews on his lip, "Explains her having a massive go at me then, telling me I nearly spoilt everything."

Robert sighs hard, that's now what Aaron needs to hear.

"She's just upset." Robert says, looking up at her bedroom window.

Aaron kicks the grass, "Yeah well, she has the right to be. I mean what sort of fifteen year old has to check her brother for new scars?"

Robert hugs him, they haven't hugged like this yet and Aaron melts into the older man. "She's lucky to have ya, don't think any differently." Robert whispers before kissing Aaron's cheek lovingly. "How about I order us a takeaway? These past few days have been _shit_ haven't they?" Let me put it right."

Aaron frowns but has a loving hand on Robert's arm. "No let _me_." He points out. "I have the making up to do."

Robert goes to speak but Aaron doesn't let him, "Go check on Liv and I'll order us summat." Aaron says and Robert slowly walks back into their home.

Aaron smiles down at his phone and then hears something, like a twig being snapped in half by a large foot. He instantly looks up and catches his breath, he is sure that he heard it but then the wind picks up and it all just disappears. Aaron frowns and then heard Liv call out to him as he backs away, back inside.

"I'm sorry for what I said." Liv says, Robert's hands on her shoulders. Aaron just nods and hugs her, pretending to smile, pretending that he hadn't heard something, _felt_ a cold shiver race through his body just a minute ago.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you like this chapter, the addition of the character Louise and her role will be a firm fixture throughout this whole fic. Now ... guys ... strap in for another round of angst for the next chapter's arrival because two people are in grave danger !!! Xx


	15. The Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EPIC CHUNKY CHAPTER AHEAD. STRAP IN !!!

Chas is in their kitchen, swinging about on one of the chairs and has her head in a magazine, a pen chewing in her mouth.

Robert's already asked her two times why she's there but hasn't got any real reply yet. He knows though, she wants to check on her son and he's surprised Paddy isn't behind her.

Aaron comes down the stairs and lifts an eyebrow at his mum, it's half seven in the morning and her presence confuses him as he rubs a towel over his wet hair and walks towards Robert.

"Alright?" Aaron asks cautiously and then swallows, remembers that Robert has filled her in on what he neglected to tell her yesterday.

Chas lifts her head and nods, "Yes love, you?"

Robert looks at her and shakes his head, he'd hope she'd be a little more subtle about it but apparently not.

Aaron shakes his head too, turning and putting a slice of toast in the toaster and hiding behind Robert a little. Robert shifts his body, allowing Aaron to find comfort away from Chas' upcoming twenty questions.

"It's alright, Robert told me. I think it's great that you're seeing someone again." Chas looks down at the magazine again and then clears her throat.

Aaron ducks his head and then looks up at his mum, "Yeah well so do I. I'm not running from my problems anymore."

"Speaking of which, Calum. How are you working with him being there?" Chas queries and Aaron's face falls, then looks up at Robert like he has all the answers.

Robert goes to speak but then the toast pops up and manages to break the tension in the room. He passes it over to Aaron who begins to butter as he thinks in his head.

"Aaron's working outside, Calum's inside. Calum's lunch is set now, twelve 'till one and during that time Aaron can work on whatever needs doing inside the office. Then when he's back, me and Aaron go on lunch."

It all seems logical, set out perfectly and Aaron settles just a little.

"Hm well, let's just hope Nicola gets better soon eh. I saw Jimmy this morning and he said she's still as sick as a dog." Chas chats away as Robert rubs a hand over Aaron's back, it's a way of running the plan by him and Aaron's little nod is his acceptance.

Liv barges down the stairs a few minutes later and Aaron's eyes widen, "Liv you're gonna be late for school." He says, forcing her to pass him her bag so he can grab her books and shove them in.

Liv's movements don't speed up even slightly, "Alright settle down." She snipes before pouring herself some juice and looking up at Chas. "Any reason you're here?"

Robert shakes his head, " _Liv_ manners!" Aaron holds back a snigger and fights the feeling inside because when Robert's all bossy he can't help but feel turned out, it's not the time to drag him back up the stairs though.

Chas has her eyes glued to the magazine in front of her and doesn't look up as she speaks, "Just coming to see my charming family."

Aaron's flapping about like a mad men and Robert smiles at him, "Books, books, science book and - Liv where's your -"

"Oh last one, seven words - a person who carries out unwanted or obsessive -" Chas' words are forgotten about almost instantly as Aaron eyes Robert and his husband sighs, walking over to Liv and plaiting her hair. He's used to doing it in a rush and he works quickly as Chas squints down at the crossword nobody cares about.

The clock chimes and Robert plaits to the end of Liv's hair with speed before Aaron chucks her coat and she catches it.

Aaron's hair is just about dry and the curls make Robert smile for a second before Liv is putting her shoes on and he's getting his briefcase, watching his husband eat the remainder of the toast on the side and look sheepishly at Robert as he does so.

"Let's go, go go." Robert ushers them out of the house and Chas looks up as he hears the door slam shut.

"Oh nice, I'll see myself out then." Chas mutters to herself before her eyes glisten and she completes the crossword with ease, filling in the last word with the thick black ink of her pen.

  
** S **

**  
T **

**  
A **

**  
L **

**  
K **

**  
E **

**  
R **

 

-

 

They take Aaron's car and drop her off just in time before they head to the scrapyard. Aaron has a tightness in his stomach and he feels sick as they approach, he hasn't spoke to Adam about it and wonders if he secretly knows already.

Aaron's leg is shaking against the seat and Robert places a hand on his husband's thigh to try and settle him.

"It'll be fine." Robert says softly before pausing. "Or maybe - if you want you could work at home, just until Nicola's -"

Aaron looks up, he talked about Calum with Louise, he explained it all and she listened, even offered some advice.

[ _"When you hit him, he wanted you to didn't he? He wants your anger to drive a wedge between you and Robert, to deflect away from his own actions. Don't rise to the challenge Aaron, control your emotions around him."_ ]

The piece of advice sticks in his mind as he shakes his head, "This is my business." Aaron pushes out, "I'm not letting him drive me out of it." He says, squeezes Robert's hand and then sees Adam out of the window.

"Ya know I've seen the state of Calum's face and - now I've seen your knuckles." Adam drops it in conversation after Aaron explains that he wasn't in yesterday for a good reason.

Aaron looks awkward and bites his lip, "You weren't there, so don't judge." He says quickly and then Adam frowns at him, Aaron knows his best mate wouldn't do that.

"Look I - I'm sorry alright. Yesterday I was with a counsellor." He adds and it catches Adam's attention. He looks proud.

"Mate that's - that's great." Adam says, slapping a hand on Aaron's back. "Mate,"

Aaron blushes hard and looks towards the engine in front of him, "I just want to sort out my anger issues, work past them once and for all."

Adam nods fiercely and then his eyes darken. "You wouldn't do that to 'em unless ya needed to."

Aaron pauses, hates how well Adam knows him and then hitches a breath, "Yeah well, I'd rather just forget it." He looks towards the ground. "Rob was really upset about it." He adds, just to make the conversation reach an end.

 It does, Adam says that he's glad Aaron's moving past it and then leaves him to the engine.

 

-

 

A few hours roll by and Aaron wonders if Calum is even in work but to be fair he hasn't been looking, he's gaze hasn't wandered over to the portacabin once and he feels calm, surprisingly.

Adam's on a call out and Aaron presses deeper into the engine, ripping out parts fiercely until he hears the sound of feet approach him. He knows instantly who it is and he keeps his head down because - ' _it's not his husband._

Aaron tenses and the steps draw closer, they're crushing on the gravel and then -

"So you've showed your face then Rocky?" It's Calum, of course it's Calum and Aaron hates him, he really fucking hates him.

Aaron twists his body further away from Calum's view but it doesn't stop the younger man coming closer.

"I suppose I should be grateful, you ignoring me rather than _beating_ me up." Calum's voice is near and Aaron dares himself to look up, to face the prick.

He sees Calum's face, the bruising and the cuts and he feels remorseful for a few seconds until Calum smirks.

"I thought you'd be at home, crying about it." Calum laughs and Aaron looks towards the portacabin door, he wants Robert to charge out and stop this.

Calum almost knows what Aaron's trying to say and he shrugs, "Important client, he's been on it for ages now, hardly giving me any attention."

Aaron feels anger race through him and he wants to punch something but he resists. Calum notices though, "Settle down there Aaron. I wouldn't want you getting all hysterical for no reason."

Aaron blows out a shallow breath and drops his manner onto the engine before looking back at Calum. "You know I'm sorry about what I did, that's just who I am, I _feel_ guilt about when I do something like that -"

"So you should." Calum says, the flicker in his eyes telling Aaron that he'd not expected this.

It's Aaron turns to smirk now and he does so widely, "But I know your game now." He steps closer to Calum. "It's easy I get it, wind up the husband with the anger issues, make 'im the monster and then go for Robert, be a shoulder to cry on until he falls for ya." Calum swallows hard. "But the thing is, you have _no idea_ how much we love each other do ya? How much we've actually been through -"

"I know more than you think." Calum snaps, cutting and cold and it makes Aaron have to look away for a second because, ' _what did he know then?_

Aaron pulls a face, fights against his worry, "Yeah well obviously not enough eh, to think you can come between me and him. That a few punches could make him desert me." Aaron's confidence as he speaks, he actually believes it and it's exhilarating.

Calum practically shakes into himself and suddenly he's backing away, shaking his head. "Fine," he says towards the ground before looking up. "Fine." He says again, leaving Aaron still confused by what he actually means as he turns and leaves the scrapyard.

 

-

 

Robert gets off the phone, eventually and Aaron pulls him into this crushing hug as soon as he can. Adam's still gone and Calum's stalked off and he just wants to hold his husband and tell him that he did well dealing with the creep. He does, he tells him and Robert smiles and thinks of the counselling and how well it must be going for him.

"Let's go out for lunch somewhere eh?" Robert says softly, a hand on Aaron's shoulder.

Aaron pulls a face, "But I thought we had to wait until Calum came back and then we -"

It's Robert's turn to pull a face, "Nah. Listen we'll close up. He'll have to wait for Adam to come back won't he?" It's not mean but it makes Aaron smile maliciously at the thought of Calum being locked out, kept on the outside where he belongs.

Aaron nods, "Yeah come on then." He says before taking Robert's hand and leading them outside. They stop at Aaron's car and then he pauses. "Let's walk somewhere." He says, there isn't a cloud in the sky and despite it being slightly chilly he wants to walk somewhere with his husband, stumble across a little pub somewhere and spend the day away from it all.

Robert sees the appeal and agrees after getting his coat and watching Aaron pull off his luminous hi-vis jacket.

Robert finds a hand locked into Aaron's and for a few seconds he stares down at them and then thinks back to the way things were a few days ago.

"Come on then," Robert whispers, smiling as Aaron smiles back and they disappear out of the scrapyard together, looking way too in love with each other and in turn missing the sight of Calum crouching nearby and approaching Aaron's car with a smile on his face.

 

-

 

Adam has these big headphones on and he looks like an idiot, Aaron always tells him that but his mate says he doesn't care. Adam's focusing on the engine in front of him when he hears voices, all high pitched.

It's Liv and Gabby and he wants to hide.

"Uh school burnt down or something?" Adam pulls off his headphones and Liv just stares at him blankly.

She had her school uniform on and so does Gabby. "Where's Aaron?" She looks around cautiously and then turns her attention back to Adam.

Adam shrugs dramatically, "Beats me, him and Rob have _both_ disappeared." He looks towards Aaron's car, "They can't have gone far without this though eh." He turns back to his engine and then Gabby pulls at Liv's arm.

"Come on then, this is our chance. He isn't here and his car _is_." Gabby says, whispering a little. Liv looks towards the floor and feels a twinge of uncertainty. "I need to see Liv, it's for my dad." Gabby adds before slowly walking towards the car and smiling as it opens, unlocked then.

Liv looks back at Adam who's now bought out some electrical saw thing which she knows will keep him occupied until they drive off and he notices the car and them _gone_. Liv looks towards Gabby who has a pleading look on her face, she'll get caught, she knows she'll be grounded but - Gabby needs her help.

"Fine," Liv hisses before opening the door and sitting in the drivers seat.

"Uh shouldn't I -"

"No this is my brother's car, I get to drive." Liv smirks before she turns the keys inside and the engine rumbles.

Adam has his headphones back on and his shoulders are moving to the beat of the music as Liv backs out of the scrapyard and nearly crashes into a metal bin. It's what grabs his attention and his eyes flicker up as he sees them drive off.

" _Liv_ , Liv what are you doing! Liv get back here -" Adam screams, his hands shaking as he tries to find his phone, find his keys, find anything that will stop them from getting seriously hurt.

Adam's still fumbling around once Robert and Aaron arrive back, they look so relaxed and Adam already hates himself.

"Aaron - Liv's just -" Adam pushes out, panic on his face.

Robert frowns at the empty space where Aaron's car was a few minutes ago, "Where's the -"

Aaron has this look on his face and it's like he already knows. "She's taken my _car_? Is she _insane_." He spits, his heart racing.

Robert gulps hard and resists his worry as he tries to settle Aaron, "It's fine, we'll find her." He says soothingly.

"And Gabby - Gabby was with her." Adam exclaims, shaking his head.

Aaron pushes his head in his hands, "Why does she do this to me?" He says, barely aloud as he pants hard and feels himself becoming lightheaded.

Robert swallows and brings out his phone, "I'm calling the police." He says, "They can start searching too yeah?" He adds.

Aaron doesn't even nod, he just imagines his little sister off joy riding somewhere and then crashing and -

"She's just a kid, she's a _kid_." Aaron says shakily before he looks up and sees Calum standing there, he has a frown on his face and he looks confused, genuinely surprised to see the car gone.

"Where's your -" Calum begins but Adam fills him in quickly. Calum's eyes widen, " _What_? Liv, Liv's driving the car?" He adds and it doesn't help the worry Aaron feels, he wants to hit him again and then he hates himself because he's supposed to be making progress with all of that.

Robert walks up to the entrance of the scrapyard, talks to the police and then sees Calum approaching him as he hangs up.

"We need to find her." Calum says adamantly.

Robert frowns and looks back at how heartbroken Aaron is, he's sitting on the steps of the portacabin and it seems like not even Adam is enough to make him stop panicking.

"Yeah I know that." He hisses at Calum. "I don't know where to start." His voice betrays him as it breaks and Calum places a hand on his arm.

Robert doesn't flinch because he wants support too, he'd be heartbroken if anything happened to Liv _too_. Aaron raises his head as Calum lets go and he feels sick, hates all this waiting around and charges towards them.

"Let's start looking then." Aaron says, his eyes reddening and the colour drained from his face. "I need to find her." He adds before looking at Robert, "We need to find her." He corrects himself and then feels Robert press a kiss to his head protectively. Calum practically seethes.

 

-

 

They split up. Aaron's on his own and he wants to be, he needs to cry and panic without Robert continuously trying to tell him there's nothing to worry about. He hates how easily Robert can comfort him and he doesn't even care that Calum's probably enjoying all of this, getting to spend time with Robert. It all seems petty now.

Robert heads out onto the main road and his face falls as he sees cars zoom by, they're going so fast and he's desperate to spot Aaron's but he can't.

"She has to be somewhere along here, it's not been that long." Calum tries before looking down at Robert's phone. "Have you rang Adam, maybe they're back at Laurel's."

Robert shakes his head, "What if they're not? That woman's has enough stress in her life, I'm not doing that until we -"

"What? Find the car crashed?" Calum says, there isn't bite in his voice but it makes Robert turn away from him.

"Go away Cal." Robert shouts, "You're not helping, you're just making it worse." He adds and Calum looks hurt.

"I'm sorry," Calum says, "I want to find her, we need to before -" he looks like he's about to admit to something and then Robert's attention is elsewhere.

He sees the car, sees Liv driving as cautiously as possible and he feels something settle inside of him. "The car, she's there," he points to the other side of the road, there's a long strip until it cuts off and there's a path leading into the woods.

Calum blows out a sigh and then uses Robert's phone to call Aaron. "We've found the car, Liv's driving like an old woman." He laughs and for the first time Aaron is actually soothed by Calum's words. He stops and collects himself, turning around and heading to where they are before he ends the call and dries his eyes.

 

-

 

Robert follows the road around with Calum and sees them better, Gabby is in the passengers seat and she looks fine too. Robert tries to keep calm as he gets their attention, thankfully they're no cars behind and so he steps out onto the road, hoping no cars suddenly come out of nowhere and run him over.

Calum suddenly grips his arm hard, "Be careful Robert." He warns, seriousness in his voice.

Robert nods slowly and turns back, his focus on Liv as she looks at him.

"Shit Robert's there." Liv says, she's panicking only slightly and Gabby tries to settle her.

"Look he won't be mad." Gabby says calmly, turning to Liv. "We can always just take the bus -"

Liv shudders, her hands circling the wheel as she says Robert with his hands in the air.

"Just stop the car," Gabby leans back in the chair and Liv sighs before attempting to press down on the breaks, she knows how to do that, but -

Liv's face pales instantly and her hands begin to shake, "Gabs it won't stop." She says as they draw closer to Robert.

"What?" Gabby frowns but then she's gasping as Liv keeps pressing down harder and harder on the graphs and nothing happens. Nothing.

"I can't stop, I can't stop." Liv says, tears in her eyes as she keeps trying.

Gabby pants shakily, "You're breaking it!" She screams.

"I can't - it won't stop _moving_ , shit, I'm going to hit Rob." Liv had tears down her face and Robert swallows hard, perplexed by why she isn't stopping.

"Why - she needs to stop the car, what's she playing at?" Robert screams and Calum looks, for the first time, like he's going to be sick.

"I - I don't know but you need to move Robert." Calum attempts to pull at Robert's arm but the older man shoves him off, waving out his arms to the car instead and shouting. "Liv stop the car!"

Aaron races towards them and feels like he has to catch his breath, Liv's driving straight towards Robert and he won't _move_.

"Robert _move_ ya idiot." Aaron calls out before his feet race towards his husband and he pushes him out of the way and then he's turning and seeing the car break through the barrier and plough straight into the woodland, still going.

" _Liv_ ," Aaron screams, shaking and then looking back at Robert, he's pushed him hard and now he is wincing in pain, a cut near his eye.

Calum looks down at them and then suddenly races after the car.

"Liv, Liv just -" Gabby screams. "Help, someone help."

"Help, _help_ please." Liv yells, feeling them both crash into trees as she continuous to try and stop the car moving.

They're travelling downhill and suddenly Liv feels someone racing towards them, trying to reach them. It's Calum and she just about hears him.

"Reach out, give me your hand." Calum says and Liv extends her hand obediently, sniffling and then feeling Calum hold on, pressing his body against the body of the car and trying to turn the engine off.

Gabby's too hysterical to help but Liv presses down onto the wheel and suddenly feels the car slowing down, she looks towards Calum but he suddenly falls back and as she screams out for him she finds herself crashing into a tree and finally stopping.

 

-

 

Aaron's running, Robert's behind him and they're both calling out until they see Calum on the floor.

"Fuck, is he -" Aaron whispers as Robert kneels and then Calum's stirring awake.

"Get - Liv," Calum moans and Aaron looks ahead, sees the wreckage of his car and the smoke filling the air.

"Robert get Gabby," Aaron almost demands as he approaches the car and sees the girls inside. Robert's there immediately and his heart breaks as he sees Liv crying to herself in the car, there's flashbacks going through his mind against his will and he _prays_ that she isn't stuck.

Aaron's crying, can't handle it and looks away as Liv cries. He can't be strong and Robert has to be.

"Liv, Liv look at me," Robert says carefully, leaning in close to the car, "Are you hurt?" He says, wishes that she isn't.

Liv shakes her head and the gasps, "My leg hurts though." She had tears in her eyes that fall quickly and Robert just wants to hug her.

"Okay okay okay, what about Gabby?" He can't see her and as he watches Liv turn towards her he waits in anticipation.

"Gabs wake up, 'Gabby." Liv tugs at her friend until Gabby's eyes are open again. She has a cut on her head and keeps saying she feels sick but it's a relief.

Aaron hears Robert's voice break and realises that he has to be strong, he has to help.

"Liv, I need ya to try and get out for me." Aaron pushes out and extends his hand, "Take my hand, take it come on." He pleads and suddenly he pulls at her, trying desperately to get his sister free as she moans and cries out in pain.

"My leg," Liv shouts as Aaron pulls her out and lifts her until she is sitting nearby Calum.

Robert tries to open the car door and glass shatters a little as Gabby clambers out and crushes herself against him as she cries. Robert doesn't know how to comfort any one other than Aaron and Liv and Vic but he manages to now, he whispers softly into her ear and she cries and he tries to stop himself from becoming emotional too. He never thought he'd be like this with Gabby, the girl that's not good enough for all the attention Liv gives her (all the love)

Calum's up now and suddenly there's a sound of sirens on the road. "I rang them." He says and Aaron nods towards him gratefully as he cradles Liv.

"I'm sorry Aaron," Liv whispers shakily, holding him closely and crying into his shoulder.

Aaron blows out a shallow breath and looks down at her leg, she's bleeding and he's praying that it isn't broken.

The paramedic approaches them and kneels, "Should we have a look at you then yeah?" She's soft with Liv and Aaron won't leave her side as he sees Robert with Gabby, he's great with her and Aaron loves him so much it hurts.

"I think we should do this at the hospital. That leg needs an X Ray." Liv looks fearful as she hears it and Aaron squeezes her hand, trying to reassure her as they bring a stretcher over and lift her towards it.

Robert wanders over and looks serious. "Tell me she's alright?" He says, looking at Liv who's being taken inside the ambulance with Gabby.

Aaron nods, "I think so." He bites down on his lip and then looks towards his phone. "God I should tell Laurel, Bernice too."

Robert shakes his head, "They'll meet us there." He says before feeling Aaron almost collapse into his chest.

"Come on, let's go." Robert says after a few seconds, Aaron's hugging him so closely and he can't let go until Aaron lifts himself up.

The police arrive as Robert and Aaron climb into the ambulance and Robert hates how he'll have to talk to them but suddenly Calum's there again.

"You go, I'll explain." Calum says to Robert before the doors shut and they drive off leaving him standing there.

"Don't suppose you could shed any light on what's happened then sir?" The officer says whilst his colleague approaches what's left of the car.

"The girl, she must have broken the brakes, pressed down too hard. I mean she's only _fifteen_." Calum stresses and then smiles as the officer looks at him, clearly alarmed.

"Between you and me, I'm worried about her safety." Calum adds and suddenly he's being sat down and taken even more seriously than before as he speaks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN !!! I am so interested to read what you guys think about this chapter! I'm assuming that everyone hates Calum but he did help save Liv and Gabby in the end? Does he have limits? And now Robert and Aaron will find themselves faced with another threat to their little family because of Calum. I'll be uploading probably Saturday so look out for the aftermath of all this drama!!


	16. My family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys can you believe I've managed to write another fairly long chapter! I was planning on uploading on Saturday but I had time today and thought that maybe it will help with everyone's worries about tonight's episode in a weird way like let's all worry about Liv in this pretend fic and not think about Robert's breakdown tonight. Hope you like this surprise update <3

 

Liv's leg isn't broken but Robert thinks her heart might be. She looks absolutely distraught and shaken and it makes him want to hold her as she lays there.

Aaron's standing beside him, they're both staring into the hospital room where she's laying and he has tears in his eyes as he watches her.

Robert looks over and sees Aaron digging his nails into his hand, he instinctively pushes Aaron's hands away. "Don't, _don't_ do that." He says and Aaron falls against him, says sorry and means it.

"I was so scared," Aaron whispers softly. "We nearly lost her." He admits to Robert.

"I know," Robert swallows and doesn't know what else to say until he hears the sound of heels and knows it's Bernice.

"Concussion." Bernice snaps. "My daughter has concussion." She adds, staring at them both.

"Yeah well our Liv's got a fractured leg so no one came out good." Robert says intensely and Aaron's heart flutters, _our Liv_. He's a proper Dingle and he doesn't even know it.

Bernice's eyes flicker as she sees the cut on Robert's face. "How did that happen?"

Robert swallows, "I was trying to stop the car, Aaron pushed me just in time." He sighs and then smiles when Aaron touches his arm affectionately.

"Gabby's going to be alright though right?" Aaron asks softly and Bernice softens herself.

"Yes, she should be."

"Wheres Laurel?" Robert asks as they all go and sit down still near Liv's room.

"She's stayed with Arthur, no point both of us being emotional wrecks." Bernice pats at her eyes and tries to stop herself from crying. "What silly girls." She tuts to her herself and Robert and Aaron stay silent, agree.

 

-

 

 

Liv's awake, groggy but awake as Aaron and Robert enter the room slowly.

"You alright trouble?" Robert tries to be as light hearted as possible and Liv smiles at him.

Aaron isn't smiling though, he looks so scared still, so hurt and serious.

Liv looks towards him and gulps, "I'm sorry Aaron, I'm sorry." She knows that it's killing Aaron and she hates it.

Aaron stands close but doesn't hold her hand the way Robert does like its the most natural thing in the world.

"Why did you do it Liv?" Aaron frowns and his voice is small. " _Why_?"

Liv's chin wobbles, "Laurel told Gabby about Ashely going into a care home, she told her where it was and she wanted to go and see it. Laurel was busy and - I came looking for you but you -"

Aaron shakes his head, "Why couldn't ya just wait until school finished? I would have taken you then Liv, ya know I would have."

Liv lets a tear fall and she wipes it away quickly, "I was just trying to help Gabby -"

"What by stealing my car and giving her concussion?" Aaron snaps and then instantly regrets his words.

" _Aaron_ ," Robert hisses as he looks down at Liv and squeezes her hand.

"Concussion?" Liv whispers. "Is she - is she alirght?" She looks up at Robert and she's never looked so innocent in his eyes, it's easy to forget that she's only a kid sometimes.

Robert nods and then Aaron sits on the bed, has a hand through her hair, "Yeah she'll be fine." He whispers, "I'm sorry for shouting at ya." He adds before looking up at Robert. "We were so worried about ya, we _love_ ya so much Liv."

Robert squeezes her hand again and Liv hates how she cries, how she leans forward and suddenly pulls Aaron into a hug and then drags Robert towards her too. It lasts for a few seconds and they're all crying a little but it doesn't matter.

Liv's _safe_ , that's _all_ that matters.

 

-

 

 

Aaron sits with her as she sleeps, Gabby's saying it's all her own fault and Bernice looks embarrassed and a little sad as she shares the news with Aaron and Robert and confirm that Liv isn't the trouble maker everyone think that she is.

  
They aren't angry, just thankful.

  
Aaron looks across at his husband, "You need to get that checked out." He says, for the third time as he points to the nasty cut on Robert's head.

  
Robert nods slowly, "I will." He says before looking at Liv again, "I just want to know for certain that she's alright." He adds.

Aaron's heart races suddenly, wonders if Robert was like this when he was hurt last year. He hadn't wanted to leave Aaron's bedside either.

Robert looks at Aaron, catches him off guard and frowns. "What?" He asks, curious about the expression.

Aaron shakes his head slowly, tears swimming in his eyes. "You really love us don't ya? _Both_ of us." He looks back at Liv and then Robert.

It's obvious, it feels like it always has been but they don't express how much they love each other anywhere near enough. Aaron knows though, he knows that Robert stood in front of a car today that was speeding towards him because he was trying to save Liv, the girl he loved. A member of his family.

"Yeah," Robert says, cheeks getting redder. "You have no idea," he adds.

Aaron smiles, "Yeah well, ditto." He says, rubbing at Liv's arm.

The door opens and a nurse walks in with a woman behind her.

"Aaron Dingle?" The woman says, her voice filling the room.

Aaron looks up, "Sugden." He says, it's an automatic response because yeah they say they it's double barrelled but the paper work hadn't come through yet and Robert keeps saying its a sign.

"I'm Alice Fowler." Alice steps forward and goes to shake Aaron's hand, he shakes back cautiously. "From Social Services." Aaron's hand freezes and he pulls away quickly.

"What do you want?" Aaron says slowly before he looks across the room and sees Robert's face, he looks almost just as anxious.

"Considering why Olivia is here, I've been called. It's a mandatory process." Alice says.

"Liv. It's Liv." Aaron forces out.

"May I have a word with you, outside." Alice's eyes look towards Robert and he drops his head.

Aaron frowns. "Yeah but he's coming too." He says as he stands, "He's my husband, he's got every right to -"

"Fine." Alice smiles, it's a trying one and Aaron doesn't believe it as he follows her, Robert grazing their hands as they go.

 

-

 

 

"How's Liv doing? In general?" Alice asks, a table between them as they sit in a private room in the hospital.

Aaron hates the question, it's ridiculous. As if any guardian or parent would admit to things being awful.

"Fine, she's a normal teenage girl. Yeah she gets into trouble but -" Aaron's struggling and Robert pipes up.

"What girl doesn't at her age?" He says and Alice nods.

"What happened today is very serious Aaron." Alice stresses. "Things may have ended very _differently_ if you were not made aware in time."

Aaron nods his head and wants to cry again. Robert hates it.

"Can't you _see_ how awful he feels?" Robert says, anger rising through him. "He's so guilty, he _hates_ himself for what's happened today." He adds, he's fiercely protective and only Aaron's hand on his thigh manages to settle him a little.

Alice sighs, "I _can_ see that sir but -"

"Robert." Robert interjects coldly.

" _Robert_. But I'm here to provide support and care if you happen to be struggling." Alice says softly and then she pauses like she's bracing herself. "I am aware of the ... circumstances revolving around why Liv has ended up in your care, her father being -"

Aaron looks up quickly, "And what? That makes me unfit to look after her?" He snaps because _how dare she try to twist it all?_

"Aaron's the _best_ brother in the -" Robert tries, reaching over and looking at Alice.

"I'm not denying any of this." Alice says. "You just have to _realise_ that I am only doing what I feel is best for _Liv_."

Robert sighs and settles back into his seat. Bites back the way he wants to say 'staying with us is best for Liv'

"Look, I have a number here for Liv's mum. How often is she in contact with her daughter?"

Robert looks towards Aaron and then the floor.

"Liv rings her every Saturday." Aaron says. "Yeah _Liv_ rings _her_." He wants to point it out so that Sandra doesn't seem like the dutiful mother when she isn't.

"Right, and does she know about this?" Alice asks.

"Not yet." Robert says quickly. "We didn't want to worry her until we knew exactly what was happening."

Alice nods like she understands and Aaron wants her to.

"Look I know that this is your job, I _know_ that but honestly what happened today, it doesn't usually happen, of course it doesn't." Aaron stresses with his hand.

Alice nods as a nurse approaches them. "She's asking after you both." The nurse says and Robert smiles warmly.

"We'll be there as soon as we can." Robert says but Aaron holds his hand to stop him.

"Go and sit with her, I'll be there when this is done." Aaron says, smiles at how quickly Robert wants to be back with her.

Aaron watches him leave and then looks at Alice. "We love her. We'd do anything for her, honestly."

"Aaron you have to understand that I have to assess this as a serious situation and take into account your past and -"

_Your past. Your past. Your past._

"My past?" Aaron's shaky as he speaks. "What about it?"

Alice clears her throat, "Criminal records." Aaron places his head in his hands. "It's just procedure Aaron. That's all."

Aaron blows out a shallow breath. He's been in trouble for things, accused of worse. It's enough to make their little set up look far from cosy. He's married to the man he was accused of trying to kill after their affair was exposed by him. His mind is crammed with all the other incidents, his youth, his chavvy youth and all the petty run ins with the police.

"I'll be in touch." Alice says and then stands, Aaron doesn't want her to but he knows she will.

 

-

 

 

Aaron sees Robert with Liv through the window, they're squabbling about something and he smiles.

"I leave ya for two minutes." Aaron says, shaking his head and watching them both look up at him, smiling.

Robert looks at Aaron, tries to gauge a reaction and Aaron tries to be positive as he nods back slowly.

The door opens and Calum stands there, Adam beside him. Aaron's stomach doesn't tighten the way it should.

"Mate, I'm so sorry." Adam says cautiously. "Honestly I -" Aaron pulls him into a hug, he doesn't blame Adam. Not at all.

"I'm the sorry one, I shouldn't have done it." Liv admits, biting down on her lip harshly until Adam ruffles her hair. Liv looks over her and smiles at Calum. "Thank you." She says and Aaron feels weird. Calum saved his sister, Calum the creep was a _hero_.

"No problem." Calum says, shrugging and then looking towards the door. "How about I get you all a coffee?"

Robert nods, smiles and watches as Calum leaves. He looks over at Aaron and then something clicks into the younger man's mind. He walks towards the door, follows Calum until they are out at the vending machine.

"Look I uh - I suppose I -" Calum has his back to Aaron, as if he wants to make it harder for Aaron to actually thank him.  
He turns and Aaron swallows.

"You don't need to thank me." Calum says and Aaron tries not to think too deeply about what he means by that.

"I do." Aaron sighs hard. "You saved her."

Calum shrugs. "Anyone would have." He says and then pauses. "I've hardly made things easy for you. I suppose it was me saying, I want to call a truce."

Aaron frowns.

"It's ridiculous, us having to work in different places." Calum forces out. "I know we won't like each other very much, not ever. I know what you think I'm capable of as well but - "

"We'll just stay out of each other's way, be civil." Aaron butts in, wants nothing more than that. "I'm grateful, honest." He adds, looking back at the hospital room and realising all the fighting didn't matter when Liv was in danger.

"Like I said, you don't need to thank me." Calum says before turning back towards the vending machine and smirking after Aaron nods his head and backs towards the hospital room again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Calum's the hero who risked his life? Stay tuned for the next chapter where Aaron battles to reach a conclusion over who exactly Calum is! Hope you liked the family, quiet, sensitive feel to this chapter because that's what I was going for. <3


	17. Unbroken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys ;) if you haven't read my other little works I've been uploading and don't follow me on tumblr you must have thought that I'm not posting anymore after the episodes because I know some fic writers have decided to stop but ... I'm not one of them.  
> I won't dwell about my feelings in regards to what happened and what is canon now but I will say that I have worked really hard to deliver a happyish sort of chapter for you guys to read. It's long, quite chunky but I hope that you like it all. I don't know when I'll next be uploading considering I uploaded three times this week ?! but it won't be too long.

"Oh gosh Aaron, that sounds awful. She's okay though?" Louise sounds so sincere, so effected as Aaron tells her about Liv, about her coming home only the day before, about them fussing and her being grounded for _weeks_. 

Aaron swallows, "Yeah. She's fine, she _was_ shaken up though." Aaron bites his lip. "I didn't really sleep last night, I thought she might have trouble sleeping but she was fine."

Louise nods, "That's good." She looks relived, properly relieved and Aaron sighs before looking down at his hands, he'd dug down into them for a seconds in the hospital, before Robert batted his hands away like he was a naughty school child. He wants to tell Louise about it, he's shocked by how much he feels he wants to.

"I thought I was going to lose her, I just -" he looks at his hands and Louise nods slowly like she understands. "Robert stopped me, he stopped me quickly and I was grateful."

Louise nods her head again and then tilts it, "I can see you're still very effected by it, has it happened again -"

Aaron nods his head fiercely, "No. No it hasn't." He plays with his hands. "She's fine, I keep telling myself that. I mean she was saved..." It's half true, Calum didn't exactly stop the car but he had raced after it, he had risked himself for Liv and Gabby. "By Calum." Aaron finishes, looks up at Louise to see her reaction. It surprises her, makes her raise an eyebrow even and Aaron scoffs.

" _Yeah_ , yeah 'im of all people." Aaron plays with his wedding ring and then looks towards the floor. "He helped."

"Did you think he wouldn't?" Louise questions and Aaron doesn't know what to say. "I mean, it's a child in danger at the end of the day isn't it. Surely his feelings towards you wouldn't effect his reasoning."

It makes sense, it's exactly what had happened but still, it makes Aaron feel a little weird thinking about it. Louise can tell.

"Aaron?" Louise says gently, "Is something -"

"It's just weird." Aaron blurts out, "I mean - that means he's a good person and - I wouldn't describe him as that." Aaron looks straight at Louise, she knows everything about Calum. "I'd say he's _evil_ and manipulative."

Louise blinks quickly, "And now? Now what do you think about him?"

It's a question, it's a heavy one that hangs in the air because Aaron doesn't know how to answer it. Calum practically _admitted_ to messing up the hotel booking, he'd surely taken his wedding ring as well and, the more Aaron thought about it, the more he thought that Calum had somehow accessed Robert's wardrobe to get his array of ties. It sounded ludicrous, went against the idea that Vic had of the 'charming assistant', went against what Robert probably thought of his little P.A and Aaron knew it didn't match up with a selfless hero willing to hurt himself for someone else.

It didn't make sense, _Calum_ didn't make sense. He was an enigma.

"I -" he looks down and then up again. "I have no idea." He admits, almost defeated.

 

-

 

Robert's cuddled up close, he looks like a little boy with his hair like this, all pushed forward and freshly dry after his shower.  
Aaron kisses his husband's shoulder and sighs, he's been thinking about the session all day. He's been thinking about his opinion on Calum. He still doesn't have one.

On one hand, Aaron has a definitive one. He is a psycho. He is _sick_ and _evil_ and Aaron had piles of evidence stacked against him, he _knows_ he has. But how _could_ he be that evil if he was willing to risk himself for Liv.

Aaron shakes his head and realises that _one_ single act in no way is able to wipe away everything else that Calum has done.  
Civil. He said they'd be civil. He didn't really mean it he thinks.

Aaron sees Robert looking at him, he has lines of his forehead and Aaron feels bad for making him worry.

"You alright there?" Robert's voice is low, like he's trying to be careful with his words.

Aaron pulls himself away from his thoughts and kisses Robert's shoulder again, "Yeah, fine." He half lies and Robert can tell.

Robert gulps, swallows hard and then his eyes flicker. "How was your session?" He's asked already, over dinner once Liv had finished and then complained about her leg feeling like dead weight.

Aaron nods, "Fine," and then smiles before something flickers in his mind. "I'm just worried about tomorrow, or whenever they turn up." He's referring to the social worker visit, it's probably going to be that Alice again and he feels sick.

Robert cuddles around Aaron tighter, "It'll be fine." He says, remembers how worried Aaron looked when Alice had called and 'kindly' let them know she'd be dropping by soon. "She said that its just something they _have_ to do."

Aaron squirms and then settles as he feels Robert pull their feet together and rub gently. "It's just - ya know she mentioned my record, stuff about my _past_."

Robert nods, "It's only her job though babe," it slips out and he rolls his eyes and Aaron smirks. "Seriously she'll know that's all behind you know and move in to some poor kid who _actually_ needs her attention."

Aaron smiles, he wants to believe it, he really does. "Yeah, you're right." He whispers.

"Wow, I think a pig's just flown across the room." Robert whispers sarcastically before kissing Aaron and settling himself down again.

 

-

 

Aaron falls asleep almost within a few seconds and Robert wants to join him, he wants to fall asleep and not think about _everything_ that's happened over the last few days. He closes his eyes and he sees Liv in the car again, he opens them and then closes them again, this time Aaron's trapped - just like last time.

Robert's mouth feels dry and he sits up in bed slowly after managing to untangle himself from Aaron's tight grip.

Soon he's down the stairs, tiptoeing into the kitchen and then he's freezing as he sees that the window is open, wind rushing in. He feels exposed suddenly, standing there in only his boxers, naked torso shivering from the cold.

Robert feels panic raise through him as he remembers how he had shut it before heading up, he moves towards the kitchen and then catches his breath as he sees Liv standing there, well slouching really and she has her hands clasped tight against a cold glass of water.

"Liv?" Robert whispers, he's frowning and then Liv looks up and wipes fiercely at her eyes, _just_ like Aaron does.

Liv drops her head and then her hands grip tighter around the glass. "I just wanted a glass of water." She says rather calmly until her little sniffling tells Robert that she's been crying, that she's had a nightmare or something.

"Can't sleep either?" Robert says, settling down on the stool beside her. Liv shakes her head honestly and then loosens her grip, looking down at her leg.

"I keep thinking about what happened, being in the car." Liv's chin wobbles and Robert's heart breaks a little because he thought she was past it.

Robert decides to be honest, licks his lips a little before speaking. "Same here." He shakes a little and Liv looks surprised. "It wasn't long ago Aaron was trapped, me and him were in the water and I had to try to get him out. When I saw you and Gabby inside I - I _prayed_ you weren't trapped 'cause it reminded me of what happened before."

Liv has tears in her eyes that Robert knows she probably resents. "I didn't see the comparison," she says. "I'm sorry."

Robert frowns. "S'not your fault. I didn't say that to make you feel guilty or owt. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this, you're not the only one that - finds it hurt to just switch it all off."

Liv's shoulders relax and she nods. "Thanks." She whispers gratefully before she pauses. "I saw Gabby today." She says, "I apologised, so did she."

Robert smiles, "That's good." He says softly, a hand landing on Liv's and staying there.

Liv pulls a face, "I thought that it'd help with the - the not being able to sleep," she doesn't want to call them nightmares. She won't. "But it didn't. I'm still the one who - who pressed too hard on the flipping brakes, put us in danger in the first place." She has a hand on her head and she looks almost haunted by it all.

Robert stands up, hold her against him and then pulls away quickly as he looks towards the window. "It's flipping freezing in here Liv." He shudders as he closes them.

"Yeah well you shouldn't come down half naked then." Liv jokes before sighing and chewing her lip. "Does Aaron know that it reminded you of -"

Robert frowns and then shakes his head a little, a few things had been whispered about but not much. Robert didn't want to talk about it and Aaron was okay with that, maybe he recognised the similarities too and it was just too much for him.

"Nah." Robert hugs himself, feels almost exposed and diverts the conversation. "It'll get easier, you'll forget all the little details soon." He sounds hopeful and Liv has to smile.

It fades though as she thinks about the social worker, she'd be told about it, told not to panic but of course she was.

"If I get taken away then it's all my fault. Aaron would blame himself though, I know he would and so do you." Liv's all panicky and Robert has a hand on her shoulder within seconds.

"You think we'll let them just happen Liv?"

"What if you don't have a choice Rob?" Liv says, she looks like a little girl, all wide eyed and scared and it melts Robert yet makes him hard and strong at the same time.

"You're not going anywhere. I _promise_ you Liv." Aaron's voice is in his head as he speaks, he knows that Liv's scared but she won't want to trouble Aaron with her worries and add to his own so Robert will take it instead.

Liv nods slowly and Robert smiles.

"Right c'mon, off to bed." Robert says as she stands and walks towards the stairs, he follows behind, watches her lay down again and waits until she's off to sleep before he walks back to his room, settling down and hugging at Aaron's waist as his eyes droop and he isn't seeing anyone in any cars as he finally sleeps.

 

-

 

 

Robert likes Bob. He's better than Brenda, Robert's known him longer and seems genuinely concerned when he talks about Aaron or Liv.

"How's she doing?" Bob asks, smiling as he passes over Robert a coffee.

Robert swallows a little, remembers last night. He'd told Aaron a little about it early in the morning when he got up, said Liv was a little fragile and was finding it hard to move on. Aaron looked distraught but Robert knew that his husband had the right to know.

"She's still a little shaken up to be honest." Robert bites down on his lip and then sighs. "She'll get through it though, she's tough like her brother."

Bob has a warm smile, "Of course." He winks like he normally does and then he turns back towards the coffee machine.

The door opens and Calum walks in slowly, Robert smiles at him, 'the hero of the hour' is what he had been.

"Alright? I was just coming in now." Robert picks up the coffee and looks at Calum a little better, the bruises have faced from his face now.

Calum nods his head.

Robert chews his lip, "How about I get you a coffee too eh. I mean I - I never really did thank you properly for what you did for Liv."

Calum shrugs slowly. "Yeah well Aaron did and so did Liv so -"

Robert's heard about that, the thank you by Aaron. He'd been proud.

Robert looks down at his watch and sighs, tenses a little inside. "I'm not in work the whole day remember. We've got a social worker thing for Liv."

Calum raises an eyebrow, "I thought that stuff stops at the hospital," he frowns. "You're having _another_ meeting?"

Robert hates how bad it sounds and just looks towards the floor, "It's fine, just a follow up visit."

Robert hates how he tenses at his own words, he's a little scared and he knows he is because Aaron's past is going to be bought up but also, maybe he's own will be.

"Well good luck." Calum says, a hand on Robert's arm. Robert looks at the touch and smiles before watching Calum pull it away very slowly, not taking his eyes off the older man.

Robert swallows, sees something in Calum's eyes and then regrets the simple smile on his face.

"I'll see you at the yard." Robert says, slipping past Calum and heading towards the door.

 

-

 

The house smells like fresh coffee and there's a vase filled with flowers near the kitchen as Robert shuts the door and enters. He first sees his mother-in-law prancing about the place, spraying something and then fixing the cushions like a mad woman. She stops as she sees him and he raises an eyebrow, prompting her to at least try to explain herself.

"For the social." Chas mouths as Aaron comes down the stairs. He's got a nice shirt on, black jeans and Robert can tell he's trying not to look scared.

"Hey baby," Robert whispers as Aaron walks towards him, he's almost like a child seeking comfort and he doesn't even roll his eyes at the term of endearment used as he hugs around Robert's waist.

Robert's a little surprised, usually Aaron isn't affectionate in Chas' company so he knows instantly that he needs all the hugs he can get. The older man kisses Aaron's head and then feels him pull away.

"Where's Liv?" Robert asks and Aaron looks towards the stairs.

"She's doing some homework apparently. I think she's a little nervous too." Aaron admits before scratching at his eyebrow. "I just want this to be over with." He sighs hard, completely fed up it sounds.

Robert rubs Aaron's arm slowly, "I know, so do I. It will be though, after today." He desperately hopes he is right, the thought of more visits, them thinking she was at risk or something made him feel sick.

"With any luck." Robert hears the doubt in Aaron's voice but then is grateful when he manages to shake it off and look up at Robert. "If I - if you see me sort of, get angry or snappy just - take over and tell me to calm down please."

It's what Aaron's dreading, losing it completely and going _mad_ as they talk about the amount of arrests and times he's been in trouble before, how that makes him a bad guardian in the eyes of the law.

Robert swallows, it's his biggest fear too. "I promise I will." He smiles, softly.

Chas turns on the hoover suddenly and there's a noise that travels through the air that makes Aaron jump.

Robert shakes his head and tells Aaron he's going up to see Liv. He approaches her room, knocks and sees that she's actually talking to Gabby over the phone.

"Yeah - I'll call you back in a minute." Liv says as Robert looks at her, she chucks her phone on the bed and tries to smile.

"Aaron okay?" It's the thing she cares about most.

Robert nods, "Just nervous a little." He says before sitting on her bed, "I think you should stay up here." Liv's eyes widen. "Come down, say hello, answer some questions and then you can stay here whilst she speaks to us."

Liv nods slowly. "Why? You think Aaron will get upset?"

Robert licks his lips, she's not stupid. "Yeah maybe. I don't want you to see that, or hear anything bad against him either okay?"

Liv seems to understand and Robert pats her knee, squeezes it and then stands, walking towards the door.

"I'll come up when she's here yeah?" Robert says as he leaves.

 

-

 

 

Alice arrives twenty minutes later, Chas is gone and the place looks like it's not lived in which Aaron thinks is a good sign apparently.

"Tea? Coffee?" Aaron says nervously but Alice just shakes her head.

"I'll just have a glass of water please." Alice says, all polite as she wanders into the living room and Aaron gestures for her to sit whilst Robert brings her a glass.

Alice sits opposite them and Robert fights the urge to hold Aaron's hand as he sees how shaky they are.

"I'll go and get Liv." Robert stands quickly but Alice does too.

"Oh I don't mind going to her, we have to have a chat alone anyway." Alice's eyes fall onto the stairs and Robert has no choice but to let her go up, telling her the door to knock on.

She's up there for fifteen minutes and Robert and Aaron desperately try to listen in but it's basically pointless and Aaron grows even more anxious until Alice comes back down and has notes on the paper that was previously blank. She folds it over as she sits down on the sofa again.

"She's lovely." Alice says, almost like she's concluding her time with Liv. It makes Aaron's shoulders relax and Robert's smiling like a proud brother.

"Thanks," Aaron ducks his head.

Alice clears her throat and then looks like she has to speak carefully, "I've spoken to Sandra, about the situation."

Aaron's eyes flicker, he remembers telling her about the accident, she had been hysterical until Robert calmed her down and told her what happened properly without crying down the line like Aaron had done.

"Yeah we told her that night." Robert says quickly. "You can imagine how she felt but - but she was okay after a while."

Aaron thinks about it, yeah she was hysterical but she didn't _once_ say she was coming down to visit her, to check for herself that her own daughter was alright. He seethes a little as he thinks about it, thinks about Sandra having Liv back if this goes wrong.

"I'm glad to hear that, she was very calm about it over the phone, said that Liv was a trouble maker when she wanted to be." Alice smiles a little and then looks towards her bag, bringing out a folder.

"Yeah well that's true isn't it?" Robert looks at Aaron, he's carrying the conversation and Aaron looks too scared to speak so he just nods.

Alice looks at them both, "Now this is where it gets a little - I have to remind you that I'm here for _Liv,_ to make sure she's fine and to assess everything about her current situation."

Aaron seems to perk up, they're passed the small talk and now he has to defend his family.

Alice opens the file, "I've been in contact with Liv's school." Aaron holds his breath. "They've informed me of her absences, some authorised and others not. I need you to know that this is something I have to take in mind when assessing everything Aaron."

Aaron's frown burrows, "Yeah she's had days off, but if you check the dates you'll find that most of 'em are from last year, around the time when she first started and - things were still _difficult_." He speaks quickly and then lets out a shaky breath as he finishes.

Alice nods slowly, "I'm aware of that Aaron, it's one of the reasons why I'm here actually. To offer support."

"Liv's fine." Robert says. "She's dealt with all of that ... _difficulty_ very well actually."

Aaron nods his head in agreement and catches sight of Robert, he loves him, he loves this family that he knows Robert will always want to protect.

Alice sighs before bringing out another folder.

"I've got here some charges bought against you Aaron." Alice brings the file up to her face a little more. "You were involved in some illegal activity with a drug gang whilst you were younger, only a little older than Liv herself."

"Yeah," Aaron shakes his leg. "Yeah I wasn't in a good place, my dad just -"

Robert has a hand on Aaron's within seconds and Alice seems to be touched by it but doesn't let it show.

"Things changed when my mum came and got me," Aaron says. "I went back with her kicking and screaming but it worked, I was away from _him_ and everything else."

Alice sighs. "I'm not here to blame you for things you did when you were a child Aaron. That's not fair and it doesn't reflect who you are very well but - some things like -"

"Like killing my boyfriend?"

There's a knife that's just stabbed through any lightness left in the room.

Robert doesn't know where to look, he still has the hand on Aaron's though and won't move it.

Alice nods, eyes flickering. "That must have effected you greatly."

Aaron chews on his lip, yeah it destroyed him he thinks, it completely broke everything he thought he knew about loving someone.

"It did." Aaron pushes out. "But I got though it, in the end." He admits, his eyes flicker down to the hand Robert has on his his and he's never felt more grateful to see them there, together, joint, Robert's not leaving him like Jackson did. Not ever.

Alice bites her lip and then starts using her hands to talk, "I've also got some hospital records. I'm aware of the self harm and _again_ that isn't being used against you but you _did_ have a relapse two years ago. When you developed sepsis from your wounds."

Robert's reminded instantly, carrying Aaron to his car, crying the whole way there, he had never been so scared in his whole life.

"Yeah a relapse caused by his dad coming back into his life and having no one to talk to about it." Robert says, fiercely protective.

Alice blinks, "Tell me about your relationship? I mean - you were the one who took Aaron to the hospital I presume."

Robert's mouth goes dry. He doesn't know what to say. "Aaron and Liv are my family. I love them _both_ and they mean the world to me, I'm always going to be there for them. Simple as." It's short, to the point but he knows that she isn't looking for some heartfelt story of how much they love each other.

Aaron's grateful and squeezes Robert's hand.

"A lot has changed then, since your shooting." Alice looks down at Aaron's file again. For a second he forget he was charged with attempted murder.

"Which I didn't do." Aaron snaps a little. "Obviously."

Robert nods, "Yeah a lots changed since then, we both know what we want now and - we're _married_ so I reckon we're pretty stable."

Alice sighs. "Like I said, this is what's best for Liv -"

"We can tell you that. Staying here, with _us_. That's what best for her." Aaron points out a little loudly and Robert's in his ear telling him to calm down.

Aaron blows out a breath. "Yeah I know I'm messed up. I do. I know that - that I ruin things and - and I've done stuff I'm not proud of but, that girl up there, she's my _sister_ and she came back into my life, made me smile when all I wanted to do was _cry_. I probably need her more than she needs me but I don't care, because she's my family and - and she belongs _here_ with me and with Robert."

Alice stays silent and Aaron feels tears in his eyes as he mentions his husband.

"Robert loves her too, he'd do _anything_ for her. He - he's there for her and for me when I can't be, when I'm not strong enough and she knows that." Aaron wipes at his face. "I'm seeing a counsellor too you know."

She didn't, her eyes widen and she smiles.

"It's helping I swear. You can ask her yourself."

Alice stands suddenly and starts collecting her things. "I will, but I - I don't think I need to come back."

Robert stands and then Aaron does. "Really? You mean she can -"

"I'm not taking a teenager away from her brothers." Alice says and Robert feels his heart actually melt, _brother's_ \- plural, "As long as the truanting stops, something like the accident doesn't happen again and you keep going counselling then - then I see no reason against it." She smiles warmly.

Aaron's never looked so relieved, "Seriously? Thank you, thank you so much."

"There's kids out there who aren't loved by anyone, Liv's loved enough for my liking." Alice adds, walking towards the door. "Goodbye." She adds as Robert opens the door for her.

Robert turns and Aaron grabs at him, pulling him into a crushing hug and making Robert's heart flutter.

"She's staying, it's fine." Aaron whispers, like he's reminding himself and not telling Robert.

Liv appears at the stairs. "So - how many more visits then?"

Robert smiles, _grins_ and Aaron walks towards her. "None. You're staying with us trouble, until we decide to kick ya out when your eighteen."

Liv's eyes widen and then she hugs Aaron. "I promise to be good, I won't do anything bad again I swear."

Something about her words remind him of what he used to say to _him_ , he remembers the worry in his own voice as he apologised and promised to be a good boy. He doesn't want that for Liv, she can cause as much trouble as she likes as long as she knows that she doesn't have to _force_ herself to be good out of fear and then hate herself when she messes up.

Aaron pulls away to look at her, "You don't have to promise that Liv, I know you'll try, everyone makes mistakes." He says before looking back at Robert and winking. "Me and Rob did good eh?"

Liv smiles at Robert and Aaron's phone goes off, it's Chas and he tells her the news as he walks off.

"I told you it would be fine didn't I?" Robert teases and Liv falls into his side as he plays with her hair lovingly.

Aaron pokes his head around the door that he disappeared out of. "Pub to celebrate?" He says and Robert nods as Liv goes to get her phone and tell Gabby the good news.

 

-

 

 

Chas squeezes Liv tightly and Aaron's touched, he sees that she was scared too for the first time and he knows that she loves Liv.

"You're pleased then?" Aaron teases and Chas settles herself a little before tutting.

"'Course I'm pleased, they shouldn't have bothered coming 'round in the first place honestly." Chas smiles.

"Yeah well thanks for the flowers, real nice touch." Robert says and Chas rolls her eyes at him before letting out a smile and then looking towards the door.

"What can I get ya?" She says and Robert and Aaron turn to see it's Calum standing there.

"Just a half please," Calum says and then he looks at Robert, "Got a date." He adds sheepishly and Robert just raise an eyebrow, stunned for a few seconds before his brain kicks in.

"Eh that's - that's great news that." Robert pats Calum's back and then looks over his shoulder to see if Aaron's scowling, thinking that he's being overly friendly. He isn't though, he's talking to Adam instead.

"Didn't expect to see you in here, after the whole social worker visit." Calum says, almost smug.

Robert shakes his head, "It's exactly the reason why we're here actually, she's not coming back, Liv's staying with us."

Calum's face falls a little and then Chas passes him his pint before busying herself at the back.

"Even after looking at -"

Robert frowns. "She's not at risk, we love her and we're stable. Plenty of other kids need her help."

"Oi can I get everyone's attention," Adam's probably a little drunk and suddenly Victoria's emerging from the kitchen, eyes wide.

"We said after I've finished my shift." Victoria hisses but it's pointless because Adam's just playing with her hands and not listening.

"Shh babe, look - me and Victoria - well not me exactly but - we are -"

"We're having a baby, _finally_." Victoria lets out in a hurry, all pink and emotional as she speaks and Robert's heart flutters as he hears her.

Chas is back and she's clapping like mad and Diane's nearby with Doug and she's crying and Aaron's there laughing his head off and telling Adam he could finally put out right.

"Vic -" Robert's voice is shaky as she manages to get through all the hugs and sees him standing there. "Oh you're going to be _amazing_ ," he says before hugging him, he can't help but be a little gentler with her, he wraps his arms around her slowly and she cries a little into him.

"I just wish Andy could -" Vic says, her chin wobbles and Robert pets her hair.

"He'd be _so_ proud," Robert kisses her head and then feels Aaron approach them.

"Congratulations," Aaron whispers and she turns and hugs him. "I always knew you'd be a little mummy, even when you used to tell me you were _never_ having any kids."

Victoria laughs against him and then pulls away, smiling. "Yeah well I remember a little chavvy lad tell me he'd never get married so..."

Aaron remembers, chuckles and then looks at Robert, smiling shyly as he does so.

"Congrats on the news." Calum says from the bar, he's smiling a little but it seems forced from where Aaron's standing.

Victoria's still smiling, "Aw thanks," she pats her stomach. "Still a long way to go though, I don't want to jinx it or owt."

Aaron looks across at Robert and the older man suddenly comforts her again, "Don't be silly, everything will be fine." He says and Aaron can't help but melt at how soft his voice is around her.

Adam's still laughing, downing pints and talking about having to drink for two now and Aaron keeps calling him an idiot.

For the first time in ages Aaron doesn't see a thing wrong in his life, there's not even the little voice saying _you should know better than to think that,_ haunting him as he celebrates.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I left this on a really positive note and couldn't resist adding in a little Sugden/Barton baby into this. I hope you liked this and it wasn't too sad or heavy or anything like that, it wasn't my intention to add more misery to anyone so I hope this was a little light and nice for you all ;) if you did, leave a little comment to let me know what you liked about it. <33


	18. Breaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's a reason why I haven't uploaded this fic for a while (last week I think?) it's because I'm really apprehensive about uploading what's in store. Basically canon became negative, almost unbearable for some and then people decided to turn to fanfiction understandbly to find some happiness. But the thing is, from here on in this isn't going to be a fic which makes you smile and be happy (go to my fluffy stuff) because unfortunately I'm not going to change the ideas for this fic, it's going to get DARK and that's that. This talks about self harming and Aaron's abuse in some detail. I really hope you stick with this though and choose to keep reading - this chapters sad and dark and depressing but ... enjoy ??

Robert has his hands in too many pies. Or so Aaron keeps saying. The haulage business is doing well and now he's giving Pete some tips for the taxi firm, helping him market it better. Ross is hardly there so Aaron didn't mind at first, but now Robert's running himself practically into the ground as he manages all of that and still tries to help out with the scrapyard too.

Robert can't help but feel a little grateful as Nicola rings him.

"Wow, you're alive then?" Robert says sarcastically as he sits alone in the office. Adam's was banging about outside by himself until Aaron dragged him off somewhere and Calum's gone to get lunch.

"Yes Robert, very much alive." Nicola tuts before coughing a little down the line. "I had food poisoning what did you expect?"

Robert frowns, "Not my fault you ate something dodgy." He teases, leaning against the chair.

Nicola scoffs, "Don't act like you're not _ecstatic_ that I'm back. Aaron's told me how busy you've been."

Robert shakes his head, of course Aaron has because Aaron worries for the both of them so much that he just can't help himself sometimes.

"Yeah well you could say that. I've been pretty busy but Calum's still about, helping." Robert's grateful, despite the blackmail, despite the fact that he would have gone to the police about what Aaron did to him, he's still grateful.

"Well he can leave can't he 'cause I'm coming back." Nicola _does_ sound better, determined just like last time and Robert can't help but smile. Having someone like her back will do wonders because he can't keep handling everything all at once.

"When?" Robert asks.

"Tomorrow," Nicola says, "I'd come in now but the kids are here and I can't leave them."

"Where's Jimmy? The whole reason why he isn't here is 'cause he's looking after ya." Robert frowns harshly and there's silence for a little while.

"He uh - he went to get something for his back, he hurt it last night when we -"

Robert shuts his eyes and shivers, "Don't carry on that sentence." He orders before sighing. "Well at least I know for definite that you're feeling better."

Nicola laughs and then pauses. "Can you send me the stuff for the Harolden order, I want to be up to date by tomorrow."

Robert frowns again, "I - Calum's dealt with that," he looks over at Calum's (Jimmy's) desk and sighs, "Hold on let me find it."

Everything's neat and tidy and in order. There's stacks of papers and files but Robert can't find it anywhere. He pushes at the drawers and rummages inside for the work Calum's done on the order but it's not there. Robert keeps looking though and then suddenly he sees a black leather notebook, it probably has all the orders inside he thinks.

Robert pushes his phone up to his ear and then balances it with his head titled as he opens the book.

The first few pages have numbers, contacts, emails for clients and Robert skims through until he sees the name.

"Delivery is four o'clock tomorrow apparently, three units." Robert says before he aimlessly flicks through the pages.

"Ah okay - Elliot put that down or - Robert I'm gonna have to - see ya tomorrow -"

The line goes dead and Robert keeps flickering through the page, it makes him smile to see so many contacts that they've managed to secure.

Robert turns the next page and his heart _flips_.

He sees his name. Robert Jacob Sugden, in big bold letters. He sees it again, this time in italics, across the whole page.

_'Robert Jacob Sugden.'_

Robert can't think, he can't do anything other than stare down at the page and then dare himself to keep going.

There's hearts. There's his initials and then there's -

There's C.R next to them.

Calum Radels.

Robert feels sick, _everything_ surfaces and makes _sense_ and he can't speak, he can't think of anything other than what's always been there, what he's always known deep down.

Calum was _always_ interested wasn't he?

Robert turns the page, his eyes falling on something even more disturbing.

_'Calum Sugden, Calum and Robert Sugden.'_

That's when he drops the book, it falls on the desk and he loosens the grip his tie has in him. His eyes are wide and he doesn't know what to do.

Aaron was always right wasn't he, he was _always_ right and Robert didn't want to believe it.

He _still_ doesn't but he can't ignore what's _staring him in the face,_ he _can't_.

The door opens and someone's whistling, it's Calum and Robert's heart jumps. He doesn't know how to handle this.

"You alright?" Calum asks, he's still eating a sandwich as he shuts the portacabin door behind him. Robert stays silent, he doesn't know what to say. "Rob, you're scaring me what's wrong?"

Calum comes closer and Robert sees the look in his eyes, it's the _same_ one, nothing's changed but Robert sees it differently now. He sees the _deep_ concern, the worry on Calum's face, it's _so_ clear now, so evident.

Calum looks at Robert and then he sees the book, it's still on the desk, it's open on the page and for the first time Robert sees Calum looking almost flawed.

"Calum, you - are you in love with me?" Robert drops the question into the air, it just sits there and there's _nothing_ else that can be said.

Calum stays silent, as if he's debating what to say and then he shakes his head. "No. No look - I _had_ a little crush on ya, when I first started but - look I wrote that ages ago. It's no big deal."

Robert's eyes flicker, "'No big deal? Cal the things you've written in here - you'd expect a teenage girl to write not -" he doesn't want to get angry, he wants to be as calm as possible because he doesn't know how Calum will react if he starts shouting.

Calum looks calm though, he looks _so_ calm and not like his crush has just discovered a secret diary of his.

"I thought you said you were on a date a few days ago?" Robert blinks hard.

"I was. Me and - and - uh - Emily are dating." Calum says quickly.

"Emily?" Robert blurts out. "You're -"

"I'm straight, it was a silly crush so just get over yourself Robert." Calum's a little loud now and Robert doesn't know what exactly to say.

"I don't know what to say." Robert admits. "Aaron was right all along, about you wanting me all for yourself."

"Just - just calm down Robert, Aaron blew it all out of proportion and you _know_ it." Calum says, he looks a little desperate now. "Please -" he reaches out but Robert backs away.

"I thought we were mates." Robert admits, "You _know_ I'm married, _happily_ married."

"Well that's debatable." Calum mutters under his breath and Robert hears, his eyes harden and he looks towards the door.

"You need to leave, _now_." Robert says, means it.

Calum stays put. "This is my job."

"Not anymore." Robert shakes his head hard. "Nicola's back tomorrow so you were out of a job anyway."

Calum looks towards the floor. "You don't have to -"

"I should have listened to Aaron." Robert sighs. "I should have listened to my _husband_ from the beginning." He walks towards the door and opens it, the cold air hitting them both and making Robert shudder.

"Thanks for all your help but - but I need ya to go now." Robert says and Calum walks towards the door.

"I'll be back for my things," Calum says and then sighs. "Robert I don't want you to hate me, I couldn't bare that."

Robert sees the look in his eyes and turns away.

"Bye Calum." Robert stays strong and then closes the door as Calum edges outside.

 

-

 

  
There's a bang and a crash and Adam's laughing his head off about the look on Aaron's face when he sees the state of his car. Aaron's thankful that he's mate is making light of this, going to see the remains of his car after the accident. Aaron's pleasantly surprised at its state, yeah the whole of the front has been taken off and the interior needs fixing but it's not completely written off like he'd thought.

Adam pats his back hard, "Eh look at it." He says, shuddering a little because it's cold all of a sudden, "Not that bad." He adds and Aaron frowns before nodding.

"I don't know what to do with it." Aaron admits as he stares at the damaged car. His second car ruined in under a year.

"Why do ya mean?" Adam asks, titling his head a little.

Aaron shrugs hard, "I mean should I keep it or -" he bites his lip, thinks of Liv and what Robert told him the other night, she isn't coping as well as he thought, she still blames herself. "Liv, she might freak if she sees it."

Adam stays silent, understands and then perks up. "You know Liv right, she likes taking control, feeling like she's not weak doesn't she?"

Aaron nods his head slowly, "Yeah," he says.

"Well I don't know about you but I think she'd love to work on this, maybe even with Gabby, it might help her see it differently, that it's not that scary." Adam says, smiling a little and Aaron shoves him.

"When did you get so -" Aaron doesn't know what to say, he's just grateful.

" _Wise_?" Adam says smugly. "Maybe after I finally learnt how to put a baby in my wife." He laughs, a proper Adam laugh and Aaron joins in until an officer approaches him.

"Glad to have your car back then?" The officer is friendly as he speaks and Aaron smiles at him. "It's mainly the outside that needs working on." He adds.

"Yeah and the brakes need replacing," Aaron kicks the tyre and then Adam's phone goes off forcing him to turn away as the officer looks at him more seriously.

"About that," the officer draws closer to Aaron. "If you'd like us to investigate then we could, we might not get the answers you'd like but it's possible for us to narrow -"

Aaron's frowning, he's beyond confused. "Hang on, what are ya talking about?" He says quickly.

The officer sighs, "The brakes." He says simply.

"Yeah my sister pushed too hard on 'em, she broke them we _know_ that already." Aaron explains but then the officer shakes his head.

"They - appeared to be _cut_ , the damage we identified had nothing to do with the pressure applied to them by your little sister."

Aaron's face falls, he feels sick. He feels like he's going to pass out and his face pales as he stands there. That means that - that someone _cut_ the brakes, someone wanted Aaron to drive off and - someone wanted him _dead_.

 The officer clears his throat. "I see that this is a shock -"

"Someone tried to _kill_ me, someone wanted me dead." Aaron panic, swallows hard.

"That's the worst case scenario, we can look into anyone who may have been in contact with your car before the -"

"I drove it to work that morning, it was _fine_. Someone must have -"

Aaron holds his breath, someone must have entered the scrapyard and done it. Someone who had access - someone like -

"It was Calum." Aaron says without thinking about any other possibility.

The officer looks a little taken aback. "Are you sure you don't want to discuss it with -"

"Calum Radels. That's who you want to ask, he's out to get me - he's - he's _dangerous_ and prepared to have me killed. It was him." Aaron says adamantly and the officer takes down his details, tells Aaron he'll have a word and then leaves Aaron alone, a shaky mess as he clings to the broken car.

 

-

 

Aaron doesn't know how he does it but he manages to get to Robert, he manages to run through the portacabin door and fall into Robert's arms and shake all over with fear.

Robert's eyes are wide, his voice breaking as he tries to find out what's happened, why his husband is falling apart in his arms.

"Aaron, Aaron what's -"

Aaron trembles against Robert, he can't speak yet, he just wants to be held by his husband so he buries his head even further into Robert's chest.

" _Aaron_ ," Robert tries again and this time Aaron has to look up.

Louise's voice is on repeat, she's telling him to calm down, to be rational, to _communicate_ _his_ _fear_.

Robert's heart is _racing_ , beating out of his chest and he's scared that he'll keel over if Aaron doesn't start speaking. He leans forward because Aaron's almost kneeling on the floor in front of him, he cups Aaron's face and pulls their foreheads together as both their breathing feels the room with a desperate noise.

"Baby what's wrong?" Robert whispers, "Please -"

Aaron swallows, tears fall almost instantly. "Liv didn't break 'em, she didn't press down too hard, she -"

Robert frowns, soft hands on Aaron's face trying to comfort him. "But she said -"

Aaron gulps, shakes his head and his body almost crumbles. "The brakes were _cut_ before she even got into the car. It was Calum."

Robert's face falls, he doesn't know what to actually say, his mouth is dry.

"He wants me _dead_ , he'd be prepared to have me die so he can have ya all to himself." Aaron has shaky hands on Robert's thighs, he's crying _hard_ and feels sick again because the truth, the cold hard truth is enough to make him want to fall apart.

A week ago Robert would have thought Aaron was mad, he would have been scared about the state of his mind and feel sick with worry. But now. Now things are completely different, now he _knows_ the depths of Calum's...attraction and everything's _different_.

Calum Sugden.

 _Calum_ _and_ _Robert_ _Sugden._

Robert's eyes are wide, his breathing is shaky and he doesn't move until Aaron tugs at him like a little child.

" _Robert_ , say something." Aaron's face is damp, his feet are aching from the position he's in, knelt out in front of his husband.

Robert jolts himself and swallows hard, "Did the police tell ya?" He whispers, eyes on Aaron's as he speaks, he wants to look away because Aaron's crying but he somehow _can't_ because Aaron needs him too much.

Aaron nods slowly, "I told them who to talk to," he shudders. "Robert he - he wants to, to -"

It's instinct really, Robert's arms just find there way around Aaron's body and won't let go as Aaron sobs against him.

"You think I'd let that happen?" Robert says, his voice is filled with strength but he's still in shock as he forces it all out. "No ones hurting you, I'm going to keep you safe, I'm going to keep you _safe_ Aaron, like always." He presses a kiss to Aaron's head and he can't say anything else as they rock back and forth.

 

-

 

Aaron's just dried his eyes, they're red raw and he shudders as he tries to gather himself.

Robert's still silent, he's contemplating showing Aaron the book, telling him what happened before he came in. He doesn't know if it will help, if it will only make things ten times worse for his husband.

But then the door opens and Aaron almost cowers in fear.

Robert lifts his head up and Calum stands there.

"You need to leave." Robert pushes out, hard eyes falling on Calum's.

"I'm getting my things," Calum says, steps further into the room and Aaron makes a little sound that makes Robert walk in front, shield his husband.

Calum clicks his tongue as he sees Aaron hiding, "Well done by the way." Calum spits at Aaron. "You've made yourself look like a _mad_ _man_ once again."

Aaron's heart races and he shuts his eyes as he grips at Robert's waist, finding support there.

Robert shakes his head, anger seeps through him. "Get the fuck out of here and don't talk to him like that _ever_ again."

Aaron can't help but breathe out a sigh of relief as he hears the fire in Robert's voice.

Calum's eyes flicker, like it hurt or something. "He called the police on me Rob." He says, walking towards Robert slowly and forcing Robert - and Aaron - to move back a few steps.

Robert frowns and he looks distraught, "You cut the brakes on his car, you're sick."

Calum bites his lip, "You actually believe him?"

Aaron blows out a shallow breath and builds up the courage to stand next to Robert instead of behind him.

"It's the truth, you were tryna kill me weren't ya?" Aaron shudders, hot tears in his eyes.

Calum rolls his head and laughs, it cuts through the room and Aaron twitches.

"Funny that 'cause it's not what the police think." Calum says smugly. "I was at the café, you've blamed things on me in the past *and are we forgetting who helped Liv stop the car and _not_ kill herself and her mate?"

Aaron's flawed, Calum has it all figured out doesn't he? Everything he's done, _everything_ has some meaning to it.

"You only helped her 'cause you felt guilty, 'cause it was meant to be _me_ in that car and not two innocent girls." Aaron's fear is replaced with anger, anger that makes him lunge forward and Robert has to hold him back.

"Are you hearing this?" Calum looks at Robert before eying the state of Aaron. "He's _deranged_. Robert you know me - "

Robert thinks of the laughter, the stories they've shared and the fact that how he thought of them as _mates_.

"I thought I did, I thought you were a mate."

"I am." Calum moves forward and Aaron looks away. "You think I'd _ever_ hurt someone you care about?"

Robert stays silent, he thinks and doesn't know what to say.

"I could have gone to the police about what he did to me," Calum stresses, addressing Aaron like he's not standing next to Robert. "I still could if I wanted to, I took pictures of the state I was in." Robert's eyes widen. "But I wouldn't do that to ya, 'cause we're -"

"Because you're fucking obsessed with him and you're a psycho." Aaron says and it hits Calum, it seems to hit him hard in the gut because he falters for a second and his charm disappears. He looks up at Robert as if he expects him to tell Aaron to stop, as if Robert would take his side.

It takes a few seconds before Calum seems to compose himself, his smile is back again as he looks up at Aaron.

"Really?" Calum's suddenly calm again and Robert feels this need to hold his breath.

"I'm the _psycho_  am I?" He practically spits.

Aaron's eyes flicker and it takes everything in him not to break. "Yeah you are." His voice is strong, like steel, iron, Calum's not breaking him.

Robert senses something and he looks towards the door. "Calum, I _mean_ it you need -"

"At least I don't _cut_ myself to shreds like some hormonal teenage girl eh, like some _sick_ and twisted freak who actually _enjoys_ pain."

It's like it all comes back, it's like it's all in his mind, all the memories, over and over again and he can't do anything about it.

Suddenly Robert's shoving Calum against the wall, he feels betrayed as he remembers saying something - he remembers telling Calum that night, the one he can hardly remember - it crashes back to him.

"It makes sense though eh - poor little Aaron being daddy's _favourite_ in the worst way poss -"

It's instant, Robert's not a fighter but he knees Calum and relishes in the sound the younger man makes as he nearly keels over, the pain shooting through him as he pants hard.

How does he know? How does he know about that? Aaron hates him, hates him, hates him so much he wants him dead.

Aaron's world spins and he wants to run away, he wants to _run_ but he can't leave Robert. He's never seen Robert punch someone, he's seen him shove Adam at his wedding, he's heard of the Christmas Eve punch up between Andy and him which took place all those years ago but - but Robert doesn't fight with fits, prefers verbal violence.

His husband is hovering over Calum, might kick him or something and Aaron tentatively approaches him.

"He's not worth the bruising." Aaron whispers to Robert, grazing their hands together and Robert looks at him, his eyes are wide and he looks like he's still in this wild frenzy of trying to protect Aaron, ' _protect_ , _protect_ , _protect_.

Calum scuffles about on the floor and then stands, doubled over still but he looks at Robert, desperately looks at him.

"Robert -"

Robert shakes all over, he feels sick and then he turns to look to the floor. "Get. Out." He pants hard and Calum does, he hurries off without even looking at Aaron. The man who he's hurt more than anyone else.

 

-

 

Aaron sobs again before pushing the widow open and gasping for air. It's dark now, the moon's out and it makes Aaron focus his attention elsewhere for a few seconds before he feels Robert's hand on his shoulder.

"Aaron, it's alright now." Robert's touch usually melts Aaron but instead it makes his blood run cold because his mind suddenly starts to make sense of everything.

What that man did to him, that isn't something Brenda would gossip about. Yeah an affair, _their_ affair was village gossip, fine, but not _that_ and - and not his self harm. Did she even know about that?

Calum must have heard it from someone, he wouldn't have just _known_ , just _guessed_. Someone told him. Someone must have said something, divulged into his past and -

"No it's not." Aaron says coldly, eyes still focused on the window, away from Robert.

Robert holds his breath and bites down hard on his lip to try and not panic.

"How did he know all that?" Aaron asks slowly. "It's hardly casual village gossip is it. The amount of time I was forced to have _sex_ with my dad, the amount times I was fucking abused as -"

Robert's eyes shut and he feels like crying, "Aaron don't -" he shudders. He feels sick again.

Aaron hates the tears that fall from his eyes, he wants to blink them away _fast_ but more come.

"How did he know I cut myself, cut myself so _deep_ sometimes and -" he turns quickly, catches Robert off guard. " _How_ Robert?"

Robert knows, he knows that if he tells the truth his whole world will shatter around him but - he can't lie to Aaron, he can't make his husband go mad and try to find out who told the creep, it would be torture for him.

Robert goes to speak but then he shuts his mouth, his head is being ducked towards the ground and -

Aaron's heart crumbles, it leaps out of him and falls to the ground, lifeless.

The silence says it all.

"You told him. _You_ told _him_. How could you do that?" Aaron can't believe it. He doesn't want to believe it, not for a single second but Robert's not saying anything. Robert's almost given up.

Robert hears the hurt in Aaron's voice, it stabs at his heart over and over again and he wants to cry as he looks up.

"Aaron I never meant -" it's all he manages, it's all that comes out before Aaron's shaking his head and gasping for air.

" _No_ , no not - no you wouldn't - you know more than anyone how _private_ that is -"

Robert reaches out, just for a second but Aaron looks away in disgust. "Don't touch me." He adds, shaking.

Robert's heart aches, "I was _drunk_ \- the night of the dinner with your mum and Paddy, fuck I just - I was scared about you being on your own so I - I wanted to leave but Calum wanted to know why and - and I told him what you do when you get upset, why I can't leave ya."

Aaron feels like a charity case, it sounds like that.

"Couldn't leave poor little Aaron eh." Aaron blurts out. "I didn't _touch_ myself that night, I didn't even *think about doing it."

Robert nods fiercely, "I didn't know that then, I was just -"

"You knew back then, you knew how I felt about him, how much I didn't like him and yet ya told him about my self harming?" Aaron's voice breaks on the last three words and so does Robert's heart.

"I wasn't thinking." Robert struggles to admit. "Please Aaron -" he knows, knows that they might not solve this, might not fix this and he hates himself.

"What about my - what about _him_? When did that just spill out when you weren't thinking?" Aaron can't even look at Robert, so many tears are falling now and he wants to hide away.

Robert gulps hard, suddenly serious as he walks towards Aaron. "Never. I swear on my life I didn't say anything, not _anything_ about that at all. I don't know _how_ he knows about it, I swear."

Aaron's silent for what feels like minutes and then he stares up at Robert, hard. "I never thought you'd tell him about my self harm, now, now I don't believe a _word_ ya say." He says and it makes Robert fall back in dismay, he has to grip the desk to keep him from crashing to the floor.

" _No_ , no Aaron please - you have to believe me I -"

"I have to believe ya, funny where've I 'eard that before eh. Oh yeah, I've said it to ya over and fuckin' over again about that _creep_ but ya never listened." Aaron's in a rage he's pointing towards his chest and then at Robert.

Robert's blinking frantically, he can't speak to Aaron when he's like this. He can't get through the red mist.

"I _do_ believe ya, I do Aaron please. I just - I didn't mean to tell him, I thought he might have known after he fucking walked in on us that -" Robert stops himself, decides that he needs to get a bigger shovel for that grave he's digging for himself.

Aaron's mind travels back and his insides churn. That was private, that was all about them and Calum had ruined it, tarnished a memory of them making love in the scrapyard like desperate teens, "You said he was a delivery guy. You _lied_."

Robert has tears in his eyes, he can't deny the fact that he did. "Yeah I did but it was only to stop you worrying, to -"

"Let me guess, _protect_ _me_? You're a joke." Aaron hisses and then he's walking towards the door.

Robert's eyes widen and he jumps ahead, blocks Aaron's escape.

"Aaron I _love_ you." Robert says desperately. "I'm sorry I told 'im but I _never_ thought he'd say something like that. I thought it would make him understand you a bit more."

Aaron presses a hand on his head, "To have him pity me more like." He says and then he tries to move again but Robert stops him. "Get out of my way."

Robert blinks through tears, "We can't leave it like this." He says frantically. "Please don't go -"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to cut myself something silly. I know that's all you're worried about." Aaron snaps, angry and loud.

"No, no Aaron I need to know we're okay, please tell me we're okay." Robert feels everything slip away as Aaron looks at him.

"Don't you see?" Aaron sees how blind Robert is to it all. "There's no trust, you've broken it."

"Don't say that, _please_ don't say that to me." Robert's shaky as he breathes out and can't help but put a hand on Aaron's chest. Aaron doesn't even have the energy to push it away, like he can't be bothered, like it doesn't matter anymore.

"It's true," Aaron's chin wobbles. "We're broken Rob, we're - "

" _No_. No you don't mean that. After everything we've been though together hm? We can't be -" Robert grips hold of Aaron and tries to pull him closer.

"You betrayed us, what I thought I could only share with you, you told _him_." Aaron whispers as he tries to pull away from Robert. "You told him and you broke us Robert - I can't do this."

Robert raises his head, "We need each other." He thinks back to the man who ran in and hugged him tight, his _husband_ who needed to be held because that's what they did, they relied on each other for everything and anything.

Aaron shakes his head. "I don't need someone like you. I don't need a liar, someone who doesn't believe me, I don't need ya."

 _I_ _don't_ _need_ _ya_.

Robert wants to say that it isn't true, he wants to repeat it over and over again but he can't.

"We're over." Aaron's shaking and crying and he can't look at Robert as he says it but he wants to mean it, he wants to make sure that Robert knows they can't fix this.

Robert can't hear it, he winces and then suddenly Aaron's darting towards the door and the cold air hits them both, makes Aaron tremble as he runs out, sobbing like a child because everything's broken now, everything's lost.

The door slams and Robert sinks slowly to the ground, he's hugging his knees and he has his head in his lap and he wants to forget everything. His marriage is over. That's what Aaron just said. His marriage is broken, like his heart, like his future, like his life and ... it's all his fault.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'd just like to stress the fact that everything I have planned to come was pre planned and has nothing to do with the nature of the show at the moment. If people think that it's too dark, too much like the show then feel free to stop reading now but I just wanted to let everyone know that yeah it's dark but I'm really exciting to share it all with you. I hope you chose to keep writing. <3


	19. When everything goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SIGHS SO HEAVILY IT IS UNREAL*
> 
> Okay so ... If you like angst, if you LIVE for angst and drama and shock and surprise and sadness then wowzers this is the chapter for you and you're very welcome. 
> 
> If you don't then ... I am very very sorry.
> 
> See the thing is I planned this fic before everything happend on the show, I think I was planning it around Aaron's birthday maybe and I had all these ideas and this was the chapter my angst heart couldn't wait to write down and then ... Canon happened and everything got angsty too and now I'm anxious that it's too angsty for some so honestly I do appolgise if after you read this (HELLA LONG) chapter you decide it's not the fic for you, what I would say though is ... I've planned the whole thing so there's plenty more to come! Happy reading (I guess)

Robert's woken by the sound of someone shoving his shoulder hard. He lets out a small moan and then shivers as the shoving persists. His brain isn't working properly, he's still groggy and he can barely open his eyes because of the sunlight which makes them sting.

"Robert," Robert hears the voice, it seems so far away but he latches onto it.

There's only one person on his mind, around and around in his thoughts.

"Aaron?" Robert's voice is croaky as he allows his eyes to open properly. It's not Aaron and that's all he registers as he lies there, propped up precariously against the wall.

"You wish mate." Robert groans and then recognises the voice.

It's Adam and he's shaking his head.

Suddenly a wave of information hits Robert and he can't avoid it as he slouches there.

Aaron had left him, ran away crying his heart out and -

He'd cried himself until he couldn't anymore, until all he could think about was how much he had ruined his own life.

He remembered trying to get to his feet, pushing open the door of the scrapyard and calling out Aaron's name, desperate and loud as if Aaron could hear him. As if Aaron cared.

Robert shifts where he's sitting and sighs, looks down at his hands and sees his wedding ring. He remembers a thought that had flashed in his mind the night before, he remembers twisting it off and staring at it and wondering why it held so much importance.

It was just a ring, Robert had said to himself.

A piece of metal, just a piece of metal but - but it was _so_ much more than that and he hated that fact with a passion.

He hated how quickly the ring was back on his finger and how hard he sobbed straight after.

Adam goes over to the desk and sits on it, staring down at his brother-in-law.

"When ya mess up ya _really_ mess up don't ya?" He says, no real bite in his voice.

Robert looks up and knows already that he has red rings around his eyes. He doesn't care if Adam hates him right now, he just needs to know if -

"Aaron. Aaron I need to -" Robert starts to get up from the wall, pressing into the floor as he does so but then Adam's by his side and he's pulling him down.

"Not a good idea mate." Adam pulls a face, "Ya need to leave it."

Robert thinks back to the tears of last night, the shouting and then the pleading and Aaron leaving.

"What do you mean, I can't just _leave_ it." Robert says, his voice is high and doesn't sound like his own.

Adam doesn't say anything and Robert feels like he is hiding something.

"Adam, how - h-how is he?" Robert stammers out, holds his breath. "He hasn't, tell me he didn't h -"

Adam shakes his head fiercely. "He was _drunk_ \- like," he lowers his head. "I've never seen him so drunk before. He - he came over to ours in the middle of the night, holding a bottle of whiskey and he, he wasn't making sense but he did say that you and him - you and him were over."

It aches, feels like Robert's been kicked in the gut.

Adam looks at Robert and then looks towards the floor. "Like I said he was hardly making sense, he kept going on about Calum and saying that he won't stop until Aaron's dead."

Robert gulps hard, looks up and then his eyes dart all over the place.

"What the hell did ya do?" Adam's a little serious now and he steps forward, pushing a leg out and nearly kicking Robert.

Robert sighs hard. "I told Calum about his self harm." He doesn't even try to lie, there's no point in that.

Adam's face falls a little and he looks angry for a second but then it fades.

"Tell me that he didn't hurt himself, tell me that you didn't let him out your sight." Robert says, pleading and panicked.

Adam looks like he wants to leave now he knows what Robert's done but he doesn't. Instead he crouches on the floor, opposite Robert.

"He was too out of it to do anything." Adam offers but it isn't enough for Robert and he knows it too. "Three small ones on his right arm, two on his left?"

Robert's shoulders relax instantly, "Yeah." He says softly. "What about his stomach?" He shakes his head, he wouldn't know.

"I checked too." Adam says almost shyly. "He was out of it like I said, he didn't even notice, too busy sobbing his 'eart out." He adds.

Robert almost winces and then Adam's shaking his head again.

"Why would ya tell Calum? Ya know how Aaron feels about 'im?" Adam's frown makes him look judgemental and Robert shrugs hard.

"It was a long time ago, I was drunk -" he stops speaking suddenly as he thinks of Liv, "Liv." He forces out. "Where was she in all this?" He's a little panicked, he sees her crying as he closes his eyes and then he feels sick.

"Gabby's. She had a sleepover or summat, good thing too 'cause I don't think Aaron was in a good state when he left."

Robert's eyes widened, "Left? Ya mean he didn't stay at yours?"

He's scared, he's panicking again.

Adam swallows, "He said he wanted to be alone, I plied him with water but -" 

Robert's trying to stand again and he does, successfully. "I need to find him." He says urgently but Adam stands with him.

"He's at the pub." Adam says calmly. "Just - just stay away from 'im yeah?" He adds, this time almost sounding a little annoyed.

Robert frowns, "Adam please -"

Adam goes towards the door and sighs hard. "Ya know he was crying last night like he'd been _broken_." He shudders and Robert can only imagine how strong Adam had to be for his best friend. "You have no idea how much you effect 'im." It's a comment that Robert doesn't know how to take. "So just - just stay away, please, just for now."

Robert nods slowly, real slow and then Adam leaves him alone, opening the door and then Nicola's voice comes into his ears, floods in.

"Ah bright and early, like that." Nicola says, shuffling her folders onto the nearest desk.

Robert can't even smile, he just darts out of the small space and ignores her shouting after him.

 

-

 

Aaron's head hurts like its never done before. He feels like he's going to be sick, feels like he needs to but then he doesn't, he holds it all back. All he can think of is alcohol. How much he had drunk the night before. He can't remember the last time he had ever been that passed, ever _willingly_ wanted to be so out of it.

Aaron opens his eyes and hates the way he turns almost instantly to his right, expecting to see Robert there as always.

He isn't, this isn't even his best he realises as he looks at the black sheets he is laying on. For the briefest second he wonders where he was, he wonders if he's in someone's house, if he's fucking cheated -

He shudders at the thought, he'd hate himself forever if it was true, regardless of what Robert's done, regardless of how over he knows they have to be, it would be like cheating on himself, on his family.

Aaron's grip on the sheets tighten and he suddenly pulls himself on the bed, panting hard and then looking around the room. He's never been so happy to see his old room, the black wallpaper, the bare walls and dark carpet.

He blinks hard, remembers staggering over to the pub and kicking the back door with his foot, he remembers hardly making a sound and then falling into his mum like a little boy.

Aaron swallows hard and then his head throbs again, it's relentless just like the memories that keep hitting him over and over again. He winces as he remembers falling onto Adam's sofa, he remembers crying ' _it's over Ad_ ' and he wants to hit himself. He hates how he loses himself to drink and all his emotions run wild. He hates it.

Aaron looks down for a few seconds and he sees that his ring is still in place, it's staring at him, making his heart race.  
Maybe Robert's already taken his off? It circles his mind, over and over again.

 _Of course he has, he didn't even try and find you last night_. It's true, of course it's true and Aaron practically winces as he thinks about it, lets it all just sink in.

Aaron's hand slowly moves down and he holds his breath, he hates the effort it takes to pull the metal off of his finger. He never takes it off, he'd lost his mind when he had lost it, when Calum had taken it just because.

It comes off, there's a deep red line where the ring should be and Aaron thinks that it's mocking him as he slouches on the bed and stares at it.

His mind travels, he thinks about how perfect it felt when Robert placed it on his finger, his hands had been shaking as they stood there, his mum and the rest of his family sitting on bundles of hay smiling at them both, he had tears in his eyes and then Robert kissed his hand. In front of everyone Aaron had his hand kissed by his soon to be husband and the shaking stopped. Everything stopped.

Aaron shakes his head and sighs, he thinks he's about to cry but he doesn't, he almost can't. He thinks of Robert, he hates him. He hates that he honestly thought Robert would never hurt him like this, yeah he'd lie, yeah he'd do things that Aaron didn't agree on but Aaron accepted that. He accepts it. He'd never thought that this would happen though, never thought that Robert would betray his trust like _this_.

His self harm.

His _dad_.

Aaron holds the ring up so that it's right in line with his eye.

"Damn you," Aaron shudders, he sees Robert's own ring as he holds his own, he pictures it, how they'd wear them forever. Aaron blows out a breath, shaking and then dropping his head.

_'I love ya, always have and always will. No matter what, I'll always be with you.'_

A tear rolls down Aaron's face, it's what Robert said to him, it was in their fucking vows and Aaron had believed every last word.

Aaron gasps shakily, realising that he's subconsciously put his ring right back where it was, where it should be.

He wishes he could put himself and Robert back together that easily.

The door pushes open and it's Chas, a motherly expression on her face as she quietly comes through the door.

She has a mug in her hand, and then two little pills in the other. Chas pauses, looks at her son, he has his knees towards his stomach and he's hugging himself.

"Oh love," Chas tuts and then shakes her head softly. "Oh my boy," she's so soft as she walks towards Aaron and then sits down on the bed before placing the mug and pills on his bedside.

Aaron looks up at her, he was lost in his own thoughts for a few seconds but now he is pulling away, focus on his mum know.

"How ya feeling?" Chas tilts her head and then sighs. "I thought someone had broken in last night." She says it lightly but Aaron sees the look in her eyes and he feels like someone's just stamped on him.

He'd been so drunk, so careless, hadn't even thought about how he's mum would react to it all.

"Mum I'm sorry," Aaron whispers, it's hard to speak, he realises that he's probably hurt himself from all the crying he's done.

Chas rolls her eyes, "Don't be daft." She moves her hand and rubs his arm. "You've got nothing to be sorry for, it's Robert who's done something or -"

Aaron tenses, doesn't know how to feel. "Don't mum." He says slowly.

Chas frowns, "Darling I've never seen ya like that before." Aaron holds his breath. "You were -"

Aaron nods, "Out of it." He says, cutting her off a little.

Chas nods and then sighs. "Love, what did he do?" Aaron stays silent. "You weren't making sense at all last night but you said - said he'd ruined it all."

Aaron's eyes are sting, "He has," he whispers, it's so soft that Chas has to bend a little to hear her son. "He's ruined everything."

Chas honestly looks distraught, looks like she wants to cry. "How? How did he -"

Aaron's got a hand through his hair and he sighs.

Chas stops herself and then bites her lip, "Liv's asking questions too."

_Liv. Oh Liv._

Aaron's heart leaps, "Where is she?" He's a little panicked.

"School, she stayed at Gabby's remember?" Aaron does, he remembers a note being left as he stumbled into their house and grabbed a bottle.

"Yeah," Aaron says slowly, his hands playing with each other nervously.

"Love, she went back to get her things, didn't find you or Robert there, she's bound to be a little confused."

Aaron's eyebrow lifts. Robert didn't go home either? Where was he? Aaron shakes his head, hates the panic that rises inside.

Chas shakes his knee and he jolts a little. "Love speak to me." She persists. "What happened?"

Aaron raises a hand to his mouth and chews his nails nervously, he doesn't know how to say it. "He did something I never thought he would." Chas stares at him blankly. "He told Calum about my self harming and about - about _him_."

Chas frowns, doesn't say anything for a few seconds. "Why? Why would he even think he could -"

"Apparently he was in a state like I was last night." Aaron thinks about it, he's defending him isn't he? He hates how easy it comes to him. But he has a pint, he can hardly remember anything from last night, just tiny bits. He has a flash of something, Adam holding him up, telling him it's alright and then Victoria asking him where Robert was.

It makes him sympathise just a little, he knows how easy it is to say something and then forget it. He has no idea what he said to his mum last night but it was enough to warrant some sort of fear inside her.

Chas is shaking her head, "When did he do it?" She wonders, almost to herself but Aaron responds.

"The night he came round here, the whole family dinner disaster."

Chas coughs awkwardly. "Right." She says and then she looks at Aaron, he looks so hurt she wants to hug him. "I could swing for him." She says angrily and Aaron doesn't respond, just sniffs.

There's silence for a few minutes, Aaron finally moving over and taking the two pills with the tea that's now a little lukewarm.

"How long are ya leaving it then?" Chas says, she's almost back to her normal self, a little softness has left her voice.

Aaron frowns at her, tries not to scowl. "What do ya mean?" He wills himself to ask.

Chas looks a little startled, "Well - I mean, he's bound to be tryna get ahold of you right now." She looks at his phone and so does he. It's out of battery and Aaron's thankful.

Aaron shrugs hard. "So?" He says a little harshly. "I don't want to speak to him."

Chas nods, goes to speak like she wants to say something and then she pulls back, squeezes his knee. "How about I ring Adam, tell 'im you're hardly up for work today yeah? You can stay here as long as ya like."

Aaron hardly smiles, it's faint, so faint but it's enough for Chas as she stands. "Jump in the shower and I'll make ya some brekkie."

Aaron nods, sighs hard as the door clicks shut and he looks down at his ring again. He can't stop staring at it.

 

-

 

Robert's feet seem to guide him towards the village, to the cottage, his home. He pauses though, hitting his head lightly towards the glass door as he realises he's left his keys at the yard.

He doesn't know why how long he stays there for but then he hears Victoria's voice and then feels her hand on his shoulder.

"I've been worried sick," Victoria says, her voice small and almost silent.

Robert feels a pang of guilt, stripping himself away from the door and turning to face her. Her eyes are red, her ponytail looks like it's hastily been done and he hates himself for making his sister worry so much, his _little_ sister, his _pregnant_ little sister.

"Sorry," Robert says slowly, his gaze on her stomach, he hates himself.

Victoria smiles faintly and takes his arm. "Let's go back to mine eh." She guides him there like he's a lost child and Robert just nods, obliges.

 

-

 

Robert's handed a mug, it's too hot to hold and he sets down on the table in front of him. Victoria joins him in the living room and Robert hates how his eyes wander, searching for signs of Aaron despite the fact that Adam's told him where he is.

"Are you going to explain?" Victoria asks, "I've heard from Aaron, well parts of it, between all his drunken slurring." Robert holds his breath. "Rob, how could you be so careless?"

Robert frowns, shoots his head up. "I know I messed up. I know I'm an _idiot_ and I've ruined everything already alright Vic so just -"

"I'm not tryna have a go." Victoria says quickly, "I stuck up for ya, fat load of good it did though, he was so _drunk_." Robert swallows.

"Then he sloped off, went to the Woolpack, passed out there." Victoria recalls, she has a hand on her head and she sighs hard, she almost looks like she's going to cry.

"Vic don't -" Robert's shuffling over to her, blames her hormones for how emotional she's suddenly become.

Victoria's hands wave out in front of her, "I hate when ya fight Rob," she says, a little teary. "He loves ya so much, so much and - and -"

"I always find a way to ruin it don't I." Robert says slowly, feeling sick with guilt. "And now it's over."

Victoria sniffs, "He's just hurting." She says, "He doesn't mean that." She adds, squeezing Robert's hand. "Just give him time."

Robert feels his phone vibrating and he ignores it, it's not Aaron and so he doesn't care.

"Vic what if - what if it's really over, what if I can't change his mind?" Robert's suddenly caught up in emotion, he's eyes are filled with tears and then Victoria holds him by the chin.

"If that happens, which it won't, you'll get through it."

He knows he won't, he knows that he won't just lose Aaron, he'll lose Liv, he'll lose a sister and a family and a home.

Everything, it would all be lost.

Robert shudders and then Victoria bites her lip. "Go get a shower eh?" She says softly, and then you can go back to yours and have some descent sleep."

Robert shakes his head. "Can't find my key." He mumbles out. "Must have left it at the scrap -"

"I'll ask Adam to drop it off here whilst you have a shower yeah?" Victoria's so motherly it aches.

"What?" Victoria asks as she guides Robert towards the bathroom and gets him out a fresh towel.

Robert just smiles. "You're gonna be amazing Vic." He echoes his words, knows that she understands and then she tuts, hugs him and smiles warmly, blushing a little.

 

-

 

The shower brightens his mind a little, it's less foggy and he knows that all this staying away won't help matters at all. He can't possibly just give Aaron space, he can't leave things like they are for a second longer.

Robert dries his hair and sighs hard as he spots his phone left on the side. He picks it up, it's instinctive and then he winces.

_'Please tell me you don't hate me. I can't have you hate me.'_

It's Calum. He feels sick. He feels guilty for even looking at the message.

There's a knock on the door and Victoria stands there, fresh clothes in hand. "I popped in, got you these, I hope ya don't mind."

Robert looks down, he sees his jeans and then - it's Aaron's blue jumper.

"Is - are -" Victoria stumbles and Robert slowly accepts the clothes.

"Thanks," Robert mumbles out, towel tucked to his waist and his hair still a little wet. "I'm going to go and see him." He adds.

Victoria bites her lip. "Are ya sure that that's a good -"

"Yeah, no, maybe it is." Robert blurts out. "I don't know Vic, I just - I have to know where I stand."

 

-

 

The walk there makes Robert shake with nerves, his gaze looks up to the window, Aaron's window and he sees just the slightest movement.

It's enough to make Robert walk into the pub, sheepish and guilty and then there's Chas behind the bar, Charity making faces behind her, signalling for him to back away.

"Chas," Robert says quickly, catching her attention and stopping still at the bar.

Chas turns to him, she looks cold. "What do you want?" She says, harsh.

Robert's eyes flicker, doesn't expect anything less. "I need to see Aaron."

Chas clears her throat. "Not happening." She says and Charity frowns.

"Shouldn't that be Aaron's decision babe." Charity chirps in and Robert's grateful, he's really grateful.

"Look I just need a word." Robert pushes put out. "A word with my husband." He adds, making his point but Chas stands firm.

"He doesn't _want_ to see ya." Chas shrugs her shoulders and then Robert just stares at her before sighing.

He hates this, knows he won't get through so charges out of the pub, decides to go around the back of the pub instead and try there.

He knocks, once, twice, three times and then he enters another desperate level. "Aaron?" Robert shouts up to the window. "Aaron Sugden!" It sends a shiver through him, makes him smile without wanting to because it's almost a joke now, Aaron's still Aaron Dingle to everyone apart from Robert.

There's no change, nothing happens and Robert feels like slamming his head against the wall.

"Aaron, please," Robert shouts up again and this time the back door opens. It's not Aaron, it's Chas.

"Get lost Robert." Chas hisses, angry and spiteful. "Go away."

Robert shakes his head, pushing past her and then standing at the bottom of the stairs. "No Chas, I'm not leaving until I -"

"He doesn't want to speak to ya, he's made that clear to me." Chas points to herself and then lowers her voice, "You've hurt him so badly." She adds and Robert's heart breaks. "He drank himself silly to forget, anything could have happened to him."

Robert presses his head against the wall and feels angry tears rush into his eyes, "I know that Chas, so let me make it right with him and -"

"You can't." It's not Chas, Robert swallows hard and he looks towards the top of the stairs where Aaron stands.

The first thing Aaron notices is his jumper, his blue one and it's being worn by Robert. The long sleeves don't seem as dramatic on his build and Aaron holds his breath. He looks like he's slept in a bin despite the smell of shower gel that hangs in the air, his blonde hair is all over the place and he looks like he's going to shatter.

"Aaron," Robert breathes out, he can't help the way a foot places itself on a step, moving closer to his husband.

Aaron flinches, steps back. "Stay away from me Robert." He says, pushes a hand out and Robert steps back.

"You should go Robert, you can see he doesn't want ya here." Chas speaks over the look between Aaron and Robert, it's filled with sadness.

"I can't just leave, we need to speak about this Aaron. I'm so sorry for -"

"I don't want to hear it." Aaron blows out a shallow breath, decides he _can't_ hear it. Not now. "Please Robert just -" he has tears in his eyes and he has to fight against them, fiercely rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve. "Just _go_."

Robert mirrors him, has tears that threaten to fall. "What about us?" He's so scared, Aaron holds his heart, he holds Robert's heart in his hands.

Aaron frowns, "There isn't a me and you anymore." He whispers and even Chas catches her breath. "I honestly can't do this." He's crying, crying again and he knows that if Robert ran up to him that he'd fall into his arms, punch at his chest and then hold him close. He wouldn't let go.

Robert cries, he doesn't care that Chas is right there next to him and that Aaron's a mess. He just lets out this small sound and shakes his head and then there's tears in his eyes.

"You don't mean that." Robert tries to say, "We're a family Aaron." Aaron looks away. "We make mistakes, I made a _massive_ one but - but I _love_ ya, I love ya so much and - Liv too, we can't just -"

"I said go." Aaron almost irrupts. Liv. He hears her name. "You weren't thinking of Liv or our fucking so called family when you decided to tell _him_ about -"

"Aaron." Chas says quickly and then she stands in front of Robert. "Leave right now."

Robert stares up at Aaron. He wants to hold him, to kiss him and say that everything is alright. He can't. Instead he pulls his gaze away, nods and then escapes through the door leaving Aaron standing there, a hand over his mouth.

Chas frowns, she moves towards her son and holds him. "Darling," she says gently.

"I think he's sorry enough now don't you?"

Aaron shuffles from her grip, "What?"

"You can - I mean I think he's learnt his lesson, he's sorry love."

"Yeah I know he is." Aaron says, panting a little as he looks at his wedding ring.

"Well then how much longer are you going to leave it then?" Chas admits, her hand in Aaron's hair. "Hmm?"

"Don't you get it mum?" Aaron shudders. "It's over. I can't be with him now." He hates how he cries again.

Chas' eyes flicker. "No it can't be." She sounds like Robert. "You love him." Aaron sniffs, head in his hands. "Yeah telling - telling that twat, that creep about ya was awful, he's an idiot but - but he had no idea that he'd be that flipping spiteful."

Aaron stands quickly and races down the stairs. "I can't believe you're sticking up for him and not me."

Chas follows him. "No love, I'm sticking up for your relationship. Your marriage."

"The one _he_ broke." Aaron snaps, shouts loudly and then he shakes his head, grabs for his keys and slams the door shut behind him, he's ignoring Chas' shouting on purpose.

 

-

 

Liv comes through the door and instantly spots her brother on the sofa, his curled up and staring at the fireplace.

The TV is on in the background and Liv moves towards it, turns it off and then suddenly catches her brother's attention.

"Where were ya?" Liv asks, she's scared of the answer.

Aaron goes to speak, knows that it'll be hard to get out. "Come sit down." He says slowly, trying to will himself not to cry.

Liv sits slowly and she looks a little annoyed, "You gonna tell me or what?"

Aaron sighs shakily, "Me and Robert, we had a fight last night and - and Liv we -"

Liv stands almost straight away, "No." She fires out. "Don't say you're ending it."

Aaron looks away, plays with his wedding ring. "Liv I can't do this anymore." He says desperately.

Liv scowls. "So what did he do then? Why can't you forgive him like he _always_ forgives you."

Aaron shakes his head, "For what?" He snaps loudly.

"For beating people up, for nearly getting sent to prison." Liv reminds him and his face pales. "Aaron he'd forgive ya the world, why can't you do the same?"

Aaron feels his chest tighten, didn't expect Liv to be this emotional over it all but he realises that she'll lose someone too if he gives up on his marriage.

"Liv, it's not that simple. He told Calum about my self harming, about dad." Aaron says darkly and Liv pauses for a few seconds.

"I never said he wasn't an idiot. He's a _massive_ one but what's the betting that he did it to protect you somehow." Liv says, her voice high and making Aaron shake his head again.

First Chas, now Liv. Paddy will knock round soon he thinks. Every defending Robert Sugden, he never thought he'd see the day he fucks up and his family don't tell him to run a mile.

"Why are ya defending him, I'm your _brother_ , he's hurt me." Aaron points to himself and his face turns red.

"He's my brother too ya know. He's there for me and I want him to _keep_ being there for me so yeah, that's why I'm defending the big idiot who did something he shouldn't have." Liv looks like she's going to burst into tears and Aaron's flawed by her.

"Liv -" Aaron tries but she walks towards the stairs.

"You do what you like though." Liv sighs, turning back and facing Aaron.

Aaron frowns, hot tears in his eyes. "You think I _want_ this? You think that - that I want my marriage to be broken like this? Liv he ruined all the trust I had in him by telling Calum something so personal." He shudders and then Liv walks towards him, "I don't know what to do, I - I'm sorry Liv I -" he falls into a hug and she holds him, it should be the other way around but it's not and Aaron can't think about how vulnerable he is right now. He just wants this pain in his chest to stop.

 

-

 

It's dark when Robert creeps out of Victoria's cottage and makes his way down the village, Aaron's jumper smells like him and Robert hugs it right him a little as he looks towards the floor before feeling himself shove hard into someone.

  
"Oh gosh sorry -" it's over friendly, all stumbled and Robert lifts his head to see who it is. Paddy, Paddy of course.

"Oh." Paddy says awkwardly. "You - uh -"

"No need to make small talk." Robert says flatly.

Paddy looks at Robert, sees the sadness in his eyes. "I don't need to ask how you feel then."

"Like shit. Like I've ruined my life." Robert's holding back tears.

"Yeah well, maybe it's not _that_ dramatic." Paddy tries. "I mean this is Aaron we're talking about."

Robert sighs, "He hates me. He hates me Paddy, he said we were over and he meant it." He says, shaking his head.

Paddy looks a little shocked as Robert pulls a hand up and breaks down a little, moving his head down and crying.

"I'm heading over there now." Paddy says awkwardly after a few seconds as he looks towards the Woolpack. "Having a chat."

Robert looks up. "Don't sing my praises too much eh." He says sarcastically but Paddy shrugs.

"I'll say what I thinks right." Paddy says and Robert doesn't know what that means, doesn't get the chance to ask as Paddy disappears from his sight.

Robert sighs and then feels his phone vibrating. It's Calum.

_'I need to talk to you, I need to know you're okay'_

He hates him, Robert pushes all his thoughts into hating the man who decided to be malicious and evil and cruel.

Robert thinks about going to the Woolpack and decides against it. He knows the truth, knows Aaron hates him and that there's nothing he can do about that, he charges to Pete's instead. He knocks on the door, asks for a ride into Hotten and tries not to think about anything on his way there. It's useless though because it takes all of five seconds for Pete to ask where Aaron is. He hates how everyone in the poxy village knows how inseparable and madly in love they are. _Were_. He has to remind himself.

"Not coming." Robert says quickly when Pete asks.

Pete clears his throat. "Oh, right then. You meeting a client?"

Of course. Of course he has to be meeting a client for drinks or something and not just going out for the sake of going out because his life really does revolve around Aaron and business clients. It makes him angry and then he feels guilty.

"No." Robert says, looks down at himself, he hardly looks dressed for one but then again Pete wouldn't know really. "No I'm -"

Pete turns the corner, "Going on your own?" He says and Robert wishes he'd just shut up already.

It sounds awful, he's in his early early thirties and he's off into town by himself. No. No he's not that sad, he won't admit that.

"Meeting a mate." Robert lies, "In a bar. In town." He pushes out and soon it's just effortless to lie.

 

-

 

It's colder than Robert thinks and he wishes he'd bought a coat with him now as he stands outside a bar. The bright lights ache his head and he fights to look up at them. He wants a drink, he wants to get ridiculously drunk like Aaron apparently did the night before. He wants it to help, wants it to kill, wants to feel something because he's just numb now.

He manages to make his way inside and it's loud and booming and he feels too old for the place, he thinks that Adam and Aaron would have fun here and then hates how easily everything is associated with his husband. Robert orders himself a drink and foolishly sits at the bar, catching the attention of a leggy blonde girl with fake eyelashes.

It takes seconds for Robert to turn into his old self, talk with charm, entice her and it makes him feel good for about two minutes but then it fizzles. He's lifting his hand, showing her his ring and she's pulling a face, calling him gorgeous before she leaves a little disappointed.

It shakes Robert a little, with Chrissie, after an argument, if he ever thought they were this over then - he would have taken the girl to bed, any bed, anywhere but now - now he can't bare to even look at her as she leaves.

"Same again," Robert says as he downs the whiskey he bought, he looks towards the entrance of the bar and then turns back to the barman. "Actually make that a double."

"Robert -" it's him, of course it's Calum and Robert shakes his head.

"You need to stay away from me." Robert backs away instantly and then takes his drink from the barman, knocking it back with a trained ease.

"Easy with the drinks." Calum says like he cares.

Robert frowns at him, "How did ya find me?" He doesn't understand, doesn't want to.

Calum darts his eyes around the place, "I saw ya in the taxi, followed ya in." He says.

"You _followed_ me? You're a creep Cal." Robert says bitterly.

"Don't say it like that." Calum leans closer to Robert. "You weren't answering my texts. I wanted to see ya." Calum pushes a hand into Robert's chest but Robert pulls it off roughly.

"Get the fuck off me." Robert spits. "My marriage is _over_ 'cause of you." He says shakily and he sees the way Calum's eyes glisten for a few seconds before he tries to hide it with a frown.

"I'm sorry." Calum says softly.

"No you're not." Robert snaps. "You're loving this." He rolls his head back and sighs. "You - you -"

Calum has a hand on Robert's wrist and he stares rather intensely into his eyes. "I'm not your enemy Robert. I'm not out to get you." He lowers his vows and Robert barely hears it over the music. "I care about you." He admits.

Robert doesn't want to hear it, staggers back and then feels the force of the alcohol hit him as he runs off into the bathroom, spilling up his drinks and feeling like an idiot.

When he comes back he sees Calum still standing there, he's leaning on the bar and has a glass of something in front of him. "Here." Calum moves the glass in front of Robert, it's lemonade he thinks and Robert shakes his head.

"I don't want anything from you." Robert points out before trying to get the barman's attention.

"He won't serve ya anything more." Calum says and Robert looks back at him. "I told him you're past it." He admits.

Robert rolls his eyes and lifts the lemonade to his lips before gulping hard and feeling the sugar attack his teeth. He can't help but find it refreshing though. "Leave me alone Calum, go away or I'll make ya." He bites.

"Robert please listen to me." Calum begs. "Away from here, we can - can talk."

"About what?" Robert shouts, it's loud and people nearby notice, "You ruined my marriage." He adds before trying to turn away and finding it hard to. Robert blinks, once, twice and then three times before falling down onto his chair.

Calum's in front of him, completely encompassing his gaze and making it hard to escape.

"Robert, are you okay?" Calum asks but Robert shudders, the voice doesn't sound like Calum at all and the more Robert looks at him the more he blurs out of focus.

"Yeah - yeah I'm fine just, just go away -" Robert says, it's hard to speak, he stumbles on his words and then feels like he's going to be sick again.

Calum has a hand on Robert's back and he looks down at him, "Why don't we get you home?" He asks and then he's lifting Robert off of the chair.

Robert tries to fight, swearing and wriggling a little but Calum's stronger than he thinks.

"Pete - Pete dropped me here." Robert can't stop the way he slurs the words out and his mind drums as he tries to figure out how much he's had to drink. He can't concentrate on the people who Calum pushes past, or the sound of traffic and the cars that fill his ears. All he knows is that he keeps tipping on thin air and Calum's still holding him up as they get into a cab. It's not Pete driving, Robert knows that much.

Calum holds Robert up in the back of the car, stroking his hair. "It's okay, we'll get you home." He smiles down at Robert and watches the older man nod at him.

 

-

 

  
Liv and Aaron have tea at the pub and Liv falls asleep on the sofa, she's still in her uniform but he knows she's only laying there because she was comforting him all night.

There's a knock on the door and Aaron's whole body tenses, he thinks about it being Robert, he thinks about his husband charging through the door and slamming him against the wall and them having angry passionate sex just to let everything out of their system's. He instantly hates himself for the though, hates himself because he should hate Robert but he's thinking about having sex with them. It's almost typical. That's how they operate, fight, scream, lie and then fuck.

Aaron finds his feet slowly walking towards the back door and then he pauses as he sees who it is. It's Paddy. He doesn't know how to feel because it's not Robert.

"Ya alright." Aaron says as he opens the door. "Why ya knocking, ya live here don't ya."

Paddy bites his lip, "I thought you would want space. Ya know your - your mum's out tonight with Charity isn't she? She - she wanted to give ya space." He's waffling as he steps inside.

Aaron sits down on the chair in the kitchen area. "Listen I'm fine." He lies. "I don't need you to tell me he's an idiot," he looks over at Liv who's still sleeping. "She's already covered all of that."

Paddy sits with Aaron, "Your mum told me what happened," he shakes his head. "And what you said too, about you and him - him and - you being over."

Aaron tenses, his eyes fluttering. "Yeah." He says thickly before he swallows.

Paddy takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. "You can't _possibly_ mean that." He says and Aaron's neck nearly snaps as he looks up and sees that Paddy's serious.

"I thought you'd be 'round to ask when you can start clearing out his stuff in the wardrobes not telling me this." Aaron stands quickly and then lowers his voice as he looks over at Liv sleeping again.

"Aaron after _everything_ , all the hoops you've had to jump through." Aaron shakes his head and looks away. "You can't give up on it all now."

"What are you talking about? Why are ya saying this when you hate his guts." Aaron spits angrily.

"I just saw him." Paddy admits. "Slopping out of Victoria's, he looked awful." He adds.

Aaron feels sick, he knows that Robert's breaking but he doesn't want to think about any of that.

"I don't care." Aaron snaps. "I don't care about -"

Paddy squints, studies Aaron. "Yeah you do." He says. "You care so much Aaron because you -"

"Don't say it Paddy." Aaron whispers, can't hear someone say how obviously he is in love with Robert, how pathetic it almost is.

"Because ya _love_ him. There." Paddy says, a hand flying up. "You loved him when you first told me two years ago and you still do now. It took me so long to accept that and - and -"

Aaron arches an eyebrow. "You accept us?" He whispers, it's barely said aloud but Paddy nods his head slowly.

"Yeah I think I do." Paddy says nervously. "I accept that he makes ya happy."

"Made." Aaron forces out. "Past tense Paddy 'cause we're -"

"You need to stop saying that. You don't mean it." Paddy says effortlessly. "If you did he's bags would be by the door and that," Paddy looks down at Aaron's hand, his ring. "That would be off wouldn't it?"

Aaron's head hammers again and he sighs. "He told Calum about everything." He says like he's tired. "He _betrayed_ us." He whispers.

"And he's sorry." Paddy says and Aaron still can't believe it, can't understand why Paddy is actually sticking up for Robert.

"Can't believe you're sticking up for him." Aaron says as he shakes his head.

Paddy shrugs his shoulders. "Tells ya a lot doesn't it."

Aaron looks down towards the floor, "I should hate him." He says quickly, "I should _hate_ him so much."

Paddy tilts his head, "You've never been very good at keeping to that eh." He smiles and Aaron tries to, it's so faint and hardly visible but it's there and he wants to cling onto it.

Liv stirs on the sofa and Aaron looks at her. Something just clicks. "You stay here for a bit yeah, I'm going to go and - and see Robert." Her face brightens as he says it and then she rubs at her eyes, lifts herself up and stretches her arms out so that Aaron can bend down and hug her.

He knows he has to speak to him, knows that Robert will want to talk and make things right because he's _sorry_ , because he'll never see Calum again and they could get past this. He knows that he could try to forget it because Robert is Robert and he'd make it up to him in a million ways. All had to do was let him.

 

-

 

Aaron approaches the cottage and holds his breath as he sees the small light on in the their bedroom. Robert's awake, he _must_ be.

Aaron walks further up to the path and then braces himself as he unlocks the door, he thinks about knocking but decides against it because it's _his_ house isn't it? He can go there whenever he likes. It doesn't stop him feeling all nervous though when he climbs the stairs, it's dark in the house and his heart races a little until he is on the landing and staring at the bedroom door.

All of a sudden he feels the need to knock and it's overwhelming so he ends up doing it and there's silence.

"Robert," Aaron whispers. It's late yeah but - he can't be asleep. "Robert it's me." Aaron sighs hard. "I know you're an idiot, I know you're sorry and - and I want to move past this."

There's still silence and suddenly Aaron's angry, he's just poured his heart out and Robert's not said a word, he's not even opened the door.

"Robert did you not -" Aaron forces the door open and his whole world falls apart.

It's done. Everything is over and he hears white noise fill his ears.

Robert's laying there, he's just laying there and he's in bed, he's covered by the sheets but Aaron can see his chest, his _bare_ chest and then - then there's Calum. Calum's leaning down and kissing him on the mouth and Robert's letting him, mumbling something and -

Aaron feels like the whole world is ending, he feels like there's nothing left, _nothing_. He staggers, trips on his own shoes near the door and Robert looks at him then, he looks _horrified_. He looks like he isn't even in his own body, that it's not him laying in bed with Calum practically on top of him.

Calum looks up, gasps and then bites his lip. "You weren't meant to find out like this." He says, there's so much in his voice, it's malice, sheer malice and Aaron has tears down his face as he just stares at Robert.

Everyone said it. Every single fucker in that village had gossiped about it one time or other.

_'Robert Sugden's a cheater, he'll do the same to Aaron.'_

Aaron has defended him, _them_ , until he was blue in the face, every single time he did but now - now he's done it. Robert has _finally_ done it. He's already broken them, left them in tatters but Aaron was prepared to spend however long it took to put the pieces back together but now - Robert has _killed_ them.

There's absolutely _nothing_ left of them.

Robert looks towards Aaron and then pushes Calum away from him harshly. "Aaron - Aaron -" his head is pounding and he tries to climb out of the bed but he can't, he's beyond woozy and he feels sick.

Aaron has a hand shakily on his mouth and he swallows hard, he hates him. He forgets everything he thought as he knocked on their door, he forgets the love, he just sees a stranger in a bed, in _his_ bed and he hates him.

It takes seconds and the ring slides off with ease, "I never want to see you again!" He screams, chucking the ring against the wall and backing away.

Robert's heart falls from his chest and he stares at Aaron wide eyed, wounded. "Aaron wait -"

Aaron shakes his head, flies down the stairs and Robert looks at Calum in disgust, he can't remember a thing, he can't and suddenly he's moving himself out of the bed, practically crawling towards the door and staggering down the stairs as he sees Aaron fighting with his shaky hands to open the door.

"Aaron please -" Robert says, wincing as he tries to hold Aaron and the younger man shoves him away.

"I hate you." Aaron spits, eyes hard on Robert. "How could ya -" he stops himself, tears falling hard and fast. "Why am I even fucking surprised, it's - it was _always_ going to happen, it was just a matter of _when_ wasn't it?" He's sobbing, sobbing so hard he has to look away because he knows that Robert will pity him.

Robert closes his eyes, shuts them hard and catches his breath. Everything hurts.

Aaron looks round again, Robert's standing there in just his boxers and all his can see is Calum. Calum kissed him where he usually does, Calum sucked at his neck, Calum _fucked_ his husband.

"I don't - I don't remember -" Robert shudders, he's scared, so scared that he wants to cry, he wants to touch Aaron and he tries before suddenly being pushed to the ground. Aaron's towering on top of him, balling his fists and then Louise is in his head, she's calming him down, she's making him stretch out his hands.

He's panting hard, wants to _die_ all of a sudden and everything's dark.

Robert presses himself up and looks at Aaron. "I love you." He says tearfully like it's the only thing he has left to offer Aaron.

Aaron scoffs, "Well done Robert." He says, he's calm all of a sudden as he walks towards the door. "You've turned into _just_ the disappointment your dad _always_ knew you'd be."

Robert feels something shatter in him. It's his heart he thinks. It's definitely his heart.

Aaron turns, leaves the house and slams the door shut on Robert, on their marriage, on every thing he thought he could love for the rest of his life.

 

-

 

Robert doesn't know what happens next, all he feels is this need to shut his heavy eyelids but every time he tries they spring open again because his heart is _aching_. Aaron - _Aaron's_ left him, Aaron saw him in bed with -

It doesn't make sense, _no_ it doesn't make sense because he wouldn't - he wouldn't do that but -

Robert's eyes squeeze shut, he's desperate to remember something, anything but he just can't - he just -

"Hey," Robert feels a hand on his shoulder and he instantly jerks it away as he scuffles on the floor before he looks up. Calum's standing there and his body is covered by the duvet wrapped around him.

"Robert come here -" Calum whispers, he looks a little hurt by the way Robert rips his eyes away and then he swallows. "I'm sorry you had to deal with him." He doesn't even say Aaron's name and Robert is oddly thankful.

Robert holds his head and the room spins and then he feels like his heart is breaking again as he remembers what Aaron had told him. He's a disappointment.

"I need -" Robert gets himself up from the floor and then he's looking at Calum, really looking at him and he feels like he's going to be sick. He can't help but wonder if Calum's naked underneath the duvet. If he was then that meant that -

"We didn't - I thought I was kissing -" Robert stumbles on his words, he remembers the feel of Calum on top of him and then he remembers saying ' _Aaron_?' and thinking it was his husband as he was kissed in the bed. "We didn't do -"

Calum steps forward, "You wanted me Robert." He says simply and then he shrugs his shoulders. "Twice." He adds and Robert looks almost horrified. He doesn't believe it for a second.

"No," Robert shakes his head so hard he thinks it might fall off. "I wouldn't _touch_ you, I wouldn't -"

"Then how do you explain what happened?" Calum snaps. "You wanted me Robert, you dragged me in your cab and told me you wanted to have me and - and then we came back here and - and you had me." He sounds so childish, he sounds like he is recalling some sort of half-baked fairytale cooked up in his head.

Robert swallows hard and feels dizzy, "I didn't have _sex_ with ya once let alone twice." He shouts. "You're off your head." He adds before looking down at his boxers. "I'd know if -"

Calum twitches and then he bites his lip. "How do you explain how I know you have three freckles in your hip bone then? Or that you - that you like it when you're touched on the back of the neck and have -"

Robert staggers back, "How do you -" he swallows hard again. "No ya - ya just put me to the bed, you just -"

Calum comes closer and then he looks right into Robert's eyes, "You don't have to pretend anymore, it's all out now." He says quietly and then he smiles. "It's okay."

Robert's eyes glisten with tears, "It's not. I didn't - I didn't sleep with you Calum." He knows now, he knows now that Calum's mad. Or he is. Even one makes him feel sick.

Calum bites his lip and moves away. "Then what happened Robert? You tell me how I ended up in your bed?" He says and Robert hates it. "Go on then?" He fires and then he shakes his head. "You can't can ya?" He asks and Robert stays silent because his head is pounding and he feels like he's going to be sick.

"It's going to be fine now though, he knows and -" Calum begins but Robert cuts in.

"Get out." Robert says quietly at first and then louder, causing Calum to look up at him alarmed. "Get out of my house."

Calum smiles a little nervously, "That's not what you were saying earlier -" he says, a hand on Robert's hip suddenly.

"Get your hands off of me and -" Robert feels like he might faint and he doesn't know what to do as Calum keeps his hands in place. He's never felt so hopeless.

Calum finally pulls away and turns, when Robert looks at him he sees that Calum's got his jeans on and his top is on too.

Calum smiles and then moves his face so that he kisses Robert's cheek almost sloppily. "Call me later yeah." He whispers into Robert's ear. "Once things have ... sunk in."

Robert watches him leave and then feels this overwhelming urge to be sick, he launches his body towards the sick and then spills out his gusts. Everything hurts and he shivered as he stands here in his boxers.

 _Aaron_. God he has to see him, God Aaron.

Robert climbs the stairs unsteadily and then pauses as he gets to the bedroom. The first thing he notices is the state of the bed, it looks slept in, it looks really slept it. His own clothes are sprawled out on the floor and he is desperate to see signs, so see conndoms, to see something but all he manages to locate is Aaron's ring. It's near the wall it bounced off and makes Robert's heart cry out as he picks it up. He needs to give it back to Aaron, he needs to explain that - that Calum's _mad_ and this is all just a misunderstanding. He didn't - he wouldn't sleep with Calum.

Robert holds his breath and then picks up his clothes and then drags them over his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah don't hate me ;( 
> 
> This was the plan all along and now it sucks that it almost mirrors what happened in canon! I was always leading up to the moment where Aaron and Robert were at their absolute weakest, only to then have Calum do his worst. This was his worst (so far mind) because he was able to obliterate them just as Aaron was thawing. 
> 
> Please don't give up on this fic though because like I said, I've planned everything and I know that it's little comfort to you reading this but I have a insight into further ahead in the fic and everything that will happen. The next chapter will make you cry and it's only a short one which I'll probably upload on Tuesday (depending on whether any one is still reading lmoa) so yeah just ... I'm sorry and it's sad but let's all have faith and love for the boys, especially Robert (yeah you'll all feel sorry for him in the next chapter)


	20. (There's nothing left)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say a MASSIVE thank you to every single one of you who left a comment after reading the last chapter, hand on heart, wasn't expecting that level of response. I thought people would hate it all, leave messages saying they aren't going to read anymore and I was so anxious but everyone was so lovely so thank you all so much.

Aaron doesn't make it the whole way to the pub, he staggers and falls and he ends up near the garage shaking uncontrollably.

He just sees it all in his mind, he feels his heart ache, actually _ache_ and he's never felt this pain before.

His head drops and he looks at the gravel he sits on. He looks right at it, wonders how it would feel to graze a sharp edge of one of the rocks over his knuckles -

"Love?" Chas is there and Aaron thinks of her as his guardian angel for a second before he looks up at her and completely breaks down, he sobs harder than he has done before and he feels his whole heart break inside of him as she lowers herself and picks him up, cradling him in her arms for a second before pulling away and looking at him desperately.

"Darling - oh what's - you're _freezing_ , come here." Chas holds him tight and rocks him a little before she pulls him up to his feet and practically carries him until they're back at the pub.

Aaron stops suddenly when they reach the back door. He hasn't said a word yet, just cried but then something kicks in. "Liv. Make sure she's upstairs." He orders through his tears and Chas obliges, poking her head around the door and then looking back at him.

"She's in my room love." Chas reports before Aaron moves insides the room and collapses on the sofa, his hands are shaking uncontrollably and he is almost forced to look at his ring less hand. It makes him feel sick.

"Sweetheart what's happened? Why did you -" Chas starts but Aaron suddenly flies up and races towards the front of the pub. His eyes are red raw and he wants to stop the need he has to cry, he wants to forget so he reaches for a bottle and then he sees Vic.

"Aaron, you -" Victoria's voice is filled with concern and disappointed and he can hardly look at her so he doesn't bother to even try and get words out.

Chas attempts to take the bottle from her son's grip and he stares at her angrily. "Let go." He forces out.

"Not until you've told me why you were by the garage freezing yourself to death!" Chas snaps angrily and the punters seem to be watching so she attempts to lower her voice. "Is this Robert?" She adds.

Aaron winces and then he thinks of him, thinks of how everything is - "Mum he's ruined everything." He whispers almost like a child.

Victoria frowns, "He's sorry for what he did." She says fiercely. "You _know_ that he -"

Aaron turns to her and hates how angry he is because it's not her fault she doesn't know.

Chas grips his shoulder, "Something's happend." She says, like she almost knows. "I know it." She adds and Aaron's faces crumbles a little.

"I -" Aaron tries to speak but then the door swings open and his face immediately darkens.

Robert looks off balance, he looks completely destroyed as he pulls himself towards the bar. "Aaron - please let me explain. He - I didn't -" he tries but Aaron's already staggering back.

"Get away from me I swear to ya Robert." Aaron says, deadly serious as more tears threaten to fall.

"What have ya done now?" Chas shouts at Robert and he winces a little. Aaron sees it, Aaron sees the redness in Robert's eyes and the way he keeps continuously blinking as if he's trying to focus. He sees that Robert's not all there and he doesn't care.

"I _swear_ to ya I didn't -"

"You want to tell everyone?" Aaron snaps, he feels anger race through him. "Go on. Speak Robert. Speak and tell them." He shouts, his voice hoarse.

Victoria steps out in between them and looks at her brother, "Robert what's he on about?" She begs, "Robert?"

Aaron can't help but stare at Robert and feel himself crumble again. He feels weak, he looks at his husband and how weak he is and - and it makes him _weak_ , just weak. He is getting no strength from seeing Robert like this. 

There's not an  _ounce_ of strength drawn from Robert's weakness.

"I went to _our_ home to try and sort things out, to - to - and - and I saw, the _worst_ thing." Aaron's shaking, gripping onto the bar and he nearly falls.

"Aaron I swear to ya I didn't -"

"He was in our bed, he was in _our_ bed and Calum was kissing him."

There is just silence for a few seconds and then the sound of Aaron crying and Robert breathing hard and then -

"No." Victoria shakes her head and looks towards the floor. "No way, he wouldn't, he -" she looks towards her brother, "He's wrong. You wouldn't have -"

"I swear to ya, I _swear_ I didn't sleep with him." Robert pushes out, tears in his eyes.

"You just what got undressed and had a snog?" Chas says, she's disgusted and Robert can't look at her. "You _liar_."

It stings him, makes him want to cry.

"Aaron, I didn't - he's _mad_ , I'm scared Aaron 'cause I don't know what -"

Aaron finally looks up, "I do though." He says slowly, tears racing down his face. "It's been your plan all along hasn't it? Make me think I was going mad, that he was _obsessed_ with ya and that you wouldn't go near him, whilst all the while laughing behind my back and sleeping with _that_ , telling him things about us, about _me_." He points to himself and then lets his finger for shakily.

"I can't believe it." Victoria stumbles out. "You've - I thought you'd changed, I really thought that you had." She's stunned, she's hurt and Robert hates himself.

"Disappointed, that's what you are." Aaron bites as he looks at Victoria and Robert's reminded.

"Aaron don't -" Robert can barely stand, he feels sick and woozy and he can't even speak.

"I always knew you'd end up being what your dad thought you were." Aaron says with little effort. "You're not _fit_ to love anyone but yourself so go. Go and don't look back, I mean it Robert. You've lost _everything_ and - and I _hate_ ya." The end is the only part where Aaron stumbles, the part where he says he hates Robert. "Go run along and be with Calum, I knew ya wanted him all along." 

Robert frowns, can't help himself. "That's not true, I don't want him. Never have." 

"Then why were you in bed with him!" Aaron roars before shaking himself. "He's smarter than me, no baggage, no tragic past -" he can't stop himself. 

Robert shakes his head, he hates what is happening. "Don't say that stuff. Please." Robert staggers, "I love _you._ I love ya Aaron." He pleads but it makes Aaron almost scoff.

"Turn around and don't you dare look back. I want ya _gone_ , do you understand? Take everything and _leave_." Aaron says, fights back his tears as Chas has a steel glance on Robert and rubs at Aaron's arm motherly.

It aches everywhere, it aches even more when a small part of him expects to hear Victoria shout in his defence, tell Aaron that he has family that want him around, she says nothing though.

Robert bites down hard on his lip and thinks about it, thinks about where he'd go, what he'd do without Aaron, without - "Liv, Liv I have to see Liv. I have to explain and say I'm so-"

"You don't get to see her. You don't get to even say her name." Chas snaps at him and he sees the way Aaron ducks his head and becomes emotional at the mention of her name, of Robert remembering their family.

"I need to -" Robert begs, "She's like my sister Chas, please." He adds through tears but then Aaron build up the courage to look at Robert.

Not long ago Robert and Aaron were sitting across from the social worker and she called them Liv's _brothers_ and - they were a family. They were _such_ a family weren't they?

"She's nothing to ya mate, never has been and never will be. Now get out of my life." Aaron pushes out with his chest, breaks through the memory, and then Robert moves towards the door. Every ounce of fight left in him dies as he sees Aaron's hand deprived of the ring, it shouldn't be surprising because he knows that Aaron flung it against the wall but still - it means everything.

Robert walks further towards the door and then pauses as he sees Paddy standing there, he heard everything Robert realises.

"Thank you Robert." Paddy says calmly, "You've saved my lad a whole world of pain, cut short all of it." He adds and then he looks almost disgusted as he looks at him. "All you had to do was prove me wrong." He whispers. "I _so_ wanted ya to." He says sadly before his eyes harden. "Now leave and don't come back."

Robert can't speak, can't move and then he turns and looks at Aaron hunched over the bar, eyes red raw and tears spilling out of them. He swallows hard and looks down at his hand, his ring that doesn't mean anything anymore. Without effort it slides off and Robert suddenly places it on the bar, it catches everyone's attention, it's like he has just waved a white flag, just surrendered and he hates the look on Aaron's face, he hates how unreadable it is, how for the first time he doesn't know what Aaron is trying to say as he lets out a shaky breath and then rips his away away from the ring.

Robert looks at Aaron, at his Mr. Sugden and he knows that everything is ruined now, he knows that there's no going back despite the fact that he'll deny sleeping with Calum until his blue in the face - Aaron won't believe him and Robert knows that it's what he deserves as he staggers out of the pub and walks back towards the cottage to pack a bag. He knows that he didn't believe Aaron at first so why should Aaron believe him when he's the one calling Calum crazy. Why?

Robert feels the cold bitterly hit him as he cries, thinks of his sister and then his other one, Liv. He's ruined what they had, the security and safety she depended on him for. It's shattered.

Robert thinks, he knows that he can't stay with Victoria. He knows that the house he calls home was never really his, it was Aaron's, it was Liv's. Always. He doesn't have a home, he doesn't have anything or anyone and -

He hates being alone, it _scares_ him.

Robert's eyes flutter as he looks up at the moonlight sky, he doesn't know what time it is but it's dark, really dark and Robert struggles to see clearly as he slips on a hard rock on the ground and he feels himself falling slowly and slowly until -

There's a hand on his head, it stops him from falling further and supports him. Then there's a face right in front of Robert's but it's too close for him to make out, it's blurry all of a sudden and then -

Everything in Robert's world blacks out, just like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, this was a short chapter but the next one will be pretty lengthy. 
> 
> #Poor Robert - right??


	21. What's left of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHUNKY CHAPTER COMING YOUR WAY !!!

It's been three days. Three days since Robert left, since Aaron was forced to watch his husband turn away from him and leave behind his wedding ring. Three days since Aaron realised that he was the biggest fool in the world to believe that he could ever be happy. He had been blinded by love, by all encompassing and pure love for Robert that he thought would last but -

It's been three days since his marriage ended and he's sitting across from Louise, pouring every ounce of his heart out and hating every second.

Louise looks saddened, hurt, troubled even and Aaron doesn't want her pity after he finishes explaining.

"Aaron I'm very sorry to hear about that." Her voice is delicate, soft and Aaron can only nod towards the floor.

His hands are bare, the ring isn't there because the last time he saw he had it, he chucked it against the bedroom wall. He can't find it now, thinks it's a sign.

"How is ... how is your sister?" Louise says gently but then she hitches her breath a little when Aaron practically winces.

He can't forget seeing Liv, probably won't ever. He can't forget the tears, the _sobbing_ and the heartache.

( _Liv came down the stairs, her eyes red and puffy and Aaron could barely look at her but he didn't have to. She knew, she had heard._

_"Aaron I'm so -" her chin was wobbly, hair out of place as she stood on one of the last steps and looked at her brother._

_Aaron darted his head up and his heart sank, "You heard?" As soon as he said it he felt sick, knows that he was loud and it makes sense for her to have -_

_She threw her arms around him frantically and clung on tight, pressed her head into his neck and he held her fiercely, hated how badly he had ruined her whole stability._

_"You and me now," Aaron managed to choke out as they held each other. "I'm never gonna let anything come between us ever again." He added, kissing her head._ )

Aaron pulls his mind away from the memory of that night, thinks about Liv instead. She's been great, so patient with him because she knows that he's struggling more than ever. She's not complaining about sleeping at the pub because Aaron can't face home yet. She's being amazing.

"She's doing okay." Aaron whispers, eyes towards Louise. "Better than me anyway." He adds because he knows that she's lost a brother, regardless of the stuff he had said to Robert that night, Liv had _lost_ a brother.

Louise smiles slowly and it looks like almost a pitiful one, "It's normal for you to feel this way Aaron, it's normal for you to not be coping but you're not alone, you _know_ that."

Aaron does, he knows that although Victoria has understandably kept her distance, Adam keeps trying to distract him and Chas is mothering him to death and even Charity hugged him. He knows he isn't alone but -

"I feel like I am." Aaron admits, "I know I am, at night." He shudders, hates how open he is now about things. "When I can hear my mum downstairs tidying up the bar, when Liv's asleep and I'm in my old room, lying there alone and I can't help but -"

_Cry, just cry and cry and cry._

Aaron blows out a breath, tears fill his eyes. "He was my best mate." He whispers to himself and then shakes his head. "Yeah Adam, he means the world to me too but - you can't compare what you have with your husband can ya?"

Louise nods her head reassuringly and Aaron continues.

"It feels like he's _died_." Aaron admits and then frowns angrily. "And I should - should _hate_ him so much 'cause he did the one thing I feared the most - I _do_ hate him." He clears his throat. "I just want to stop thinking about it all."

"Aaron - it's only been three days." Louise tries slowly and Aaron feels like a fool because it feels like a lifetime. "It takes time to -"

"To what? Heal?" Aaron snaps a little. "I caught my husband in bed with the one bloke I hate most. The - the bloke who spent _weeks_ driving me mad just because he wanted Robert." He shudders, feels absolutely sick.

Louise nods, doesn't speak.

"Every time," Aaron closes his eyes and then opens them immediately. "Every time I close my eyes I see him, I see him kissing Robert. I see him all over my - my -" he hates the way he can't carry on.

"Take your time." Louise whispers, a hand falling in her hair.

Aaron does, manages to stop crying and then he rubs at his eyes fiercely. "I just don't know what to do." He hates how vulnerable he is. "I hate how - how I'm wondering where he is."

He has thoughts, he thinks that maybe he's with Calum. Hates the thought.

"Would you want to know?" Louise says, like she's read his mind.

Aaron stares blankly at her and feels almost caught off guard. He doesn't answer for a few seconds before -

"I have no idea."

 

-

 

Chas doesn't know where he is and Aaron wants to keep it exactly that way. He doesn't want her worrying, he doesn't want her thinking he can't cope.

Aaron comes through the back and manages to sneak up into his old room. The journey back from the session had been filled with thoughts he had to face. Robert and him were over, there was no way of going back from it. Everyone had that impression and - he did too, he had to.

  
He had thought of his mum's watchful eye, the way it scanned him whenever he entered a room. He knows that she think he's hurting himself again. It's probably making her hate Robert Sugden even more, Aaron doesn't have the strength to care.

The bed is cold as Aaron slumps down on it. His eyes look over to the small bag in the corner of the room filled with clothes that Adam had packed for him after he told him he couldn't go to the Mill yet.

Aaron swallows and feels like an idiot, he has a house, a nice lovely _house_ and yet he's sitting in his old room. He thinks about Liv, she's living exactly the same way and he feels guilty.

There's a knock on the door, there's a small one and then it grows louder until Aaron gives in.

It's his mum, she's bearing a mug of tea and Aaron gives her a small smile.

"When did ya get back?" Chas asks, tries to be subtle and fails.

Aaron bites his lip, "Not long ago." He offers, face towards the floor until he thinks of Liv. "Is Liv back yet?" He asks, a little hopeful to see her.

Chas frowns, "Love, is just gone one. She won't be back for hours yet."

It hits him, he knows that he's almost lost all track of time since Robert left that night. He hates it, hates how can't concentrate on anything now because he promised Liv that it would be okay and it's not seeming like that anymore.

Suddenly Aaron stands, practically leaps from the bed and Chas looks alarmed. "Where are ya -"

"Home." Aaron says defiantly, he's had enough of this, knows that he won't put his life on hold because Robert cheated on him and his marriage is over. He's more than just Robert's husband. He has to be.

Chas bites her lip like she is worried, "Are ya sure that's a good idea love. I don't want you upsetting yourself or anything."

Aaron freezes by the door and turns. "Over what?" He tilts his head. "It's a house. It's _my_ house." He adds. "What's there to be upset about?"

He knows there's plenty, knows that when he'll step inside, turn the key, he'll have to fight back tears.

Chas doesn't even need to say anything, just keeps staring at Aaron until he looks away.

"Yeah well I'm not messing up a routine for Liv anymore for that _prick_." It's venomous and Chas hardly flinches, over the past few days that's all she's heard and she knows that her son doesn't mean it, that all the insults are attempting to hide his heart break.

"You want me to go with you?" Chas asks but Aaron shakes his head. It's almost an automatic response, wanting to be on his own.

"I'll be fine." Aaron manages to smile before leaving, dragging his coat, pushing hands in the pockets and feeling at the cold metal of his keys that he hasn't touched for days.

 

-

 

Aaron hates the way people stare at him as he leaves the pub. There's David at first, giving him a little nod of the head and looking sad. Then there's Brenda, he has avoided going to be cafe since but he knows that she's probably already been filled in by now. She gives him this half hearted smile and he scowls, turns away because he doesn't want to see her looking at him like that.

Aaron tries to ignore it but then nearly crushes into Nicola who at first looks angry but then realises who it is and softens. "Aaron." Nicola says, pauses for a second and Aaron wants to run because he's been ignoring this conversation for days now. Nicola had been round the day after Robert left, shouting about where he was and Chas had dealt with her. But now, she's standing right in front of Aaron and he can't just _run_.

"Look. I've been patient. But I need to know what's the score." Nicola says slowly as the wind picks up and it makes Aaron shiver.

"The score is," Aaron holds his breath and looks towards the floor. "Me and him are done, I don't know where he is and I don't know what us ending means for the business at all." It takes a lot of strength and he nearly shrinks inside him.

Nicola's eyes are wide, "So - wait you have no idea where he is?" She says like she's annoyed and Aaron scowls at her a little. "He's got a stake in the -"

Aaron rolls his eyes, "Look Nicola, I just said I don't _care_ and ya know what?" He's a little bitter, can't help but let it pour out. "Quite frankly I couldn't give a shit." He practically barks before he turns away and hears her sigh as she begins to walk in the opposite direction.

Aaron's angry, feels sick because that's all she cared about. His poxy share in the haulage firm? Suddenly Aaron's grateful that Adam hasn't even attempted to broach the topic of their business that Robert was invested in.

Aaron's head is pressed down towards the floor and then he hears a voice, someone calling him and he reluctantly turns.

It's Vic and she looks tired, her eyes are sad and he feels a pang of guilt inside him because she's pregnant and it looks like she hasn't slept well.

"Yeah?" Aaron says, he doesn't mean to be blunt but he thinks he is because Victoria looks a little uncomfortable.

"Just -" Victoria searches Aaron's gaze, she _sees_ him and knows everything in an instant. "I was -"

Aaron's holding his keys in his hands and Victoria looks at them. "You going home?" She offers and Aaron nods slowly. Home. It doesn't feel like home anymore.

It's frosty, the air and the atmosphere and Aaron doesn't like it one bit. He wants to turn and leave but also hug her and tell her it isn't her fault that things ended so badly because he sees something in her eyes, he sees a sense of guilt she has for her brother's actions. Adam hasn't said anything really but he knows that Victoria is hurting, is devastated too. There's a part of Aaron, a small part that feels this need to ask her something about Robert, ask her where he is, if she's heard anything but he won't. He can't.

Victoria goes to speak again and then stops herself.

"I best go." Aaron says slowly before turning and leaving her standing by herself. He knows the conversation was pointless, but it was something, he feels like he needed the _something_.

 

-

 

Opening the door is easier than Aaron expects, it turns quickly and then he walks in slowly. He's quick to absorb the surroundings and have memories instantly hit him one after the other.

It feels like he's in a battle field, shots constantly flying towards his heart as he looks down at the shoes near the door.

Liv's manky trainers, his own rank pair and -

Robert's shoes aren't there. He's gone.

Aaron lets out a shaky breath as he remembers a fight, remembers Robert telling him off for leaving the shoes near the door.

_"How many times Aaron, just take them back up stairs after you get home. They're cluttering up the door way."_

Aaron bites his lip, remembers the way he had kissed Robert then, pushed him against the wall and then decided to drag him up to bed so that his husband would forget.

" _That was amazing but - honestly though, those trainers need to -"_

Another insult on Robert's bruised, swollen lips was enough to keep the thoughts at bay for the rest of the night.

Aaron clears his throat, dragging his gaze towards the stairs. He has flashbacks again. Himself standing on the bottom of the stairs, just in his boxers, waiting for Robert to come home from a business trip which was four nights long. He remembers smiling like an idiot and how funny his heart was acting up as soon as he saw his tired husband come through the door and practically run towards Aaron, scooping him up and kissing his neck and making Aaron feel dizzy.

_"Honey I'm home."_

That's what Robert had said, whispered lovingly into Aaron's ear as they stood there, just _happy_ to hold each other again.

 _"Four nights was too long."_ Aaron practically scowls as he remembers how honest he was being in that moment as he tugged Robert closer. _"Don't ever go away for that long again."_

_"As if. You're stuck with me Mr Sugden, forever."_

Aaron winces, he'd believed it then. He'd really believed it. He'd dragged Robert by his tie all the way up to their room, undressed his husband carefully and then they'd made love twice.

The sound of the clock coming from the living room jolts Aaron a little and he looks towards the sink in the kitchen, there's still his mug and Robert's on the surface and he has to look away. He finds himself running up the stairs and locking himself in the bathroom despite no one else being in the house.

He's sitting on the toilet seat, deep breaths hit him over and over again and then he sees Robert's shower gel.

He fights with himself, fights so hard to stand up and smell it. It's not like he's forgotten Robert, he knows he won't ever but -  
It's only been three days. Three days and he's already acting like his whole world has just ended when it hasn't.

Aaron stands, steadies himself and walks towards the bedroom. He's strong, he opens the door and stares down at the sheets. The sheets where his husband had sex with another man. Calum.

He feels sick but forces it down, he'll just have to be quick, he tells himself. Be quick, strip the bed and - maybe Liv would find joy in setting the sheets alight.

Aaron shakes his head, angry at himself for such a reckless thought. He would have done that a few years ago but somehow he links it to Chrissie. The whole 'going mad and setting things on fire after Robert's cheated on you' routine is all hers, she can have that.

Aaron pulls the sheets off and fights back his tears, suddenly he wishes his mum had came along after all and dealt with it. They come off with ease and Aaron dumps them on the floor before rubbing at his face. A wave of anger rises in him and he hates Robert more than ever, he hates that he has to do this himself.

He remembers the night, remembers Calum telling him he wasn't meant to find out the way he did and he has to battle with himself not to come undone at the thought of how many times Robert had sex with Calum in their bed, in their _home_. It's probably countless. It probably started that night of the dinner at the pub, probably carried on throughout the rest of their marriage.

It makes Aaron's blood run cold, the thought of Robert fucking Calum even after he found out that the psycho nearly killed Liv, their Liv. It just proves again how wrong he was, how wrong Aaron ever was to believe that they were an actual family.

Aaron feels his phone vibrate in his jeans and he takes it out, it's Adam offering to come round and help sort anything and he smiles sadly at the message. He wants to say yes but he doesn't want to have anyone pity him, anyone talk in that soft sad voice that makes him cry. He'd rather be alone.

The message does make him think though, there's stuff to sort out and he knows that. He knows that although Robert must have taken essentials, some things remain. His eyes flicker towards the wardrobe in the room. Half and half it should have been but well - Robert's many suits and blazers always did seem to outnumber the grey tops and navy jumpers Aaron owned.

Aaron swallows as he opens the wardrobe and wonders what's left. He's alarmed all of a sudden to see that nothing has moved. Robert's left with _nothing_. Aaron pulls his hands through the clothes, checks that he's right. Blue blazer, check.

Burgundy suit, check. Grey jumper, check.

Everything's there.

Aaron frowns harshly and moves across the room to the drawers, there's a few of Robert's tops that should be there he thinks.

He looks down and sees that only a handful of boxers are missing and two tops he notices aren't there anymore.

Suddenly he's angry again because this is just typical of Robert. Typical of him to leave little pieces of himself around so that Aaron won't ever be able to move on. He's probably planning on coming back.

"Arrogant prick." Aaron hisses to himself as he realises that Robert purposely left everything where it was because he probably thought there was no point in packing the lot when he'd be back in a week.

No. Aaron thinks. Not this time.

Aaron goes to close the door and then he spots Robert's obnoxious tie collection. He probably has over thirty and Aaron used to joke he has one for every year of his life. There's a purple one that catches his eyes and then a few others but -

There's no more, their gone. Aaron raises an eyebrow and begins rummaging through the draw with speed as he searches for the blue patterned one, _the_ one.

He can't find it, nearly bruises his hand for trying and then he wants to cry. The tie Robert wore at their wedding, along with countless others, is gone.

Aaron catches his breath and walks back towards the wardrobe, trying to find Robert's wedding suit. He does. It's beautiful and he remembers saying so. He remembers how happy he was.

He hates the memory because he knows it's all false now. Everything is.

Aaron feels at the fabric and then finds himself slumped down against the floor, sobs escaping him as he cries into the material. He hates Robert Sugden with every fibre in his being.

_Hates (loves) Hates (loves) Hates (loves)_

 

-

 

Aaron wakes up to the sound of the door creeping open. It's Liv and she has this worried look on her face that he doesn't like. He looks around and sees that he fell asleep hugging Robert's suit, on the floor of his bedroom. He must seem pathetic.

"Aaron," Liv whispers and she doesn't no what else to say. She knows what he's holding, how important it is and she wants to cry. She wants to say the R word which she hasn't been able to mention over the last three days.

Aaron slowly raises to his feet and shoves the suit back in the wardrobe, shutting it quickly and then placing his hands on the doors, his gaze firmly away from Liv's.

"Mum's for tea I reckon." Aaron says, biting back the way his throat is sore from all the crying. He manages to peel himself away from the door and he looks at her hopefully. "Yeah?" He adds, the smallest smile but she sees through it easily.

Liv looks at the crumpled sheets on the floor and looks like broken. "Do you want me to take them." She asks but she's already moving towards them, trying to pick them up.

Aaron winces, "Leave them Liv." He orders and she freezes, looks up at him.

"It's no bother." She adds, really trying but it doesn't matter because Aaron's already grabbing them from her hands and glaring angrily at her.

"I said _leave_ it Liv, are ya deaf?" Aaron snaps angrily and Liv frowns at him, hurt.

"It's called tryna help." Liv snaps back and Aaron hates how alike they are, knows this will end in tears if he doesn't back away.

"Yeah well you're not." Aaron says quickly. "I don't want you here so just - got to Gabby's or something."

Liv bites her lip, "You don't want me to see you upset?" She says, like she's read his mind. "Well don't worry 'cause I've heard _enough_ over the last few days -"

Aaron has his back to her, "Don't -"

"You think I don't hear you crying every night?" Liv fires. "I do." She adds and Aaron knows her face is probably red and puffy and wet from tears.

Aaron stays silent, can't do anything else.

"And I don't know what to do 'cause he can always make ya feel better, because Rob-" Aaron turns around then, can't hear his name from Liv.

"Liv just go." Aaron pleads but she doesn't. "I don't need this right now."

Liv crumbles, she looks devastated and then her head drops lazily before rising. "Yeah well I don't need _you_. You're only a good brother when Robert's around and now - now you're just useless. I hate him but I hate you even more!" It hits Aaron everywhere and makes him break a little inside.

He knows she's been amazing but he hasn't, this was bound to happen. It was a matter of time before she realised that Aaron was at his best when Robert was with him, guiding him, helping him and -

_Fucking Calum Radels._

 

-

 

Liv's in the back room crying, really crying and she doesn't expect to see Victoria walk in on her.

"Liv?" Victoria offers gently, sitting next to her on the sofa and holding her close for a few seconds.

"Aaron's broken and I can't fix him." Liv mumbles into Victoria's chef whites and feels sick.

Victoria has a hand on Liv's back, "He's just trying to get through this the best way he can." She knows she can't compare this to Jackson but the same sort of grief and guilt is probably apparent.

"What by shutting me out? Holding on to Robert's wedding suit for dear life? He's all wrong." Liv says as her chin wobbles.

Victoria raises an eyebrow, didn't expect to hear that. "Listen, he _loves_ you so much but right now he just - he can't see through the fact that Robert -" she can't even bring herself to say it, she's so ashamed.

Liv looks up at her and then can't help herself as she blurts out, "Have ya heard from him?" It's desperate and quick and Victoria can only nod her head slowly.

"Once." Victoria says, still holding Liv close. "He told me not to worry, that he's fine and - and he's dealing with things his own way." She remembers receiving the message, the morning after he disappeared. Relief has washed over for a few seconds and then it subsided when nothing else from her brother came through.

Yeah she was angry, ashamed but she couldn't help but feel like this was a case of deja vu all over again. Her brother run out of town and her losing contact. Not now, now when he's going to be an uncle.

Liv sniffs and then swallows hard. "Why would he do it?" She's been wanting to ask the question for days now but couldn't because Aaron ignored the mention of Robert completely whenever she tried to bring it up.

Victoria blows out a shallow breath and shrugs slowly. "I have no idea." She admits. "I thought he loved Aaron, loved the bones of it but - "

"Aaron still loves him." Liv knows, he wouldn't be hugging at his wedding suit and acting as if a part of him had just died if he didn't still love Robert Sugden.

Victoria does this little breathless laugh and shakes her head, "I don't doubt that for a second." She looks at Liv. "He always will." She adds, "Just like Robert will, deep down."

Liv bites her lip. "It feels like - like I don't have a family anymore." What she means to say is, despite how much she hates to admit it, Robert made her family complete and now there's a gaping hole and she hates him for making it.

Victoria tuts, "You've still got Aaron." She says softly.

"Yeah but - but I've not known the Aaron without Robert." That's what she's scared of most. "I've heard a lot about him but - but -"

Victoria grips tightly on Liv's hand. "He didn't have you before though." She says simply. "You'll get him through this," that seems to frighten Liv and so Victoria changes tact. " _We'll_ all be there for him."

Liv frowns. "Even you? I thought you'd be on -"

"I can hardly justify his actions can I? I love him, always will but - Aaron's a mate, a good one and - of course I'll be there for him, if he wants me to be." Victoria says softly before cupping Liv's face. "I'll be there for you n'all." She adds.

Liv smiles, "Thanks." She says, means it.

 

-

 

Liv shuts the door behind her slowly, she meant to text Aaron and say that Victoria was making her dinner but she didn't. She's still surprised to see her brother flying down the stairs though.

"Where've you been?" Aaron asks, eyes wide as he looks out of the window. It's pitch black.

"Pub." Liv shrugs her shoulders and tries to move past Aaron but he blocks her. "Vic made me dinner, dropped me back but she didn't think you'd want a chat so she went back."

Aaron swallows, feels guilty again over Victoria. He knows he should thank her but - she reminds him of Robert.

Aaron moves out of her way and then she nearly trips on the bags near the stairs. Rubbish bags, filled with -

Liv looks up apologetically to her brother. "Aaron I'm sorry." She knows that it was a big step, taking Robert's stuff out and shoving them in bags like they don't matter.

Aaron's eyes are glassy, he won't admit to the fact that he kept Robert's wedding suit.

"It's fine." Aaron wipes his eyes and then goes towards the kitchen, ripping out another bag and walking towards the living room. There's a picture of them on their wedding day, it was taken in the pub. Robert's head towards Aaron's, pressing a sloppy kiss to his temple as Aaron stared ahead, smiled, _grinned_ at the camera.

Aaron clears his throat and pushes it into the rubbish bag before moving on and seeing one of Robert and his dad, Aaron had framed it for Robert and they'd had a cry and then said they loved each other and Robert realised that his dad _would_ be proud that he found someone like Aaron to love him.

It doesn't have any place in the house anymore and Aaron remembers the horrible words he spat, he said something about Jack being disappointed, it goes into the bag. "Aaron, what are -" panic rises in Liv as she walks towards him, he's holding a picture of the three of them now. One they took in Wales. Aaron's hands are shaking and he pushes it into the bag before Liv can stop him.

"I'm doing what I should have done the night he left, _cutting_ him out of our lives." Aaron says loudly, suddenly pulling down the framed prime edition of some shitty comic Robert raved about.

"You don't have to -" Liv winces as she hears more of Robert's things fall into the bag.

"Yeah I do." Aaron turns to her, "You said it yourself, I'm useless. Here's me being useful." He pants hard and then makes his way towards the bookshelf, tearing at the pages of Robert's favourites that Aaron can't even pronounce and then shoving them into the bag one by one.

Liv's eyes are wet, "Please Aaron - you're scaring me now." She admits, doesn't expect Aaron to stop the way he does.

"I don't want to be useless without him." Aaron admits, voice hoarse as he stares down at his hands.

"You're not." Liv says, coming closer. "I didn't mean that, I don't hate you." She adds, slowly setting the bag aside and hugging her brother until he hugs her back.

 

-

Liv tiptoes across the hallway and freezes as she stands outside the door of Aaron's room. She can hear the familiar sound of crying, sobs that are being suppressed.

"Aaron?" Liv whispers, bites her lip and then walks into the room. Aaron has his back to her but she won't back down, Victoria gave her hope. "Can I sleep in here tonight? I don't want to be by myself."

Aaron turns at that, doubts that it's true, probably a ploy to get into bed and comfort him instead but he nods all the same, shifting up on the bed that is too empty to sleep soundly in.

The crying had started as soon as his head hit the pillow, it was the first time he was sleeping there since. Not even the bottles of febreeze and a brand new sheet and bed cover was able to wash away the fact that Robert betrayed him on this very bed.

It felt like he was in a battle field again, memories of holding Robert against him, pressing into his husband and making him moan out in pleasure, crying into Robert after a bad dream, whispering reassurance after Robert had a bad day at work, laughing like idiots on their anniversary, endless pillow talk about the future.

Liv moves her head towards Aaron so that she is underneath his arm and he is holding her close.

"I know you don't want to hear this but - I miss him." Liv says into the darkness of the room. "A lot." She adds heavily. "But I hate him too. I hate what he did to you, so I want to move on."

"So do I." Aaron says gently. "I promise I'll be better Liv."

"You don't have to promise." Aaron looks up at her. "Just don't shut me out okay?" She offers him.

Aaron nods, kisses her head. "Okay." He says before closing his eyes, he'll probably cry again so and hate how his little sister has to look after him but - he'll be okay. Who needs Robert Sugden anyway?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this, I know that you can hardly compare someone dying to just a separation but I think the premise is sort of the same and at least no one can say that Aaron doesn't love Robert completely! The real question is ... Where is Robert Jacob Sugden ??? Stay tuned! Xx


	22. Away from you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so damn short and I'm so sorry but it just wrote this way, obviously there's more to come from Robert but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless.

Robert feels his head banging. It's the first thing he feels. The only thing really as he tries to open his eyes.

His heart hammers in his chest and he doesn't like it all. It feels like he needs to be scared, panicked about something and he feels sick.

He can just about feel around where he is, he's on a bed he thinks. Not his own though.

Who's? It's the question is his mind over and over again and then he holds his breath. He's willing himself to open his eyes fully so he does.

It's dark. The entire room doesn't hold a single light and there's only a small window in the corner which is blocked by a sheet.

Robert licks his lips, his mouth his dry and he's aching all over. It's his head that hurts the most though. He feels like he's been run over or something.

Robert tries to lift himself up but becomes woozy almost instantly so he is forced to lie back down again - defeated.

He thinks quickly, tries to tie this predicament to some sort of memory but he can't. Everything is black in his mind but he manages to hold onto something. Aaron.

 

-

 

He can't work out his last memory, not really. All he can think of is Aaron. That's all he's able to truly grasp. He won't think about the fact that he remembers his marriage ending, he won't think about walking alone down the road and feeling so alone it ached. All he thinks about is Aaron. The pain in his head and Aaron.

Robert hears shuffling by the door and tries to lift himself up again, he can do it properly this time without his head lolling back.

His eyes open a little wider as he sees who steps forward.

"You alright sleepy head?" It's Calum, his voice is high and sweet and Robert feels his heart almost crumble.

Robert can't speak, just panics, just wants to leave as quickly as possible. Calum seems to notice and he comes closer, sitting on the springy bed that creaks continuously as he attempts to reach out to Robert.

"Why - where am I?" Robert wonders aloud, his voice is barely there, it kills him to speak and Calum smiles gently at him.

"You're safe. You're finally safe now." Calum says, sighing contently with this smile on his face that makes Robert shake with fear.

"I - I can't -" Robert tries but Calum cuts him off.

"Remember?" Calum says slowly, "That's okay." He adds before reaching down and then bringing a glass of water to Robert's lips. "Here drink this." He tips the water up to Robert's lips and Robert swallows gratefully.

Calum smiles at him. "I thought you'd never wake up properly." He says and Robert stares blankly at him.

"How long have I been asleep for?" Robert suddenly doesn't want to hear the answer at all.

Calum bites his lip, "A few days." He says like it doesn't matter. "You only woke up to call out some rubbish and have more water."

Rubbish. Instantly Robert think he was calling out for Aaron.

"I need to get back." Robert panics, a few days, Aaron would be -

"To what Robert?" Calum frowns, tilts his head. "You remember what happened don't you? Aaron _hates_ ya."

It burns, it makes Robert shudder but then he shakes his head.

"No, no I have to let them know I'm -" Robert's eyes are suddenly growing tired again and he feels almost spaced out as he tries to speak.

"They don't care Robert." Calum snaps before rubbing Robert's arm. "I've already told Victoria that you're safe." He adds and Robert feels his heart race again because a part of him think he isn't. Not with Calum.

Robert goes to protest, to struggle off the bed but - Calum's face is right in front of his own, blurring his vision and making Robert feel like he has to throw up.

"Easy Rob," Calum whispers. "Enough of that. Lie down for me, get some rest."

Robert wants to fight against the instruction because his mind is telling him that he's had enough sleep for God's sake but - his eyes droop down and he feels everything begin to melt away again. The last thing he sees is Calum's hand on his chest, he sees the ring, _Aaron's_ ring.

The last thing that slips from his mind is the memory of how blue Aaron's eyes are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for those who had hope it wouldn't be Calum but for me it was the only way to really get to the heart of why the hell Calum is so damn obsessed with Robert. All will be revealed ...
> 
> Okay so I'm thinking about uploading again later today because boy this chapter was short. The next chapter is again Aaron centric (notice a pattern?) and I'm planning on it to be quite long. If anyone is up for that let me know because I don't want to post too much in one day for some people. Let me know what you think <3


	23. (Can't) move on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean I did try to upload last night but Ao3 decided against that and had no choice but to wait until this morning. I hope you like this chapter though. 
> 
> Oh! Also can I say thank you because I got over 400 kudos for this fic and I'm so super pleased !!!

Aaron's getting by, it's been a week and yeah it still aches but - he isn't crying himself to sleep at night. He's actually managing to lay down and think about - anything else really until he drops off.

Liv. He's thrown himself into being there for her. He's making meals, proper dinners and she's eating them gratefully, not mentioning how Robert was always the better cook.

Aaron tells Louise all this, he's sitting opposite her in the room, on the same white chair as always.

"So you'd say it's getting easier?" Louise wonders, has a hand in her hair as she talks.

Aaron tries to smile faintly, "S'pose." He shrugs softly. "I - I'm trying my hardest ya know." He adds, feels like he wants to say more.

"Of course." Louise pauses. "You mentioned early that Robert's business partner had been pestering you about him, it got me thinking, have you not - not heard anything from Robert himself since we last spoke?"

Aaron feels his tongue grow dry, everyone's said something like that. Chas had hinted, asked where he was exactly, then Paddy, but Aaron had simply scowled and they'd stopped. He doesn't know why to actually say. He _hasn't_ heard a word and -

"No." Aaron gulps hard and feels a little panicked. He doesn't know why but he's hit a moment, a moment where he's finally been able to move past this red mist of anger and wonder where his husband actually as. "Not a word and -" Aaron's eyes dart around the place a little and then he falters. "I don't care either." There, it's not a lie, it's just - not entirely the truth.

Louise seems to know him though, she already is able to look beneath and see something, "Aaron. You can tell me _exactly_ how you're feeling." She says patiently.

Aaron bites hard on his lip, "No." He says quickly. "Look I don't want to get myself upset over this, over _him_."

Louise looks a little sad, "Aaron, holding it in won't do you any good. Trust me."

He knows she's right, he _hates_ how right she really is.

Aaron sighs hard. "He wants me to worry, he's good at doing that, making me - cry. I won't do anymore, _no_." He feels so strong suddenly. "He's probably sunning himself up somewhere, getting off with any one that looks his way, telling himself that - that he didn't do anything wrong and - I can't care about that anymore."

Louise tries to smile and then manages to nod. "I understand." Aaron lifts his head, it looks like she really does and -  
He can breathe again.

 

-

 

The pub's busy by the time Aaron walks in, Adam's already sitting by the bar, pint in hand and Victoria's talking quietly to him on the other side of the bar.

Aaron walks over to them cautiously, he and Victoria have somewhat been avoiding each other since everything happened but then Victoria looks up at him. Aaron can see some red rings around her eyes and the water that fills them and his heart pangs, he feels sick with guilt over something he can't control. He suddenly realises even more that Robert didn't just leave him and leave, he left his little sister too.

"I best get back." Victoria says, ripping her eyes away from Aaron and turning back to the kitchen.

Aaron stays silent for a second before he sits and looks at Adam. "She's not alright is she?"

Adam gulps hard, feels like he doesn't know what to say. "Hormones and that innit." He says, it's a cop out but he says it anyway.

Aaron's eyes widen a little. "It's not the baby is it?" He questions, concerned.

"Nah." Adam says like he doesn't want to say anything more but then he smiles. "Got the first scan tomorrow though."

Aaron brightens at that, suddenly he's clapping against Adam's back and smiling and then it fades, there's a niggling thing in his mind because it sucks that everyone can be happy except him.

 

-

 

There's a guy in the corner of the room, he's got his eyes on Aaron and he hates it. He wants to tell him he isn't interested, that he's actually -

No. Well yeah he's married but -

He's just not interested.

Charity makes an appearance later on and Aaron already rolls her eyes as she saunters over, glass of wine in hand.

"You alright sunshine." Charity says and Aaron is snapped out of his thoughts about the brunette in the corner, he knows that Charity will probably tease him if she knew.

He tries to keep calm, tries to act like she's not there but then she leans closer.

"I'm fine." Aaron says and then looks towards Adam who's still sitting beside him. "You wanna go somewhere?" He asks, feeling the man's eyes on him.

Charity lets out a little laugh. "That's the Dingle spirit." She clicks her tongue and Aaron snaps his neck towards her.

"You what?" Aaron says, loud and a little abrupt.

"You know, fall off one horse and get back on another." Charity almost slurs a little.

Aaron feels his heart beat out of his chest. One comment, one stupid comment and - and he's already being judged.

"Do one Chairty." Adam says before standing up and patting Aaron's shoulder. "Just going to the toilet and then we can head off."

Aaron tenses a little and stares down at his pint, when he looks up again the man is at the bar, side eying Aaron still and making him blush hard.

Charity's still standing there, "Oi Aaron, looks like you won't have to go out at all eh." She laughs again and then Aaron dares to look up, sees that the men had turned towards him properly.

He's eyes are nice, deep brown and almost like pools of chocolate or something. There's something soft about him and Aaron hates how he can pick parts of him out so easily, then he thinks of Robert and - well it all becomes easier.

"Aaron?" The bloke says, his eyes are on Aaron's rather intently as he extends his hand, "Dylan."

Aaron stares down at Dylan's hand, bites his lip and then shakes it slowly. It feels wrong, he looks at his own hand and nearly expects to see a ring but he doesn't. It's not there anymore.

Dylan talks for a bit, Adam comes back and subtly takes his beer to a table and observes from afar.

Dylan's nice, just _nice_ and he makes Aaron smile a little but then it all fades when he hears Charity's voice.

"See, told ya he'd find someone after Robert."

It makes his mouth feel dry. That isn't what this is. No. He'd never find someone again, no one would ever - _no_.

Aaron backs away, feels this need to look towards the floor in shame and he hates that but then he looks up and sees Victoria standing beside Charity. She looks angry, her face red and looking sad.

"It - I wasn't -" Aaron bites down on his lip and then sees Victoria shaking her head.

"Yeah you move on, you move on after you _forced_ my brother out of the village he grew up in." Victoria hasn't said this before and Aaron's shocked because he just thought she felt guilty not - not _angry_ at _him_.

Aaron's eyelids flutter a little and then Adam is by his side.

"Oi, your _brother_ cheated on him love?" Charity says and Aaron's a little grateful suddenly.

Dylan looks embarrassed, practically scurries out the pub and Aaron doesn't know what to say, still.

"Yeah we all know that. He's _paid_ for that hasn't he." Victoria has tears in her eyes, they swell until they crash down her face and Adam rushes towards her.

"Hey don't - don't upset yourself Vic." Adam says, all comforting and slow and Aaron bolts. He just races past them, wants to hide in his old room for as long as he can but Victoria won't let him, she follows him and Adam doesn't.

"It's been a week and you're already -" Victoria practically sobs and Aaron can't handle her crying.

"Already what? Moving on?" Aaron yells. "You think I _can_. You think I can ever - ever be with someone again after what your brother did to me." He hates how he cries. "I'm broken 'cause of him and - I won't have _you_ tryna guilt trip me for trying to forget how much he's hurt me."

Victoria shakes her head, "'Cause it's all about you innit?" She subconsciously touches her stomach and Aaron's chin wobbles. "I haven't heard from him since -"

Aaron's heart races, he won't hear it, _no_ he won't. He turns his back to her and shakes his head hard. "I don't want to know." He forces out.

Victoria rolls her eyes and stops crying. "I bet ya don't. Not after you were to blame for him leaving in the first place."

Aaron turns sharply and Victoria knows it's not strictly true but she doesn't back down.

"He _cheated_ on me. I caught him in bed with Calum, have you forgotten that?" Aaron's angry, tries to control it as he walks up and down the room.

"Of course I haven't." Victoria says quickly.

"No one told him to do that and I won't be to blame for him leaving."

"You made it impossible for him to stay here." Victoria has such passion in her voice and Aaron nearly falters. "He went one night and - and he hasn't come back."

Aaron gulps hard. He thinks of the bags of Robert's clothes that are stored in a cupboard out of sight, meant to be out of mind. "He will." He says without thinking. "He'll come back, try to sort things out and - then he'll go again." He adds but Victoria looks unimpressed.

"It's been a whole _week_." Victoria says, wide eyed. "He hasn't said anything to you? Not even a drunken apology?"

Aaron twitches, she knows her brother so well. "No." He forces out, tries not to think about how badly it could worry him if he wanted it to.

Victoria licks her lips, "Well as long as you're happy eh." She says flatly and Aaron's eyes widen.

"Happy?" Aaron shakes out. "My marriage is over, I've lost my husband." He says shakily.

Victoria chews her lip, "Yeah well - I've lost my brother." She counters and Aaron's eyes flicker.

"That's not my doing." Aaron says, his face getting redder. "I didn't make him -"

Victoria blows out a shaky breath. "I can't do this right now." She pauses. "I said to Liv I'd be there for ya but - but I don't think I can be, not when I have no idea where my brother is and you get to - to just chat up blokes and go home to your nice little house."

' _Not when I have no idea where my brother is.'_

Aaron falters, nearly trips on air because - because Victoria _has_ to know where Robert is. She has to.

Aaron draws himself away from it and looks at Victoria for a second before remembering what else she had said and getting angry, "I'm not chatting up blokes." He spits angrily. "And so what if I was?"

Victoria sighs softly before she looks towards the floor. "Look I just - I can't be around ya right now, not when I'm worried about -" she stops herself, feels like she needs to sit down and Aaron guides her towards the sofa of the back room.

"I hate 'im even more for making you worry like this." Aaron says, anger rising because Victoria's only trying to be loyal.

Victoria lets out a breathless laugh. "You sound just like Adam." She says before sitting back on the sofa.

"Vic that bloke wasn't -" Aaron stops himself and then shakes his head. "You can't make me feel guilty about the way things ended. You can't." He stresses but Victoria just shakes her head.

"Just - just leave me be for now. I just miss him and - he'd still be here if -"

"If he hadn't cheated on me."

"If you hadn't told him to leave and never look back. He's heard that before you know. _You know he has_. This time though, he really won't _ever_ come back." Victoria says, knowingly and Aaron just has to back away, he has to run out the pub as soon as he can.

 

-

 

Liv's home, work sprawled out on the table and a pencil in her hair holding it up in a bun. Aaron pants hard as he shuts the door and it sparks her attention.

"You alright?" Liv asks tentatively and her heart races a little because Aaron's been doing good over the last few days but there's always a downward spiral waiting to happen.

Aaron gulps hard, turns towards her and smiles falsely. "Yeah I just - had a bit of a - me and Vic had words."

Liv frowns a little, "Think I can guess what it was about." She mutters under her breath.

Aaron goes to speak and then the door opens. Chas stands there, looks distressed and Aaron knows that he has to let her in.

"Ya wanna explain why Vic's crying in the back room after apparently having a chat with ya?" Chas says, coming towards her son.

Aaron looks towards Liv, "Can you give us a sec?" He says and Liv jumps up, almost appears grateful as she walks away.

"Well?" Chas wonders, a hand on her head. "Charity said that - that you and some bloke were -"

Aaron looks embarrassed and hides his face with his hands. "He was just talking to me." He says, muffled.

"That's maybe a - I don't know a good thing." Chas stammers. "Stuff what Vic says."

Aaron's almost horrified by what she's getting at and suddenly he pulls his hands from his face and stares at her. "My marriage has been done for what? A week? And you already think it's a 'good thing' for me to move on?" He says bitterly. "You have no idea."

Chas looks panicked, "Oh love I didn't mean to upset ya, I just - I don't want you feeling guilty about whatever she was saying. I know she's hurting too but -" she pauses and grabs her son's shoulders. "I just want you happy."

Aaron shrugs his shoulders and his mum's hands fall. "I can't be, without him." He says slowly before realising the truth in hid words and feeling flawed. "How messed up is that?" His eyes are glassy as he talks. "I can't be happy without the man that I _hate_ , without the man who _cheated_ on me."

Chas bites her lip. "I thought you were -"

"I'm trying to be strong, for Liv." Aaron swallows. "It's just _too_ hard. Vic hates me now and - and the thought of being near anyone else makes me - me feel -" he's shaking, he feels sick and then he feels his mum hug him hard.

"I hate him mum. I hate him so much." Aaron cries into her shoulder.

"I know love but you need to move past it. He's gone. He's gone and you've still got a life." Chas reminds him.

It should work but - but it doesn't because his whole _life_ was Robert. That's how it feels.

 

-

 

Aaron sleeps firmly on his side of the bed. He still can't bare to roll over just an inch. The ceiling is high and Aaron stares up at it. He stares right into it and remembers telling his mum about Victoria not knowing where Robert is. He remembers shouting, feeling broken as she told him it shouldn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Aaron tries to close his eyes and he sees Robert there, he sees him smiling and kissing Calum and -

He doesn't know why for even a _second_ his heart was plagued with worry for his cheating estranged husband.

He closes his eyes, attempts to sleep soundly but can't because, Victoria really doesn't know where he is. Where is he? Aaron thinks, he repeats it over and over again before his eyes flutter shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so interested to read what you guys think of this chapter and especially how Victoria acted to everything that happened. I was sort of split when I was writing her because on one hand it wasn't very Victoria-like blaming Aaron for Robert's mistakes but then again her brother is missing and I think that plays a lot into all her feelings at the moment. 
> 
> If you have me on tumblr (@littlelooneyluna) you'll know that I'm planning on uploading again today, a little later on, to make up for not uploading yesterday but we'll see. If I do then it'll be a big dramatic Robert centric one! Xx


	24. Almost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this is a long and quite dramatic chapter so really strap in and get ready.

Robert first sees Calum as he opens his eyes, he looks right at him and Calum does this thing with his eyes, they flutter like mad and he looks focused on Robert.

"You alright sleepy head?" Robert hears, he keeps hearing it whenever he has the strength to open his eyes.

Robert has a bit more strength, feels like he's slept for days and he manages to force himself up on the mattress he was stretched out on. The room is dark and smells of damp and Calum looks around it almost embarrassed as Robert expects it.

"Why am I here?" Robert forces out, he's been meaning to say it for days now, he's been meaning to get concrete answers but he almost can't, he fails every time. Not now though.

Calum frowns and makes Robert flinch as he puts a hand through the older man's hair and stares at him. "Don't you remember?"

Robert shuts his eyes and tries to. "I remember taking off my ring, in the pub. I remember walking but then -"

Calum smiles at him, "You nearly got yourself run over. I saved you." He says softly. "You hurt your head, I think you had concussion but you wouldn't let me take you to the hospital."

Robert squints hard. "Is that why I - keep blacking out?" He stammers, feels vulnerable.

Calum nods, "That's right." He says, stroking Robert's face for a second before seeing something change in Robert's expression. "What?"

Robert lets out a shaky breath and thinks of Aaron. "I need to go home."

Calum frowns, "Where's home?" He asks bluntly and Robert looks confused. "You and Aaron aren't together anymore."

Robert shakes his head, "I need to make it work. I need to say sorry again, convince him that -"

Calum leans in closer and Robert holds his breath. "That I wasn't all over you? That you didn't want me, that you still don't?"

Robert feels sick suddenly because _none of it is true_ and then he has the energy to pull Calum away from him attempting to stand. "Cal get me out of here." He says shakily.

Calum presses Robert's shoulders back down on the mattress. "I can't do that Rob." He says, sighing hard. "Why can't you see that?"

Robert blinks quickly and his heart races. "Calum." He pauses, tries desperately to think. "You ruined my marriage, why would I want to stay here? I said all those things to you, I remember." Calum's face twitches. "Calum I - I _hate_ ya."

It's probably one of the stupidest things Robert's ever said because Calum stands furiously and then disappears out of the small room leaving Robert surrounded by darkness.

For the first time, he's scared of what will happen next.

 

-

 

Robert's alone for what feels like hours until Calum comes back into the room carrying a coffee and a bagel in his hand.

"Feeling up to this?" Calum says cheerfully, coming towards Robert and not paying attention to the way Robert moves away from him.

"Calum -" Robert tries. The hours alone made him realise that Calum couldn't hear any of what he really thought. No, Robert would have to try and be rational about this because the reality was - Calum wasn't letting him go anytime soon. He was trapped.

Calum looks up and meets Robert's eyes before placing a hand over Robert's shaky one, "Don't worry. I know you didn't mean it." He says softly. "You're just hungry." He brings the bagel towards Robert and then the coffee. "An americano of course."

Robert takes it slowly and chews at the bagel slowly, his taste buds come alive and he wonders when he last ate.

"Good to see you still have your appetite after a week." Calum says, just watching Robert.

Robert stops chewing and his mouth hangs open, unflattering. "A - _week_?" He stammers, it's been a week since it all happened.

Suddenly he thinks of Victoria. She must be worried about him, _must_ be. Diane - Diane's in Spain, he's relieved that she doesn't need to know about all his mistakes yet.

"I need to speak to Vic." Robert says quickly and Calum frowns. "Let her know I'm doing fine."

Calum shakes his head. "No need. I've been sending daily updates. She thinks you're in Tuscany." His eyes glimmer and Robert pales. "Don't you remember, you use to say you'd love to go there. I always thought we could go together one day."

Robert shivers and looks at what Calum is wearing, he's sure that it's one of his tops. "Where did you get that?" He asks, pointing at his green top.

Calum smiles, "Well I had to get some essentials didn't I? Not like you could do it yourself." He laughs and it cuts through the room, "Why don't you change into another one? You've been wearing that for -"

"Shower." Robert says quickly, his brain is working at speed and he is thinking of a way out of the room, finding a possible escape, a way out.

Calum looks a little unsure and then he nods. "Eat first and then you can." He says softly, "I might - maybe join ya."

Robert looks horrified, can't hide it at all and Calum flushes a bright red colour.

"Or maybe not." Calum says a little bitterly.

Robert panics, thinks that he won't get a shower anymore and then suddenly has a hand on Calum's hand. "Not yet okay? I just need some time to get my head round things." It's the best he can do without feeling sick but then his eyes look at Aaron's ring on Calum's finger and he tenses.

Calum nods and then looks down on his hand, at his finger with the ring on it, "Not yet." He says slowly, slides it off and then places it in his palm. It sends a wave of relief through Robert. "Go on, eat up." Calum adds, shakes Robert's leg. 

Robert does, too quickly and then feels sick. He has this sudden urge of misery hit him as he finishes his last bite. He thinks of Aaron and the pain is like nothing else he's ever felt. His Aaron and _oh_ his Liv. Liv, he misses her so much.

He wants them, he wants everything back. He just wants his little family despite how much they _don't_ want him.

"Robert." Calum calls to Robert and the older man looks up slowly. "You know I'm just trying to keep you safe?"

Robert wants to shout 'safe from what?' at the top of his lungs but he can't. He doesn't.

"Yeah. I know." Robert says, fearful once again as Calum smiles at him like he always does and then his shoulders relax like he is content with all his done.

Robert's heart races out of his chest. He's never felt more scared and alone and - he just wants Aaron.

 

-

 

The shower spurts out in bouts and hits Robert's skin making him shake all over as he struggles to hold himself up. Calum dragged him there and nearly stayed as Robert tried to take off his clothes but thankfully he took the hint and turned to leave. Robert looks around his surroundings, notices that there's a dim light on the ceiling and a toilet in the corner of the room but not much else. The whole room looks unclean, feels unkempt and Robert shudders as a blast of cold water hits him unexpectedly. Robert's eyes look down towards his stomach and he notices that he's lost a considerable amount of weight. It's been a week but yet his body is already looking unlike his own.

Robert feels at his head as the water washes over him, it aches still and he struggles to remember why it would.

Suddenly there's a flash of a memory, his head nearly hitting the floor and - and someone catching him. It must have been Calum which means that he didn't nearly get hit by a car at all. Lie. _Another_ lie.

There's shuffling by the door and Robert freezes, feels the need to hide himself and suddenly he's darting towards the towel left out for him and pulling it across him.

Calum appears and looks a little dishevelled as he pokes his head through the door. "Look I need to pop out for a bit. Is that alright?" Calum questions nervously and Robert turns to stop the shower before looking back and nodding. He is more than relieved at the prospect of being alone, finding a way out.

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit then yeah?" Calum says cautiously. "You know the way back to the room? Straight ahead." He says and then he looks at Robert, really looks at him before smiling and ducking his head out of the room.

Robert sighs slowly as he presses his head against the tiles and prepares himself to hunt for clues and more importantly an escape.

 

-

 

There's a door, it's large and black and in the opposite direction of where Robert was told to go. Robert shivers as he pulls on a top and is forced to wear the same jeans as before, his hair is wet still and he tries his hardest not to think about how cold he is as he steps out more clearer on the landing.

The floorboards creek and Robert realises that there's a downstairs to the place, long winding staircases that travel all the way. He pauses, manages to catch his breath a little and then turns his attention back to the door.

He feels nervous, feels like backing away but then he thinks of Aaron and Liv and how much he needs to get home to them despite how much they hate him. The thought stirs a sense of braveness in him and suddenly he is charging towards the door and trying to pull it open.

It's locked.

Robert slams his head against it in frustration and then feels a little woozy before he draws back and tries to think of a way to get inside. It takes a few seconds but then he simply realises that he only has brute force to rely on in his weak state.

He pushes against the door, twisting the handle slowly as he does so. Robert's head bangs but he persists, pushing and slamming and crashes until the door swings open and the lock breaks.

Robert breathes out a sigh of relief and then wishes he hadn't as he looks about the room in horror.

The first thing he sees is a picture of himself plastered on the wall. It's one of him on his wedding day, Aaron's next to him but - but his eyes have been blacked out as if he isn't even there.

Robert staggers a little and feels sick as he comes more into the room and sees a bed filled with his own things. There's all his ties and a pair of his shoes as well. It makes sense, Calum's ties _always_ looked familiar, Robert thinks.

Robert's attention is dragged towards a desk filled high with papers and cuttings and he freezes as he sees Aaron's name over and over again.

There's an article about him coming out in court all those years ago after he had hit Jackson.

There's an article about him being found not guilty for the death of Jackson.

Robert picks up the papers and holds them shakily in his hands because he's flawed, he's never even seen these himself so how has Calum?

Robert reads them over quickly and then spots a newer one. It's about Aaron and Adam starting the scrap business, it's only a small thing in the local gazette, right near the back. Robert remembers reading it, smiling ridiculously to himself as he tried to keep it out of sight from Chrissie.

The papers drop from his hands suddenly as he sees another, it's about - about his shooting.

There's a picture of Aaron on the paper, a massive headline reading: ' **Ex lover charged with attempted murder.'**

It stings all over as Robert holds the paper up. It makes him go back to a place that he hates more than anything.

_Local business man Robert Sugden was shot on the 25th September of this year and now new evidence has been bought to attention which has seen the arrest and charging of local man and business partner Aaron Livesy who was also romantically involved with the victim for a considerable length of time. No word has been commented by the police yet however it is possible that the enquiry will come to a halt until a plea is given by Livesy on the charges against him._

\- 16th October 2015

 

He feels sick, feels sick to his stomach because Calum knows about that _too_. It's all private things yet he knew, he's always known hasn't he?

He's a fucking stalker Robert, _wake up_. It screams over and over in his head as he tries hard not to cry.

Robert puts the papers back and sights another about Aaron's child abuse case, the guilty verdict. He sees scribbling across it, the word 'LIAR' standing out all over the page, written by Calum probably.

Calum always knew about the abuse, he _hadn't_ told him that, he was _right_.

Robert desperately feels the urge to be sick and struggles as he moves across towards the bathroom and throws up into the toilet. He shudders as he looks up and then notices a box of tablets on the side. Drug?

Robert hitches a breath, feels the world collapsing because - Calum's been drugging him?

He's never felt so out of control before and suddenly he wants to cry. He wants to give up and just cry but he can't because - he has to _run_.

Robert races back into the room and tries to find some sort of evidence against Calum, Calum his _stalker_.

He rummages through the pages and finds a piece of paper titled: 'Ways to cut brakes.'

It confirms everything, it makes his heart shatter and he understands that Calum wants Aaron _dead_ , Calum could have killed their Liv. He - he could have _killed_ her.

"Oh my God," Robert cries out as he looks ahead and notices a little camera device plugged into a laptop. He carefully walks across the room and then braces himself as he opens up the laptop fully. At first there's nothing but then it comes into focus.

He sees it clearer, he sees his bedroom. He sees his _own_ bedroom staring back at him and then the door opens and it's -

"Aaron," Robert's really crying now, tears falling down his face because he just wants to touch his husband and hold him close.

Robert watches Aaron cross over towards the bed and sit at the edge, his head in his hands. Robert's heart actually breaks in two and he struggles to hold himself up because he can feel Aaron's pain and he knows that he mirrors it completely.

Robert goes to touch the screen, caught up in his emotions and misses the sound of the front door creeping open. He misses the sound of soft footsteps and only manages to hear -

"What are you doing in here Robert?"

 

-

  
Robert's mouth is like sandpaper and he can't bring himself to say a word but Calum's looking at him like he doesn't even expect an answer. Robert can't work out exactly what Calum is thinking but he can guess that the frowns on his face are anger and confusion and almost betrayal.

It takes seconds for the silence in the room to be obliterated by the sound of Calum charging towards the laptop and slamming it down hard. It makes Robert flinch and then shudder.

Calum looks at Robert and then it's almost like everything falls into place and he realises that Robert's seen _everything_.

"Robert -" Calum pauses, panting a little. "You weren't meant to -"

Robert staggers back as he feels Calum drawing nearer towards him. "You're - you're a _psycho_." He blurts out, a hand coming up to his face and shaking. "You don't just want me, you're _obsessed_ with me."

Calum looks like he's been punched hard, "Why are you _saying_ it like that for?" He snaps harshly.

Robert frowns and then picks up a fistful for papers. "You know everything about my life, about my husband. Why else does that make ya?" He shakes his head hard and Calum advances again towards Robert, grabbing the older man by the wrists and staring intensely into his eyes.

"Your hero." Calum whispers, "The only one able to _save_ you." He adds and Robert knows that he's delusional, he _knows_.

"You're insane." Robert mutters and Calum lets his wrists fall. "I - I can't believe this -" he adds, staggers against the wall. "You need to stay away from me." He forces out.

Calum frowns again, "Why?" He cries out. "I'm helping you. I'm keeping you safe."

Robert's eyes widen, "What by _drugging_ me?" He forces out. "Keeping me prisoner?" He adds and Calum's face falls.

"The drugs were -"

"I didn't nearly get hit by a car or whatever you said." Robert feels light headed suddenly. "You _drugged_ me and dragged me back here."

Calum shakes his head quickly, "You're wrong." He persists, getting redder.

"What about that?" Robert looks towards the laptop. "How long has that been there eh? You've been _watching_ me and my husband in our _bedroom_."

Calum shuts his eyes harshly like he doesn't like the sentence at all. "Why are you making it sound so _sordid_?" He remarks, indignantly before sighing and walking across the room to where Robert is practically cowering.

"Are you scared of me?" Calum says angrily and Robert looks up and tries to shake his head. "I'm the _only_ person who's on your side." He attempts to cradle Robert but the older man fights against him.

"Shh, I know this might seem a little crazy but it's only 'cause I care so much about you," Calum whispers into Robert's ear before snaking an arm around the older man's waist. "C'mon, I can be a better husband than Aaron, let me prove it to -"

Robert sees red, the mention of Aaron has him flying across the room, punching Calum in the stomach and desperately trying to race down the stairs. His heart is beating out of his chest and it won't stop, it _won't_ let up until he sees the front door. It's bottled lock and he cries out in frustration as he can't find any other way out.

Think, think, _think_.

"ROBERT," Calum shouts, his footsteps drawing nearer as Robert frantically turns towards the right and notices a back exit, a door to a garden maybe. Robert runs, feels sick but still runs until he can push through the door and -

Calum's there, he's pulling Robert back and Robert's crying out in a horrible pain because his leg is jammed between the rusty door and it's being twisted as Calum attempts to keep hold of him.

"Let me go, let me _go_." Robert yells, all his energy is leaving him and Calum's won hasn't he.

Robert can't do anything as he watches Calum drag his own body back into the house. He think he can hear crying and then he realises it's his own.

"Rob, babe why did you make me do that?" Calum's voice is everywhere and Robert clings to it, wants to run from it at the same time.

Robert doesn't do anything, just feels pain shooting up his left leg and then more tears roll down his face. He's probably broken it, his leg, or fractured it but he knows Calum won't take him anywhere.

"Let me get some dressing for you leg and then - then I'm going to have to lock you in your room for a while, for your own good yeah?" Calum whispers before slowly rising to his feet and leaving Robert lying motionless on the floor thinking only of one word.

 _Almost_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN !!!!
> 
> Probably won't be uploading until Thursday now but I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. It's all supposed to be getting clearer now in terms of why the hell Calum is so obsessed with Robert but there's more to come on that front.


	25. Time goes by

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY AARON COMES HOME DAY !!! 
> 
> To celebrate, enjoy reading this very sad chapter involving BOTH of our beautiful boys!

"I had a row with my mate last night, it got a little heated." Aaron says, hands playing with each other nervously as he sits across from Louise.

Louise frowns, "Would you like to talk about what it was -"

"Victoria. She's Robert's sister." Aaron says like it explains everything and Louise nods her head a little. "She uh - I mean we were mates even before I knew Robert that well but uh I mean last night she - she's pregnant and she was upset and hormonal or whatever and she saw me having a conversation with some bloke." Aaron's cheeks redden.

"Oh," Louise says softly. "She didn't take it well?"

Aaron shakes his head, "She blames me for Rob leaving." He pauses. "I mean she knows he did wrong but she said that 'cause I said go and don't look back then - then it's my fault."

Louise looks like she's thinking hard. "Do _you_ think it's your fault?"

Aaron frowns, "No." He doesn't, he knows that rationally. "Look if Robert wanted to talk to Vic then - then he _would_. That has nothing to do with me at all."

Louise's eyebrow lifts, "She hasn't heard from him?"

Aaron bites his lip, "No. Not since the day after he left." He says before shaking his head. "She's dead worried." He's starting to shake his leg now and Louise notices.

"I don't think she's the only one." Louise says knowingly and Aaron stops moving his leg at once.

"I'm not worried." Aaron frowns hard, "Look I don't care where he is."

Louise nods, "That's understandable, the first few days but - but it has been over a week now. Surely he would have -"

"We've been through this." Aaron says, frustrated. "This is what he does. He wants me to worry 'bout him so that he knows I still love him."

"Do you?" Louise says, too frankly and then she looks apologetic.

Aaron's not sure about a lot of things but he's sure that he'll never stop loving Robert Sugden. His feelings won't be able to fade over time.

"I always will." Aaron shrugs his shoulders. "But that's besides the point. I just -"

"Can you understand why Victoria would be upset?" Louise asks and Aaron nods readily.

"Of course but - but there's nothing I can do about it." Aaron shrugs his shoulders and then thinks of something but tries to push it away.

"What?" Louise asks slowly, "Say what's on your mind Aaron." She smiles reassuringly.

Aaron clears his throat. "Maybe if I ring him, tell him it's safe to collect his things then - then he can see Vic." He says slowly.

Louise smiles warmly, "That might be a good idea. Aaron, you have his things still in your home don't you?" Aaron nods, thinks of it all stuffed away, out of sight. "Seeing him take it all away might help you finally just let it all go."

Aaron winces, "No I wouldn't want to see him." He forces out before looking towards the ground. "This is for Vic, not me."

Louise just smiles again, she probably wants to say something more but Aaron knows she won't push it.

 

-

 

Aaron rings Robert in his car. His hands are shaky, they are wet and clammy and he is so thankful when it goes to voicemail. Aaron clears his throat, "It's me." He shuts his eyes, feels sick. "You've not been ringing Vic and she's worried so - so come get your things and pay her a visit."

Aaron stops there. Let's it send and then he sinks back into the seat, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

 

-

 

Adam wants to do a delivery and Aaron curses under his breath because he's tired from his session and the call and everything else.

Aaron comes through Adam's home once he realises it's on the latch and then is started as he sees Victoria on the sofa. She looks delicate and small and like she's been crying.

"I didn't think you'd be here." Aaron says quickly. "Sorry I'll just wait in the pub." He walks towards the door but Victoria stops him.

"Come sit down." Victoria says softly and Aaron obliges, sitting next to her.

Victoria blows out a breath, "I just wanted to say that I was a cow last night for blaming you."

Aaron doesn't say anything, just wants to keep it calm.

"I shouldn't have said all that but I was just angry." Victoria says, her voice a little stronger.

Aaron nods and then sighs, "Look Vic I promise ya that bloke was nothing. He was just talking to me."

Victoria sniffs, "I know, I know you wouldn't move on like that so soon."

Aaron scoffs, "More like _couldn't_." He says sadly and Victoria pulls a hand over his his.

"You want to see something?" Her eyes glisten a little and Aaron nods cautiously as she pulls something out from her pocket.

Aaron gaps and then suddenly there's tears in his eyes that mirror hers. "Oh Vic," he says gently as he stares down at the tiny little baby in the scan picture.

Victoria looks so proud as she shows it to Aaron. "I suppose Adam wanted to show you later but I couldn't resist." She says, her voice so much lighter than before.

Aaron keeps starting at it until he is painfully reminded of all those talks of a future he had with Robert, they're all meaningless now.

"I'm made up for you." Aaron insists as Victoria notices his mind straying away.

"You better be, _uncle_ Aaron." Victoria laughs a little and then stops. Instead she's crying and Aaron can't help but feel useless.

"Hey, what's - what's wrong?" Aaron tries, pushing her into him so he can hold her a little.

"My baby's already not going to have their uncle Andy and now - I can't have 'em not knowing who their uncle Rob -" Victoria's a mess and Aaron feels a lump forming in his throat as he thinks about it.

"Don't be daft. He's going to ring ya soon." Aaron pushes out before looking at Victoria properly. "I rang him earlier, told him to ring ya, to get his things and see ya properly."

Victoria looks touched and then frowns. "He hasn't though. I sent him a picture and - nothing." She says shakily. "I thought he was excited about this." She looks completely downtrodden.

Aaron grabs her hands. "He _was_." He doesn't know why he's defending his cheating scumbag of a husband but - he is.

Victoria stops crying and then she looks almost shaken. "You don't think something's happened to him, do you?"

Aaron's world stops spinning. Finally someone has said what he's been thinking all this time.

"I -" Aaron's mouth is dry because he doesn't know what to say. A part of him knows this is classic Robert, wallowing away somewhere feeling sorry for himself or hooking up with randoms to feel better. But the other part - the other part can't help but feel sick with this fear that - something isn't right.

"I'm scared." Victoria says honestly. "I don't know where he could be."

Aaron twitches, "Don't be scared. Look this Robert Sugden we're talking about." He can't help but stand, but want to leave. "He does everything on his own terms, stuff what everyone else thinks." A ghost of a smile forms on his face and Victoria's eyes are glassy.

Victoria nods and stands with Aaron. "If I haven't heard from him in a few days then - then I think we should worry. Majorly worry."

"About what?" Aaron asks, hates how he can think of countless situations and scenarios. "He's a thirty one year old man, who's been kicked out and is laying low for a bit. Nothing to report or worry about at all."

Victoria nods gently and Aaron hugs her for a second. "I best get back." He says, dismissing himself and craving a pint.

 

-

 

Aaron's having his pint, he's practically hiding into the walls and yet still Pete catches his attention and walks over.

"Alright?" Aaron looks up and sees that Pete wants his attention. Aaron tries to smile but it's hard because he knows that Robert was Pete's friend, sort of, and he doesn't want a chat.

"Yeah I'm fine." Aaron blows out, looks back down into his pint.

"Look I know this is - insensitive but -" Pete struggles and Aaron looks up. "Robert was looking at a lot of stuff for the taxi business, ya know like, setting up potential work offers and I was wondering if I could have 'em. Ya know, the file."

Aaron blinks and then can't help but think about how much influence Robert has in other people's life's. It's weird.

"Do you know what it looks like?" Aaron plays with his hands. "'Cause I don't have a clue."

Pete scratches his eyebrow and then nods. "I think it's a bright orange one."

"I'll have a look for ya." Aaron says before lifting his pint.

"Cheers Aaron." Pete says and then looks over to the counter. "Want another pint?" He asks but Aaron declines.

"Nah I'm good." Aaron decides to stew, wants time alone to think about his conversation with Victoria. He feels like an idiot now for even attempting to talk to Robert and coaxing him to visit Victoria.

Aaron's thoughts are dragged away when he looks up and sees Victoria talking to Pete over the bar. His ears prick as he hears what she's saying.

"I just thought he might have ... ya know you're mates aren't ya."

Aaron's jaw tenses.

Victoria's like a dog with a bone. She won't let it go. She just _won't_.

Aaron wants to pretend like he can't hear but he finds himself straining closer.

"Nah, not a word." Pete says, holding his pint and talking quietly to Victoria.

Aaron doesn't know whether to feel sad or glad. It's torture.

Liv comes through the door and Aaron's relieved to have a distraction as she sits beside him.

"What's for tea?" Liv first says as she looks at Aaron.

"Oh charming, nice to see you too." Aaron tries to say lightly but he is still focused on Victoria and Pete at the bar.

Liv notices, "What's wrong?" She says cautiously. "Are you alright?"

Aaron nods slowly, "Yeah." He whispers before standing, "Just getting a pint, stay here." He says a little dismissively.

Victoria stops talking as soon as Aaron approaches.

"Oh don't stop on my account, I can hear ya over there." Aaron says flatly and Pete clears his throat.

"Just tryna settle her thoughts." Pete says quickly as he looks at Victoria. "She's worried -"

"Yeah I know, there's nothing to worry about though." Aaron tells himself it over and over again.

"Yeah," Pete drinks and then frowns. "I mean he's probably with that mate he was meeting in town."

Victoria frowns, "What?" She seems surprised. "What mate? When was this?"

Aaron swallows thickly and it seems to work out in his mind even before Pete goes to speak.

"The night he left. He went into town to meet some friend of his." Pete says a little nervously as he sees the look on Aaron's face. "Oh, God have a put my foot in it?"

Victoria still looks a little confused and Aaron feels his heart shatter just a little more.

"So he went into town to _meet_ Calum. It wasn't just some stupid 'spare of the moment' mistake." Aaron feels a lump in his throat and then he nearly forgets that Liv's watching this all as he turns to Victoria. "Is that enough for you now?"

Victoria bites her lip. "No. No because that doesn't explain where he went _after_." She looks back at Pete. "Did any of you drive Robert out of the village again that night?"

"Not according to the books." Pete says softly.

Aaron shakes his head, he's angry as this new information enters his mind. He can't even think about worrying for Robert anymore.

"I don't give a toss anyway. In my eyes it's pretty much confirmed now that he's sloped off to Calum's." Aaron feels himself grow red. "I just wish he was elsewhere, wish he was _hurting_ like I am."

Liv stands and suddenly pulls at her brother. "Let's go home." She insists and he listens to her. He feels himself calm down and Victoria doesn't look mad at him as Liv steers him home and tries to think of a way to stop missing Robert as much as she does.

 

-

 

Robert's leg is bandaged up well and he can't help but raise an eyebrow at how secure it looks. It's the first thing he notices and then he feels at the surface, it's the mattress he was on before.

He can't help but wince as he feels a stabbing pain in his leg that send tingles through him. He remembers the struggle for freedom, remembers how _close_ he was yet it all feels so very far away.

There's a sound of shuffling outside the room and Robert cowers immediately as Calum enters, he's holding out a tray and has a smile on his face. "You okay?"

Robert scowls at him. "My leg _kills_." He bites bitterly, honestly.

Calum nods and shakes a bottle of water at him, "I've got something for you to take, it'll make the pain stop."

Robert looks stunned, "As if I'd take anything from you." He shakes his head hard and Calum notices how he hardly has an energy left.

"Well at least eat something." Calum persists, "Here." He has a piece of toast on a plate and passes it over to Robert.

Robert stares down at it, he wants to devour it but he's stubborn and tries to tell himself he doesn't need it.

"Let me go." Robert forces out, looking up at Calum.

Calum just sighs, shakes his head. "I can't do that." He bites his lip. "I'm helping you, why can't you see that?

Robert squints, "Why _would_ you help me? I don't want you to." He shudders. "If this is you helping me then -"

"Because I _love_ you Robert." It makes Robert feel sick, it catches him by surprise and his stomach flips at the confession.

"You don't." Robert swallows. "It's -"

"You probably said that to Aaron too at one point?" Calum subconsciously realises he's touched a nerve as Robert's face twitches. "And now you claim he's the love of your life." He scoffs angrily.

"He is." Robert practically shouts it. "You can't get in the way of that. Not ever." He says passionately. "You can't replace him." The very idea disgusts him.

Calum shakes his head. "I don't want to _replace_ him. I don't want to have anything to do with someone like him. I want _you_." He tries to grab Robert's hands. "And I want to get you _away_ from him."

Robert shudders. "What 'cause you _love_ me?" He says nastily.

Calum's eyes flutter. "Not just that." He says quickly before looking into Robert's eyes. "Because - because he's dangerous and - you don't need to pretend anymore."

Robert frowns harshly, "Pretend what?" He whispers, his eyes are filled with tears, with fright.

"Pretend that you believe him about his dad." Calum says, his eyes are wide and frantic. Robert's sickened. "Pretend that - that he isn't violent to you and that - that he didn't -"

"Didn't want?" Robert says impatiently and Calum pauses. "'What?"

"Try and kill you." Calum says darkly. "I know everything."

Robert shakes his head, "Is that what all this is about?" He dares to ask. "You've got it all wrong, you're _mad_."

"You saw the paper clippings, the articles." Calum snaps. "I'm not stupid Robert, _I know_ he tried to shoot ya dead."

Robert's heart aches at the memory. "You're wrong. Aaron couldn't ever go through with something like that. He couldn't _kill me_."

Calum scowls. "Why? He's done it before hasn't he? Jackson Walsh. Poor bloke."

Robert raises himself on the mattress. "You shut your mouth about Aaron."

Calum shakes his head at Robert, "You _still_ have this - this passion for someone so - so _fucking_ unworthy of you! Are you crazy?"

It's getting loud and heated and Robert clings onto the thin sheet laid out on the mattress.

"Me?" Robert just can't understand how messed up Calum is. "You've been _filming_ me and Aaron." He says, disgusted.

"I had to know you were okay. That he wasn't hurting you." Calum says, like it explains it all.

Robert closes his eyes, "You watched us have -"

"Of course I didn't. I couldn't watch him pin you down, kiss you. I would have known he was hurting you, forcing himself on -"

Robert feels drained from this, "Aaron. Would. Never. Hurt. Me. Why can't you get that? He wouldn't ever _force_ himself on me after what happened to him. You're sick for even saying that."

"He's the sick one." Calum jumps off the mattress and starts pacing the room. "You honestly think that he was honest about his old man? It was just a way to get with you."

Robert's shaking his head. "You're mad. You're just -"

Calum freezes and looks at Robert intensely. "He tried to kill you. He wanted ya _dead_ and you just accepted him back. You _married_ him." He says. "You're the mad one mate." He laughs breathlessly and it's completely unsettling. "Lucky I'm here."

Robert suddenly remembers something and he feels sick, "So you were prepared to kill 'im 'for me' yeah?" He shudders as he thinks about the car, the brakes. Calum goes to speak, probably goes to deny and Robert's furious. "Don't you _dare_. I saw it all in that room."

Calum swallows, "I saw the way he treated you around his family, I saw the bruises on your arms. Then you started believing him about things and - and it was the only way to keep you with me, keep you safe. It was no different to poisoning Nicola's food. It just had to be done." He's so matter of fact that Robert has a chill race through him.

"You just _had_ to kill him?" Robert's heart breaks, if it happened, if Calum had succeeded then his whole world would have stopped. "I would have died _with_ him, I would have been _nothing_."

Calum looks at him. "That's patheitc." He says coldly.

Robert grips the sheets and then there's tears in his eyes. "But you - you didn't get the chance. Instead you - you nearly killed my little Liv." He doesn't call her that, he thinks it though, on those rare occasions where they hug and he tilts his head to hold tighter and she's so small.

Calum looks away. "I saved her."

"After putting her in danger in the first place." Robert fires. "She couldn't sleep for _days_ after that you know. We had the social -" Robert shakes his head. "God that was probably you n'all." He says sickly and Calum's silence speaks volume.

Calum comes and sits down with Robert again. "None of that stuff matters now you're here, now you're safe."

Robert feels all his emotions get the better of him. "I want my husband." He sobs, unashamed, "Calum you have to let me go. I'm begging ya."

"Let you go back to him? Look like an idiot when he tells ya you're over?" Calum looks angry. "I can't. I won't."

Robert swallows. "What then? You keep me here until when? They'll worry about me ya know. I bet they already are."

Aaron must be, he _has_ to be.

"Why?" Calum tilts his head. "You left in the middle of the night after your marriage ended. Hardly suspicious."

"What about Vic? She'd have been ringing me surely." Robert panics.

"I said you were lying low, texted her the day after you left." Calum lets out before Robert pulls a face.

"You told me you told her I was in Tuscany." Robert feels sick again. "You liar, you're -"

"Okay." Calum raises his head, "I just didn't want to worry ya."

" _Worry_?" Robert yells. "She's _pregnant_ for God's sake!" He shudders, thinks about her first scan, she must have had it by now.

Calum shakes his head. "Try not to think about it."

Robert's crying again. "Cal just - _please_. You can let me go now and - and I won't say a word to anyone."

Calum smiles almost wickedly. "Now who's the liar." He counters and Robert doesn't know what to do. "You and me, we're going to make it work. If your crazy sister rings the police and things get - get tight then we'll just leave yeah?"

Robert just keeps staring at Calum who tries to hold his hand.

"It'll be so romantic, running away." Calum looks like he's in a daydream and then Robert yanks his hands away. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that though yeah?"

Robert stays silent and Calum tuts. "I know you're angry with me. You're thinking I'm mad I get that but - you'll see how right I am soon. You'll think I'm your hero when you admit what sort of thug you married." Calum says before rising to his feet and leaving, locking the door shut.

Robert can't help it, he just breaks down and sobs his heart out because Calum won't ever let him leave and he's _trapped_ because of his leg and - Aaron hates him, Liv hates him, Vic thinks he doesn't care about her and - it all just _aches_.

Robert looks down at the tray, the toast is still there and he picks it up, chews, it tastes stale and suddenly he is downing the orange juice on the side and then regretting it just as quickly. It's probably laced with something unimaginable, something that will make the world go hazy and confused and foggy and -

 **Black**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Aaron is obviously freaking out now, the whole Pete revelation is a minor setback but don't worry there's a bigger bombshell he can't ignore coming soon. 
> 
> Calum's 'ideas' have been slowly revealed here too, it all boils down to the little he knows about Robert and Aaron which he has interpreted. In his eyes, Aaron is the one who is dangerous, the one who needs to be kept away from Robert because he's not only killed someone he loves in the past -Jackson- but has also 'got away' with attempting to kill Robert when he was shot. It's all very crazy.


	26. Can't pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE AARON CHAPTER AHEAD

Aaron's good at distracting himself when Adam's around. He's a ball of energy and Aaron feels relaxed in the office for the first time in ages. His first thoughts centred around Robert and how present he is in their office, his desk is opposite Aaron's and they used to spend hours playing footise and gazing into each other's eyes. Now there's nothing but an empty chair and a bare desk.

Aaron's already managed to find the folder for Pete and once he did it was easy clearing out all of Robert's things and shoving them into a drawer. He faltered though when he saw a little note Liv had left Robert which he had kept. It made Aaron well up just a little before he saw sense and pushed it in with all the other things.

Adam's in a good mood, he can't help but talk about Victoria and the pregnancy and Aaron actually finds himself listening.

"I jus' can't believe that little blobby thing is my kid mate." Adam's grinning and Aaron's actually smiling until he sees something change in Adam's expression.

"Oi, talk." Aaron orders, pen raised towards his best mate.

"I'm just thinking about," Adam raises himself on the chair and leans towards Aaron. "Johnny innit."

It's a memory that Aaron knows his best mate won't be able to forget in a hurry.

"I loved him so much man and - I don't know I guess I'm just scared I won't be able to love this one the same." Adam's hardly this deep thinker but Aaron knows that he's genuine and scared and he needs support.

"Of course ya will. Look you loved a kid you thought you had by a mistake yeah? You're having a kid with your _wife_ , the person you love most. _Of course_ you'll love what you have together, you've been trying hard enough and now you get a baby to love just as much as you would have loved Johnny." Adam seems a little taken back by the words and smiles shyly before nodding his head at Aaron.

"Thanks bro." Adam says softly.

Aaron shrugs and looks back at his work. "Don't mention it." He puts his head down and then quickly raises it again. "And before you ask, yes I'm fine."

Adam looks embarrassed over how well Aaron knows him. "You sure?"

"I'm coping." Aaron says firmly. "Really I am."

The phone rings sharply and Aaron answers it, wanting to swerve the conversation away from him.

"Hello?" Aaron asks, landline phone titled towards him as he speaks and looks down at his notes.

"Is this Mr Robert Sugden?" There's a voice, soft and high and Aaron's stomach flips.

Something inside him screams 'say yes' because suddenly he's curious about what this woman wants with his - husband. Ex husband, he's trying to train himself to say that now.

"Uh yeah speaking." Aaron lies, looks away from Adam who will know something is up.

"I'm Rosie from Private Getaway, just calling to confirm your weekend away to Madrid starting this Friday."

Aaron's stunned, he is speechless for a second and then he tries to think. "When uh - when was this booked?" It might tell him if Robert's been actually active since he left. It doesn't. Apparently it was booked three weeks ago.

A wave of confusion seeps over Aaron because that means Robert did book them that city break he was banging on about, he was probably going to surprise him. Instead Aaron was surprised by finding Calum on top of his husband in their bed.

"Look uh - is there any way of cancelling that?" Aaron asks, he doesn't want it. No _way_ does he want to have this holiday looming over him.

Rosie is silent for a few seconds until she says, "Of course sir. However the only thing I am able to get you a refund for is the five star hotel you have -"

 _God_ he doesn't want to hear about his snobby prick of a husband getting the best hotel he could find.

"Uh just yeah, just refund it please." Aaron says quickly and then Rosie starts trying to make small talk whilst she accesses the refund page.

"Sorry sir, it won't take long now. You must be a busy man, lucky I caught you today."

Aaron's a little baffled, "Sorry?" He says a little loudly and Adam looks up.

"Oh uh I just mean that - that it's been a little difficult getting ahold of you."

Aaron can't help but hear it over and over in his head. So Robert wasn't just ignoring family then. He twitches a little and then clears his throat.

"Busy man." Aaron lies, thinks it would be something Robert would shamelessly say to someone without a care in the world for how arrogant it sounded.

Rosie laughs awkwardly, "Right sir I'll just need your card details in order to transfer the -"

 _Shit_.

Aaron stands quickly and knocks over the pens on his desk, making Adam laugh.

"Uh could - could you possibly call me back in about ten minutes. I just need to - uh find all of that stuff."

"Of course sir." Rosie says politely.

Aaron's thankful, gives her his number to call back on instead and hangs up.

"You alright mate?" Adam questions looking at Aaron.

Aaron gulped hard. "Yeah I just - need to go back home for a sec." He says before opening the door and walking out.

 

-

 

Aaron finds himself having to go through Robert's things and he doesn't like it. His mind screams at him to just find his card details and be done with it. It isn't that easy though. Aaron finds his hands falling through the booking for their honeymoon that Roberts kept, written ' ** _Best time of my life!_** ' at the top.

Aaron sniffles and then feels himself grow strong again as he looks through the papers and finds what he needs. He pulls out Robert's laptop and waits for Rosie to ring him. It feels like ages until she does.

"Details sorted now sir?" Rosie says, cheerful and upbeat.

Aaron clears his throat, "Yeah I've got it all here now."

Rosie is quick in accessing what she needs to and putting through the refund and Aaron's relieved.

"If you could just access your account for me so you can confirm that the transaction has taken place."

Aaron shuts his eyes and swears because he doesn't know Robert's passwords and there's not a big chance that he would have left them around.

"Uh yeah - let me just -" Aaron wishes he hadn't been so nosy, just told Rosie that he wasn't there and leave it as that.

Aaron pulls up the page and tries to think _hard_.

He first tries Robert's birthday and is frustrated when it doesn't work.

"Internet's slow here," Aaron mumbles out, trying to excuse his behaviour.

Aaron tries a name next:

_Victoria._

It doesn't work either.

 _Emmerdale_ (?)

It doesn't work.

Aaron sighs hard and then suddenly the photo of him and Robert on their wedding day catches his attention and he gasps a little.

It makes sense suddenly and soon his fingers know what date to type in.

A huge green tick appears on the screen and Aaron feels a tight knot in his stomach. Their wedding day. Of course their wedding day would be his password. It makes Aaron want to cry.

He sees the money, looks at the date and realises that the transaction has been successful.

"Ah yep it's all there." Aaron says before his eyes drift down to Robert's latest transactions.

His heart hammers in his chest like mad because - nothing's been taken out since _before_ the night Robert left.

It makes panic rise up inside Aaron uncontrollably.

"Mr Sugden?" Rosie says and Aaron swallows everything down and has to catch his breath.

"Yeah, uh thank you for your help." Aaron gets out before he puts the phone down and realises that he is unable to stop thinking the worst.

 

-

 

It takes a while for him to compose himself even slightly but he does.

Aaron walks back into the portacabin and attempts to smile at Adam as he does so but his best friend see through it clearly.

"Well that was more than 'a sec' wasn't it." Adam says lightly, leaning back on his chair.

Aaron looks pale, knows that he had to fight with himself not to lose it completely because - how was Robert surviving? He left one night with nothing but a phone and - did he even have his wallet? And now Aaron knows that he hasn't even used his card at all.

A horrible thought creeps in and Aaron realises that he needs to sit down.

"Come on then." Adam demands, worry in his voice. "What's happened?" He persists plainly.

Aaron clears his throat, "Some woman rang and it was about a holiday that Robert had booked for us." He sighs and then pinches his nose.

"Shit." Adam says a little awkwardly, "So did ya cancel it or -"

"Yeah." Aaron nods his head and then holds his breath. "And then I found it out that -" he doesn't know how Adam will react. "He hasn't touched his account since he left."

Adam's frown is big and then big eyes widen like he understands what it all means. " _Shit_ Aaron," he says shakily.

Aaron presses his hands down on his thighs and rubs nervously. "What if Vic's right?" He shudders. "Adam what if he's hurt or -"

Adam knows he has to be rational and not worry Aaron anymore. "Look there's probably an explanation for it." He says quickly and Aaron's so desperate to believe him.

"Maybe he's - he's lost his card and - maybe he _is_ with someone." Aaron tries, hates how suddenly it doesn't matter if Robert's shacked up with Calum, he just needs to know he isn't fucking _dead_.

Adam nods, "Exactly." He says, sounds like he doesn't believe himself.

Aaron bites his lip, "No need to worry Vic then eh?" It's the last thing he wants.

Adam gulps, looks unsure but then agrees with a nod of the head. "No need mate." He smiles and then Aaron tries to concentrate on anything other than the image of Robert laying dead in a ditch somewhere.

 

-

 

Liv's got netball or something and Aaron's taking advantage of the fact that he doesn't need to rush home for her.

It's getting easier to sit at the bar by himself now and not feel like he's waiting for Robert to creep up behind him, plant a kiss to his cheek and ask Aaron to get him a pint too whilst he wraps up a conversation with a client.

"Another ta." Aaron tilts his glass towards Charity and she gives him this sad smile that he resents.

Aaron feels himself cowering just a little as people talk around him and suddenly it isn't such a good idea to be sitting at the bar after all. He sighs to himself and then feels someone patting his back.

It's Adam.

"You alright mate?" Adam says, slipping into the stool next to Aaron. "Getting a bit of dinner in here, ya fancy it?"

Aaron blinks. He hasn't eaten all day yet he doesn't feel hungry. He feels almost numb and suddenly he realises that he should speak to Louise about it, then he feels proud of himself for knowing what he should do.

"Uh yeah I suppose." Aaron mumbles to himself and then Victoria comes out from the kitchen, plants a kiss on Adam's lips over the bar and then smiles a little at Aaron.

"Ah burger and chips yeah?" Adam says to Aaron, ignoring how small the nod is from his best mate in reply to his question.  
Victoria nods and disappears again as Adam nudges Aaron's elbow.

"You still thinking about the whole bank account situation." Aaron lifts his head and looks at Adam before biting his lip.

"It's weird." Aaron hisses. "You know money's important to Robert. He wouldn't sponge off someone knowing he had it in the bank." He doesn't know why he can't calm down.

"Look mate, you're - you're upset I get that -"

"I'm not upset. I'm angry. I'm confused but _not_ upset." Aaron tries to stress because _upset_ means that he still cares and he doesn't want Adam to think that.

Adam lets it go and they play darts until Victoria comes back with their food and she watches them eat it as the pub empties and she finds herself with nothing better to do.

"You look tired babe, why don't you go sit in the back room?" Adam says softly and Aaron smiles at how loving his best mate is. He's a little puppy around Victoria.

Victoria nods slowly and turns to leave just as a customer comes in. She sighs a little before approaching him.

"What can I get ya?" Victoria says, hands already reaching for a glass.

"Sorry I'm just wondering if you know where I could find a Robert Sugden? I'm told he lives in this very village."

Aaron's head practically snaps as he looks up and stares at the man with a large grey coat on and matching hair.

"Uh what - what do you want with him?" Victoria questions, she looks hopeful for some reason.

The man sighs and then narrows his eyes like he doesn't know whether or not to say.

"Come on." Aaron can't himself. "We're - his business partners so we can help you out if you want." He has to add, looking at Adam and trying not to seem nervous.

The man smiles at Aaron, "I'm Andrew Harthy, Robert organised a meeting with me this afternoon and I couldn't make it. I did try and ring but I didn't get a reply so I thought I'd come and see if he's in his local and explain in person."

Aaron tilts his head and can't speak.

"When did he organise the meeting?" Victoria pipes up again.

"Oh a few weeks back." Andrew says before sighing. "So is he not -"

"Uh no he is actually - he's away at the moment." Adam tries, "Sorry." He adds and then man soon disappears out of the door again.

Aaron's head thumps. It screams out 'how many more signs' and he wants to cry a little.

"That's not like Robert." Victoria insists. "He would reschedule or - or do anything just so that he doesn't look like he isn't coping."

Adam looks towards the bar, mirroring Aaron.

"Aaron?" Victoria snaps and Aaron winces at her tone as he lifts his head. "You know I'm right, you _know_ it." She pleads.

Adam looks towards Aaron, "Maybe there is something wrong, first his account and now _this_." He tries to be quiet, he fails because Victoria comes over to them and raises an eyebrow.

"What about his account?" Victoria asks nervously and Aaron shakes his head because he knows Adam won't lie to his worried wife.

"He hasn't spent a penny since he left." Adam sighs and then Victoria looks horrified.

"Oh my gosh." Victoria's hands shake and she feels sick. "Aaron?" She repeats and Aaron looks up at her again.

"What do you want me to say?" Aaron says, tears spilling in his eyes. "You want me to say that I'm worried about him?" He won't give in. He won't surrender to how he feels.

Chas comes through the door with Liv and she shoots her son a scowl. "You were supposed to pick her up half an hour ago." She snaps and Aaron feels his heart do something funny. Everything feels like it's closing in on him and he can't do anything right without Robert.

"I forgot. Liv I'm sorry." Aaron pushes out as she slides into a booth, ignores him. It hurts and he finds it hard to breath suddenly.

"Vic, love you look like you've seen a ghost." Chas says softly as she walks around the bar followed by Adam.

"Robert's - in danger or gosh he - he might even be d-dead or -" Victoria's crying and Liv's gasping and Chas looks shocked and -

Aaron stumbles off the stool and has to clutch at his chest suddenly, blowing harsh breaths out again and again.

"Stop saying - please don't - _stop_ saying he's -" Aaron can't speak, just feels his mum by his side, she's telling him to calm down. "I can't -" he stresses because Victoria's right isn't she? Robert's hurt. He knows it. He can _feel_ it.

Aaron can faintly hear Adam consoling Victoria who's practically hysterical.

"No Adam I can't calm down, it's been too long, I should have called the police sooner."

Aaron has tears rolling down his face and then he hears Adam saying that he's having a panic attack and _fuck_ that makes him panic even _more_ and soon he feels himself falling to the ground and his eyes shut.

 

-

 

Aaron hears the voices around him.

First his mum: _I thought he was coping._

Then Adam: _He's trying Chas, it's all just getting in top of him._

And then Victoria: _I didn't know he'd have a panic attack, God I'm sorry Chas I didn't -_

And finally Paddy: _Let's all just give him some space yeah, he'll come round in a bit and I doubt he wants all of us staring down at him like this._

Aaron feels something inside him relax and a little because Paddy's dealt with his attacks before and he manages to let out a shaky breath and open his eyes.

Chas has tears in her eyes and cups Aaron's face almost instinctively before he frowns and she pulls it away.

"Oh love," Chas whispers before looking at Paddy and then back at Victoria and Adam. "Pads you stay with him yeah." She says before turning to leave and gesturing for Adam and Victoria to follow.

"Sorry." Victoria says guiltily and Aaron manages to give her a little nod.

"S'not your fault." Aaron swallows thickly. "I was on the verge of one for days now."

Paddy seems troubled by the confession and then sits beside Aaron after Victoria leaves.

"Well that was scary." Paddy lets out shakily before clapping his hands together. Aaron gulps hard and suddenly feels guilty, he's thankful that he can't remember what happened before he blacked out.

"I'm sorry." Aaron admits, chews his lip and looks up at Paddy. "That hasn't happened in ages." He adds.

Paddy nods his head and then claps Aaron by the shoulder firmly. "You're alright now." He tries to comfort Aaron but the younger man resents it all.

"No I'm not." Aaron cries out, he's looking down at his hands and sees they're shaking. "Paddy I - I had a panic attack 'cause of _him_." He says shakily.

Paddy clears his throat, "Look I'm sorry for not - I thought it'd be best to keep my distance since he left. I've been really -"

Aaron nods, he knows that Paddy hasn't wanted to talk about Robert, basically avoided Aaron altogether just in case he put his foot in it. "Biting down on your tongue and trying not to say I told you so." Aaron says flatly.

Paddy shakes his head. "It isn't like that."

"I hate him." Aaron shouts, he has tears in his eyes. "It's so unfair. He _cheats_ on me and now I'm _stuck_ worrying about him."

Paddy sighs, "Aaron you can't help how you still feel." He says, "But you have to try and get past this." Aaron looks up at him. "You've got to move on with your life."

"I _was_." Aaron pushes out. "I was trying but -" he swallows hard and sighs. "I'm scared Paddy."

Paddy seems taken aback by the honesty and his eyes flicker. "Scared about what?" He says slowly. "Robert's not in danger." He actually _laughs_ and Aaron feels anger rise in him.

"I _feel_ it." Aaron snaps. "I hate him for this but - but I know that -" Aaron's finding it difficult to breath again and then Paddy places a hand on his thigh.

"Stop." Paddy pushes out. "I'm not going to stand back and watch you make yourself ill over _him_." Aaron stares at Paddy, shocked by the firmness in his tone. "He isn't your problem anymore. He isn't but you know who is - _Liv_."

Aaron gulps hard. "Oh God did she see me -"

Paddy nods apologetically, "Yeah."

Aaron places his head in his hands and feels guilty, she shouldn't have seen that.

"Do you see now why you can't keep worrying over _Robert_?" Paddy says, hopes everything has been put into perspective.

Aaron blinks and then he tries to stop the tears spilling from his eyes. "I know I shouldn't but I can't _help_ it." He says honestly. "What if he's dead?" It makes his heart ache. "What if he's _dead_ and I've let all my anger stop me from finding him before it was too late?"

"Aaron -"

"What if he - what if he did something to himself?" Aaron shudders and Paddy looks alarmed.

"He wouldn't." Paddy forces out.

Aaron feels like he's going to be sick. "He left that night with _nothing_. He'd lost me. He _knew_ it was over." He's panicking again and it hurts everywhere. "What if he just gave up?" He cries, tears rolling down his face.

"Aaron he's been without you before." Paddy tries.

"Yeah but - but I was always a few doors away, he always thought he could get me back if he changed. He had _hope_ before and now -" Aaron blows out a harsh breath. "Oh Paddy -" Aaron collapses into Paddy and lets everything become dark in his mind."

Paddy holds onto Aaron and the younger man grips his arm tight.

"I couldn't go on if that was true." Aaron says, a tear rolling down his face. "Despite everything he's done, if I found out that he was dead then - then I'd never forgive myself. I'd - die with him."

It's true, he'd be nothing.

Aaron feels Paddy freeze and he lifts his head to see his pseudo dad's shocked face. He doesn't get the chance to say anything though because he sees Liv at the door frame fighting back tears. He hates the idea of her hearing all what he had said.

"Liv." Aaron says slowly and Liv steps forward, comes into the room.

"Are you okay now?" Liv asks slowly, she looks worried.

"Yeah I'm fine now." Aaron whispers before looking at Paddy. "Could you just us a sec?"

Paddy keeps staring at Aaron like he's scared to leave.

"I'm fine." Aaron pushes out, knows he'll have to convince Paddy more later on.

Paddy rises and leaves the room as Liv takes his place next to Aaron on the sofa.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. It all just got on top of me really." Aaron admits, "Vic sad a lot that got me -"

"Scared." Liv fills in for him. "You think he's - he's _dead_ or something?"

Aaron winces and then he's crying again, hating himself for being so weak. "If he is I don't know what I'd do."

Liv looks at her brother. He's broken just at the thought of Robert in danger. After everything he put him through her brother is still so in love with Robert. But Robert makes him weak, Robert makes him cry and - Liv needs a brother to be _strong_.

"You don't need to think about that." Liv whispers and Aaron looks at her, confused.

"Wait - what do you mean?" Aaron asks, eyes glassy.

Liv bites her lip. "I've seen Robert." Aaron's heart nearly drops out of his chest.

"What?" Aaron says in sheer disbelief.

"I saw Robert yesterday. He was getting into some man's car and - he drove off." Liv bites her lip again and studies Aaron's expression. "I didn't tell ya 'cause I - I didn't want to upset ya but now you're all worried and Aaron there's _no_ need."

Aaron's flawed, "I - Liv why -" he breaths steadily. "How did he -"

"He looked alright. A bit out of it but alright." Liv says, unable to meet her brother's eye.

"So he's not -"

"He's not in danger." Liv says suddenly. "So stop worrying and - put yourself first for once."

 "Put _you_ first more like." Aaron squeezes her hand. "I'm so sorry for being so rubbish."

Liv's eyes are glassy. "It's okay." She whispers. "As long as we just forget about Robert now yeah?"

Aaron swallows hard, he's relieved of course because Robert's not dead, Robert's alive and - he's still the cheating liar Aaron knows him to be. He can move on.

"Yeah." He breathes out, for the first time in hours he can _breathe_ again.

 

-

 

"I just completely lost it." Aaron explains to Louise, he slept okay last night, tried to ignore the niggling worry in his heart.

Louise looks sympathetic. "What triggered the attack?"

"Everything." Aaron blurts out and then pauses. "Rob had booked us some five star hotel in Madrid and I had to talk with some woman about a cancellation for it. I found out that he hasn't taken any money out of his account since he left."

Louise looks surprised and then swallows.

"Then some bloke came in, looking for Robert, some business guy and -" Aaron looks up at Louise, "Rob's not the type of bloke who neglects business arrangements."

Louise's eyes flicker, "So what calmed you down then?" She wonders and Aaron tries to settle himself as he remembers what Liv told him.

"My sister, she saw 'im a few days ago." Aaron shakes his head and tries to smile a little in relief but it fades.

"Why aren't you happier about this Aaron?" Louise questions, warmness in her tone. "I thought you would be."

Aaron wonders the same thing and then sighs. "Vic wasn't really having it. She kept questioning Liv until she got upset and I had to tell Vic to go." He looks towards the floor. "She keeps saying she knows something's wrong and - it's just _draining_."

Louise bites her lip, "I can imagine." She says before titling her head. "How are _you_ coping?"

Aaron swallows. "I haven't had another attack." He admits before shrugging. "I've just been concentrating on Liv, trying to make things normal again."

"It can't help, with Victoria still voicing her worry." Louise looks at Aaron and the younger man bites his lip.

"There's not a lot I can do about that." Aaron says, "Adam's trying to distract her with getting things sorted for the baby so - let's hope she - not forgets but -"

"Averts her attention elsewhere?" Louise tries, smiling.

Aaron nods, "Her baby's what is important. Not her sleazy cheat of a brother, too ashamed to talk to her."

 

-

 

Aaron senses something as soon as he turns the corner and parks outside his house. He sees the police car waiting for him and there's two offices at his door, peering in through the glass.

He's mind aches with worry which tells him that once again that _God he still loves his cheating husband._

Aaron cuts the engine and swallows as he imagines what they're here for.

_'Mr Sugden is in hosp -'_

_Mr Sugden is dea -'_

Aaron wills himself to get out the car as one of the officer's turn round towards him.

"Mr Dingle?" The officer calls out and Aaron nods his head slowly. "Could we have a word, inside?" He says, looking towards the house.

Aaron's hands are shaking and he pulls them into his pockets, "What's this about?" He questions, frowning harshly.

"An allegation Mrs Barton has made about your husband. According to her, he's missing."

Aaron feels anger swirl inside him because 'how dare she call the police about this.

He balls his fists and walks towards his door before unlocking it and inviting the officers inside.

"So Mr Dingle," the officer looks old, refined, like he knows exactly what sort of case this is. "When's the last time you saw Robert Sugden?"

Aaron sighs, "Same as Vic, in the pub, the Woolpack. He was leaving."

The other officer is younger, looks less experienced. "How did he seem?" He asks and Aaron scowls at him.

"Well I mean I'd just caught him in our bed with someone else and told him we were over so - hmm I don't think he was doing his best." Aaron's sarcastic, can't _not_ be sarcastic after the stupid question is posed.

The older officer sighs and Aaron bites down on his lip.

"Look you're wasting your time." Aaron shakes his head. "Vic's hormonal and stressed and -" he sighs. "This isn't the first time her brother has upt and left when he's been asked."

The officers look between each other and then Aaron clears his throat, he just wants them _gone_. "Listen my sister saw him." He adds, "She saw him the other day. I bet Vic didn't tell you that."

"We'd like to speak to her about that." Aaron panics as he hears it. He doesn't want her involved in this at all, she's been so great recently.

"Well you'll have to come another time." Aaron snaps and the younger officer looks at him squarely. "Look this is hardly your biggest case is it? You don't need to hassle her."

"We'd like to get to the bottom of this, find out where he is."

Aaron nods, "Maybe he doesn't want to be found." It's the first time he's thought about it that way and he doesn't know what to feel.

 

-

 

They leave and then Liv comes in almost straight after. 

 "Aaron?" Liv calls out as she comes into the house and looks for her brother. She stops when she sees him pacing up and down the room.

"Why were the police here? What's happened?" Liv says, worried, nervous even. "Is it to do with Robert?" She sounds so scared that Aaron lifts his head.

"Vic called the police." Aaron says quickly and then frowns. "Did they see ya just now?" Liv shakes her head, "I didn't let them see me."

Aaron nods slowly, "Look Liv ... they want to talk to you about when you saw Robert. They'll come back I suppose but just - tell them the truth."

Liv swallows hard and smiles. "Yeah course."

Aaron sees a little nervousness in his sister's eyes and shakes his head before walking towards the door.

"Where ya going?" Liv asks, turning to see Aaron leave.

"To see Vic, tell her to get a grip." Aaron says back, slamming the door as he leaves and then feeling guilty for leaving Liv. He sighs, thinks about what Louise would say and comes back through the door.

"How about you invite Gabby round tonight yeah?" Aaron says, poking his head through the door and Liv smiles at that before she watched Aaron leave again, calmer.

 

-

 

Aaron tries to calm himself down before he knocks on the cottage door, sees Adam standing there looking at him a little sheepishly. He barges past his mate and then spots Victoria on the sofa, feet up and a worried expression painting her face.

"Right before you -" Victoria already has a hand waved up and she looks like she's ready to explain herself.

"The _police_?" Aaron scrunches up his face, feels himself getting angrier. "You rang the police? For _what_?"

Victoria's eyes widen. "My brother's missing Aaron. You might not care but I _do_."

Aaron shakes his head and comes closer, "He's not _missing_ Vic and ya had no right to send 'em round mine."

"Mate you are sorta involved though aren't ya." Adam points out and Victoria's grateful for the support even if Aaron isn't.

"You only made yourself look like a fool though 'cause I let 'em know that Liv saw him a few days back." Aaron sees Victoria's face fall and feels almost guilty.

"So that's it then?" Victoria blurts out. "We just - just accept Liv's word for it and forget about everything?"

Aaron frowns harshly, "You calling her a liar?" He yells and then Adam gives him this look that tells him to cool down again. He does, breathes out shakily. "I'm sick of making myself _ill_ over your cheating liar of a brother Vic. This isn't my fight anymore so stop involving me in this."

Victoria goes to speak but then stops herself as Aaron turns and leaves the house.

 

-

 

When Aaron comes back, Liv's eyes are watering and she's sitting in the dark by herself. Aaron frowns softly when he slams the door behind him, expects her to look towards him and be angry that he was gone for so long. He was just driving round for a few hours, figured that Liv would have Gabby so it was fine.

It's later than he thought as he looks at the clock.

"Liv?" Aaron questions, kicks his shoes off and then walks towards her, has his hands through her hair as he sits in the sofa and she flinches a little. "Liv what's wrong?" He says, voice tight and high.

Liv looks up, eyes red _raw_ from all the crying. "Bad dream." She whispers, feels sick with embarrassment as Aaron rubs at her arms.

"Okay," Aaron whispers shakily like he doesn't know what else to say. "What was it about?"

Liv sniffs, looks hesitant but then she gives in. "He was trapped somewhere and I couldn't get him out, you wouldn't listen to me and then - it was too late."

Aaron's heart hammers in his chest because he knows who she's talking about without the mention of his name. It aches him, seeing his sister like this over Robert, over the brother she lost that night.

"It's okay," Aaron whispers into her ear as he holds her close, "It was just a bad dream, that's all."

Liv shudders, "I'm scared." She admits and Aaron's heart breaks.

"Why? You saw him, he's fine, nothing's wrong." Aaron reassures her, "We just have to move on now."

Liv shakes her head against Aaron and she's crying again, "Aaron - I'm sorry," she whispers, her face red as Aaron forces her to look at him.

"About what?" Aaron questions, "None of this is your fault."

Liv swallows hard, "I lied." She practically whispers before she drops her head and starts crying even more, "I'm so sorry."

Aaron feels his heart beat out of his chest and he _knows_ what she means, he feels sick with panic.

"You - you didn't see him." Aaron shudders, suddenly pulls off of the sofa and stands above her, "You _lied_."

Liv stands too, she's so small, "You were _falling apart_ Aaron, you just had a panic attack and - and I couldn't lose you too."

"So you lied, made me think he was safe when -" Aaron's voice breaks a little. "I _knew_ something was wrong, I _felt_ it but you told me he was fine and I believed ya." He shakes his head, feels panic rise inside him.

Liv's frantic, "Please calm down, I just - I wanted to help ya." She pulls at Aaron's arms but he shakes her away.

" _Help_? You think _this_ is helping?" Aaron shouts at Liv, "The police - they think there's nothing to see here, I _convinced_ them that and now - now that's not true."

Aaron pushes past Liv and tries to climb the stairs but she follows him.

"Aaron please don't -"

"If _anything's_ happened to him, I'm holding _you_ responsible." Aaron's angry, doesn't mean it as he points at Liv and sees her crumble. "You've made me waste so much time." He shakes, feels like crying as he turns and runs up the stairs.

It's seconds before he's shutting his bedroom door and pulling out Robert's jumper, pressing his nose to the fabric and raising an eyebrow because it still smells like him.

_He cheated on you, are you mad?_

It circles his mind as he cries, as he thinks of Robert in danger. All the hate melts away from him and all that's left is what was always there, love. It's that love which makes Aaron vow to find his husband as he lays in bed, he's losing his mind and thinking the worst but - he won't give up on Robert, not ever again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think it's fair to say #Aaron2TheRescue is in full swing now. I was planning on ending it with Liv telling Aaron that she'd seen Robert but I wanted to resolve that within the chapter. I hope that her actions come across well and not malicious or manipulative. And I'd love to know what everyone thought of Paddy and if he was helpful or a hindrance because I found him quite difficult to write in this chapter. I also hope that Aaron's love for Robert really came across here too, it's going to be a recurring theme throughout the next chapters. Speaking of which, I planned to have this done under thirty chapters and ... Yeah it won't be finished within that at all, so now I'm saying ... Thirty five chapters but we'll see. I hope you're enjoying this still, all the lovely comments I get really make my day so thank you so much. 
> 
> The next chapter is a Robert centric one where the truth about That Night is revealed and Calum gets even more creepy (yeah I know this is hardly a spoiler but take it!)


	27. The true picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! 
> 
> Fair warning this chapter is darken than the others have been. It has discussion about sexual assault throughout so if that's something you feel very strongly maybe give it a miss. There's nothing very graphic written but I thought I'd warn you.

_Aaron's there, he's crying, crying his heart out and he's all alone. Robert can feel his pain, he physically winces and then he feels sick as he sees what Aaron's now looking at._

_He's looking down, he's shaking and crying and staring at a coffin. It suddenly comes into Robert's vision and he recoils in horror as he sees his own name staring back at him._

_Robert Jacob Sugden._

_Robert's crying, hot tears down his face and he tries to step forward, tries to reach out and touch Aaron but -_

_He can't. He can't push forward and it's almost like there's a giant wall between them. Separating them._

_"Aaron, oh Aaron I'm here. I'm not dead." Robert sobs, shouts until he can't get any more words out and he has to catch his breath._ _As soon as he does everything changes, Aaron's gone and - Victoria's there, she's standing in front of the coffin and she's holding a baby in her arms._

_Vic." Robert's chin wobbles, tries desperately to reach out for her and then Liv's there, she's wearing all black, looks like death and he trembles at the sight of her._

_"He's gone, he's dead." Liv says, again and again and Robert has to push his hands up to his ears for a few seconds before -_

_Things change again, no one is by his coffin. They're in the pub. Chas is smiling, she's raising her glass to - "The happy couple."_

_Robert can see it all, he can see Aaron holding hands with a man, they're both smiling and everyone's cheering and -_

_"They've forgotten me." Robert whispers, tries to shake at Aaron's shoulders but nothing happens, his Aaron is still gazing lovingly at the brunette beside him. He doesn't see him, he doesn't remember him._

_"I'm glad to see him like this again, after Sugden broke his heart, the cheating scumbag." It's Paddy and Robert cranes his neck to hear it. He feels sick._

_Someone says "You can't speak ill of the dead." But Robert can't hear too well, instead he focuses on Paddy's reaction to it._

_"He did the whole world a favour by showing up dead."_

_Robert seethes, wants to punch through this wall and hit him but it's too late because everything's changing and - now he's seeing Aaron in bed with - with someone else._

_"I'm glad he cheated on me, I would have never met you if he tried to be faithful." Aaron says it, his head resting against the man's naked chest._

_"Aaron you don't mean that." Robert whispers, charges towards his husband and sits on the bed. Aaron doesn't even stir._

_"Aaron, Aaron look at me, I'm not dead." Robert says, his voice breaking as Aaron ignores him, instead begins kissing the other man with so much passion that Robert has to catch his breath._

_No._

_"Aaron, fuck look at me! Aaron stop!" Aaron doesn't, just keeps going, rubs his hands all over the man's body and presses their chests together and -_

_"Aaron!"_

Robert feels someone shaking him, he's completely disorientated but suddenly he realises who it could be. He's suddenly frantic, recoiling as Calum's hands are all over his face, trying to calm him down.

"Hey, shh, stop it Robert." Calum says, almost cold and Robert swallows hard, pants as he realises it was all just a bad dream. A nightmare.

"I - I feel _sick_." Robert shudders, pushes his head up and lunges to the side before throwing up.

Calum tuts, he _tuts_ and Robert wants to smack him. There's a reason why he's vomiting, it's because he's drugged up.

"Oh Robert." Calum sighs, combs through Robert's hair and then he's kneeling down, finding towels and clearing it up.

Robert grips onto the bed and everything's making him feel dizzy. He can't remember how long it's been, wants to ask, wants to say something.

"How - how long have I been here?"

Calum sighs, "Nearly two weeks." He looks down at Robert's leg. "But this has got a little better so there's a plus."

Robert shakes all over, he can't see himself but he reckons he looks awful. "I need some _air_. I can't -" Calum twitches at the request and nods his head.

"Maybe later." Calum says slowly before frowning. "I don't think you're ready though." He admits and Robert looks frantic. "You're still dreaming about _him_."

"Of course I am." Robert snaps and then regrets his words because Calum doesn't look happy. "What I mean is, I haven't seen him for so long now. I'm bound to - to dream of him."

Calum stays silent, looks like he wants to hit something.

"My head's a mess Cal. Maybe if you stop giving me all the drugs or whatever it is you're -"

Calum's head snaps up and Robert feels scared. He's used to feeling scared now.

"They're to keep you calm, to stop you from worrying." Calum says softly.

"From _thinking_ more like." Robert hisses and then his head aches like mad and he feels this feeling of dread come over him, he almost wants to ask for some. He wants something to stop his head hurting.

Calum smiles a little, "See you need something for the pain don't you?" He says knowingly and then he tries to gently rub Robert's cheek but the older man flinches away.

Robert suddenly has this wave of emotion hit him and he's _crying_ , "Look what you've made me." He sobs, knows he's dependent on fucking drugs to get him through the day, to make him feel better, he's powerless without them.

"You're not addicted to _coke_?" Calum hisses angrily and then shakes his head. "You're twisting things again Rob. I'm only trying to help you get through this."

Robert has tears in his eyes, "If you want to help then - then why did you make me addicted to whatever _shit_ you've given me?" He looks at his hands and they're shaking, "I feel like a - a -" he can't think of the word, he panics, feels like he can't breath. "Zombie." He pushes out finally.

Calum pulls a face and sighs as he comes closer to Robert, "I didn't have a choice. You would have tried to run again and - that wouldn't be good." He says, gravely.

Robert has tears in his eyes but they don't fall. He's just numb. "I need Aaron. I miss Liv, I miss Victoria, I miss Chas, even -" he stops himself suddenly, once again he feels like he's going to stop breathing. He can't remember her name. He can't remember the person he lived with for months. Cha - ? Chr - ? Cl -?"

  
"I can't - can't remember -" Calum's by his side and then Robert pushes him hard away. All these drugs, all these periods of black that circle his mind, he can't remember things, days, everything is rolling into one and -

What if he forgets Aaron?

"Charity." Calum's practically shouting in Robert's face, trying to drill the message home and Robert tries to calm himself down because _yes_ it's Charity.

"Charity." Robert blows out shakily and then swallows hard. Calum's looking at him as if he is happy about this all and Robert wants to kill him. He's happy that Robert's memory is leaving him.

"You're loving this aren't you?" Robert shakes his head, feels anger race through him.

Calum frowns. "You think I like this? Of course I don't." He stands angrily and Robert flinches. "All I want is for you to want me, I want us to be together properly, I want our first time to be so amazing and - "

Everything is hazy but Robert clings onto that. _I want our first time to be so amazing and -_

He was right, he was _right_. They didn't sleep with each other that night. They _didn't_. They didn't have sex, he didn't cheat on Aaron.

Robert shudders, "So I was right." He says shakily, "I knew I never - I knew I wouldn't be able to do that to Aaron. You lied. You fucking -"

Calum looks caught out and he swallows hard. "I was going to." He snaps, has this look on his face as he comes down towards Robert and smiles. "You have no clue what happened, I could have told you anything about that night and you would have believed me."

Robert shudders, it's true, he had no idea what actually happened, just that he was in bed with a man on top of him and he didn't want him there.

Calum strokes Robert's cheek then and the older man tries to flinch away. "I suppose it doesn't hurt to tell ya now, not like Aaron can hear. "I followed you to the bar..."

  
_[ The air was filled with this thickness as Calum quickened his pace and caught up to the taxi, his eyes firmly locked onto the back of Robert's head, watching, waiting until he saw Robert climb out and walk into the busy looking bar. He followed him, everything inside his body tingled as he crossed road, had a hand stuffed in his pocket as he enters the bar and sees Robert sitting there. Aaron, it's the only thing he thought of as he saw how destroyed Robert looked. He's broke him. Calum steadied himself, hands shaking a little as he drew nearer to Robert and then the older man was looking at him and he felt his insides burst with love. ]_

"You looked so sad, I - I know I had to do something, so I - messed with your drink."

_[ Calum had it in his pocket, the small tablet was there, he didn't know if he was going to have to use it, always kept it there though, just in case the opportunity struck. It did though, right there. Calum could feel his heart beating, pounding out of his chest as he watched Robert stumble towards the bathroom. He could do it, no one would question anything. He could keep Robert safe, close and - it would be perfect. Calum's hand reached into his pocket, felt at the packet and popped it open before leaning across the bar._

_"Lemonade for my mate, think he's had enough of anything else, don't you?" Calum said, forced a smile on his face as he watched the barman pour the fizzy liquid into a glass and then pass it over before turning away and giving Calum the opportunity to strike. ]_

"You spiked it?" Robert feels sick, his head spins because that's what happens to people who go on to get -

"You were gonna _rape_ me?" Robert cries out in horror and Calum shakes his head hard.

"I couldn't. Not when it came down to it." Calum shakes his head and looks down at Robert's groin, "You were hardly _up_ for it."

_[ Calum heaved Robert out of the taxi, muttering an apology to the taxi driver over all the noise the man was making, all the resistance to Calum's hands on his hair, his arms, his face. Calum was enraged, felt almost embarrassed as he watched Robert stumble towards the door of the mill. Something inside Calum told him to look up towards the bedroom and he settled almost instantly as he looked and saw the lights were off. The whole house looked dark. Calum smiled, he knew what it meant. Robert stumbled a little more until he bent down and began looking for the spare key, the one Calum knew was kept under the small plant pot. The younger man sighted the metal key and picked it up quickly before looking at Robert's dazed face._

_"Let's go inside." Calum had said, throwing a hand behind Robert's back and relishing in the way the older man needed his support to stand straight._

_Calum shut the door behind him, stared around the house and felt something rise up inside him as he felt Robert_ _moan against him._

_"Robert, we're home." Calum said softly before feeling Robert droop down him. "Careful." Calum said, hands right around Robert's wrist as he smiles at the older man._

_Robert's eyes flittered. "Tired. Bed - I need to -" Robert had a hand on Calum's chest and suddenly pulled a face. "Feel sick." He slurred._

_Calum touched Robert's forehead, felt his burning skin and sighed hard. This wasn't the plan, he thought, not the plan. Calum looked towards the stairs, felt his heart swell at the thought of laying next to Robert, touching Robert, holding Robert._

_Robert shoved off of Calum, tried to make his way their himself but stumbled on the first few steps. "Bed - Aaron, I need Aaron - Aaron -"_

_Calum winced, felt sick as he heard Robert talking about Aaron. No. He couldn't hear it, not when he'd successful ruined them._

_Calum sighed hard, walking over towards Robert and grabbing at his waist. "Come on then," he said softly._

_They reached the bedroom, Calum bracing himself as he entered Robert's room and was overwhelmed with everything he'd only seen through the lens of a camera. He'd never been able to stand and look around, see things of Robert's and adore them. It was instant, he saw Robert's watch on the side of the bed, a book, a picture of -_

_Aaron was there, kissing Robert's mouth. They were laying in grass it seemed, Robert had this big smile on his face as they kissed, as Aaron had a hand on the older man's neck -_

_Calum felt sick, bile rising in his throat and he had to look away instantly._

_Robert struggled in Calum's grip and threw himself on the bed with a loud thud. Calum looked down at him, he was beautiful, he was everything he ever wanted, he thought._

_His eyes flickered again to the picture, decided that Robert wasn't really happy there, he was faking it, pretending, living a life of misery with his abuser, with Aaron._

_Robert grumbled and then started to kick off his shoes as Calum came nearer to him. "Aaron, want - where's Aaron, I'm sorry, say I'm sorry." Calum heard Robert slur out, felt anger slip through him._

_Calum suddenly sat on the bed, watched Robert's eyes begin to close as he gently moved a hand over Robert's shirt. He felt everything inside him tingle as he edged closer, slowly started pulling his top up and revealing his bare chest._

_Robert shifted a little but not enough to make Calum move away._

_Instead he just kept going. He looked at Robert's built, dead silence of the room was able to fuel his mind with thoughts of getting to Robert, having the best night of his life with the man of his dreams._

_The belt slipped from Robert and then so did his jeans. Calum looked up at Robert and then his eyes sparkled and he removed his own jeans, chucking them on the floor and then his top too._

_Robert's eyes flickered as Calum came back onto the bed and tried to climb onto him. Calum could feel himself getting worked up but Robert - he wasn't. He was practically like a zombie, even when Calum touched him he didn't react. He was just limp._

_Not moving._

_"Come on Rob." Calum said gently, trying to push up and down the older man and then he moved forward, lifting the shirt up off Robert's body and leaning in as close as he could. ]_

"Then Aaron came back, I didn't -"

"But you would have, if Aaron didn't come in when he did you would have tried until I was - _up_ for it." Robert's eyes are glassy. "I was out of it, so out of it and then - then you kissed me and I thought it was -"

"Aaron." It's like acid on Calum's tongue and he looks angry. " _Yeah_ I know." He shakes his head.

_[ Calum leaned closer, decided that once he started, Robert would follow, Robert wouldn't be able to resist sex, he was a love cheat, he would have him, he would kiss him and Robert would kiss him back, take control. Calum was so close that he could count the freckles near Robert's mouth, and then he was pressing his lips gently towards the older man's and hearing -_

_"Aaron?" Robert said it, mumbled it as he looked at Calum with hazy eyes and -_

_Aaron was standing there, ruining it all. ]_

Calum sighs and then he looks at Robert, sees the fear in the older man's eyes. "Don't be scared."

It's just hitting Robert over and over again, he could have been - _raped_. He had all this stuff inside him that made him weak, made him vulnerable and now it could happen again. It could happen at any time. He could wake up and find Calum on him and -

"Let me go. Let me go now." Robert can't hold it in, he wants to scream. "Let me go or - or I'll scream, I'll scream until someone hears me."

Calum shakes his head angrily, "I can't just let you go." He says, like it's so obvious. "Not after all this time."

Robert gulps hard and looks towards the door. He thinks that maybe he'd be able to run out of it if he had the chance to. He'd run and run and keep running until he got out. He wouldn't mess up this time, he wouldn't be too slow. Then it hits him, he's suddenly painfully aware of the state of his leg. It's not completely healed yet. No where near really. It dawns on him so bitterly as he realises that - he's trapped.

"Eventually you'll realise I only tried to protect you from _him_." Calum's calm again, setting across from Robert on the mattress. "I've saved your life."

Robert just can't understand, his head aches, _kills_ and Calum might as well be talking German. "Calum, saved me from _what_?"

"You know I hated myself after I admitted to knowing about his self harm, his dad. You know why?" Calum looks straight at Robert. "Because I knew instantly that he'd blame you and I thought - thought he might hurt you for it."

Robert frowns, holds his head and feels woozy. "He wouldn't ever - how many times have I got to tell you Calum?"

Calum looks almost scared, "You're so deep in denial aren't you?" He says gravely. "It's like you've trained yourself to forget that - that he _shot_ you. It's _mad_ Robert."

Robert knows that Calum honestly _believes_ that Aaron is a danger to him and he feels _helpless_. He can't convince him other wise unless - "It was Ross Barton who did it."

Calum scoffs, "And now you're helping his taxi firm out with marketing? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Robert wants to kick himself. It sounds awful. It's true, why _would_ he be helping out the man who tried to shot him down dead.

"It's 'cause Pete's a mate." Robert pushes out, it nearly takes all his strength as he sees Calum roll his head back like it doesn't matter.

"Just stop it Robert." Calum snaps, angry and loud. "Don't you see why I can't let you go? You'll run back to him and he'll hurt you again."

Robert's chin wobbles. "I won't go back to him then." He lies. "I'll pack a bag and leave, I'll go."

Calum frowns. "What about us? The whole point of this is to make you see that - that it's me you should be with."

Robert knows that Calum's delusional but just hearing it all makes him shudder. Calum suddenly stands like he's had enough and then he disappears out of the small room. Robert grips hold of the sheets and feels like he's going to be sick again but he isn't. He holds it in until he thinks about what could have happened to him - about the - about Calum forcing himself on -

He groans as he throws up on the side of the mattress again. He's crying, feels like he's going to die if he doesn't get out of this soon and then Calum's coming back into the room. He's wiping it all up again and has a flannel up to Robert's face.

"It's okay," Calum's voice is the only thing that Robert can grip onto. It's the only thing that matters suddenly and then a wave of guilt flows through Robert for even thinking such a thought. It should all be Aaron, but it isn't.

"I - I need -" Robert tries to push out but he stumbles and then feels Calum coaxing his head up.

"Hey, I know something that it'll make you smile." Calum says, after Robert is leant out against the cold radiator. Calum fishes inside his pocket and produces Robert's phone.

Suddenly Robert's thinking of all the messages that are cluttering it all. He thinks of the ones that Aaron has left him, the ones that Aaron has sent, Vic, _Liv_.

Calum works quickly and then suddenly he's bringing up a picture.

"Vic sent this to ya a few days ago." Calum says before moving the phone towards Robert so that he can see.

It makes his heart fall. It's a baby scan. It's Victoria's little baby. It's his little niece or nephew and -

"Oh my god," Robert whispers, eyes wide and filled with tears, "Her baby." He says, can't say anything else.

Calum nods his head and pulls the photo away from Robert too quickly.

"No. No I want to see it again." Robert demands, fierce and passionate because it dawns on him that - that he might not ever see that little one.

Calum lifts the phone up and holds it in front of Robert, careful not to let Robert hold it. Robert stares in awe and for the first time he just feels almost content, this little slice of happiness, this little knowledge that Vic's okay, it's almost enough.

Calum's still holding it and then suddenly a name flashes on the screen. It's Liv's number. Her little face bobbing about on the screen.

" _Liv_." Robert cries out, it's instinct as he flies towards the phone and attempts to grab at it. Calum's stronger though, he pulls the phone down and turns it off quickly.

Robert's heart _rips_ out of his chest and he's struggling to breathe. He can't - can't breathe because he was so close to hearing her voice.

"Give it back, let me just speak to her." Robert's desperate, "Please - let me just -"

Calum stares back at Robert and then stands. "Look what happens when I try to be nice. You act out." He looks hurt and then shows Robert his arm, the older man had scratched at him in his eagerness.

Robert swallows. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He admits, doesn't mean it.

Calum chews his lip, looks down at Robert. "Maybe we need to leave sooner." He mutters under his breath.

Robert twitches. "What do you mean?" He blurts out, feels like he can't breathe but then Calum's shaking his head.

"Don't worry." Calum snaps dismissively before approaching Robert again. "Let's go and get you in the shower. Then I can fix you up something for lunch."

Robert lets Calum hold him up, can't fight against him at all. It's mad, the way Calum can be angry and then kind the very next minute.

 _He's mad_. Robert thinks as Calum leads him into the small bathroom and locks the door behind him after telling Robert to shout when he's done.

 _Crazy Calum._  Robert thinks and then he turns the shower on, thinks about how much more of this he can take. He changes the setting on the system, more water comes out and Robert's thankful for the noise that manages to hide his own crying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was awfully dark but I thought you'd all like to know that nothing intimate happened between Robert and Calum that night and it was all just Calum's sick fabrications. It felt so weird to write to in Calum's mindset in this chapter, I don't think I'll be doing it again but I thought it would be interesting to see from his point of view on that disturbing night. Hope you guys liked that. 
> 
> I wasn't going to upload until about Thursday but I got so many lovely comments on the chapter before that I had to write this as quickly as possible for you all. Also it's robron!picnic day and I reached over 1,000 followers on tumblr today so I just thought it would be nice to surprise you with this chapter, sorry it couldn't be happier!


	28. Staring right at you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you have me on tumblr you'll be aware that last night's episode sort of broke my heart and I'm not even sure why really because I know Robert, I know what he's like but I think it was just a mixture of everything which made me want to take a giant step back from it all. There was however no doubt in my mind that I wanted to continue with this fic because at the end of the day I love this pairing and I enjoy writing and I won't be stopped so I wrote this up last night. 
> 
> I think you'll all be pleased by the ending...

Aaron's dreaming of Robert, he's dreaming of holding him and then hitting him at the same time. It keeps happening, he can't break free and then suddenly he's lifting himself up in bed, panting hard and feeling sick.

Robert's in trouble, Robert _needs_ him. He can feel it. He knows that something is happening, something _has_ happened but he can't distinguish what yet.

Aaron looks down at his sheets, sees the sweat and swallows hard. He thinks of Liv, and then he can't, he almost feels _betrayed_ by her because he lied to him, she kept him from finding the truth - whatever that may be.

Aaron decides to get up, shaky hands reach down and strip the bed. His head aches, kills him because he was crying all last night, couldn't stop.

His eyes fall to Robert's side of the bed, last night he was able to sleep there, for the first time he found a sense of comfort almost and then he didn't know how to feel about it.

His head was telling him to hate Robert, to ignore every shred of doubt but he couldn't. He needed to fight for him, regardless of how broken they were, he just _needed_ to.

 

-

 

Liv's gone before Aaron makes it downstairs, he's grateful, knows he wouldn't be able to look her in the eye if he saw her in person.

  
Aaron has a hand in his hair, ruffles it gently before his eyes lock onto the phone in front of him, it's teasing him, making him feel an urge to reach out and take hold of it.

"C'mon." Aaron wills himself, he knows that he has to do for the best. He needs to ring the police, needs to face their judgement of him.

Aaron has a hand coming closer towards the house phone, his fingers shake a little and then he has a flash of an image in his mind. He sees Robert, sees him laying on the floor, sees him bleeding out and battered and bruised and suddenly he's dialling 999.

"Yeah. Look I - my husband," Aaron blows out a breath. "He's been missing for two weeks and - I think he might be in danger." It takes everything out of him.

 

-

 

Aaron's chewing his nails like a nervous teenager waiting for their exam to start, he's kicking his knees up too and tries to think about what he'll say to the police.

He's already made an excuse to Adam about missing work and feels almost sick as he thinks about having to explain it all to them.

Then there's a knock on the door and Aaron raises to his feet. He feels a sense of unease take hold of him and then he fights against it.

"Good morning Mr Dingle." Aaron hears the voice as he opens the door, recognises the men as the same two who he saw the day before.

"Morning." Aaron says, opens the door fully and fakes a small smile as they walk through the door and sit on the sofa.

"Now, we've been informed that it's _you_ who has now come forward with the allegation that your husband is missing." The older man says, a frown visible on his face as Aaron sits opposite them.

"Yeah." Aaron nods, "That's right." He says, pulling his jumper over his hands and biting down on his lip.

"Forgive us sir but," the younger officer title his head, "It was only yesterday, you told us he wasn't. It was you who informed us that Mr Sugden's sister was in fact wrong."

Aaron swallows and then shakes his head. "Look I _know_ how it sounds, I get it." He feels himself begin to crumble. "But you have to see that -"

"See what sir?" The older officer asks, sees Aaron's struggling. "You sent us away, _adamant_ that nothing was wrong, what's changed since -"

"My sister, she lied." Aaron snaps loudly and then he tells himself to calm down. "She told me she'd seen him, wanted me to stop worrying and - look she didn't see him which means that he's out there somewhere and no one has any clue."

The younger officer clears his throat and bites his lip down. "How do you know that to be true sir?" Aaron looks up. "Is there a possibility that - that Robert may be with the man who he -"

Aaron feels a shiver race through him, "I need you to check there, check his house. Calum, Calum Radels." He nods frantically, knows they probably think he's mad.

"Do you have an address for him or?" The older officer sees that Aaron is hesitant and he shakes his head. "No worries, we'll just - just uh check the system."

"You have to find him. If you can't then - then you just know that he's done something to Robert." Aaron's a little frantic with his movements and the officers stare at him a little confused.

"Why would we know he's _done_ something?" The officer raises an eyebrow. "Is this Calum -"

"He's obsessed with Robert." Aaron blurts out. "He - he's dangerous."

"Yet your husband slept with him?" It stings all over as Aaron hears it said so simply.

"You have to believe me." Aaron stresses, feels like they don't. "Look I know something's happened, I can feel it."

The older officer clicks his tongue, "I'm afraid that isn't enough to go one though sir." He says before he stands. "We'll be in touch as soon as we locate this Calum Radels, when we find where -"

Aaron's eyes widen and he swallows. "I could find it for ya, Rob's bound to have something in his office. A reference, a CV or something."

The officer's nod, wait for Aaron to come flying back into the room with a street name and a door number.

"Here." Aaron passes the address over with shaky hands and then he wonders why he hasn't gone himself. Then he remembers how weak he is and knows he wouldn't have even able to see Calum first to face like that. Aaron chews on his lip, feels a little shaky still and then he thinks about what he'd do if they found Robert living with Calum, living almost happily. It would tear him apart all over again.

"If here's there, Robert I mean, then - just let me know yeah?" Closure. He just needs closure.

"Of course sir." Aaron smiles at the officer wearily and then watches them leave.

 

-

 

Aaron's biting down hard on his fingernails when Vic approaches him at the bar. She's all tentative and nervous and Aaron sighs hard.

"Alright?" Aaron says, looks up finally and then Victoria's nodding.

"I saw the police leaving yours, this morning." Victoria's not subtle, wants to know anything she can. "Thought you told them there was nothing to see here." She's a little annoyed in her tone but Aaron lets it go.

"Yeah well," Aaron raises his head and then pushes it down again. "Liv lied." He says and then he hears Victoria take a big intake of breath.

"She _lied_?" Victoria says, a hand on her stomach suddenly as if she's trying to calm herself down. "Why? What's wrong with her?"

Aaron has this need to protect his sister and he looks at Victoria. "She was trying to help me, I was going out of my mind with worry, having panic attacks and -"

"So she didn't see him? So he's been missing, he really is missing." Victoria's mouth is dry and Aaron walks around the bar, has an arm out and he's holding her towards him.

"I - gave them an address for Calum." Aaron says almost bitterly. "They said they'd look there." He adds, "He might be there."

Victoria nods against Aaron. "Yeah maybe," she says slowly before she looks towards the door and then up at Aaron.

"Mr Dingle?" Aaron looks up and his heart tightens, he sees the officer's and they look straight at him. He manages to nod and then they come closer. "Is there a place where we could talk?" He asks and Aaron has this tremble which hits him over and over again. He has this thought, this terrible one, he thinks they'll tell him that Robert's fine, that he's living soundly with Calum, that there's nothing to worry about. It should make him happy but it doesn't.

Victoria moves from where she's standing and walks the officers through to the back. Aaron follows slowly, he's almost unwilling to but then he thinks of how much closure he'll get.

"So - come on then," Aaron hears Victoria say as he walks into the room and then he sees the way they are looking at her.  
Something's not right.

"What's happened?" Aaron asks slowly, doesn't know what else to say. "You went to see Calum yeah?"

The officers look at each other. "We did but - we didn't see him sir. The address you gave us, no Calum Radels lives there."

Aaron's heart does something funny, he feels this need to sit down but he can't. "No. No that - that's his address." He stresses, can't say anything more.

The officer shakes his head, "An old woman lived at the address, told us that she'd never heard of a Calum Radels before."

Victoria lets out a shaky breath. "So - you don't know where he is either?" Her eyes dart around the room and then fall onto Aaron's. "Maybe they -"

Aaron shuts his eyes, maybe they've run away somewhere, maybe Robert's just not coming back, maybe he's happier with Calum.

 _No_. Aaron opens his eyes, knows he can't think like that, he knows something bad has happened. He just _knows_.

"Calum's dangerous." Aaron snaps, feels angry tears in his eyes. "No I don't trust him, I don't -" he looks at the officers. "You have to keep looking for him, he's with Robert and - and something's happened."

Aaron's head is thumping hard and he has a hand on his head as the officer attempts to talk.

"Listen, we'll continue to try and look for his address but -"

"He cut my brakes. He tried to kill me." Aaron shouts and Victoria raises an eyebrow in shock. "Robert wouldn't - wouldn't go somewhere with him willingly."

The officer frowns. "Yet you say you saw them in bed together."

There's a knife which stabs through the atmosphere and Aaron bristles.

"I know this is - difficult." The younger officer clears his throat. "But from where we stand, you told your husband to leave, told him to not come back and he hasn't. The man who he was in bed with can't be found either. It's possible that they've moved away together."

Aaron hates how easy it sounds. "You're acting like it was an affair." He says, incredulously. "Rob denied even sleeping with him so -"

Aaron has this dark thought slide into his mind and he feels sick. What if Robert was right? What if he didn't want to have sex, what if Robert didn't think he had sex because he was passed out and -

"You need to find him." Aaron's desperate, he has tears in his eyes as he speaks and Victoria's getting upset. "I'm scared that Calum's taken advantage." He can't say anything else, he just feels like everything inside him is aching.

"Sir, we need you to calm down." The older officer looks alarmed at the state of Aaron. "If anything information comes forward then of course we will act on it but at the moment -"

"It's been _two_ weeks." Aaron stresses, tears spill out and then he frowns. "What if Calum's done something to him?"

"Like what sir?"

Aaron rolls his eyes and then sighs. "What if he's kidnapped him?" He says shakily. "Calum's _obsessed_ with him." He yells and then Victoria's calming him down, trying to.

"Relax, just -" Victoria's words don't have any effect and instead Aaron turns on her angrily.

"I can't! I can't 'cause we've been so stupid, we've not seen it. I saw it before and _you_ didn't. I knew he was dangerous and you just -" Aaron shakes all over and Victoria starts crying.

"This isn't my fault." Victoria's chin wobbles. "We don't even know for sure -"

"Calum's missing, he's taken Robert." Aaron shakes his head. "Think about it! It was the perfect time, I was saying me and him were over and then he fucking pounces."

"Are you saying you think Calum's taken your husband against his will?"

It sends a chill through his body, he feels like it's the worst thing to agree to in the world but it's true, it must be.

"Yeah." Aaron says weakly, runs at his eyes and then sniffs softly. "I can feel it."

The younger officer pulls a face, "Aaron, there's not a lot we can do without any actual evidence."

Aaron feels his heart ache.

"We can't - can't investigate over a _feeling_ you have." It's almost too insensitive and Aaron swallows hard, turns away in despair.

"You need to find my brother." Victoria insists, has a hand on her stomach again. "You have to."

Aaron turns back slowly, "Not high risk enough though is it? A thirty one year old bloke slopes off after he's caught in bed with someone not his husband." He feels like crying again. "Bet you're all laughing at me, think I'm off my head for not just accepting he's a cheat and a coward."

The officer shakes his head, "No sir, that's not what we think."

Aaron grinds his teeth together. "You know what, _fine_." He suddenly snaps. "I'll find him myself, I won't give up." He says before storming out the door.

 

-

 

Aaron rummages through the drawers at home, desperate to search for clues, for anything of significance.

There's only a few top's of Robert's gone, only a few, it's like it was all packed in a rush.

Aaron's eyes drift over to the bed and he's caught up with the memory of that night. It's playing over and over in his mind and it stings.

He remembers Robert telling him he can't remember what happened but he'd been so angry, he hadn't cared about any excuses.

' _Aaron, I didn't - he's mad, I'm scared Aaron 'cause I don't know what -'_

It hits Aaron all over, he's feeling this stabbing pain in his chest and he thinks he's going to have another panic attack. He can't stop. He can't _stop_ this feeling inside.

Robert said he was _scared_ and that he couldn't remember and he just let him go, Aaron just let his husband _leave_ despite knowing how out of it he looked, how vulnerable he was, he might as well have pushed Robert into Calum's arms.

Aaron presses down hard on his chest and feels sick. He wants to work against this feeling inside and then he feels arms around him. For just a second he thinks it's Robert and he calms instantly but then he hears a little voice.

"Breathe, just breathe Aaron." He hears crying and then he looks up, he sees Liv and his heart practically breaks as she tries to calm him down. Aaron blows out slow and then harsh breaths and then feels woozy but he's calming down, his heart rate is regulating again.

"What ya doing here?" Aaron finally says after a few seconds. "You should be at school."

Liv chews her lip. "Good thing I wasn't." She seems scared and then Aaron looks up at her. "I - I couldn't concentrate, not with you hating me." She adds.

Aaron swallows, feels like he'll cry. "I don't hate ya." He whispers.

"You just blame me for Robert not calling." Liv has a hand in her hair. "Aaron he might be okay."

Aaron shakes his head, "He isnt. Liv, they can't find Calum either. I think he's taken Robert, I don't think he'll let him go."

Liv frowns and then she's looking like she'll cry.

"What?" Liv blurts out, practically shudders.

"I'm scared and I just - I need to know he's safe Liv 'cause we've let him down. I've let him down by - by thinking the worst, doubting him."

Liv stays silent, she's in shock he sees.

"I need to do something considering the police won't help." Aaron stands and runs towards the stairs, flying down them and then hearing Liv follow him.

"Let me help." Liv pleads and then Aaron's gulping, not knowing what she can do.

"I need ya to - to search the place, search the scrapyard for anything you can find yeah?"

"But it's already been two weeks." Liv says like it's pointless and then Aaron holds her shoulders.

"We can't give up, we have to find him Liv." Aaron stresses before leaving, he's let go of any hate he has for Robert because everything is clearer now, maybe Robert was always telling the truth, maybe he didn't touch Calum at all that night.

 

-

 

Aaron needs answers, needs to start from the beginning of that night and find out exactly what happened.

He's slamming on the Barton's door, seeing Emma's confused face stare up at him and then he's barging through.

"Excuse me," Emma says angrily. "Uh you can't just -"

Aaron comes into the living room and sights Pete sitting at the table, Ross sits next to him.

"Need a word." Aaron says, looks straight at Pete and tries to ignore the smirk on Ross' face as he folds his arms.

Pete looks confused, more so than usual, and clears his throat. "What about?" He questions.

Aaron does this face and then sighs, decides that Emma and Ross can hear how desperate he is, he's past caring about those silly things.

"About Robert," Aaron does this thing with his jaw. "I need to know where you dropped him off that night."

Emma sighs, decides it's not as interesting as she thought and turns towards the kitchen.

Pete is silent, thinks and then frowns. "Just in town somehere. He said he was meeting -"

"Yeah I know that but _where_ Pete." Aaron practically hisses, he needs to know so that he can find out if anyone knows where Robert went afterwards and if Calum was with him.

Pete is silent again and Aaron loses it. "Pete would ya just _think_?" He snaps and that's when Ross stands up.

"I think you better leave." Ross orders, eyes intensely on Aaron's. "Now."

Aaron takes the challenge, squares up to Ross and moves closer. He wants to punch someone, Ross would do just fine. "Yeah? Who's gonna make me?" He says, puffing out his chest.

Ross goes to speak and then Pete stands, comes between them and sighs.

"Look Aaron," Pete says and then he pauses like he's really trying to remember. "It was one with the yellow lights, ya know the really -"

"Bright ones?" Aaron says, hopeful and then Pete nods. "Cheers." Aaron blows out with a shake of the head, "Honestly I -" he stops speaking, hears Ross snort at him.

"You're so pathetic, still pining about Sugden, looking for answers when we all know he's shacked up somewhere with his new boy toy." Ross says, laughs again and then Pete has to hold Aaron back, struggles to but then Emma's almost hysterical, telling Aaron to leave and he goes.

 

-

 

It's cold, the wind hits Aaron as he looks up at the hazy yellow lights and he can't help but feel like this is all a waste of time. He carries on though, pushes the door open and then hears his phone ringing. It's Liv and he _has_ to answer it.

"Yeah?" Aaron says, heading towards the toilets so that he can escape all the noise.

"Where are ya?" Liv's voice is panicky and Aaron feels sick with guilt.

"I'm fine." Aaron says, he won't answer the question, "Can you have your tea at the pub tonight for me? I won't be back until later." Yeah he's an awful brother, he hates himself for it but he has to find Robert.

The line is silent, like Liv is holding back her thoughts. Anger? Upset? Hate? She doesn't say a word until she sighs.

"Yeah whatever." Liv says, slams the phone down before Aaron can say anything else.

Aaron hits his head with his phone and shoves it in his pocket before turning round and looking at the bar. It's too young for Robert, that's his first thought. He almost smiles as he imagines his lanky husband trying to fit into the crowd of singletons and teenagers.

Aaron heads towards the bar, takes springy steps as he tries to duck his head.

"Alright mate?" The barman leans forward and Aaron stops walking, turns around.

"Uh, I was wondering if you could - could help me out." Aaron steps forward, tries to block out the sound of the music and then he's dipping into his pocket, shaky hands desperately try to pull up his 'recently deleted' file and sees a picture of Robert, just him, smiling into the camera like an idiot.

Aaron swallows hard, remembers taking the exact picture in the summer, Robert had taken them out for the day, a picnic in the fields and Aaron had been an arse, complaining until the moment he saw Robert smile and he mirrored it instantly.

Aaron shakes himself, knows that he can't think about stuff like that, not when the barman is waiting for him.

"Look, do you remember seeing this bloke about two weeks ago? In here." Aaron says, presses the picture towards the barman.

He doesn't say anything, just keeps starting and then he pulls a face. "Yeah but boy he didn't look that happy."

It stings Aaron and then he leans more forward. "How - how did he look then?" He asks, almost pleading.

The barman frowns, "Sad." He shrugs, "He was knocking 'em back."

Aaron freezes, he _was_ drunk.

"Do you remember what he had?" Aaron needs to confirm what he thinks.

The barman scratches his arm and then pulls another face. "Just whiskey I think. Then a few shots. Then some bloke bought him a lemonade when he slopped off -"

Aaron pushes his head up. "So he was alone, and then a bloke came?" He says, forces out.

"Yeah. Brown hair, looked like he knew the bloke, kept tryna speak to him," the barman points to Robert in the picture, "But this bloke didn't want to talk, you could tell."

Aaron's heart beats out of his chest. Robert didn't want to talk to Calum. He didn't _want_ to.

Aaron realises that Robert hadn't planned on meeting Calum, he'd lied to save save with Pete, didn't want to look like a loner. Calum _followed_ him.

"Then what happened?" Aaron urges, feels like he needs to know more.

"Blondie slips off, barely can stand and then the other bloke orders him a lemonade, tells me he's had enough."

Aaron frowns, he thought Calum would want to _ply_ Robert with drinks, not try and sober him up.

"Then blondie drinks it and can barely stand." The barman continues and then he looks like he feels almost unconfortable, "Then the other bloke just takes him outside."

Aaron gulps. "What do you mean? He _forced_ him to leave?" He says angrily. "Did - did he want to go."

The barman frowns, "Look I can't remember much, he struggled a bit but - but yeah he left with the bloke."

Aaron shakes his head, "Couldn't ya see he didn't want to go?" He doesn't want to think about Robert like that, vulnerable.

"It was _mad_ in here." The barman explains. "You see it all the time."

"You see what? Men losing it over a glass of lemonade?" It hits Aaron like a tonne of bricks. He feels it all through him. Calum _spiked_ Robert's drink didn't he?

The barman looks towards the floor and then back at Aaron. "I don't know what you want me to say mate."

"If it was a girl who ya saw being carried out by some bloke, you'd say something the wouldn't ya." Aaron bites angrily before turning away and then looking back. "He's missing, has been for two weeks ya know."

The barman looks guilty, Aaron can see it eat away at him and he looks like he wants to apologise but he doesn't. Or maybe Aaron just can't hear it over the noise of the place.

Aaron can't help but think about everything he knows know, it changes everything because Robert's drink was _spiked_ wasn't it. It had to be. By none other than Calum.

Aaron stands in the middle of the street, knows he should go back to Liv but he's too upset, he wants to throw up as he thinks of Robert being taken advantage of by Calum, so instead he heads to the nearest bar he can find and plans to drink until he can't remember Robert's name.

 

-

 

Aaron doesn't get that far, he's drunk but everything reminds him of Robert as he downs more pints and then the next minute he knows he's being shoved in the back of taxi and he can hear Pete's voice near him telling him they're going back to the village.

Aaron manages to drag himself out of the taxi, shaky hands try and pass Pete some notes but the taxi driver tells him it's fine. Aaron hates the pity Pete gives him and charges off into the pub, can hardly walk straight and then he's wincing as he sees the lights of the pub shining too brightly.

"Love, love are ya okay?" It's his mum's voice but it feels so far away and Aaron knows he's drunk as he struggles to hear her even though she's standing only across the bar.

"M'fine." Aaron waves a hand out and sighs, "Need a pint." He says, slaps a hand down on the bar and tries to sit down on the stool but nearly slips.

Marlon's there, pulling Aaron to his feet. "Is he alright?" Marlon says to Chas, worry in his voice.

Chas tuts and then leans over the bar, "Aaron what's got into ya?" She snaps. "Sort yourself out." She hisses as she watches Aaron try his hardest to lean over and pour himself a pint.

"Let me forget." Aaron mumbles and Chas strains to hear him. "Need to _forget_." He slurs, feels tears prick his eyes and then he's backing towards one of the booths, feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Forget what?" Adam says, it's him who's trying to calm Aaron down now, the same hand squeezing Aaron's shoulder now.

Aaron turns, his chin wobbles. "Robert's in danger. He's fucking missing." He says, can't help how he cries.

Adam's eyes are wide and he's trying to stop Aaron from being so hysterical, "Hey we don't know anything for certain bro, it could -"

"- And I think - I think Calum might have - he might have _raped_ him." Aaron's beyond hysterical now, he wants to be sick after he hears his own words but he fights against it. The pub is deafeningly silent and everyone sits in shock.

"Aaron come here love." Chas says, sounds like she's going to cry.

Aaron shakes his head, "Don't tell me I'm wrong 'cause I'm _not_! He - Calum spiked his drink, I just spoke to the barman. And Robert, he told me he was scared because he _couldn't remember_. Because - because he wasn't in control and he couldn't consent to any of it mum and I just let him -" he's crying, he can't stop and then he's racing towards the toilets, throwing up again and again.

Chas is there, she's telling Aaron to calm down and he's trying to. He's looking at himself in the mirror and he's trying to work out when it all went wrong. When did this become his life? When was _this_ his existence. Only two weeks ago he was happy, loved, _content_.

"Aaron, what you just said - did you mean -" Aaron looks at his mum through the mirror and stops splashing his face with water.

"Yeah." Aaron admits. "Mum how couldn't I have seen it before? I knew Calum was obsessed with 'im and - and just -"

"None of this is your fault, do you hear me?" Chas stresses, "None of it."

"I've let him down mum, he could be anywhere with Calum. I have this _horrible_ feeling that Calum won't let him go."

Chas frowns. "You're thinking the worst." She tries, "You're not seeing things clearly."

Aaron doesn't want to hear this, tries to push past her but she stops him. "This is you all over, blaming yourself for someone else's mistakes." She snaps and then she's trying to find the words, in her hesitation Aaron slips past her and charges into the bar again.

"Ya know I'm right." Chas says, following him. "He cheated on ya, plain and simple love, saying all this won't change that."

Aaron can't believe her. "This changes _everything_." He says, "If his drink was _spiked_ then - then I walked in on him out of it, with Calum taking advantage. Can't you see that?" He shouts, feels sick again.

Chas steps back, shakes her head.

"I'm not making this up!" Aaron shouts but no one jumps in to defend him. Adam has his head down, Chas looks towards the floor and Marlon's all flustered.

"Calum followed him to that bar, spiked his drink and took advantage of Robert, he could have _raped_ him and no one cares!" Aaron's crying again and then he sees someone standing behind the bar.

Liv's there, her face is red and puffy and her eyes are wide because she's heard everything.

"Robert was -" she can't get the word out and suddenly Aaron's rushing towards her, holding her by the arms and crouching down.

"I - fuck Liv ya shouldn't have heard all that -" Aaron hates himself and the way Liv pulls away from him.

"You're _drunk_ , I can smell it on ya." Liv looks almost disgusted. "I was looking everywhere for _anything_ and you were getting dr -"

"I was looking for the bar he went to that night." Aaron pushes out, desperate to prove that he isn't a complete failure. "He told me that -"

"I don't want to know." Liv says, bites her lip. "You're probably too drunk to remember."

Aaron frowns, goes to speak again but Chas is walking towards them.

"Liv, do me a favour and go make up a bed for yourself eh?" Chas has a hand running through Liv's ponytail. "You can stay the night."

Liv looks torn, feels bad as Aaron gazes at her. "Fine." She says, turns away from her brother.

"Why is she staying -" Aaron tries but Chas stops him.

"You're drunk, talking about all sorts that she doesn't need to hear. You're saying you think Robert was _raped_ , right in front of her for God's sake Aaron!" Chas hisses to him.

"Oh 'cause she's never heard that word before has she?" Aaron says darkly and then Chas is shaking her head.

"She knows _too_ much about it. Doesn't need to be reminded by all your silly -"

" _Silly_?" Aaron says, he can't believe that he's alone in this. He feels suddenly like Robert. "I know Calum's obsessed with him, I know he'd go that far if -"

Chas raises a hand and sighs, "I need you to go home and sleep on this. We'll talk in the morning." She says before she's pulling Aaron into this crushing hug and turning towards the back room, telling Aaron that she's going to help Liv.

Aaron turns and sees Adam looking almost lost. "You believe me right?" He says, tears stream down his face.

Adam does this face and it kills Aaron. He _doesn't_.

"You think _I'd_  lie about something like this? Me?" Aaron slurs, points to himself angrily. Adam clenches his jaw. "I didn't say that." He says slowly and then he looks towards the door. "Just - don't tell Vic okay? I don't want her worrying over -"

"What? Nothing? My drunk fantasies?" Aaron shouts and then Adam's shaking his head.

"I can't talk to ya when you're like this." Adam says and then he's walking out the door, leaving Aaron all alone.

 

-

 

Aaron stumbles home, turns the key and pushes the door open before sliding off his jacket and then peeling of his jumper as he climbs the stairs. When he reaches his room a wave of misery hits him because he wants Robert so suddenly that it makes his heart ache.

It's this ache which makes him reach into Robert's drawer and pull out an old pyjama top of his.

Aaron's shaky hands hold it up towards his nose and he nearly melts, it _still_ smells like his Robert and suddenly he's pulling it over him, unashamed.

"Robert, come back." Aaron wills, has tears in his eyes. "I don't care about what you did, just come back to me." He pleads, the tears roll down his face. "Because I'm a fucking mess without ya." He shakes a little. "I'm trying though, they just won't help me." He thinks of Adam and his mum and Paddy who told him to move on too.

Aaron looks down at drawer, Robert's things are still all there, he hasn't bagged them yet. He picks up a bottle of cologne, holds it in his hand and then slams it down again before letting out a heavy sigh. He can't escape this, won't ever escape this feeling until Robert's back.

Aaron feels this anger, this burning hatred for Calum raise inside him and suddenly he's throwing the nearest thing he picks up, straight towards the picture on the wall, the _stupid_ Arsty one.

Aaron watches the painting fall to the ground, thinks of how much it made Robert smile and then he's scrambling to put it back on the wall. That's when he sees it. That's when Aaron kneels down and sees this little black thing staring up at him.

At first he doesn't know what it is but then suddenly he's seeing something shiny, something circular and he swallows hard because it's a _camera_. He's being watched, maybe him _and_ Robert were. For how long? Aaron shudders, holds the little piece in his hand and shakes. Calum.

It takes less than a second for him to realise.

It's Calum watching him right now, he's been watching all along hasn't he?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you liked this chapter, Aaron is very much going to get his man back soon because he's got all this evidence. Again I'd just like to say thank you to every single one of you who leaves a comment because it's so encouraging, I always love to read them and respond so thank you so so much! Xx


	29. When I turn away from you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to say a massive thank you to all the lovely messages about me looking after myself and people being glad that I'm continuing to write this because it honestly means so much to me so thank you al! 
> 
> Apologies in advance for how depressing the end of this chapter is but ... Enjoy regardless because I can't believe I've managed to get this done so quickly!

_Robert's dreaming of Aaron again, he sees his husband hugging at his wedding suit and he's crying into it. Robert's there but so is that bloody invisible wall and Aaron can't hear the way Robert's shouting at him. Then things change, Robert's eyes flicker and Aaron's laying in their bed, has an arm around the same man from the last dream. They're kissing each other, hot and heavy and passionate and then they're stopping, looking towards the door and they're both smiling as a little boy toddles into the room._

_Robert can practically hear his heart break as he sees Aaron lift the boy up in his arms._

_"Always spoiling me and your daddy's fun aren't ya?"_

_Robert presses his hands to his ears and tries to block out the sound of the boy giggling as Aaron attacks his stomach._

_It kills, just kills Robert because Aaron's moving on, Aaron has a family, has a little boy._

_"I wanted that." The words die on Robert's lips as he tries to get them out, it makes him shiver because he's not admitted to that before, scared Aaron would protest against it completely._

_Robert desperately tries to stretch towards them but he fails, again._

Robert opens his eyes and sees Calum standing above him. It makes him instantly cower on instinct. 

Another nightmare?" Calum says, voice tight and controlled.

Robert goes to speak but stops himself, doesn't know what to say, if Calum knows he's dreaming of Aaron still then it'd end badly.

"No," Robert lies, darts his eyes around the room. "What time is it?" He asks, doesn't even know what _day_ it is.

"Early." Calum says vaguely before sitting beside Robert and looking into his eyes. "You're looking a little better." He admits, a small smile on his face.

Robert stares back blankly and twitches his foot, it's healed now he thinks, he can move if he wants to but he's too scared to, he hates how badly his fear is limiting him from getting back to Aaron.

"You want some soup?" Calum says, he's standing now and walking across the room to get a bowel from a table.

Robert smells it instantly and his stomach growls. It doesn't smell as awful as the other things have done. Robert nods slowly, tells himself that it smells too nice to be made by Calum. It's from the supermarket, Robert forces himself to think, Calum hasn't laced it with anything. He _hasn't_.

It tastes alright but Robert wolfs it down like its the best thing he's ever had.

"Onion soup." Calum says, has a glint of something in his eyes as if it holds flavour. "Remember?" He adds, looks right at Robert still.

Robert frowns, wipes at his mouth and pushes the empty bowl back to Calum. "What?" He says, a little harshly.

Calum's eyes flicker but he continues, undeterred. "That convention, two years ago. The one about the machinery. Don't you remember seeing me?"

It sends a chill down Robert's spin and he tries to focus on what Calum's said but it's hard.

"You waltzed in, it was hot I remember," Calum does the face and it's almost like he's reminiscing. "I was with my uni group and I saw ya from across the room. I just wanted to talk to ya but you were busy talking to some bloke. You said something about onion soup, or maybe he did." He looks unsure. "The next minute I knew you were gone." The smile on his face fades into something sinister. "Figured you were just busy but now I know you were probably going off to enjoy a dirty weekend with _Aaron_."

Robert really looks at Calum and still can't remember, doesn't even feel bad about it. He remembers the event though, the way he couldn't help but reach Aaron in that lodge. The memory makes him feel sick a little though when he realises what it all resulted in.

Guns, crying, blood everywhere.

Calum shakes his head. "Abandoned all those potential clients for _him_?" He bites his nails nervously. "He didn't deserve you doing that for him, he _still_ doesn't." He stresses.

Robert tries to push himself up. "You're so wrong." He says, hasn't the strength to say anything more.

"Ya know he's always been a thug." Calum spits angrily.

Robert shakes himself, "Yeah? Well trust me, I'm much worse." He says darkly and Calum looks troubled by his vagueness. "That _very_ weekend I had him tied up just like this, a gun to his head because I was a fucking coward." He's not sure where the strength comes from but then it goes again, instantly.

Calum's eyes are wide. "Why could you *lie like that?" He asks, completely stunned.

Robert has to tilt himself down. "M'not." He pushes out. "Ya think he's the one who isn't right for me well - _I'm_ not right for _him_." He shakes his head lazily. "Never have been." He admits, hears himself slurring a little.

"That's not true." Calum shouts. "You're better than him, than Chrissie." Hearing her name makes Robert frown harshly. "I was _so_ scared when I heard about that crash in the village was caused by her, she was a psychotic _bitch_." Calum sighs hard, "I thought I could - could make ya feel happy after you split up. I should have found you then but I didn't, I waited and you - you went and married a 'dirty Dingle." Calum spits the words out like fire and Robert winces.

"Don't talk about him." Robert orders before he feels the world around him grow hazy.

"Someone's tired aren't they?" Calum says, all soft and sweet. "It's alright, go to sleep."

Robert tries to fight off the feeling, "M'fine." He urges. "Just need to stay awake. Need to make you see that I need to go."

Calum rolls his eyes, pushes Robert onto the mattress. "Just go to sleep." He says softly, "It's fine."

Robert hates how he gives in, the only thing which settles him is the thought of seeing Aaron again as he dreams, however painful it will all be.

 

-

 

Robert's eyes shoot open wide in panic. He hears the sound of shouting, someone swearing in frustration and he knows it's Calum.

The next thing he sees is Calum storming into the room, he's shaking his hands and he looks like he's going mad.

Robert's heart tightens, everything around him is becoming less hazy and he tries to speak. "What -?"

Calum bites his nails nervously for then stays silent for a few seconds before he looks at Robert.

"He _knows_." Calum pushes out and Robert frowns. "He saw the camera - fuck he - he _saw_."

Robert feels his heart skip a beat because he knows what this means. He knows that Aaron saw the -

"He saw the camera!" Calum shouts in frustration and then he gulps hard. "This is bad."

Robert doesn't know what to say, he's never seen Calum like this and he can't be sure how to react.

"Maybe he - he didn't see it properly." Robert says feebly but it only angers Calum more and suddenly he's racing off into the other room and then coming back inside just as quickly, shoving a laptop towards the mattress.

Robert's eyes widen as he sees Aaron, he hasn't seen him for what feels like _years_ and he aches for him.

He can't help the way a hand falls onto the screen as Aaron holds Robert's old pyjama top towards himself, almost hugging at it.

Then he sees his husband hitting something against the wall and then coming closer to the screen, eyes wide in shock. Then it cuts off.

Robert tries to stop the tears in his eyes that threaten to fall because he sees Calum studying his reaction. Robert's completely overwhelmed, suddenly he knows that Aaron hasn't forgotten him after all. His dreams had lied to him. It's the biggest relief of his life but then he's all bittersweet because Aaron's in pain still. He just wants him happy, that's all.

"He can't track it though." Calum pushes out suddenly. "All he knows is that - that someone's been watching him."

Robert licks his lips and dares to speak again. "He'll tell the police that it's you, you know he will." He says, hopes it'll scare Calum enough to let this all stop.

Calum huffs out a laugh. "Where's the proof?" He's suddenly cocky again and Robert hates it. "Besides, the address I gave you is fake."

Robert frowns harshly. "Why?" He says, confused.

Calum shrugs. "It's easier to get by without telling the truth."

Robert can understand that, doesn't say anything.

"They'll look for you." Robert says quickly. "It's been too long. Aaron'll think you're even more creepy and maybe he'll wonder if you took me -"

Calum seems stressed by Robert's words and covers his ears like a child.

"Fine then." Calum says as Robert stops talking. "We just have to leave quicker."

Robert feels his heart fall out of his chest as he hears Calum.

"What - what do you mean -" Robert shakes, hates how his brain works.

Calum rolls his eyes in frustration. "We're going to the States. Travelling. It was meant to be a surprise." He insists. "Me and you, we're going away."

Robert knows he's delusional but this just confirms it. Calum's mad to think he'd go anywhere with him willingly.

"For - for how long? I mean I -"

"For good Rob," Calum says quickly. "Fresh start and all that." He comes closer to Robert, sits on the mattress next to him.

Robert's chin wobbles uncontrollably. "No, no you can't." He says, without thinking.

Calum frowns and then he's leaning closer, looking almost menacing. "Why not?"

Robert swallows. "My uh - my passport. I haven't got my passport." He treads carefully.

Calum sighs hard. "I'll have to go fetch it when Aaron's out."

Robert wants to hit him because has an answer for everything doesn't he?

"No we can't -" Robert blurts out, forgets himself.

Calum shakes his head. "We have to go before things get even more suspicious." He shouts. "Can't you see that?"

Robert wants to cry, he's so trapped, he can't do anything.

"I don't want to go." Robert tries, leans towards Calum. "I want to stay right here." He lies, thinks that wherever he is at the moment is better than going all the way to _America_.

Calum smiles warmly, it's mad how quickly he can believe flat out lies. "Me too. But like you said, Aaron won't stop digging." He says angrily.

Robert nods slowly, hates the hole he's dug himself.

"We'll leave as soon as possible." Calum says quickly before rising to his feet.

Robert hates this, he just can't do it. "What if I say no?" He asks.

Calum freezes, turns back to Robert. "No?" He says coldly. "Then I'd wonder why, and then -" he comes closer to Robert. "I'd realise it was because you don't want to leave your precious Aaron."

Robert swallows, won't lie about that.

Calum shakes his head and suddenly he's kneeling by Robert, "He doesn't love you." He says and Robert's caught off guard by the blatant lie. "He _doesn't_ love ya." He repeats, looks right at Robert to see his reaction.

Robert goes to speak and then Calum smiles. "You're really tryna protest against it aren't ya?" He says, "Where is he then? Your _amazing_ Aaron?"

Robert gulps, has tears in his eyes, "I - he does care I know -"

Calum suddenly grips hold of Robert's face and the older man lets out a gasp. "How comes he was having sex with some lad then? In _your_ bed?" He sneers, keeps a firm grip on Robert's face still.

Robert's face falls, he crumbles. "You're lying." He says suddenly. "You -"

Calum laughs breathlessly and looks down at the laptop. "Camera doesn't lie." He says, pulling his hand away from Robert. "I could show you if you like ..."

Robert winces, thinks about all those dreams he had, he can't see it. "No, no please -"

Calum's hand is on his face again, stroking softly against his skin. "I wouldn't put ya through that." He insists before he sighs. "You see now, we have to go, we should go." His face hardens. "You're going. We both are." 

Robert opens his mouth to protest because it doesn't matter that Aaron's moved on, he can forgive him, he'd forgive him the world, and then Calum has a hand over it.

"You'll come or - or they'll pay." Calum says before moving his hand from Robert's mouth and looking at Robert's reaction. His eyes are wide, almost bloodshot because this is a _threat_. A real one.

"What does that mean?" Robert dares to ask.

Calum does this little breathless laugh. "Just think, what else could I have left hanging around the house? Drugs. Guns. Anything." Calum says softly and Robert feels his heart ache. "He gets locked up, Liv gets sent away. Everyone loses."

Robert has tears in his eyes and then Calum is smiling down at him.

"We both know Aaron wouldn't survive in there, he'd top himself. Make sure he did it good and proper."

Robert's tears fall down his face.

"Don't make me do that to poor little Liv -"

"I'll come." Robert says instantly, there's an image of Liv crying and he hates it. "We'll go just please don't hurt 'em."

Calum pulls a hand through Robert's hair and Robert flinches.

"Good." Calum says before he leans closer to him. "Remember what I said, about him not loving you, it still stands." He looks right into Robert's eyes. "He's moved on, he _doesn't_ care."

Robert imagines Aaron with someone else, he can't see it but the hope inside him is frail and meek, it's dying slowly and then -

"Repeat after me Rob, come on." Calum looks serious, like he really believes that this will make Robert stop loving Aaron back. "Aaron doesn't love me."

Robert feels his head ache, he needs something to numb it down, hates how reliant he is on whatever Calum feeds him now.

"I need something - my head." Robert avoids the demand and Calum nods his head knowingly.

"Aaron doesn't love me." Calum drills into Robert's head, " _Say it._ "

Robert nods his head slowly, feels like he's falling off a cliff as the words leave his lips. "Aaron doesn't love me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes that ending :( it's sad and so is the whole chapter really but I think that it's important to show the extent of manipulation Robert's facing at the hands of Calum because without it and without spoiling too much of what's to come ... This manipulation is going to play very heavily into Robert's state of mind in the aftermath of it all.
> 
> I have literally one word for the next instalment of this fic and its DRAMATIC. The next two chapters really might kill you and I know you'll all hate me at the end of the next chapter because it's the most evilest cliffhanger in the world. I can't wait to write it all down and upload it. Let me know how your finding this all so far though!


	30. Chasing you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRACE YOURSELF 
> 
> ((warning: violent & threatening scenes ahead))

 

"Do you believe me now?" Aaron's voice is tight, scared that the officers sitting opposite him won't connect the dots.

The younger one looks troubled almost and then the older one clears his throat.

"Where did you say you found this again?" The older one says, hair greying at the sides, holding up the small camera towards Aaron.

Aaron gulps, thinks about how he had been sick the night before after he stared at it.

"In my bedroom. It was sorta hanging on a picture." Aaron says, has a hand up to his head. "This _proves_ that someone's been watching me, watching me and Robert, and I bet I know who it is." He hisses, eyes widening.

"We're still trying to locate Mr Radels." The younger officer chirps in.

"Well try _harder_." Aaron snaps. "I've just found out that I've been being _watched_ by some creep who I think has taken my husband and you're just telling me that you're still trying to locate him."

The older officer goes to speak but then Aaron stops him.

"Are ya going to take me seriously now?" Aaron argues. "You can hardly ignore the fact that we have a stalker, I've got all the _evidence_ you need."

"Aaron, with this evidence we'll be able to run it by the -"

Aaron zones out, doesn't want to hear whatever they are saying that doesn't reassure him that they'll do all they can to find his husband.

"Go to speak the barman in the club in town." Aaron insists. "He'll tell ya that - that Calum dragged Robert out of there after _drugging_ him up."

"When did you speak to him?" The older officer says quickly.

Aaron frowns. "Last night, someone had to find answers after you two were no help at all."

The younger officer almost looks sad.

"What?" Aaron says, still frowning.

"Aaron had you been ... drinking?"

Aaron's heart races and then suddenly he sees the older officer spot the tablets on the edge of the table between them.

"Uh - after. After I spoke to him." Aaron sighs, knows they'll tell him that they won't believe him. "I just found out that my husband may have been _raped_ so yeah I got a little drunk but -"

"These are very serious accusations you're making Aaron." The officer says darkly.

"Don't ya think I know that." He sighs hard again and pulls his sleeves over his hands. "You sound just like my family last night, doubting me."

The younger one sighs. "We'll go round there as soon as the club opens okay?"

Aaron looks up, smiles and then there's this little burst of relief inside him. "Thanks." He says trying to hold back tears. "I just - just want my husband home, I just want him safe."

 

-

 

Aaron makes it to work, drags himself there really and has his phone on full brightness, sound on the highest volume possible as he awaits any information from the officers - PC Barrat and PC Jones he knows them as now.

Adam's there, head in some work as Aaron comes in. The atmosphere can't help but feel tense as they look at each other.

"Aaron -" Adam tries, feels guilty as he speaks and it comes out in his voice.

"Just here to do work." Aaron says, waves a hand at his best mate. He's angry still, it hurts to think that he wasn't believed yet again by someone who he cared about.

"I'm sorry, for last night." Adam says honestly before biting down on his lip.

"I'm sorry too." Aaron says flatly before looking at Adam. "For ya know waking up without the _clear_ 'ead everyone wants me to have."

Adam sighs hard, "I'm trying to -"

Aaron pinches his nose, knows he can't _not_ talk about everything now that he's been pushed.

"You think I like the thought of Robert being - being taken advantage of like that?" Aaron hates the tears in his eyes. "I hate it. It makes me feel _sick_ but I owe it to him to not keep ignoring it like I have done."

Adam goes to speak again but then Victoria walks through the door.

"I just saw the police leaving the village." Victoria crosses her arms over and looks at Aaron.

Aaron clears his throat, didn't want to worry her until the police had spoke to the barman, actually believed he wasn't some silly drunk.

"What's happened? Is it Robert? Did they find -" Victoria says, almost frantically.

Aaron shakes his head. "Last night I - I went to the bar that Robert was at that night." He gulps. "The bloke said that Calum took Robert from the bar after he - he - Vic he spiked Rob's drink."

Victoria touches her stomach and Aaron's never hated Calum more. She's showing now, should be glowing but she isn't, instead there's tears in her eyes.

"So what you saw, Robert could have been too out of it to even know what was going on?" Victoria trembles as Aaron nods his head.

Adam has a hand on his wife's shoulder and he squeezes as she cries.

"That's why the police were here?" Victoria says, through her tears.

Aaron gulps hard. "S'not the only reason." Adam frowns and then Aaron feels himself panicking a little at the memory of last night. "I found a camera. In our bedroom. Calum's been watching me, probably watching me and Robert all along."

No one speaks for a few seconds and then suddenly Victoria's crushing herself into Aaron and holding him tight. For once Aaron just accepts it, thinks about how he's going to explain this all to Liv, clings even tighter.

 

-

 

He tells Chas, he _has_ to doesn't he because she'll find out eventually.

"No," Chas looks practically devastated as she speaks and Aaron has a lump in his throat. "What do you mean a flipping _camera_?" She adds, doesn't know what else to say.

Aaron has his sleeves wrapped right above his sleeves and he's holding back tears.

"Just a little one, I found it last night. _God_ knows how long it's been there."

Chas' eyes flicker and then she settles on the picture of Aaron and Robert on the drawer in front of her. She never did bring herself to take it down.

"All along," Chas shakes her head. "That _creep_ was always tryna worm his way in wasn't he?"

Aaron nods, bags under his eyes mock him as he tries to appear strong and together.

"Yeah." Aaron says quickly before his eyes grow dark, "You believe me now?" He says angrily and Chas looks guilty, doesn't say anything until Aaron sighs.

"Ya know what the worst thing is?" Aaron trembles, nearly falters. "I _let_ him. All those times when I acted out, went for him, I made Robert get closer to him, pity him. This is -"

Chas shakes her head, points almost angrily at her son. " _None_ of this is your fault. I won't have you blame yourself."

Aaron's chin wobbles, "There's no one else to blame." He says, feels helpless.

Chas blinks quickly. "Look love no one _asked_ Robert to go to that bar did they?"

Aaron shoots his head up, "Don't - don't you dare say this is down to him. He didn't ask to get fucking drugged mum!"

Chas goes to speak but then decides against it.

"You're still tryna turn me against him! What's wrong with ya?" Aaron shouts, feels venom seep through him. Chas winces at his loudness and then nods softly, apologises.

"No I am." Aaron puts his head on his hands and sighs harshly. "I just want him to be okay, and every second that goes by just - he might not be mum."

Chas flies across the room, pushes Aaron towards her and squeezes him. "Don't think like that."

"Mum if he - I _couldn't_ do it. I couldn't go on, knowing that I drove my own husband into the hands of a - a psycho."

Aaron cries then, can't help himself as he breaks down in front of his mum. The tears don't stop, seeing Robert in pain just _won't_ stop.

 

-

 

Liv's made them dinner, she's being helpful or at least trying to be (the chips are burnt and the fish she's fried is all oily)

Aaron's smiles, tries to thank her but she's no fool, she knows what she heard last night.

"How was school?" Aaron says, still trying to fake a smile on his face as he dodges the _really_ burnt chips.

Liv shrugs her shoulders. "Couldn't really concentrate." She says, looks down at the plate of food she has.

Aaron sighs, realises that he can't pretend that everything is fine when it isn't, when the police are probably going to call him any minute now with news on the barman.

"Aaron last night, I know you were drunk but -" Liv pushes out and then she stops herself like it's too much to say.

"Mum was right you shouldn't have heard that." Aaron says blankly. "I'm sorry." He adds.

"Why 'cause it wasn't true?" Liv says, raises an eyebrow as she asks the question.

"No." Aaron stares up at her seriously. "It was all true Liv." He adds and her face pales.

"But that means that - Calum did that to Robert, he might have -" Liv looks all panicked and Aaron hates himself.

Aaron leans over the table and squeezes her hand lovingly. "Hey, hey shh it's okay."

She's crying, her face is all blotchy and Aaron has tears in his eyes too.

"It's _not_ though." Liv says, "Where the _hell_ has he taken Robert!" She says, clearly frustrated now.

Aaron gulps. "I don't know." He admits. "But we'll find out, I promise ya." He tries to smile. "We'll get our Robert back soon. I promise."

Aaron's phone rings and Liv hitches her breath. "Is that -"

Aaron lifts the phone up and holds it up towards him, feels sick as he answers. "Hello?"

"Uh this is PC Jones, if it's possible we'd like you go come down to the station."

Aaron's eyes widen, "Now?"

"Yes, if it's -"

"Of course yeah, I'll be there as soon as I can." Aaron ends the call and stands, looking at Liv's expectant face. "The uh - I need to head down to the station."

Liv looks almost scared. "Is it bad news?" She says, doesn't even know what that would really be.

Aaron freezes and then shakes his head quickly. "I don't know for sure Liv." He admits, chews at his lip.

Liv accepts, places a hand over his. "Mind me going Gabby's until you get back?"

Aaron swallows hard, hates the way he keeps leaving her.

"Course not," Aaron drags his jacket over him. "Just uh, text me when you get there and don't cause any trouble alright?"

Liv nods obediently and then crosses her fingers together as she watches Aaron leave.

"Please be okay," Liv whispers, tries to hold back tears.

 

-

 

Aaron sits in the car, cuts the engine and tries hard to breathe slowly through his nose without it becoming a struggle. Robert's on his mind, as always and he hates the way he wonders what they'll tell him.

Liv's text comes through, she's added a smiley face and he sends one back, feels a little settled as he stares down at his phone.

Aaron manages to take off his seatbelt, sliding out of the seat and letting the wind hit him as he charges towards the station.

"Alright son?" The officer at the front says, has a pen in his hand.

Aaron goes to speak and then suddenly he sees PC Jones walking towards him.

"Aaron, would you like to come with us." PC Jones looks towards his the other officer and Aaron follows them into a dark room with a black table in the middle of it.

There's another officer there, larger with glasses on. He looks friendly enough and Aaron wills himself to sit down when they tell him to.

Aaron's hands reach for his mouth and he bites down on his nails, he can feel something coming. "So c'mon then, what's happened?"

The officer clears his throat, "We managed to speak to the barman you were talking about, Mathew. He uh - the manager of the bar was able to show us some footage of the night you believe your husband went missing."

Aaron shakes a little, his hands are trembling almost uncontrollably. "Can I see?"

The officer moves towards him, produces a laptop and opens it. "We were hoping that you'd be able to tell us if that's definitely Calum Radels." He points towards the laptop and Aaron brings himself to look down at it too.

He sees Robert, practically sprawled out on the bar and then he's getting up, trying to pull away from -

It's him, Calum's holding Robert up and Robert's still desperately trying to wriggle out of the grip Calum has on him.

It's useless though and Robert gives in, he falls a little and almost surrenders to Calum as he allows himself to be dragged out. The video cuts and Aaron clears his throat.

"It was him, that's Calum." Aaron says, tries hard not to break down. "You have to find him."

"We'll get the team on it right away." The other officer says. "You have to appreciate the fact that it's very hard to find someone who isn't on any records -"

Aaron stands quickly, needs to leave. "I don't care. He has to be somewhere, he _has_ to be found, just - do your job and find Robert." He pleads before turning around and leaving the station feeling frustrated at all the time that has been wasted.

 

-

 

Aaron's quiet over breakfast the next morning, Liv knows that they're taking it all seriously now, that they'll probably want to look around the house tomorrow in search of something.

"I know you don't want to talk about it but I think it's going to be okay now." Liv says, "I had a dream last night. A good one for once."

Aaron huffs out a breath and then smiles at Liv, wishes he could be as positive as she's trying to be. "Yeah? What about?"

"Rob taking us to Wales again, he broke the radio in the car because he was fighting with us about what should be on."

Aaron shuts his eyes, can almost see it now.

"Bet he wasn't happy about that eh?" Aaron tries, _God_ he's trying.

"No," Liv shakes her head and then swallows hard. "Aaron, when we find him, is it going to be like it used to be?"

Aaron's heart feels heavy suddenly because he knows it won't be. The love they have for each other hasn't evaporated but it's changed. They've changed.

"I can't really answer that Liv," Aaron admits, feels almost inadequate. "I don't know how - how -"

"Messed up he'll be?" Liv says what they both didn't want to admit.

"Yeah." Aaron says slowly, imagines his husband being the shell of the man he once was. All that confidence and charm that oozed out of him, gone.

"It'll take time." Aaron says, clears his throat as he thinks about it all. "He'll be different."

Liv nods slowly and then she's looking towards the door. It's Adam.

Aaron goes to answer it, he isn't angry at him anymore and wants to make sure that his best mate knows that.

Adam has this sheepish look on his face when Aaron answers the door.

"Alright mate?" Adam says slowly. "I - uh I wanted to -"

Aaron relaxes his shoulders. "Come in then." He says, tilts his head.

Liv stands as he enters, grabs her school bag and walks towards the door, hugging at Aaron a little before she leaves.

"Listen mate, I'm not going to pretend I know how any of this actually feels. But - but I'm just sorry I didn't support ya like I should have done."

Aaron nods his head slowly and Adam looks like he's willing him to speak or something. "Aaron?"

"It's alright." Aaron clears his throat, "I get why you didn't - I mean what I was saying was -"

"Yeah." Adam says, a little awkward. "I'm sorry, I really am."

"I know. What matters now though is that they've got all the need to start taking me seriously. They've got this evidence they've been looking for." Aaron says, has a hand up to his face and he sighs. "I just want this all to be over."

Adam shuffles towards Aaron and then pats him on the back before squeezing him closer and letting Aaron rest towards his chest.

"How about I take your mind off it?" Adam says, "Just for a bit, some bloke's called, he's got stuff for us to take. Two man job apparently."

Aaron frowns at him, it's not insensitive for him to go back to work but it feels almost wrong. Adam senses it and then shakes his head.

"Aaron it's up to the police now. You've done enough, you're the one who got all the evidence for them."

Aaron sniffs. "Yeah I suppose." He shrugs. "It won't take long will it?" He adds, folds his arms over nervously.

Adam shakes his head, "Nah, me and you will do it in no time." He pushes at Aaron's arm and dares Aaron to smile.

Aaron does. "Fine," Aaron says before going to find his work shoes and pulling them on.

"I'll wait in the car." Adam says before disappearing out the door.

Aaron sits for a second and then sighs. "Not giving up Rob. I swear to ya." He says, feels like he has to before he stands and walks towards the door, locking it behind him.

He doesn't hear the gravel crush against someone's feet as he gets into Adam's car and pulls away.

 

-

 

It's on the other side of Hotton, some big industrial site and Adam's trying his best to not make it seem like it's too far away but it doesn't work, Aaron's all anxious about being away from the village.

Twenty minutes pass and Aaron lets out a harsh sigh as he looks at his watch. "He still isn't here." He sneers, clicks his throat and sighs again because the bloke hasn't even shown up yet. "Ya said this was going to be a quick job." He snaps.

"It will be," Adam says, "When he shows up." He mumbles, it's meant to be to himself but Aaron snaps his head up angrily.

"What if the police want to get ahold of me?" Aaron says, bites down on his finger nails awkwardly. "What happens then?"

Adam gives in then, rolls his eyes and chucks the keys over to Aaron. "Go." He says quickly, "I'll get Pete to come get me when I'm done." He adds, wipes his hands over his jeans.

Aaron squeezes the keys, feels a sense of relief flow through him and he smiles shyly. "Thanks mate," Aaron says before turning towards the car. "I promise Robert Sugden will stop keeping me away from work one day."

Adam laughs and then waves at Aaron as he watches him drive off.

 

-

 

Aaron pulls up at the Mill and his heart feels heavy. He doesn't know why but there's something not quite right. He cuts the engine and then pulls himself out of the car, feet crunching against the gravel as he walks towards the door and stills. There's a shiver which runs through him suddenly and then he's pulling out his keys and attempting to open the door with shaky hands.

He doesn't need to try though, the door's already on the latch for some reason.

Aaron feels something inside him swell, there's this feeling of hope which bursts in him as he pushes the door open and looks around the living room.

He dares, dares to shout out his name.

"Robert?" Aaron says, panting a little and then desperately trying to search for anything he can find.

That's when he drops his keys towards the wooden floor, his breathing hitches as he stares right at him. Calum Radels.

 

-

 

Calum holds his breath, backs towards the drawers he was just looking into. Aaron can't believe his eyes, it's Calum, in his home, after _all_ this time.

There's only one question on Aaron's mind.

"Where's Robert?" Aaron says, has tears fill his eyes as he battles through his feelings. Calum just stares at him, he looks disheveled, his brown hair all out of place, a black rain coat too big for him, and then he's slowly smiling.

Aaron feels himself getting angry, "Ya think this is funny?" He snares, comes closer to Calum. He's not scared of him. " _Where's_ _Robert_?" He says again, this time he shouts.

"Why would I tell ya that?" Calum says, tilts his head a little and Aaron shakes. "Don't want ya getting all upset." He adds, voice all strong and defiant despite the fact that he's been caught in Aaron's home.

Aaron's eyes flicker. "Don't worry, I know _everything_." He says and then suddenly he's pinning Calum up against the wall hard.

Calum raises an eyebrow. "Yeah? I bet ya _don't_." He says, it's like he's _enjoying_ all of this and it makes Aaron feel sick.

Aaron strengthens his grip on Calum's shirt and holds him tighter as he tries to stop the tears from falling down his face. "I know you did everything ya could to get in between me and him."

"Oh Aaron, ya made it so _easy_ though." Calum says, almost laughs.

Aaron swallows, he knows it's true but he can't think about that.

"You - you spiked his drink," Aaron says and Calum's eyes flicker for the first time. "And you - you took him back here and -"

Calum leans closer, "Go on Aaron, you having flashbacks to what daddy did?" 

Aaron sees red, just red and suddenly he's punching at Calum's stomach over and over again.

Calum hits back, pushes Aaron off of him and pants hard. "You'll never know what happend." He says smugly, holding his stomach.

"Tell me where he is." Aaron says, tries to follow Calum around the sofa as he keeps walking further away from him. "You sick bastard, just -"

"Ya know he screams your name out all the time." Calum smirks and Aaron holds his breath, feels his heart break. "Keeps dreaming of ya." He continues, "I'm sick of trying to shut him up." 

Aaron explodes again, races towards Calum and then suddenly tackles him to the ground. "If you touch a fucking _hair_ on his - you - you're _dead_. I'll kill ya." He's crying, feels like there's nothing that he can do now because Calum's touched Robert hasn't he. Robert's in pain because of Calum.

Calum pushes Aaron off of him. "Look at the state of ya." He manages to say, points at the state of Aaron. "You're pathetic."

Aaron rubs at his eyes and sniffs. "You're getting caught." He retaliates. "The police are going to be here any minute."

Calum shrugs his shoulders. "Shame I'm not sticking around then." He says suddenly, then he's reaching into his pocket and producing a passport. "Only came to get this, I mean you were supposed to be meeting an imaginary scrap metal bloke with Adam but uh - no bother now really." He says slowly.

Aaron gulps, charges forward towards Calum. "What are -" it's Robert's, of course it's Robert's.

"All because you found the camera, you did us a favour really, we can go quicker now." Calum's backing towards the door and Aaron shakes his head.

"You're not going anywhere." Aaron screams, his face reddening as he tries to block Calum's exit.

"Oh really?" Calum suddenly punches Aaron hard in the stomach and he watches him fall to the ground in a thud. "You lose Aaron. I win." He whispers, standing over Aaron and then pushing the door open.

 

-

 

Aaron's head hits the floor at speed and he winces as he feels blood trickle down his face.

Then there's the sound of tyres, a car pulling away from the drive and Aaron knows that it's Calum.

He aches, his head is swimming but he has to get up. He can't give up like this, admit that Calum's taking Robert somewhere far away and he'll never see him again.

No. No he has to try.

Aaron blows out a shallow breath and rises to his feet slowly after sighting his keys and clinging to them.

'If you love him, you'll find him.' Aaron thinks as he opens the door and races towards the car in hot pursuit of Calum's. The engine roars at him as he turns it on and then Aaron sits for a second, realises that he'll have to be smart about this. He can't speed down the road after Calum, he'll see him and then he won't get to Robert.

Instead Aaron pulls out his phone, "Hello, yeah it's me. Look I'm following Calum, I think it'll take me to Rob. I'll turn the tracker of my phone on, yeah?" The call ends and Aaron presses down on the brakes, thinks about the officers helping him with this.

' _It's_ _not_ _too_ _late_ , _you'll_ _get_ _him_ _home_ '

 Aaron's thinking as he sights Calum's car a few miles ahead.

 

-

 

Robert's lost in a haze when he wakes. He just knows that Calum isn't there and he doesn't know how to feel until he remembers where he's gone. The passport.

Robert shivers, feels like he can't breath as he sits up on the bed, he's really doing this. He's flying off with his stalker to spare Liv and Aaron from anymore harm.

Robert looks towards the door and wonders if Calum remembered to lock it. There isn't even the same urge he once had to go and see for himself, it's too rebellious a thought and he can't behave like that now. Not when he has to protect his family.

Suddenly there's this sound from downstairs and Robert recoils as he sees Calum push through the door. He looks almost frantic.

"I found it." Calum waves the passport at Robert and then he's pacing the room. "With no help from your stupid -" he stops himself and then looks right at Robert.

Robert frowns, sees his clothes are a little torn and he's holding his stomach. Suddenly he thinks of Aaron, Aaron hurting Calum and he has to hold back a smirk.

"Ya still think _I'm_ the bad guy?" Calum tries to argue.

"Don't know what he looks like do I." Robert says slowly, looking away from Calum in disgust.

Calum actually laughs. "We need to leave now." He says softly, comes down on the mattress and stares at Robert.

"Why? You think he could have followed you?" Robert tries to suppress how hopeful he sounds.

Calum swallows hard. "I made sure he was down before I left." He says flippantly.

Robert tenses his jaw, has visions of Aaron flat out on his back in their home. Passed out? Dead? Oh _god_ not dead.

Calum tilts his head, tries to search for a reaction in Robert's face but the older man is almost trained for this now, he'll lie, he'll pretend he doesn't care. "You alright about that?"

Robert nods, "Me and you now." He lies, he's stunned by the way Calum reacts.

"It's all I've ever wanted." Calum's eyes almost sparkle. "You see now don't you." He says softly, has a hand on Robert's face.  
Robert feels sick, he can't breathe because Calum's so close to him but he has to nod.

"We'll be so happy," Calum says, tilts his forehand towards Robert's and then he's pressing his lips towards Robert too.

Robert shut his eyes, has tears falling down his face and then suddenly he can't do it, he's pushing at Calum, wanting to scream and then hearing -

"Get your _sick_ hands off of my husband."

 Robert looks up, feels everything melt away because Aaron's there, he's _there_ and he's not giving up on him.

 He's trying to rescue him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... DUN DUN DUN 
> 
> I'm very sorry.


	31. The destruction of you (us)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all types of crazy so be warned my loves, there's violence and threatening parts in this. Be prepared! Things are about to get very ... Heated.

There's this deathly silence which lingers through the room and it stays until Calum pulls himself off the mattress and stares at Aaron standing in the doorway.

"What are ya -" Calum tries but it falls on deaf ears because suddenly Aaron's launching himself at Calum and they're tussling on the ground in front of Robert.

"You fucking touch him again and I'll - he hates ya, we _hate_ ya, you - I'll kill ya." Aaron's shouts, his voice making Robert wince in agony.

He can't breath again, he sees Aaron, _his Aaron_ , and he has blood on his head, looks like someone else as he tries to keep Calum down. "Aaron -" Robert's voice breaks, he can't move, he's almost frozen.

Aaron pushes against Calum, has him pinned down on the floor, hands reaching for his neck.

"Go on -" Calum actually smiles as Aaron attempts to squeeze harder around his neck. "Not like you're not used to killing people."

It rips through Aaron's heart and he sees red, squeezes around Calum's neck until he hears Robert crying near him and he pulls away.

He feels like a monster as he shuffles on the floor, tries desperately to reach Robert.

"Aaron -" Robert says, it's all he _can_ say as he feels Aaron comes closer to him, the younger man's eyes fixed still on Calum as he backs towards his husband, shaking.

Calum winces as he pulls himself up and suddenly he sees the look on Robert's face, he looks almost _alive_ , for the first time in weeks.

Calum suddenly sees red, he's shaking his head and backing towards the wall, reaching into a drawer and -

There's a gun in his hand.

"Stop moving." Calum's hands are shaky as he holds it directly towards Aaron, making the younger man freeze automatically on the spot.

Aaron feels something break inside him and he feels sick. He's so close to Robert, can almost feel him but he's being stopped yet again by Calum. He's always stopping him.

The gun shakes in Calum's hand still and he swallows as he points towards the wall, "Move there, or - or I'll shoot ya dead." He says coldly, his voice enough to make Aaron wince.

That's when Robert feels his world fall apart because Aaron came to help him, Aaron can't get hurt, he _can't_.

"No!" Robert shouts, sees that Aaron's being stubborn, deciding to stare Calum down instead. "No Calum don't. Please put it down, _please_." He has tears in his eyes and he can feel Aaron starting at him, for some reason he can't look back.

"Why?" Calum scoffs, looks towards Robert. "Look at him, he can't even follow instructions."

Robert blows out a breath, "Move Aaron, for God's sake _move_." He feels his voice break and then Aaron's almost jolting, shuffling on the ground as Calum hovers above him, presses him further down and then begins pacing the room.

"This, this wasn't meant to happen." Calum rubs the gun against his temple and Robert gulps hard. "Why couldn't you just _stay away_. _All_ ya had to do was stay away." Calum shouts, bites down hard on his nails and then looks right at Aaron again.

Aaron's eyes dart towards the door. "The police will be here soon. Any minute." He shakes, can't say anymore because he realises that he's left his phone in the car, had to park it two streets away so that Calum wouldn't see him.

Calum looks towards the floor and then his gun. "Be funny if they found you dead wouldn't it?" He says, actually laughs and then Aaron's eyes widen as Calum points the gun towards him directly at him again.

Robert's suddenly pulling himself off the mattress and crawling towards Calum, his head aches, he wonders when was the last time he was drugged.

He hears Aaron crying but he can't look at him still, he just _can't_.

"Me, do it to me instead." Robert whispers passionately, feels everything inside him come alive for the first time in weeks, maybe he was always meant to do something like this, maybe he was always meant to sacrifice himself for the person he loves most in the world.

"Ya what?" Calum shouts, looks down at Robert by his feet. "Get up." He barks and then he pushes Robert back against the floor.

"I can't have ya hurt him." Robert sobs and then he hears Aaron crying even harder now. "So hurt me instead."

"Don't listen to him, Calum don't listen to him." Aaron says, his voice breaks suddenly and Calum lets out a shaky breath which makes Robert look up at him.

"Just give up." Aaron says, "They're going to be here soon." He adds, looks at Calum. "Please, please just let us go." He sobs.

Calum shakes his head, he comes closer to Aaron and he holds the gun towards him still. " _No_." He says, "You don't deserve him, you don't deserve -"

"I _know_ ," Aaron shouts, wants to hold Robert suddenly but he feels so far away. "I let him down and I - I let you come between us."

Robert feels himself well up at the sound of Aaron's guilt.

Calum's silent for a second, "How does it feel Rob, knowing that he gave up on ya, that it took him all this time to find us?" Robert twitches, feels sick as Calum laughs. "He forgot about ya."

Aaron shakes his head hard, "S'not true." He forces out, feels like he can't look at Robert as he speaks.

"He didn't _care_." Calum screams, he's inches away from Robert. "Two weeks and - and it's only now he finds ya. It's pathetic. He doesn't love ya Robert."

Robert raises his head slowly, remembers the words said to him by Calum almost like a mantra and Aaron holds his breath because he's wishing that Robert can't believe him.

"Don't say that to him, you're _wrong_. You're tryna brainwash him." Robert hears Aaron say, feels like he believes him, wants to. His eyes flicker up towards Aaron and he sees the state of his husband, he didn't forget him, it's written all over his face, the *love which is still there.

"You're wrong, he - he loves me." Robert whispers and Aaron nods quickly, tears down his face.

"Of course I do babe, I love you, I love you _so_ -"

Calum explodes, frowns harshly and then he's trying to work the gun in his hands as they tremble. "Say bye Aaron." He says, a smile on his face.

Robert flings his body between Aaron and Calum and shakes his head. "Think - think about it Cal, come on, it's _me_ who's the problem - me not - please don't hurt him. It's me who won't love ya - that can't -"

Calum turns to Robert wide eyed, "All that you said before, about it being me and you now, you didn't mean any of it." He says, lowering the gun and shaking his head. "This was a test." He opens the gun and no bullets roll out at all. Suddenly he's calm, well put together. "And guess what?" He leans towards Robert. "You lost." He says bitterly and for the first time, Robert sees tears in Calum's eyes. "You've just proved to me what I feared. I can't save ya."

Robert goes to speak but then Calum's shaking his head, hitting Robert with the gun and causing Aaron to cry out as if it was him who was hurt. "You've left me with no choice." He admits, walking towards the door and disappearing out of it, locking it shut.

Robert feels his eyes flutter as blood trickles down his face, he can't breathe and then suddenly he sees Aaron over him, he's holding him close and crying. Aaron's cradling him, sobbing down at his husband and Robert has a ghost of a smile on his face because he doesn't want to see Aaron crying, he wants to tell him it's fine.

Robert's eyes keep flickering and Aaron can see that he's losing him. It's the first time he's looking at Robert properly and it breaks him, he's holding his husband and he's thinner than he remembers, he feels like if he squeezes too hard that Robert will break in his arms.

"Oh Rob, Rob, fuck I - baby I missed - Rob." Aaron cups Robert's face, presses their foreheads together and sobs. "I missed ya, oh my - _Robert_ please,"

Robert feels the world growing smaller. "You came after me." It's the only thing he can get out now, the only thing that seems to matter.

Aaron nods, "Always, always, always." He says, has his head in Robert's chest. "Oh Robert you're _bleeding_ , I'm so - Robert -" his frantic, can't speak properly at all.

Robert finds the strength to hold the back of Aaron's neck and try to speak again, "I missed ya, my - you're my - _family_." He says, shaking.

Aaron nods, feels everything crumble inside him. "I know babe, we'll get out of here, trust me -"

Everything stops suddenly because there's the sound of the lock sliding and Calum coming through the door.

"Isn't this touching." Calum tuts sarcastically and then Robert feels Aaron hugging him tighter.

"You get the hell away from us." Aaron says, has his arms right round Robert so protectively. "The police are going to be here soon, they're going to get ya for this."

Calum shakes his head, "I never wanted to do this." He admits and Aaron frowns in confusion before he sees the younger man pulling out a bottle of -

"Is that - are ya mad? No -" Aaron's frantic and Robert can't speak, can't move but his heart is wild with fear and he clings on tighter to his husband. "Wait - no Calum."

Robert pulls himself up and suddenly he sees Calum throwing lighter fluid across the room in blind rage.

"You can have each other. This - this is what you get Robert, you get _this_." Calum shouts, ignoring the way Aaron screams at him to stop.

Robert's gripping Aaron, feels like he's going to faint. "Not fire, no, not fire I can't -" he's crying, he's like a baby and he's a _mess_ and Aaron breaks because he knows what fire means to Robert. He _knows_.

"Please, Aaron, _please_ -" Robert's shaking, his hands are pulling Aaron closer towards him and then Calum's looking down at them, pulling out a lighter.

"All you had to do was trust me, love me enough to -" Calum shakes his head. "Now you've lost your life." He says, flicks the lighter towards the ground and watches the flames fill the room as soon as the lighter hits the floor. He lets out this frantic laugh and then he races towards the door, slamming it shut.

" _No_." Aaron whispers, holding Robert towards him. "Help!" He says, feels heat travel towards him as he looks at Robert, "Rob, Robert we've got to stand, come on." Aaron heaves Robert up and shifts then towards the door.

The sound of the fire cackles in Robert's ears and he's bought straight back to that night, the night when he had the smell clinging to his clothes and he could hear Andy crying and -

His mum died, his mum was burnt alive, he's going to die the same way, maybe _this_ is how he was meant to die all along.  
But not Aaron, _no_ Aaron can't die like this -

"Robert, look at me." Aaron's eyes are wild and suddenly he's pulling off his jacket, covering Robert's bare sleeves. It makes Robert shiver all over, Aaron's vulnerable now.

"Fire. Can't breathe. Too much. Just fire." Robert blows out, cringes at the fire that keeps hissing near despite the fact Aaron keeps putting space between them and the flames.

_Why fire? Did he know about that too? Fire, mum, his mum - fire, it's everywhere just like before, he won't get out in time. He'll die, but Aaron? No - not Aaron - please, not Aaron too._

Aaron holds Robert's shoulders. "I know, I know baby but please -" he coughs hard, he's breathing in the smoke now and feeling woozy.

Robert looks almost horrified at his husband and shakes him. "Go, go get out." He shouts, there's heat all around them.

_Aaron needs to look after Liv, go, he needs to go before I kill him, the flames kill him (I kill him)_

Aaron frowns, "No, don't - please don't be stupid. _We_ need to go." He coughs again, has this big intake of breath which sounds dangerous.

"You _can't_ die." Robert shouts, feels like crying as he backs away from the flames. "You're too young, you need to leave me here, it's what I deserve."

_This is how it has to be, mum will be watching won't she? She'll understand why I deserve this, I always have. It's linked to her, fire, fire, fire -_

Aaron frowns, can't think of how horrible that sounds as he tries to pull at Robert but then suddenly Robert feels this agonising pain seep through him.

" _Robert_." Aaron shouts, holds Robert tighter and pulls him towards the door. It's his leg, it's burnt, it's been caught up in the flames.

The handles hot to touch, it makes him Aaron scream out in pain and suddenly he's pushing it open, gasping for air.

The fire seeps past them, follows them into the small landing and there's black heavy smoke which mocks them as they try to breathe. Aaron's on top of Robert, he has a hand on his chest and he's trembling as he tries to catch his breath.

"Robert, come on -" Aaron pulls at Robert and then hears sirens, he can hear it all and it's music to his ears. "The - police Rob, they -" he looks down at Robert and shakes.

"Robert?" Aaron coughs out, it's travelling, the fire is everywhere now and Robert won't move. "Please, _Robert_."

Aaron shakes Robert again, looks down at his burnt leg and winces as they flames threaten to whip his skin over and over again. Robert's just laying there, frozen, all he can think of is _Aaron, Aaron needs to go, I'm dying like my mum, I'm dying like my -_

There's a man suddenly, he's a firefighter, shaking at Aaron's shoulder, "Let's go, come on." He reaches for Aaron but the younger man looks down at Robert, his eyes are flickering now.

"He can't - please help him." Aaron pleads, coughs uncontrollably as he feels the firefighter pull him off of Robert and try to take him away. "He can't -" another cough, one which makes him feel light headed.

The last thing he sees is Robert's hand reaching out to hold his own.

 

-

 

The fire roars in his ears, Robert feels himself being pulled off of the ground and the sound of feet stamping ahead of him, water spraying and -

There's glass everywhere, Robert feels a mask on his face and then Aaron's screaming.

"Please tell me he's alright, he's not - he's not dead, please." Aaron's by his face and Robert blinks up at him. He thinks he's outside now, he can feel a breeze and Aaron's eyes are wide and scared.

Robert swallows, breathes until the mask becomes smudged and he has to reach out to hold Aaron's hand.

Aaron holds it back, and then combs Robert's hair with hands that shake uncontrollably. Robert's here, it's him, he's not dead, he's going to be okay right? He won't leave him again, Robert won't leave him.

"I'm right here," Aaron whispers intensely and Robert's eyes flicker again, notice the foil covering his husband, shuts his eyes, thinks of the fire, opens them in panic, squeezes Aaron's hand tighter.

The next minute, Robert feels himself being moved, there's a paramedic trying to coax Aaron away, trying to get him to be seen by someone but he's adamant against it. Robert winces, feels the wheels below him move him into the ambulance and then suddenly he pales, Aaron sees him and looks forward, his eyes hardening as they stare at Calum.

He's staring back at them in shock and then there's the police, handcuffing his wrists and pushing him into the car.

Robert's frozen, tears in his eyes swell as Aaron looks at him and doesn't have a clue how to stop any of this pain.

He just holds Robert's hand tighter and waits for the ambulance to take them away from the scene, from the fire, from the place where his husband was held prisoner for two whole weeks.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I didn't disappoint *hides in corner and waits for comments*


	32. Who we blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you start this I'd just like to say I was so surprised at the reaction the last chapter got, I had all this doubt that people would think I was the meanest meanie in the world for adding the fire but your reaction was amazing. Thank you so much.
> 
> I'd also like to say that the chapter will discuss the possibility of rape and despite trying to research as much as I can in regards to how about it the hospital would go in Robert's case in terms of tests and so on I just want to point out that I'm no expert at all.

 

Aaron shudders, looks down at his hands which are shaking uncontrollably. Someone's told him to keep the foil around him but it's been abandoned on the seat next to him. He has tears in his eyes which make them glassy and this deep watery blue. He blinks, feels people rushing past him, hears the sound of the big red hospital phone and he wants to run.

Aaron's stands quickly and then someone's pushing him down gently. It's a woman, she has eyes just like Robert's and he wants to cry.

"Love, wait here for us." The woman, she's a nurse Aaron realises, tells him softly.

Aaron's shaking still as he tries to fight against her. "Robert. I need to -"

"He's in surgery, remember?" The nurse speaks so gently that Aaron allows himself to sit down again.

He does, he must be going mad for forgetting. They'd been separated almost instantly as they came into the hospital, Robert was their main concern and Aaron couldn't hold onto his hand any longer as they wheeled him away.

Aaron coughs heavily and winces, "I need him." He pleads, knows it doesn't matter now. "Is he - please say he won't die." He urges, feels a hand on his shoulder, the nurse is kneeling in front of him.

"He won't die love," the nurse reassures Aaron as he looks up at her. "We're just sorting out his leg for him, it was -"

"Burnt. The fire, he hates fire - he was so -" Aaron's hands keep trembling and the nurse nods slowly.

"Let me ring someone for you. Your mum maybe?" The nurse tilts her head and Aaron dries his eyes quickly and then sighs as he thinks about his mum trying to be there for him when all along she'd rather Robert _was_ far away, dead even.

"I'll ring my sister-in-law." Aaron sniffs, thinks of how he'll be able to tell this to Victoria.

 

-

 

Aaron's breathing is checked out, so are the minor burns he has on his arms. He's being kept in this little room, being told that he has to wait a little longer to see his husband and it aches. It's bitterly ironic, after all these weeks, Aaron can't possibly wait a few more hours to see Robert now.

Aaron sighs shakily and dares himself to shut his eyes but all he can see is Robert's face, the horror in his eyes, the way he recoiled in terror as the flames grew nearer.

Aaron breathes out suddenly, didn't realise he was holding his breath until he's clinging onto the iron bars of the bed and pushing his head forward.

He can't escape it, can't keep it out of his head. The things Robert said -

' _Fire. Can't breathe. Too much. Just fire.'_

Aaron stands, pushes the door open because he _needs_ Robert, it's been too long, too long for this space still to be between them.

That's when Victoria comes out of nowhere, she's got her hair up in a messy bun, has an overstretched blue top over her stomach that Aaron presumes is for bed. He suddenly thinks of what time it actually is, maybe it's late, maybe the moon's out, Robert loves the moon.

"Aaron, oh my -" Victoria's voice is shaky, she has a hand over her mouth and Aaron feels like he's falling but then Adam's there, taking his weight.

"I got ya, it's okay I got ya." Adam's hand pats Aaron's back over and over again and Aaron buries his head into his best mate's chest.

 

-

 

Aaron's reached a new stage, he's numb now. Victoria keeps asking questions and he can't answer them anymore, his eyes droop, he feels sick, needs Robert.

"He set the place on fire?" Victoria sounds appalled, "With both of ya in it?"

Aaron hears it, actually _hears_ what's being said and he can't help the way he cries. That actually happen to them, he almost lost Robert, they almost had to watch each other die in front of their eyes, they almost lost _each other._

Aaron has tears down his face, they fall over and over again. "Fire." He whispers, gulps hard as he looks at Victoria. "He was so scared." He sobs, his shoulders heave up and down as he cries into his hands.

Adam's there again, his clenching his jaw. "I'll kill that creep." He says, Victoria holds her stomach and then she's pushing back tears. "He's - he's not getting away with this."

Aaron nods, "The police took him away." He says, remembers seeing his face before he was pushed into the police car. "He was uh - he didn't have a scratch on him." He shakes his head, feels like he wants to hit something.

"He had him, he was obsessed just like you -" Victoria tries but then suddenly Aaron cuts her off.

"Don't say just like I said. Don't." Aaron says, has a hand on his face.

"But bro you were _right_ , he was -"

"Yeah and what did that do?" Aaron snaps. "I _always_ knew and I didn't save him in time."

Adam frowns, "What ya talking about? He would have died if it wasn't for you." He says, shakes at Aaron. "Come on mate." He urges him to see what he does.

Aaron sniffs hard. "Calum wouldn't have done it if I didn't show up, he was just taking him somewhere abroad and then I came and -"

Victoria has tears down her face. "Stop it." She pleads, feels sick and then she's looking towards the right.

Aaron follows her eyes and then spots a doctor coming towards them.

"Mr Dingle?" The doctor says, sees Aaron step forward eagerly. "Your husband's leg wasn't as damaged as first thought, we've been able to bandage it up as good as we can."

Aaron nods his head, bites down on his lip. "Please say it hasn't scarred?" He can just imagine what they would do it Robert, he can't have a constant reminder like that.

"No." The doctor says. "Most of the damage was artificial, he was uh - "

Aaron knows he was about to say lucky and he says, "Can I see him?" He asks, that's all he cares about.

The doctor clears his throat, "He's very weak, malnourished I'd say." He isn't answering the question and Aaron's scared it means no. "We need you to make sure you don't push him, I know we'd usually ask loved ones to keep the patient talking but -"

"Is there something wrong with him?" Aaron's panicking, he sees the way the doctor is looking at him. "Tell me. Does he not want to see me?" The question breaks his heart.

The doctor shakes his head, "No that's not - Robert's just very ... overwhelmed. It took him some time to let us sedate him."

Aaron shakes, "You should have called me. I could have -"

"Robert wasn't very clear about what he wanted. He called out for an Aaron and then said he didn't want him there," Aaron's face falls as he hears the words. "I take it you're -"

"Yeah. I'm Aaron." Aaron wipes the tears off of his face and the doctor looks away before turning back.

"Just a warning, his behaviour is - it's been a little erratic. It's understandable considering his conditions of late."

It's what Aaron's feared, "Will uh - will he ever be the same again?" It rips through him, this feeling of complete loss.

The doctor twitches, "Every patient is different, sometimes the short temperd, volatile attitude lessens quite quickly, we think it might have something to do with the drugs he had been taking."

Aaron gulps hard, "What kind?" He says, feels Adam has a hand on his shoulder. The doctor goes to speak and then the police officers approach them.

"Mr Dingle, could we have a word?" The officer says and Aaron looks at the doctor. "You too doctor, if it's possible."

Aaron follows the officer into a small room, the doctor joins them and they sit and talk. The officer asking question and Aaron merely nodding along. He hears the doctor talk about Robert's condition and then he hears it -

"We've done some blood tests and - it appears as though Robert has been continuously given a drug called gammahyroxybutraye as well as rohlypnol."

"Roofie?" Aaron's ashamed to admit he knows what it is, the drug twats he used to hang around with called it that. Aaron's heart hammers out of his chest. "That's - that's a date rape drug." He panics everywhere because he knew all along but now - now he knows that his husband has been continuously given -

"I feel sick." Aaron cries out, has a hand on his face and then he looks up at the officer. "You need to keep him locked up for - for -"

"Aaron, calm down for us, we need your help." The doctor says calmly. "We need to - to examine Robert, find out if -"

Aaron's crying, "If what?" He says, can't help this because he isn't strong like Robert is, he can stop this.

"If he's been raped, we'll need to run baseline tests for any sexually transmitted diseases. We'll need you to - to help us settle Robert, make him feel comfortable before we begin."

Aaron can't, he's not strong enough. "Can't it wait?" He just wants to hold Robert.

"Not any longer. You want Calum behind bars don't you?" The officer interjects.

Aaron nods slowly, knows he hasn't got a choice.

 

-

 

Aaron stands outside Robert's room, the blinds are closed and he can't see him. The officers are giving him a minute with Robert alone so that he can explain what's going to happen. He doesn't want to think about that though, he just wants -

Aaron opens the door and his heart leaps out of his chest as he sees Robert laying in the bed. He looks like a fallen angel, has a cut on his face, bruise on his arm, leg bandaged.

Aaron steps forward, comes closer to the bed and then he's holding back tears as he sees Robert stare at him.

Robert's eyes find Aaron's, he looks at his husband and the world spins around him but Aaron's still standing there. "Am I dreaming?" Robert's voice is croaky, he reaches for his mask, breathes in heavily and expects Aaron to disappear but he doesn't, instead he comes closer, had a hand locked in Robert's and it makes the older man jump.

Aaron panics, pulls away quickly because he doesn't want to scare Robert. "I'm here." He says gently, "Sorry I just - I wanted to let ya know I'm here."

Robert has tears in his eyes and everything aches but Aaron's here, he's not left him, he's not given up. " _Aaron_." He sobs, looks towards the ceiling as he feels his husband try his hardest not to reach out for him again.

It must be agony for him, Robert thinks, Aaron must want to throw his arms around him but Robert can't let him. He doesn't know why yet.

"You're safe now." Aaron whispers, his fingers dance closer to Robert's hand and then Robert's looking at him, almost startled and his face grows even paler than before.

"Calum, Calum's here. He's here Aaron, we need - ya need to go -" Robert's forces himself up on the bed because - Calum's here isn't he? He's coming to get them.

Aaron's face crumbles, suddenly he has hands on Robert's shoulders and he's fighting back his tears. "Shh, it's okay, he's not here." Aaron blinks back his tears, sees Robert continue to struggle.

Robert pants hard, "No, no he's here, he's going to kill ya, go." He says, he's a mess, he trying to fight Aaron off.

Aaron suddenly finds the strength buried inside him, he pulls it out and suddenly he's tugging Robert towards him, cupping his face and watching Robert's panic start to melt as his husband stares right into his eyes.

"Safe." Aaron says softly, his hands still hold Robert's face and the older man feels his heart rate slow down as he pants out shallow breaths. "Okay? I wouldn't let him hurt ya, trust me."

Robert's eyes flicker and he looks away for a second.

"You - you trust me?" Aaron says, his voice falters as he holds Robert towards him.

"He hurt me." Robert says, "He did hurt me, you didn't stop -"

Aaron nods, feels sick and then he gently strokes Robert's face. "That's why we need to uh - we need to see if -"

The doctor comes through the door with a nurse and Robert panics again, he's pushing Aaron off him and staring wide eyed.

"Rob - he might have, _hurt_ ya." Aaron says and Robert knows what he means, his head is all over the place and everything is a mess inside but he knows because Aaron gives him this look and he's reminded of Gordon instantly.

Robert shakes his head, "He didn't touch me." He blurts out and Aaron looks shocked. "That - that night he tried to but - I was too out of it, I _couldn't_ ," he looks down at his groin. "He didn't."

Aaron feels a sense of relief wash through him suddenly and he falls back on his chair.

"Sir you could have been - you were heavily drugged throughout your ordeal, it's possible -"

Aaron looks at Robert's panicked face. "You can tell me the truth." He insists.

Robert thinks hard. "He didn't, I woke up all the time and I never - I would have known if he had done -" he's panicking even more now and Aaron tries to hold his hand but he pushes it away, Aaron tries to pretend that it doesn't sting.

"We still need to check." The doctor says and Robert winces.

"I don't want to." Robert pushes out, feels dirty for even thinking about it and then he sees Aaron looking at him. "I just want to -"

"The police need to know for certain." The doctor insists and suddenly Robert's thinking of avoiding him.

"Fine." Robert snaps, feels Aaron's eyes burning into him and then softening.

 

-

 

Robert stands in the room and strips off his gown with shaking hands. Aaron's opposite him, he's there for support apparently but it doesn't feel like that now he's here. Robert's trying to do it all on his own.

Robert's hands are shaking still, he's struggling and Aaron comes closer to him.

"Let me help." Aaron whispers, "I can help ya." He adds, feels like he's useless if he just stands and watches Robert.

Robert shoots him a look and Aaron backs away. "I can do it on my own." He snaps, pushes a little too hard and a button falls to the ground causing him to sigh. Aaron picks the button up off of the floor and holds it in his hand as he looks at Robert, he's only got his boxers on now and he looks awful.

Aaron knows he's lost weight, he sees how slim Robert's looking, he's pale, broken. He remembers holding him in his arms in that house, he was so weak.

Robert catches Aaron staring at him and crosses his arms over his stomach immediately. "Get out." He says quickly.

Aaron's stunned, "Rob I -"

"I don't need ya here, _go_." Robert shouts, but his voice breaks and Aaron sees that he's lying, he's pushing him away.

Aaron shakes his head, "Robert, don't do this." He wills, comes closer to Robert. "Let me -"

"No! You're too late." Robert snaps and then suddenly the nurse walks in the room.

"Robert?" The nurse says, pulls a sheet across the room which closes the door off. "I'm Beth, I'll be looking after you. You don't have anything to be scared about."

Aaron sees Robert looking towards the floor as the nurse speaks, he knows that she'll look after him better than he could and suddenly he's ripping open the curtain. Robert doesn't raise his head and Aaron breaks as he opens the door and runs as far as he can through the hospital, only stopping when he hears Victoria's voice.

"They said - they think he might have been -" Victoria's trying not to cry and Aaron looks at her before he holds his breath, sees his mum walking towards him and then crushing into his arms.

"Oh my boy." Chas cries, holds Aaron tighter until he squirms away.

"What are ya doing here?" He says, doesn't know what else to say.

"Vic told me you and Robert, you were caught in a fire. That sick -" Chas hisses, tears in her eyes as she speaks. "Are you okay?"

Aaron shakes his head, "S'not about me. It's Robert who's -"

"I'm allowed to care about ya." Chas whines, "Love -" she tries to step closer but Aaron pushes her away.

"You didn't care about him though. You - you had me _convinced_ and - now he's -" Aaron shouts, "He won't let me be there for him." He sobs, "He said it was too _late_." He feels like he's doubling over in agony as he replays Robert's words. "Look what all your _manipulating_ did?" He fires and Chas looks stunned.

"He's just hurting, he's been through _so_ much we don't know." Victoria says, "He probably thinks we all abandoned him. I feel awful."

Aaron rubs his eyes, hates them, hates himself for making it all about themselves when Robert needs them.

"We've all done wrong." Adam tries but Aaron shakes his head.

"Can we stop making this about us? It's Robert who -" Aaron's stopped by the sound of a nurse running towards him, he hears faint shouting and he knows who it is.

 _Robert_.

"Sir your husband won't -"

Aaron runs, he's running back towards Robert, he won't stop running until he's pushing the door open and seeing Robert cowering on the plastic sheet covering the bed.

"Robert?" Aaron says, feels his heart break as Robert looks up at him, he has tears in his eyes, his face is red and blotchy, his head is pressed down and he looks like a little boy. "Oh Robert, please let -"

Robert throws himself at Aaron, clings desperately around Aaron's neck and trembles. "Didn't mean what - what I said, need ya, need ya here." Robert sobs like a little boy. "I'm sorry, please don't leave me again."

Aaron breaks in Robert's hold, hugs him so hard that he's scared Robert will stop breathing altogether. "Never." He pulls away, pulls the hair from Robert's face away, notices that it's so much longer now and then he's looking straight at him.

"We can do this." Aaron insists, tears swim in his eyes but he won't let them fall, instead he holds out his hand and sees Robert look down at it cautiously. "They just need to check ya over, please trust me."

Robert's hesitant and then he places his hand in Aaron's, feels the world stop shaking around him.

The nurse comes in again, she's careful, she's patient, she stops when Robert's breathing becomes more shaky.

"You're doing so well." Aaron kisses Robert's knuckles, sees how white they are, feels Robert squeeze tighter as he tries to nod back.

It stops, Robert gets dressed again and Aaron backs away, he's learning when exactly Robert will admit to needing him and when he won't. Only when it matters, Aaron thinks, not now.

Robert's eyes are blood shot, he has tears that stain his face and he sniffs as Aaron watches him from afar. He knows, knows _deep_ down that Aaron isn't going anywhere but it feels like this is all still a dream.

Aaron looks down at Robert's leg, wants to tell him to sit down because he needs to rest it but he decides against it, feels like it'll fall on angry and then deaf ears.

Robert finishes getting dressed, stares at Aaron and has this urge to hold him close and then push him away at the same time. He doesn't know how to deal with this emotion. He's always wanted Aaron, always, there's not been a time where he hasn't wanted the blue eyed boy with all his heart, in some way or other. He's learnt to deal with how much his heart loves Aaron but now - now there's bitterness, there's anger and he doesn't know what to do with it. He's never wanted to push Aaron away but now it's there, it's right there and it won't go away.

Aaron almost reads his thoughts Robert thinks because he drops his head. "I'm here." He pushes out, looks up. "I'm here." He repeats, looks at Robert head on. "Please know that, you're not on your own anymore."

Robert bristles, remembers saying the same to Aaron all those years ago in Laurel and Ashley's now home. He said it after Aaron admitted the worst thing in the world, when he admitted that he was raped by his father over and over again. Robert's heart feels heavy, this must be bringing it all back, forcing Aaron to think about how his husband was touched just like he was.

Robert wants to cry, wants to say so much but he holds it back like always. "I know you are."

 

-

 

Robert's laying in the hospital bed again, he's spoken to the police, told them all he knows, it's not a lot, it's fragmented and he feels guilty about how little he can offer.

The ceiling is high, there's a stain near the light beam and one near the door too. Robert thinks he's mastered it by now.  
Aaron comes through door, looks hesitant, "Vic's here, she's dying to see ya." He says as he walks towards the bed.

Robert bites down on his lip. "Not now." He says, has a wave of sadness hit him. "I want to be alone."

Aaron frowns, he's getting used to this and it's only been a few hours. He's sure it's a side effect of whatever he had been taking, these mood swings that break his heart.

Aaron swallows, sits on the chair near Robert and waits for the mood to pass, he'll ride it out.

"Leave me." Robert says, he hates himself but he can't help it. He has this need grow inside him, he wants to sleep, craves the ease of haziness whenever Calum gave him something, wants it back.

"You don't want me to go." Aaron says knowingly, "You're scared, I know you are."

"Stop it." Robert says, "Stop trying to understand how I feel 'cause you don't."

Aaron sniffs, looks at Robert and wants to cry. "I'm sorry." It's been on the tip of his tongue for what feels like forever. It's dark now in the hospital, Victoria will probably have to go home soon but he has to say this to Robert.

"Don't say that," Robert wobbles his chin. "I know what you really mean when you say that."

Aaron stands suddenly, comes closer to Robert and looks at him intensely. "I am. I'm sorry for everything, for leaving ya, for - for not believing ya, for all that time I wasted when you needed me most."

The light in the room flickers and Robert catches his breath as he sees Aaron's eyes illuminate his vision.

Aaron's shocked by Robert's sudden stillness and doesn't know what to do with himself. "What?" He stumbles out.

Robert feels like crying, his emotional barrier is weak right about now and he can't stop letting it all out. "I missed you so much." He admits.

Aaron nods his head, "I missed ya too." He whispers, tries to pull their foreheads together. " _So_ much." He knows Robert's thawing, his snappiness is subsiding and he's getting to the Robert he married.

Robert's breath is shaky, "I just wanted ya, every minute, _every single minute_ I thought of being with ya again." He says slowly, "I was scared Aaron, I thought I'd never -"

Aaron holds Robert's face, "I'm here. You're here. We're okay." He says, knows they aren't, that Robert is different now.

"I'm messed up. So messed up now." Robert says, knows he can't control his mood swings, knows it's because of the drugs that have effected him, knows it could get worse.

Aaron shrugs, "Join the club." He tries and then he smiles. "Messed up forever yeah?"

Robert nods slowly, looks at Aaron, "It's gonna take a while," he trials off, feels embarrassed because he's just been reunited with his husband and he can't even kiss him properly.

"I know." Aaron sniffs, "Can I ..." he just wants to feel Robert's body against his own, wants to hug him and not let him go.  
Robert gulps, feels Aaron's hands on his chest.

"Can I hold ya?" Aaron says tentatively, shaky hands on Robert's chest.

Robert looks at his husband, his beautiful brilliant boy who loves him, who has _so_ much love to give him that it radiates out of his pours. It's seconds before he is pulling Aaron towards him, allowing Aaron to bury his head in his chest and they're clinger to each other.

"I love ya so much, you know that? More than anything." Aaron sobs, kisses Robert's hair and gently touches his cheek. "We'll get through this, we will."

Robert's chin wobbles and he frowns, "T-together?" He stammers out.

Aaron holds Robert's hand, has a hand through the older man's hair. "Always." He says and Robert wants to believe him so badly that he manages to smile, to forget his worries, he'll face anything now he's almost home again, with Aaron.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviouslt there's plenty more to come in terms of Robert's interactions with other people but I wanted to have this chapter completly between Aaron and Robert. It wasn't the happiest, it was messy and a little sad but I hope it was realistic because I really didnt want to show a rose tinted reunion when in reality it wouldn't be that easy. 
> 
> Thanks again for all your support!


	33. Darling stay with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, what better way to celebrate Robert's birthday by updating this sad and messy aftermath fic ??

It hits him like a steam train, one minute he's laying in the bed, feeling Aaron pressed against him, and the next he's opening his eyes, wide eyed, panicked, wants to run.

He sees him, Calum's at the foot of the bed, he's smiling, trying to reach out and Robert can't speak, he's almost frozen and then Calum has a match in his hand - there's fire and -

"Help!" Robert's suddenly screaming, pressing his hands over his eyes and shaking.

Aaron's up instantly, eyes wide as he sees Robert rocking himself back and forth.

"He's here, he's - he's here Aaron." Robert pants hard, hands flying across the bed as he tries to jump out of it.

Robert still sees him, Calum's still looking at him, Calum's still smiling, smirking, mocking his pain.

Aaron feels his heart ache, he was expecting a nightmare, it's why he refused to get out of the bed when Robert angrily told him to leave.

"No," Aaron says softly, "He's not here. We're in hospital, yeah?" Aaron has hands on Robert's shoulders again, tries to press Robert down as fast as he can but its not working.

Robert's nearly crying, still battling with Aaron. "He's gonna hurt me, he's gonna - what about you?" He looks petrified, "Ya can't die, he can't kill ya." He says, he's crying now, trying still to get off the bed and escape Calum's gaze.

Aaron takes a breath and then suddenly he has his hands on Robert's face again, just like he did before, it forces the older man to look straight at him. Robert focuses on Aaron's eyes, blue, blue blue eyes, he thinks of an ocean, the sea, calm.

Aaron shudders, "Safe." He whispers, holds Robert closer so that their foreheads are touching.

Robert nods slowly, focuses on Aaron's breathing, the way he tries to smile at him, and then he darts his eyes to where Calum just was. He isn't there anymore.

"He's gone." Robert says, his voice full of surprise, "You made him go." He says and Aaron nods slowly, has tears in his eyes because Robert's never seemed more like a little lost boy in his eyes.

"Yeah, see I said trust me didn't I?" Aaron whispers, strokes Robert's freckled arms. "Should we go back to sleep now?" He adds, feels like it's safe to say now that Robert's not shouting.

Robert nods slowly, holds Aaron's hand as he slopes in the bed.

 

-

 

Aaron watches Robert sleep, decides to sit on the chair now instead because he can get a better view, his body is screaming out for sleep but he can't, he needs to watch over Robert.

Aaron hears shuffling near the door and turns as he sees a nurse smile at him. Instinctively he pushes his index finger up to his lips, to make sure she doesn't wake Robert up.

"Sorry," the nurse whispers before calling Aaron towards the door, Aaron gives Robert a look over before rising and meeting her there. "I heard him shouting, thought -"

Aaron inches his eyebrow and looks at her watch, it's just after three in the morning. "Uh, he - he had a bad dream, thought someone was in the room."

The nurse smiles sadly, "Hallucinations, paranoia, mood swings, it's common considering what he's been through."

It doesn't make it easier, Aaron thinks.

"When do you think you'll be able to get him - I don't know, off the drugs completely. I know you're giving him something for his pain but -"

"Depends on how Robert reacts, we wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable." The nurse whispers as she looks across at Robert sleeping soundly. "It'll pass though, all of it will." She offers and Aaron smiles.

That doesn't help either.

 

-

 

The hospital is busy again and Robert wakes up to the sound of nurses coming by, he looks at the seat next to him and expects Aaron to be there but he isn't. He panics a little, feels short of breath and then he sees a nurse come into the room.

"What have ya done with him? Has Calum got him?" Robert says quickly, sits up on the bed as she stares at him and then looks behind, Aaron's there, holding a coffee in his hand and smiling a little nervously.

"This one thought I'd taken ya for myself." The nurse says with a smile and Aaron arches an eyebrow at Robert, trying to make him smile.

The nurse looks at Robert, tells him to open his eyes and she shines something into them which makes Aaron nervous again but then she's smiling again. "Seems fine to me, need to drink plenty of this though." She says, points towards the untouched jug of water on the side and then disappears out the room.

Robert looks at Aaron and his heart tugs a little, he knows Aaron hasn't gone home. "Hello," he says shyly, feels his cheeks reddening as he thinks about how mad he must have seemed just then. He _knows_ he's in hospital, he _knows_ he can't be touched by Calum. So why is his brain against him?

Aaron sits on the bed, "Morning," he says back before bracing himself. "My mum rang just now, said Liv's dying to see us, see ya. And Victoria too."

Robert surprises Aaron, he smiles, just smiles.

"Liv." Robert says weakly and Aaron nods happily, comes closer to his husband.

"Yeah, hard to imagine her missing ya innit? She did though, she missed ya so much." Aaron says, tries not to cry, not overwhelm Robert too much.

"And Vic?" Robert says slowly, "The baby." It comes back to him and he tries to smile.

"She _never_ gave up on ya." Aaron says, has a hand through Robert's hair and he wonders if it's too much as Robert's eyes flicker and he starts to breathe all funnily. "Is this -"

Robert closes his eyes, "Calum used to do it, try and calm me down." He remembers feeling Calum's hands through his hair, he _remembers_.

Aaron's hands drop instantly and then Robert holds them. "Make me forget he did that." He says, brings the hands up to his head a little and Aaron nods, strokes through Robert's hair again as they sit in silence.

 

-

 

Liv starts crying as soon as she sees her brother, she crushes into his arms and tugs at his waist, won't let go.

Aaron breathes into her hair, kisses her head and holds her.

"I thought you were -" Liv shakes, "I didn't know what to think, I -"

"Shh," Aaron says gently. "It's okay now, we got out didn't we?" He tries, doesn't know how he hasn't broken down yet.

Liv pulls herself away and Aaron looks over her shoulder, sees Victoria standing there with Adam.

"Is he ready to see us now?" Victoria says, hesitant and obviously worried about pushing her brother too far.

Aaron nods towards her, remembers having to tell her to go home the night before because Robert wasn't ready just yet.

"Yeah," Aaron says, wipes at his eyes and looks back at Liv. "You stay here though, don't want to overwhelm him just yet."

Liv nods obediently.

"As soon as I leave you can go and say hello." Victoria has a hand on Liv's shoulder as she passes, follows Aaron towards the room.

Aaron turns towards Adam and Victoria before he pushes the door opens. "He's uh - he's not really himself. Just warning ya." He says, knows that there isn't a sparkle in his eyes anymore. It's gone out like a light.

Robert's eyes widen as he sees his sister, she's gotten bigger, rounder.

"Robert," Victoria says, comes towards him and flings her arms right round his neck. Aaron watches Robert's reaction, he sees his husband flinch a little and the way his arms don't really know what to do. He doesn't exactly hug her back, just waits until she pulls away.

"You had us so worried." Adam says, clears his throat as if he's emotional about it too. Aaron looks at his best mate, sees it, sees the anger he feels and he gets it. Calum was responsible for his wife's tears, his best mates agony, his brother-in-law's absolute pain. "Robert I'm so sorry for -" he looks ashamed of himself and Robert knows why.

"You tried to convince him I was fine too?" Robert asks before shaking his head. "Not surprised." He adds, there's not even anger in his voice.

"Yeah well, look I'm so sorry."

"You just said that." Robert says and Aaron tenses, wonders if Robert will snap any minute now. Adam just stares awkwardly at Robert. "I get it, don't need to keep saying it."

Adam nods, pulls back a little as Victoria starts talking.

Robert nods along, keeps looking towards Aaron like he needs to know he's still there.

"Missed ya." Robert says slowly, doesn't know what else to say as Victoria nods at him and holds back her tears.

Then she's looking down on herself, smiling at her stomach and she's holding it. "We've both missed ya." She says and Aaron's heart melts inside as he sees Robert's reaction.

Robert's eyes are warm and then he's reaching out, touching his sister's stomach.

No one says anything until Victoria holds Robert's hand and he pulls his away from her.

  
"I'm so glad you're back." Victoria blurts out. "He won't get away with this." She adds, everyone in the room puts their head down. "And I know - know what fire meant, I know Robert."

Robert stiffens, has memories that flood his mind and then he's growing tense.

"Maybe leave it now." Aaron says softly, "He gets a little -"

"Don't speak about me like I'm not here!" Robert shouts a little too loudly and suddenly Aaron's panicking, doesn't know how to react to Robert when he's like this because he knows Robert isn't angry, he's _distressed_.

"I think we should just go." Adam says, clears his throat and pulls at Victoria.

"All of ya, go." Robert's head kills, feels like a million drills are going off and he's going to explode if he isn't left alone.

Victoria looks almost desperately at Aaron for guidance but he doesn't have any, he hates how she assumes he'll know what's best for his husband.

Robert hears Calum's voice suddenly and then he's pressing hard down on his ears, ignoring the way Victoria worries and Aaron tries to calm him down.

"Robert?"

The voice settles something inside Robert almost instantly and then he's open his eyes.

"Liv." Robert says, sees her walking towards him slowly and then stopping right by Vic like she's scared that he'll push her away.

Aaron watches the scene play out in front of him, wants to protect Liv from Robert's distress almost instantly but then -

"Come here then silly." Robert has tears in his eyes, they fall down his face as she hesitantly comes forward and he opens his arms up for her to fall into.

Aaron holds his breath, doesn't know what to say as he sees Robert whisper something in Liv's ear and hold her close just like he did with her.

Victoria looks at Aaron and then gestures towards the door before she goes to leave.

Robert gulps. "Vic, I'm sorry for -"

Victoria shakes her head, "S'forgotten already." She whispers, wipes at her eyes. "Not your fault." She adds before squeezing at Adam's hand and leaving.

Aaron stands there, looks at how close Robert's allowed Liv to be to him so quickly and he feels instantaneously jealous of her, then he feels pathetic.

"Ya missed me then?" Robert says, has a ghost of a smile on his face.

Liv shrugs, her hands fall over Robert's. "Nah," she kids, "Not really." Robert smiles at her and then Liv looks at her brother, senses that there's something still in between them. An invisible barrier.

Aaron's looking pale as she stares at him and then she sees why, the police are at the door.

Robert gulps, "Liv, go get yourself a hot chocolate for us." He says, feels this need to be strong in front of her.

Liv nods, smiles at Robert a little and then at her brother as leaves the room.

The officers come into the room and Aaron looks at Robert, "You want me to go too or -"

"Hold me hand." Robert says, chest rising and falling quickly as he realises that there's news about Calum coming his way and he can't have Aaron not by his side, however much his fuzzy brain keeps wanting to be left alone.

Aaron obliges, of course he does and then he looks at PC Jones. He recognises him instantly.

"Glad to see you Robert." The officer says, has a hand on his hip which falls.

"What is it you want? Have you charged him or -" Robert blurts out, squeezes harder.

"Yes." The officer says simply. "Mr Radels has been ... co-operating better now he knows you're alive."

Aaron scoffs and the officer looks awkward.

"He's confessed that the fire was started by him, that he - he _took_ Robert in order to keep him safe."

Hearing it makes Aaron feel sick, makes him realise even more how delusional Calum is.

"So - that's uh arson, attempted murder and kidnap but what about - uh, if he's -" Aaron says nervously, doesn't know how to to say it all.

"Mr Radels strongly denies sexually assault." The officer clears his throat, "I've spoken to the doctors and - there isn't any uh signs of -"

"I'm clean? There's no evidence that he's -" Robert stops himself as the officer nods.

"Oh thank God." Aaron breathes out, has a hand on Robert's neck and he strokes his skin lovingly.

Robert feels almost numb, "Told ya he didn't." It's all he says.

"Well we need you to give us a formal interview once you're released, don't worry, Mr Radels won't be getting to you any time soon."

Robert nods, doesn't want to think about it. "I'm tired now." He says bluntly and Aaron looks a little embarrassed but he nods.

"Of course, we'll be in touch." The officer says quickly, turns around to leave.

"I'll see you out." Aaron says, can't think of anything else to do because Robert needs space.

The officer opens the door and offers a sad smile to Aaron, "Oh before I forget," he looks into his pocket. "Firefighter found this in the - the wreckage." Aaron's heart nearly bursts as he sees his own ring staring at him, he thought he'd lost it after throwing it against the wall that night, Calum had it.

Aaron accepts the ring, it's still intact. Aaron smiles, watches it rest in his palm, it hasn't broken. It manages to symbolise everything that he can't say.

 

-

 

Aaron walks up to the room, sees Robert sleeping in the bed and looks towards Liv who's kicking her legs against the chair.

Aaron smiles at her and then frowns. "Where's Adam and Vic?"

Liv sighs, "Vic was tired, Adam said to say bye." She says before clearing her throat and watching Aaron sit down. "Who's with Robert?" There's worry laced in her voice.

Aaron kisses her head, "He's sleeping."

Liv nods, "I saw the police leaving." She admits, almost to herself. "What did they want?"

Aaron clears his throat and rubs his hands against his jeans. "Just told us that Calum's confessed." He says shakily, "And he didn't - didn't _touch_ Robert like I thought."

Liv looks settled a little and her eyes water. "Good." She says before seeing the sadness in Aaron's eyes. "He's not okay is he."

Aaron can't lie to her, he shakes his head and then plays with her ponytail. "No he's not. He was on - on a lot of drugs to keep him - disorientated and now, now he's just - he's not himself Liv." Liv frowns, goes to speak. "He was great with you though, let ya hug him, hugged ya back."

"What about you?" Liv asks and Aaron remembers having to ask his husband if he could hold him.

Aaron sniffs, wipes at his nose. "He uh - he let me hug him last night, but he kept pushing me away, told me he didn't need me, that I was too late to help. He only wants me when - when he's desperate."

Liv presses herself against Aaron. "That's - it's something at least."

Aaron nods, "He's different now," he says softly. "I think he hates me deep down."

Liv wants to cry, "Of course he doesn't, he missed ya so much."

"That's what he said, but then he -"

"He's all over the place." Liv blurts out. "He's been through so much, he just needs us to be patient."

Aaron looks up, his heart races because Robert was patient with him through the trial, through those months were he was bitter and angry and pushed Robert away. He stayed. He waited.

"You're right." Aaron says, squeezes her hand and presses a kiss to her temple.

 

-

 

Aaron's sneaked back into the room, has his feet up on the chair as he watches Robert sleep, almost waits for a nightmare to strike. Liv's outside, on the phone to Gabby telling her that Robert's physically fine.

 _Physically_.

Aaron strokes Robert's arm. "Ya know I love ya, that never stopped." He whispers, almost to himself. "So don't hate me for not finding ya quick enough." It's his biggest fear of all.

There's the sound of heels near the door and Aaron turns as he sees his mum standing there, Paddy behind her.

"Love?" Chas whispers, forces Aaron to stand and pay her attention. "Why don't you go home, get some sleep, a shower, some food or -"

Aaron pinches his nose. "Robert needs me here."

"Not like this he doesn't." Paddy points out, refers to the bags under his eyes, the scar on his forehead.

Aaron goes to speak and then starts coughing, can't stop until Paddy's rubbing his back.

"You're forgetting the fact that _you_ nearly died in a fire as well." Paddy says, tries to control his voice but fails and Aaron has to quickly turn to see if Robert's stirred. He hasn't.

"But I didn't." Aaron snaps, "Rob was trapped in some loons house for two weeks, this isn't about me, I don't _care_ about me."

Chas looks unsettled by the comment. "Is this you punishing yourself?"

Aaron's face twitches, "Ya what?" He remarks.

"I heard how he was with Vic, the nurse told us he was having mood swings, taking it out on ya and now - now you don't even want to freshen yourself up. You're taking abuse from him and -"

Aaron sees red, " _Abuse_? That's my husband you're talking about. My husband who - who's been through the worst thing - so spare me the whole 'look after yourself' crap, it's him I need to be there for. He needs me."

Paddy clears his throat, "We're just saying, this is gonna be very ... hard for you. He's really -"

"What messed up? Difficult? Snappy?" Aaron bites, "Yeah, yeah and ya know what I hate it, I hate all of it because he's not Robert anymore, I lost him the minute I let him go that night but -"

"I think you've said enough." The voice is croaky, filled with tears and Aaron holds his breath as he turns around and sees Robert staring at him.

"Robert I didn't mean -" Aaron has tears in his eyes, wants to run up to Robert and hold him, tell him he's sorry.

Chas and Paddy awkwardly look at each other and then at Robert. "We'll come back - another time." Paddy stammers out as Chas tries to smile.

"Don't feel like ya have to." Robert says bitterly, watching them go. It's sad he thinks, he had actually missed them both. The feeling obviously wasn't a mutual one.

The air is thick and Aaron's still holding his breath as Robert looks towards the sheets.

"I was trying." Robert says, still can't look at his husband, it hurts his heart to.

"Trying to do what?" Aaron says, tears in his eyes as he keeps a distance between them.

"Trying not to push ya away or think of the fact that you - you -"

"Don't." Aaron swallows hard. "Robert, please -"

"It's the truth though, you just - you didn't care about me." Robert lifts his head and Aaron's flawed by how young and innocent he looks. 

Aaron shakes his head, "That isn't true." He tries, can't bare to come any closer though.

Robert squeezes his eyes shut. "And now - now I know what ya think of me." He opens his eyes. "Difficult. Am I being difficult Aaron?" He can't help how he feels.

Aaron bites his lip, "You won't let me in, only - only when you're desperate do you let me -"

"Why do you think that is?" Robert snaps, a tear falls down his face.

Aaron shakes his head in defeat, "I don't know."

"Because you _left_ me. You gave up on me!" Robert shouts, and then pushing the tears out of his eyes, rubbing them away fiercely. "The _one_ time I needed ya more than ever and you - you didn't care. You moved on."

Aaron's been dreading this whole conversation, knows he can't escape it though. "I found ya in _bed_ with another man. What else was I supposed to think?" He doesn't mean to shout but he can't help it.

Robert scowls at him. "Then a week goes by. And what? There's not _one_ part of you worrying about where I could be? Why I haven't _begged_ for ya to forgive me."

Aaron shakes his head again, "I'm sorry."

"Don't say that. What good is that to me now? I'm a _mess_ , I'm broken and -"

Aaron knows what's coming, he just can't prepare himself for -"

"It's all your fault." Robert yells, he shouts until he can't anymore and he sees Aaron's face fall, sees his husband look towards the door in despair.

"Then ya really don't need me then." Aaron sniffs, has to fight back tears as he looks back at Robert.

Everything inside Robert wants to feel Aaron close to him, wants to hold him, smell him, become familiar with every frown, every vain but -

"No I don't." Robert says quickly, lies.

Aaron bolts, runs as fast as he can out of the hospital and ignores the way his mum calls out for him.

 

-

 

Robert's crying, he's all alone now and he's crying because this wasn't what he wanted. He imagined being reunited with Aaron and kissing the life out of him, big smiles on their faces, tears of joy soaking their shirts. Not this.

It's his fault, his silly brain which won't stop him from hurting Aaron despite how much he loves him.

There's a sound by the door and he thinks it might be Aaron until he has to remind himself that he heard Aaron run and run and not look back once. Aaron was good at running.

"Only me." The voice fills the room as they shut the door. Robert knows the voice instantly and his stomach churns. It's Chas. "How are ya? Sorry, silly question uh,"

Robert holds his breath, doesn't want to turn and face her anytime soon, doesn't want to answer her questions either.

"Okay so, uh want to explain why I just saw my son run out of here in tears instead?" Chas says, a little bite in her voice which makes Robert pull a face. He didn't want to upset him, not really.

"He heard the truth." Robert says slowly, still looking away from his mother-in-law.

"And what would that be?" Chas snaps, annoyed a little. Robert stays silent, doesn't want to say it all again. "Look I know you've had - you've been through so much." Robert's surprised as he hears sadness in her voice.

"But I know he has too." Chas says quickly and then she's sitting down, sighing hard. "You name an emotion and he's been through it since you left, I mean -"

"'Was taken." Robert bites, sighs, wants to say sorry, he does, with his eyes.

Chas tries to smile at him and then she looks teary.

"What, what do you mean every emotion?" Robert's almost scared, almost wants to pretend that he didn't say anything.

Chas gulps hard, "He was so angry when ya left. Humiliated, _embarrassed_ that you'd do something like that, after everything."

Robert wants to look away again, decides he can't though.

"Then - then he started worrying, really worrying but he tried to fight it because he was making himself ill."

"What do you mean - _ill_?" Robert's trying not to panic, it's hard.

Chas sighs breathlessly, "He had a panic attack."

Robert feels like he's having one too. He pictures Aaron like that, broken completely. He feels like crying. "A panic attack." He whispers, like he needs it confirming.

"Yeah." Chas nods slowly, "I've never seen him like before over - over _anyone_ Robert."

She doesn't need to say his name, they both know the weight behind the words. The know the meaning behind it all.

Chas sniffs, pulls this face like she's remembering something. "It was like you'd _died_ , even before he started worrying."

"Back when he was still thinking the worst of me then." Robert drops his head slowly.

"Three guesses for who was behind that eh?" Chas tries to smile but then Robert raises his head and she just looks guilty. "He's my boy, I wanted him to move on. If you want to blame anyone, look no further."

Robert has tears swimming in his eyes, "At least I know what you think of me now." He says bitterly.

Chas sighs hard. "I'm sorry, I am. If I had known you were -"

Robert shakes his head, doesn't want to hear that now.

"I told him it was all his fault."

Chas is silent for a second. "Is that what you _really_ think?" She asks quickly.

Robert looks at her then and shakes his head slowly because _of course_ he didn't think that. He wanted to blame anyone else, he still wants to pretend that this whole mess didn't really all start the minute he didn't listen to his husband and fire Calum before he did anymore harm.

"Then tell him that, ya know he's already blaming himself for everything, ya _know_ what he's like." Chas says before she gently touches Robert's arm. "Robert?" She asks, sees he's almost in a world of his own. "My son loves the bones of you, you know that don't you? What happened will change everything between ya but - but you can't let it tear you apart."

Robert knows it's true, knows that he needs Aaron more than ever before and he has to admit that, can't be scared anymore.

Chas sniffs and then reaches into her pocket, producing a ring and holding it up to Robert. "Kept it, I planned on chucking it in your face when you came round to plead with Aaron but -"

Robert reaches out, holds his ring in his hands. He faintly remembers leaving it on the bar that night.

"Don't push him away, he needs ya too ya know." Chas says softly and Robert looks up at her as if he doesn't believe it. "Oh love you have 'no idea how much," she adds, all motherly as she continues to stroke his arm.

Robert's shocked by how upset she is over this, over _him_ being so hurt. It says a lot, too much for Robert to deal with now so instead he holds her hand back, tries to smile and then they sit together for a while as she says she's sorry over and over again.

 

-

 

Robert's itching to see Aaron, feels it burn inside him as he stares out of the window and sees people rushing by. It's nearly time for visitors to go home and if Aaron doesn't come back now then he might not be able to come at all. He might be turned away. Robert feels panicked just by the thought, feels himself get worked up because he can't sleep without Aaron near him, he won't be able to.

There's a knock on the door and Robert turns quickly, settles as he sees that it's Liv standing there.

"Alright trouble?" Robert says quickly, sits up in the bed, he doesn't know why or how but it's easy with Liv.

Liv sits on his bed, looks sad about something as she looks at Robert.

"What's wrong?" Robert worries, frowns at Liv until she speaks.

"I saw Aaron leave," Liv whispers, "I heard what you said to him too." Robert feels a wave of guilt hit him. "Did you -"

Robert grabs her hands, "I didn't mean that - I was just - just really -" he struggles, can't find his words, panics.

"Angry?" Liv offers and Robert nods, squeezes her hands tighter.

"I keep getting angry at him," Robert shakes his head, hates himself. "But then I regret it."

Liv sniffs, "He thinks ya hate him." Robert looks almost horrified. "Robert, do you not love him anymore?"

Robert's heart aches, it's all wrong, all of it. Their time apart didn't break the love he has for Aaron, it strengthened it, made it flourish in the dark.

" _No_." Robert shakes his head, "No of course not. Liv, I love him _so_ much." Robert's eyes grow blurry with tears. "I don't _hate_ him, not one bit, I _couldn't_ hate him. It's just - I thought he hated me for so long and now - now I know that's not true and I don't know what to do."

Liv nods, "Talk to him you idiot." She says and for the first time that day, that week, probably that whole month, Robert laughs. It's an unfamiliar sound.

"Thank you." Robert whispers, holds her hand again. "For being here, for not -"

Liv looks away a little and Robert stops himself. "Liv?"

"I told Aaron I'd seen ya, after he - he had a panic attack. I made him stop looking, I'm so sorry." Liv blurts out, can't ignore how heavy it's weighing on her heart.

Robert's eyes flicker, feels himself have to catch his breath. "You -"

"I'd already lost ya, I couldn't lose him too. He was falling apart without you." Liv has tears in her eyes, cheeks all ready and Robert sees her crumbling.

"Hey, hey shh -" Robert whispers, holds her hand softly. "It's alright." He blinks, understands. "You're here now, that's all that matters."

"Like I'd be anywhere else, you're my brother, I'm _stuck_ with ya I suppose." Liv shrugs her shoulders and Robert swallows down tears.

"Love ya, kid." Robert pushes out, looks towards his sheets almost in embarrassment because he's never actually told her before, although he's thought it a million times.

Liv's cheeks go all red and she smiles. "Love you too."

 

-

 

Robert's eyes flicker open and there's a white light beaming down on him, it takes him a second to realise that it's just the hospital lights. His chest tightens a little and then he looks across at the body slumped in the chair next to his bed. It's him, _Aaron's_ there.

He's wearing a blue jumper, has a new pair of jeans on too and his hair is all fluffy and filled with curls.

Robert sees that Aaron's eyes are fluttering open and close over and over again and then looks down, sees Aaron's hand curled up in his own.

Aaron suddenly shifts, sees Robert looking down at their joint hands and he pulls his away quickly, making sound as he jumps up from the chair.

Robert hates how his heart practically falls in shock of their separation.

"Sorry, I'll -" Aaron looks so unsure, so nervous.

Robert swallows, eyes flutter. "Wondered why I was sleeping soundly." He says shyly, sees that Aaron's still standing in the middle of the room, eyes darting towards the door and then back at the bed.

"I'll go, I shouldn't have come back, I just needed -" Aaron goes to pick up his coat and then Robert places his hand on top of Aaron's, stopping him.

"Don't." Robert forces himself to say.

"Don't what?" Aaron says, eyes all red and sleep deprived.

Robert looks at Aaron, "Don't leave me." He admits, chews down on his lip to stop himself from crying.

Aaron pulls his hand away, remembers breaking down on his way home. "You don't need me." He says, brushes his tears away. "Not when I keep letting ya down."

Robert frowns, "You haven't." He tries to insist.

Aaron shakes his head, looks defeated. "I didn't save ya." He blurts out, tears fall down his face. "You said it yourself earlier and I know you meant it, it's all my fault. All of it." He says, looks towards the door again. "I need to go."

"No you don't." Robert says quickly. "You - you need to stay here with me, forget what I said because I _promise_ ya I didn't mean it. I said it because I wanted to push ya away."

"Why?" Aaron says, doesn't understand.

"Because - he made me think you didn't love me." Robert's nearly crying, he's all weak and vulnerable now and Aaron moves himself closer to the bed. "He said he'd seen ya with some other lad in our bed." He knows that it's not true, only has to look at Aaron to know.

Aaron looks horrified, his eyes wide as he pulls towards Robert, " _No_. Rob, look at me. Look at me, _please_." He says, sees Robert trying to hide his face. Robert looks up shyly. "I would never do that to ya, _never_." He says, seriously. "I _love_ ya so much." Aaron says, suddenly holds Robert's hand and kisses his knuckles. "Please - please don't _hate_ me for this all."

Robert sits up in the bed, pulls Aaron closer to him by the waist and wipes Aaron's tears away.

"I couldn't, I _don't_." Aaron goes to speak but Robert shakes his head, "And don't tell me I should, because I know I shouldn't. You _saved_ my life."

Aaron lets out a shaky breath as Robert holds his face, "I thought I'd die never seeing ya again, then the fire -" Robert shuts his eyes, feels Aaron's hands stroking at his arms. "But you got us out."

Aaron sniffs, he remembers what he did, won't ever forget.

"Aaron I'm - I'm messed up a little now and maybe ya should leave before I say anything else I don't mean -" Robert panics, "But I - I love you too." He says tenderly, taking Aaron's hand and trying to smile. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I need ya so much, I'm so sorry."

Aaron nods, pulls Robert towards him so that the older man is burying his head into Aaron's chest and Aaron is practically sitting on the small bed.

Aaron rubs Robert's back, "I just miss ya." He whispers. "I miss my husband." He admits, strokes Robert's hair as he clings on tighter.

Robert nods, pulls himself up and then moves Aaron's hand over his heart. "He's in here," he whispers. "It might take a bit of time before he's ready though,"

Aaron smiles a little, "I can wait." He says slowly before he goes into his pocket and pulls out his ring. Robert arches an eyebrow in surprise. "They found it, look it's hardly -"

"It looks perfect." Robert blurts out, eyes gleaming and then he turns towards the bedside, opens a drawer and shows Aaron his own.

"Your mum kept it after I put it on the bar that night." Robert says, sees the way Aaron cries. "Oh don't cry," he says softly.

Aaron frowns, sees a little of the old Robert pouring through in his soft voice. "I love you." He blurts out. "To think, I could have lost ya -"

"Well don't think, just -" Robert looks down at Aaron's lips, feels this need, this want which has always been there, he's breaking through his fear, his sadness and - "Just kiss me." He wishes, pleads even.

Aaron's wanted to kiss Robert since he saw him in that house, he's wanted to wrap his arms around Robert's neck, lean in, kiss him over and over again, so close to his skin that he can count the freckles round his mouth.

He's wanted to and he does.

Robert feels something melt inside him at the feel of Aaron so close, he can hear Aaron panting, becoming overwhelmed as their lips crash into each other just once. It lasts for about ten seconds, that's all it takes for Aaron to feel like he's floating.

Aaron pulls away, looks at Robert and sees that he's wearing a sleepy smile on his face. It's adorable.

Robert leans onto Aaron's forehead, soft little touches press against Aaron's skin as Robert's fingers dance around his left arm.

"I missed that too." Robert says slowly, sees Aaron smile a little at him and then he lets out this shaky breath. "You came back, you always come back to me."

Aaron sees the rings on the bed, holds Robert's up and slowly pushes it down his finger.

"Always." Aaron says, mirrors what he said in that home, when Robert was in his arms.

Something flickers in Robert as he sees the ring, feels it against his skin and then works to provide Aaron with the same feeling, pushing his ring in too.

"You know -" Robert tries, feels like he can't breathe suddenly because Aaron is looking at him like he's the most prized possession in this whole world.

"I know." Aaron whispers, wipes at his eyes. "We're gonna be fine." He adds before he feels Robert lay back on the bed and he tries to move off the bed to give him more space.

Aaron feels Robert grab his wrist. "Stay here, with me." He says slowly and Aaron does, lays on the small bed, cuddles against Robert's middle, sleeps soundly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter, it was quite sad once again but I think (hope) it is still coming across as realistic. My roblivion heart had to have Robert be welcoming to Liv of course and the addition of the rings at the end was supposed to make you happy so I hope it did. Thanks for reading guys, can't believe this have over 600 kudos! Xx


	34. Karen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo beauties, here's another chapter, a little lighter I think (don't get your hopes up lmoa)

 

"The fire." Aaron speaks as slowly as he can because the last thing he wants is to overwhelm Robert with this.

Robert swallows hard, doesn't want to talk about it but knows he has to now. "Yeah?" He says, tries not to speak too harshly.

Aaron's sitting on the bed, has this expression on his face that tells Robert that he's out of his depth but still trying.

The thought makes Robert gently stroke Aaron's hand, his way of telling Aaron that he'll cooperate with him.

"I know what it reminded you of." Aaron says, clears his throat. "I just think we should talk about it a little."

Robert shuts his eyes, still sees the flames which danced so close to Aaron's skin. He feels sick.

"I thought you were going to die." Robert whispers, looks straight at Aaron as he talks. "Just like mum."

Aaron feels something break a little inside as Robert's eyes grow glassy.

"What about you? You were -" Aaron heaves, remembers how petrified his husband was, he'd never seen him like that before.

Robert shakes his head, "I didn't care about me by then, just - just you were -"

"You said I was too young to die." Aaron remembers that and it sends a chill through his body as Robert's eyes flicker. "You said I needed to leave you there, because you deserved it." Aaron clears his throat, fights back his emotions as he holds Robert's hand tighter.

Robert can't say anything, he remembers thinking it, saying it aloud as everything turned into an orange ray of light around him.

"Rob talk to me." Aaron pleads, finds himself begging because he can't get past the words Robert said to him.

Robert looks at Aaron again, shakes his head. "It's what I thought." He says slowly.

Aaron lets out a shaky breath and then frowns. "Why?" He says, can't understand.

Robert frowns now, has a look about him which makes Aaron know he's going to blurt something out.

"Because I let him in our lives!" Robert snaps, "I let him in and - and then there was - Liv and the car - and you could have died if - I just - it was all me Aaron, I deserved to -" Robert feels everything inside him burst, it's everything he didn't want to ever say aloud. But he can't ignore it. It's all his fault. It really is and he can't deny that anymore, not when it's so obvious.

Aaron sees it in Robert's eyes, it's blind panic and he needs to control it as fast as he can. His hands come up to Robert's face and cups round his cheeks, it's worked before, Aaron thinks as he tries to make Robert look at him directly.

Robert does, keeps looking at Aaron's eyes, blue, like an ocean, the sea, calm.

"Focus on me yeah?" Aaron says, sees Robert try and slowly nod his head through his panting. "Safe." He whispers, it's their comfort word now. It actually helps.

Suddenly Aaron feels Robert grip at his hands and blow out a long breath and he sees the panic melt away from his expression. Almost instantly Aaron feels less useless.

 

-

 

Robert wakes up and feels a little uneasy as he sees Aaron talking to someone at the door. It's a woman, she's got this flowery dress on and this warm expression on her face but Robert still doesn't want her there. A part of him knows _why_ she's there.

Aaron's eyes flicker towards him and he has this smile on his face that makes Robert instantly feel guilty for not being more welcoming towards the woman.

Aaron comes over towards the bed and Robert tenses.

"Good sleep?" Aaron says, tries to tread carefully as he sees that Robert doesn't look impressed.

Robert nods slowly, can't deny that he didn't have one scary thought as he slept.

Aaron comes even closer and then looks back at the woman at the door, "This is Karen." He says softly, "She's going to talk to ya, just for a bit."

Robert huffs out a breath he knows _Karen_ can hear and folds his arms over. "Why? I don't -"

"I tried talking to ya earlier and - ya nearly had a _panic attack_." Aaron pushes out, looks a little guilty for mentioning it as Robert mopes.

"You were brilliant." Robert blurts out, thinks of Aaron calming him down like he did. It was with such care.

Aaron raises an eyebrow in surprise at the kind words and then grips onto Robert's arm, strokes softly.

"I just want ya to offload without holding back, thinking that if you say something it might upset me. That's why I think - ya know Karen might -"

"When's the last time ya saw Louise?" Robert fires, doesn't mean to appear so aggressive.

"About a week ago." Aaron fires back, "I still saw her even after you -"

Robert nods slowly, looks at Karen at the door still, she's patient, he can tell.

"Fine." Robert says, his stomaching flipping as he sees Aaron smile at him.

Karen comes in then, smiles down at Robert and explains where she's from, the Mental Health liaison department.

"I'd just like a chat." Karen says kindly, looks towards Aaron as she sees Robert's almost frightened face. "Aaron can stay if you like."

Aaron looks at Robert, leaves it up to him.

Robert twitches, looks back at Aaron. "Why don't you go and see if Louise is free?" He says, thinks of ways to get Aaron better too because he can't bare how tired Aaron's looking.

Aaron frowns, "Are ya sure?" He says, slowly stands and then looks at Robert more intensely. "I don't mind staying." Aaron leans towards Robert a little. "If this is your way of pushing me -"

Robert rolls his eyes, "Go. 'S'not just me who needs to talk to someone."

Aaron ducks his head knowingly and then looks up at Robert, it's hardly anything but it's something that he sees in Robert's eyes, almost a glimmer of something resembling the old Robert, his husband Robert and Aaron has to catch his breath.

"Go then." Robert orders and Aaron laughs, kisses his cheek as he comes closer to the bed.

"The minute - no the _second_ you need me just call yeah?" Aaron's always so worried now, Robert hates how he keeps giving him reasons to be.

 

-

 

Karen's not that bad, she just keeps treading really carefully and Robert feels like a ticking time bomb which she's avoiding from setting off.

"Your husband, Aaron, he told me you've been suffering from a few panic attacks." Robert lifts his head, scowls a little. "It's completely understandable Robert."

Robert knows it probably is but can't shake off this mentality he has which tells him that he has to be brace and strong.

"What happened to you was very traumatic." Karen explains, shifts a little on the chair. "It's going to take time for you to feel like _you_ again but -"

"How long?" Robert asks, his business logical brain needs straight answers, he needs things laid out to him in black and white. "I can't keep going on like this, it's awful for -"

"Aaron? Your sister?" Karen steps in and then tilts her head. "And what about you?"

Robert bristles. "It's not a barrel of laughs for me either but at least I don't have to watch someone I care about freak out every two minutes."

Karen nods, "Do you know they're there for you?" She asks, "That they will continue to be there for you regardless?"

Robert nods, he knows deep down that Aaron won't leave him, that Victoria will continue to be patient but - "It's just hard to think like that though, 'cause they _weren't_ there for me were they? Not for those two weeks." He says, tries not to get emotional.

Karen has a sad smile on her face, "So you blame them?"

Robert shuts his eyes, remembers the fight he had with Aaron yesterday. No, he didn't blame him, he blamed - "No. I blame me." He forces out. "Aaron could have died right in front of me, Liv could have lost her brother, all because of me."

 

-

 

Aaron doesn't know why he feels awkward when he arrives but he does, Louise is with someone, just finishing up the hour slot apparently and Aaron gives himself time to dash towards the toilets and have a look at himself.

His hair is awful, he thinks, flat curls mock him as he runs a hand through it and then sights his pale complexion, the bags under his eyes. Aaron shakes his head and then ducks towards the sink, splashing cold water over his face in hope it will rejuvenate him a little.

With one final look at himself Aaron turns and leaves, walks through the small hall again and then sees Louise waiting for him at the frame of her door, a smile on her face.

Aaron relaxes instantly as he walks towards her, comes into her room, sits himself on the same white chair like before and hears her shut the door behind her.

Louise sits at the desk and lets out a small sigh as she looks up at Aaron. "It's very good to see you Aaron."

Aaron arches an eyebrow, "Is it?" He says, a little shocked.

Louise nods shyly, "I heard about what happened with your husband - it was in the paper. I'm very sorry."

Aaron thinks about it being in the paper, wonders if the whole village know now then and suddenly knows that he'll be sleeping on a hospital chair for another night, not ready to face the questions.

Aaron gulps, knows that he's here to talk about it properly just like Robert is hopefully doing with Karen.

"I followed him - Calum, to this house and there he was, Robert. I walked in and Calum was kissing him, I could see the way Robert was trying to push him away but -" Aaron blows out a breath. "I fought with Calum, tried to anyway and then there's a gun and Robert's telling him to shot him and not me and - then there's lighter fluid being soaked on the floor and there's fire everywhere and I can't get Robert out, he's telling me to leave him, that he deserves this and -"

Louise pushes a box of tissues towards Aaron. "You're doing so well."

It's encouraging.

"We both got out alive, that's the main thing." Aaron forces out, presses the tissues to his face to stop crying.

Louise nods, "How's Robert doing?" She asks, "Mentally."

Aaron rolls his eyes, "He's all over the place. He's struggling with it all and I know he's trying but - he lashes out sometimes, says things and I think he really means 'em."

Louise looks saddened by that, "Like what?"

"Like it was all my fault, like I didn't come quick enough." Aaron shakes his head. "He told me I was too late. That's what he said to me, I'm too late to help now."

Louise frowns, "Has he apologised for those comments?" Aaron nods his head. "Yet you're still holding onto words said in anger."

Aaron squints. "It's sort of hard to forget."

"Indeed, especially when you, yourself believe it to be true." Louise studies Aaron's face, watches it fall. "And you do, don't you?"

Aaron hates how he cries, how he can't get passed the tears in his eyes which blur his vision.

"I should have saved him sooner."

 

-

 

Karen blinks quickly, "But Robert, you weren't meant to know this was going to happen."

Robert shakes his head, "Aaron told me he was a psycho and I didn't listen. I just buried my head in the sand until it was too late."

Karen nods slowly, "So you blame yourself, for what happened to you?" Robert stays silent. "Surely you didn't deserve to fear for your life in those circumstances."

Robert bristles, starts playing with a loose thread on the sheets, can't stop. "All I knew then was Aaron didn't. He had to go and I was too useless to help him."

Robert remembers the heat, the way Aaron tugged at him, the sound of the blaze. He can hear himself crying out like some baby: _'Not fire, no, no I can't -'_

"The fire wasn't your fault Robert, you had no control over -"

Robert shakes a little. "That's what I hate the most, I couldn't _stop_ it." He says, thinks back to last October and the car, he was petrified but at least he knew he had to push and pull on something until Aaron was freed. At least he had some sort of direction.

Karen frowns sadly, "Neither could Aaron, none of you -"

Robert sighs, "He was brilliant." He whispers, eyes glassy. "I thought I was going to die just like my mum but I didn't, because of him."

 "Your mum?" Karen says and Robert knows he's said too much.

"She uh - she was trapped in a barn, it was on fire and she uh, couldn't - she died." Robert says uncomfortably.

Karen raises an eyebrow. "I'm very sorry." She looks towards the knot Robert's made with the loose piece of thread and then up at him. "This is all the more reason why it's affecting you so much. Fire is personal."

_Fire is personal._

It sounds like a cheesy mantra he'll be forced to repeat soon.

"As soon as you accept the feelings you have Robert, the easier it will be to move past them." Karen says kindly, "Baby steps eh?"

Robert nods slowly but then wants to pout because he wants to take Big Manly Not Afraid Of Anything steps.

 

-

 

Aaron stops crying, feels Louise's warmth closer to him and then looks up at her, she's moved her chair towards him.

"You thought he had cheated, wanted to move on with your life Aaron. That's nothing to feel guilty about. You weren't to know -"

Aaron shakes his head, "But I knew Calum, I knew he was obsessed and I did nothing."

Louise forces Aaron to look at her and then starts using her hands a little more. "I want you to think broadly for me. Was Robert in bed with Calum when you found them?"

Aaron winces. "Yes."

"Did you think Robert had cheated on you then?"

"Yes."

"Did he leave once you told him to?"

"Yeah."

"Did he make any contact, try to sort things out with you?"

Aaron frowns. "He couldn't -"

"Just think broadly, did he or didn't he?"

"No."

Louise smiles softly, "Then how were you supposed to know he was in danger? Unless you decided to think the worst."

"Because he's my _husband_ , I should have just _known_." Aaron snaps.

Louise frowns, "You think too much of yourself Aaron, _expect_ too much." She says softly. "It was _you_ who actively went out in search of him wasn't it?"

Aaron nods slowly.

"You who got the police to take this seriously, you who went and found Robert and got him out of the -"

Aaron slams a hand against the side of his head in frustration. "Why did he have to _set it on fire_?"

He hates him, he hates the creep for doing that to Robert.

"Is fire a -"

"It's how Robert's mum died. Trapped in a barn which was on fire." Aaron feels tears in his eyes. "I've never seen him so scared." He whispers.

He remembers Robert clinging onto him for dear life, squirming and wincing as Calum set the place on fire around them.

"He was petrified, thought he was going to die like she did." Aaron sighs. "The worst part was - him telling me to go, saying I was too young to die and that he deserved it." He feels sick just thinking about it. "I was - I was just trying to get us out, ignore him."

"And it worked." Louise smiles softly. " _You_ got Robert out of there didn't you?"

Aaron nods slowly. "Tell me how you did."

Aaron frowns, shakes a little. "I remember holding him up, tryna turn the door handle." He has a scar on his hand from the burn. "It was really hot but I did it, I pushed us both out onto the landing and - the firefighters were there, trying to help."

 Louise smiles. "You said it was really hot, but you did it." She reveals.

Aaron's eyes flicker. "I did it." He whispers and Louise nods eagerly at him.

" _You_ got him out. You did that, no one else did. You could have froze, just given up but you acted - why?"

"Because I love him." Aaron blurts out, through tears. "More than _anything_ , and he needed me." He thinks back to October, how petrified he was of drowning, of having Robert watch him die. He had been useless but Robert hadn't, Robert had been there, he'd been strong. "And so I had to be strong for him, for us."

"And you were." Louise says, a ghost of a smile lingers on Aaron's face. "You got him out." She says firmly.

"I got him out." Aaron repeats, slowly smiling as the guilt melts away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you didn't think this was too boring of a chapter but I really just wanted to have a chapter firmly focused on counselling sessions for both of them because it's so important to me.


	35. Back to reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii I'm back, here's another chapter with hopefully the right level of angst, fluff and realism!

 

Aaron's got used to watching Robert sleep, seeing the way his chest rises and falls as he holds onto his husband's hand. He has three freckles near his mouth, a small raise of skin near his forehand and a bruise fading just below his right eye. They're all just reminders of what happened and it makes Aaron feel sick when he thinks about it so he doesn't.

Instead his mind is on Robert's smile, the way he spoke openly last night about his time with Karen. He doesn't want to shift his mind towards the thought of Robert getting muddled, being panicked and scared, he can't.

Robert's eyes flicker open and he looks towards Aaron, he's staring back at him with a soft sort of intensity. "You watching me sleep again?" He mumbles, smiles just slightly.

Aaron bites his lip, squeezes at Robert's hand. "Course."

Robert sees Aaron fighting back a yawn, thinks it's adorable. "You should go back home, I'm sure Liv's missing ya."

Aaron rolls his eyes, "She was here till late last night, she's fine with mum." He sighs and then runs at hand over Robert's arm softly. "Good sleep?"

"Yeah, unlike yours, did you even -" Robert tries to sit up but Aaron pulls him down with a smile.

"Stop thinking about me." Aaron pushes out. "It's you I'm worried about." He admits before sighing and bracing himself. "Look uh - the police want to speak to you again, want you to come down to the station when you can. They called by earlier but you were asleep."

Robert tenses, "Suppose I can't run from it forever."

"You're not running," Aaron shakes Robert's arm and then sees that he didn't expect that. "Sorry I didn't -"

Robert nods shyly, head darting down like he's embarrassed. "Just a little - sorry I'm being silly."

Aaron hates this, bites down hard on his lips and then gently touches Robert's face. "I didn't mean to scare ya, I'm sorry." He admits, soft and slow and Robert turns towards him, sees this patient, loving man looking back at him and then he's kissing him on the lips, doesn't want to stop until Aaron pulls away.

"Okay?" Aaron whispers and Robert nods before his attention is drawn to the doctor coming through the door.

"Hello Robert, good to see you awake." The doctor smiles before looking down at Robert's leg. "We're hoping to have you out of here by this afternoon, your leg seems to be doing fine, no infections. You're making an excellent recovery."

Robert nods, it's good he thinks, he wants to forget this ever happened but -

"Physically yeah but - the drugs are still effecting him, I can tell." Aaron can't help himself, doesn't care that Robert's pulling his hand away. It needs to be said.

"We've been lowering the amount of drugs given to Robert step by step as we're happy with his progress. He'll still need to take prescribed pain killers for his leg but we feel like there's nothing major to worry about here."

Robert feels the weight of pressure on his shoulders and tenses just a little.

"Robert? You spoke to Karen yesterday didn't you?" Robert nods. "We'd like you to continue seeing her, externally. That way we can know for certain that it is the right decision to let you leave now."

Robert frowns. "So I see her or I can't go?" He says quickly, relaxes as Aaron places a hand on his shoulder.

"Of course we can't keep you here Robert, just a suggestion." The doctor shrugs before looking at Aaron and then back at Robert. "I think you'll be looked after just fine, but it's always nice to have someone externally to talk to. I'll go get the papers for you." He says, disappears out of the room.

Aaron looks at Robert's face, swallows. "You _do_ want to come don't ya?" He's all nervous.

Robert looks at him, heart melting a little. "Come here." He whispers and Aaron shuffles towards him on the bed. "Go home and make sure everything is as it was for me, yeah?"

Aaron sniffs and then kisses Robert's forehead. "Love you." He whispers before pulling away and walking towards the door, remembering the bin bag buried in a cupboard somewhere.

"Love ya too." Robert whispers to an empty room.

 

-

 

Aaron has his hands on Robert's favourite shower gel, eyes burning into it as he hears the sound of the door being opened.

"Only me!" Paddy shouts up the stairs as Aaron hurriedly comes out of the bathroom and meets him on the landing.

Aaron offers him half a smile and Paddy sights the small bin bag in between them, points down to it.

"What's in -" Aaron grabs the bag and pulls out a photo of him Liv and Robert.

"Took 'em all down, when uh - he left. I need to put them back up before he gets here. I want everything to be perfect." Aaron says with a nervous smile.

"How's he uh - doing?" Paddy clears his throat awkwardly and Aaron scoffs.

"Let's not pretend ya care, really." Aaron sneers, before passing Paddy and walking down the stairs.

"That's not fair. Of course I care." Paddy flies after Aaron, watches the younger man put the pictures back in silence and then turn with a sigh.

"Let's face it, ya would have preferred he stayed there. It would have made it a lot easier for you." Aaron snaps, "I know I'm right." He says with a shrug.

Paddy looks appalled. "Aaron, I care because it's about you too isn't it, so of course I -"

Aaron throws his head back, " _See_ , you don't care that my husband was - was put through the worst thing in his life, ya just care that I was caught up in it."

Paddy steps forward. "I'm glad he's okay. Really, I am. I wouldn't wish harm on him, you know that."

Aaron bristles, knows it's true.

"I just - don't know what to say to him really." Paddy stammers. "Your mum's got a better relationship with him then I do."

Aaron rolls his eyes, "You made up." He snaps. "You were trying." He blinks. "You know he didn't do anything wrong? He's the victim in all of this."

Paddy nods slowly.

"And I let ya convince me that -" Aaron's cut off by the sound of Chas on the door, coming through with a nervous smile on her face.

"Hiya love, thought I'd drop ya back off to the -"

"Don't want ya there." Aaron shakes his head angrily, he's been so wrapped up with Robert that he hasn't even confronted his mum and Paddy with all his anger over them convincing him that he didn't need to worry about Robert at all.

"What?" Chas blurts. "Love I've hardly seen ya since I visited, just want to know if you're alright." Her eyes dart towards Paddy nervously. "Aaron?" He isn't even looking at them, instead focusing on the empty book shelf in front of him. He'd torn Robert's books out in a fit of rage, he couldn't put them back together, couldn't make it perfect and it _had_ to be perfect.

"Aaron why don't you want your mum there?" Aaron hears Paddy's voice and turns, annoyed suddenly.

"Because she's making out like she cares when she doesn't. Not about Robert anyway." Aaron sighs hard and then looks at his mum. "You didn't care when I thought he might have been raped."

There's silence and Aaron thinks that if possible he could hear a pin drop in the living room.

"That's not true." Chas shakes her head, has tears prickled in her eyes a little. "I was only doing what's best for _you_ , trying to protect you from thinking the worst."

"I was being silly apparently, not facing the truth." Aaron shakes his head, remembers it all.

"Love I -"

Aaron sighs, runs a hand through his hair, "I can't have this discussion now, I've got to back to get him." He says, tosses the bin bag on the sofa. "Just leave it yeah."

Aaron comes towards his mum but then sighs as she blocks his exit.

"You blame us don't ya, for - for not supporting ya and telling ya to fight for Robert." Chas has panic in her voice and Paddy looks guilty.

Aaron's eyes flicker a little and he nods slowly.

"I'm sorry love." Chas says, pulls at Aaron's arm. "You know I spoke to him, we had a little heart to heart -"

"Yeah and yet you haven't even asked how he is." Aaron snaps. "He's so fragile and - you're supposed to care about him. He's your son-in-law, whether you like it or not." Aaron glares at Paddy. "Yours too." He fires. "I don't care what grudge you've still got against him, it stops _right here_."

Paddy nods slowly, doesn't speak.

Aaron grabs at his jacket and approaches the door. "He needs all the support he can get right now, if you can't offer that then - just stay away from the both of us." He goes to open the door.

"Of course we'll support him, won't we?" Chas turns towards Paddy and he nods eagerly.

"Course, he deserves it after... everything." Paddy says with a nervous smile.

Aaron nods, he deserves all the support in the world.

 

-

 

The village is just the same, Robert sees no difference as they pull up towards it and Aaron squeezes his hand.

"You alright?" It's Aaron's favourite question from now on and Robert's used to just nodding his head.

They're parked outside the Mill and not the Woolpack and Robert's grateful, can't think of even going back to the pub right now because it reminds him of everything Chas and Aaron fired at him in their anger. It still hurts, probably more than it should.

Aaron unbuckles his seatbelt and watches Robert do the same slowly. It's nearly half four and he knows that it's not late enough for people to come by and see if Robert's alright. The thought makes him want to lock the doors and turn off the lights, pretend it's just the two of them until Liv gets back from her netball match.

Robert's almost instantly overwhelmed by everything in the house, flashes of memories hit him and he fights through them, he smiles instead.

"Welcome home." Aaron whispers, slowly approaching Robert and placing a hand on the older man's chest.

Robert smiles faintly down at Aaron and then he looks towards the stairs, feels sick as he remembers racing down them half naked, trying to explain to Aaron what had happened when he didn't even know himself.

Aaron swallows hard, "I was thinking, I could uh cook us something nice."

Robert's eyes flutter, "You? We all know I'm the chef round here." He puffs his chest just a little and Aaron's flawed by how much he's missed his husband like this. It hits him so hard and then suddenly he's wrapping his arms around Robert.

"I love you." Aaron mumbles out against Robert. "You're safe now."

Robert feels a little panic he had die away at the words and he rubs at Aaron's back. "Safe." He whispers before he eyes the empty book shelf and frowns.

Everything in Aaron shatters. "I'm sorry." He panics, blurts out without warning. "I was angry, just wanted to -"

Robert nearly winces and then sighs as Aaron starts pulling through a bin bag, pulling out pages of books. "I can try to -"

"Aaron -"

"- put them back together for you, just try to - I don't know, see if -"

" _Aaron_." Robert shouts and then Aaron looks up at him, a little stunned. "Leave it." He says, shrugs. "It's just _stuff_."

Aaron pants a little and then slowly feels Robert's hands on his own, pulling down the bin bag and tossing it on the ground.

"I'm sorry. I wanted it to be -" Robert slowly shakes his head and then swallows down anything inside telling him to keep a distance between them as he gently pulls Aaron into a soft hug.

"It is perfect, you're here aren't ya?" Robert tries to joke, it's strangely easy and Aaron laughs a little, buries his head into Robert's chest and feels his heart skip a beat because it's like something the old Robert would have said, that cheesy romantic rubbish that never failed to make Aaron's knees grow weak.

 

-

 

Liv's face lights up when she comes home and sees Robert laid out on the sofa. She actually sits with them for longer than ten minutes before she's upstairs calling Gabby and arranging trips out.

Aaron has a hand on Robert's thigh as they sit there, watching some cooking show on the television and everything settles inside him. Robert's been great, hardly snappy or forgetful and he looks content.

"Fancy a cuppa?" Aaron says softly and Robert nods his head, frowns a little though as Aaron leaves him. "Back in a sec then."  
Aaron walks towards the kitchen, eyes still firm on the back of Robert's head until he's bending down and turning towards the fridge and -

"Robert?" Aaron says, a little shaky as he sees that Robert's eyes are now elsewhere, staring intensely at the picture of himself on his dad's shoulders.

Suddenly a wave of guilt rushes through Aaron and he knows what's coming as he approaches his husband.

"Robert?" Aaron tries again, feels sick as he sees the tears in Robert's eyes.

"I remember what you said. How much it hurt." Robert practically winces because they haven't spoke about it yet, about how Aaron shouted that Robert was just the disappointment his dad always thought he would be. Now though, he couldn't escape the influx of emotions which hit him like tidal waves over and over again. Suddenly he couldn't even look at Aaron.

"I didn't mean any of that, I was angry." Aaron says softly, reaches for Robert's hand and then stops himself. "Just angry Rob."

Robert knows he was, deep down he isn't even upset about it anymore because it's not true, he's stronger now, he's had to be stronger but there's something niggling in his mind which won't leave him be. It's like a dark cloud just settles over him and he's hating everything again.

"Go away Aaron." Robert says, feels himself getting worked up and he doesn't want to.

Aaron bites his lip, struggles to know what to do because Robert needs him, he can't just _leave_.

"No, no Robert - this isn't you, this is all the -"

"Don't tell me this isn't me talking, it is. It's _me_ and I'm saying go away from me." Robert shakes, thinks only negatively, can't push past it.

Aaron stands over him and feels tears in his eyes and he walks towards the photo on the wall. "I really didn't mean it." He tries again, "Please forgive me, please don't -"

Robert suddenly flies the remote across the room and it hits the wall as Aaron gasps.

Then Robert does too, can't believe his behaviour, it didn't even feel like he was in control of it.

"Didn't - _oh god_ I didn't - the - I didn't mean to do that with the - the -" Robert feels himself getting worse, he can't remember the word and now he's panicking, he can't remember something and they said it was normal but he doesn't like it one bit and now -

Aaron's there, kneeling down, cupping Robert's face. "Remote, yeah?" He says shakily as Robert keeps staring at him, his eyes, blue, blue, ocean, calm, _breathe_. "Safe. Safe here with me okay?" Aaron doesn't mean to cry but he does, he's just so terrified that this isn't enough for Robert, that he doesn't need an idiot telling him he's safe.

It works though, Aaron feels Robert relax around him and then Roberts pressing their foreheads together.

"Sorry," Robert whispers once he sees Aaron's crying, "I can't help -" he chokes on his words and suddenly throws his arms around Aaron as tight as they can go.

Aaron sobs against him, doesn't think he'll ever be over the fear which takes over him whenever he sees Robert on the verge of a panic attack. "I know babe, I know," he presses a kiss to Robert's head.

 

-

 

They both stand by the bed, Robert stares down at it and he feels everything try and hit him at once. He feels sick. He remembers what happened there.

"Rob?" Aaron's by the door, he's just wearing an old t-shirt and boxers and he looks nervous in the night sky's light.

Robert swallows hard and looks at him. He's still fully dressed, he can't bring himself to take anything off as he looks at the bed still.

"I wanted to burn it." Aaron blurts out as he looks at the bed, shuffled closer to Robert. "But then I thought about - about our wedding night." Robert instantly looks up at him and he has tears in his eyes. "And that anniversary last month, how happy we were and - I can't let that one night, that - _thing_ ruin all those memories."

Robert understands suddenly, knows he can lay there with his husband, it's all he's wanted for weeks.

Aaron walks round the bed and pulls back the duvet before climbing inside and looking at Robert who is still staring at his side of the bed. "See? It's fine." He says gently.

Robert looks down at himself and then slowly starts to take off his belt, tensing a little and then sighing hard as it falls and then his trousers do too.

Aaron smiles at him reassuringly and Robert slowly starts to remove his top with shaky hands.

He knows he looks awful, knows that he's lost weight so quickly that he has to take some vitamins to keep him healthy.

He's more than self conscious and suddenly he pulls arms over his stomach and crosses them over.

Aaron tuts, kneels on the body and comes towards Robert. "Don't hide from me." He says and then Robert does, he looks away and Aaron has to hold him by the chin. "Look at me." Aaron pleads and Robert shakes his head.

"I'm awful, I look -"

Aaron strokes Robert's cheeks, "You're _beautiful_." He says softly, starts combing through Robert's hair as the older man comes towards him on the bed until he's laying down a little next to Aaron.  
It's not as scary as Robert thought it would be.

Robert shakes his head. "I'm damaged." He admits.

Aaron looks at him and frowns. "You're my amazing, _beautiful_ husband." He says, tears fill his eyes and Robert looks completely shocked. "You're not damaged at all."

Robert nods slowly and tries to believe it.

Aaron wipes at his eyes and then leans a little closer to Robert. "Guess what? I still fancy ya. Always will, you're still my smart, sexy little -"

Robert frowns, feels like he can't hear all that. "Aaron -"

Aaron shakes his head, "Sorry." He says, pulls himself away from Robert and lays flat beside him. "This is what happens when I speak too much."

Robert feels guilty. "No it was nice, thank you." He says gently, looks towards the ceiling.

Aaron looks across at him and doesn't know whether it's okay to touch him or not.

"Rob? If ya want I can sleep on the sofa." Aaron whispers softly, feels this sudden distance between them and it aches him.

Robert turns towards Aaron in shock, "Why could you do that?" He says, a little panicked.

Aaron looks at the space between them without meaning to and then shrugs. "Ya might need some space or this might be a little too -"

Robert slowly edges closer towards Aaron until he's pressed up against him completely and has his head in the crook of Aaron's neck. "Been alone for too long, don't need space."

Aaron feels like crying as he feels Robert kiss at his neck and then softly stroke his arm.

They'll get through this he thinks, Robert's nearly home. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter and found it believable. I really wanted to touch upon the whole disappointment line because I didn't want it to be forgotten so yeah sorry for all that angst added. 
> 
> Also if you don't know or you haven't looked yet then I should say that there's only five more chapters of this fic! There's lots more to come and I hope everyone appreciates the ending, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone who leaves a comment, leaves kudos for this and just makes me feel like this is appreciated and liked. Thank you all <33


	36. Adjusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG 'OL EMOTIONAL ONE RIGHT HERE!

 

Nicola's in the kitchen when Robert wakes up, he hears her talking to Liv and looks across to see Aaron pulling on a pair of jeans.

"What's she want?" Robert mumbles out slowly before rubbing his eyes.

Aaron shrugs, "Probably just wants to check and see if her best partner is okay." He says and in his haste he comes onto the bed and plants a kiss on Robert's mouth without even thinking. It's what they used to do, hurried little kisses as they got ready for the day.

Robert looks a little stunned but then he flushes bright red, he remembers that all, wants it back so badly now.

"That wasn't too much was it?" Aaron tries nervously as he's quick to pull away.

Robert feels like a teenager with a crush. "Nah it was nice," he says before looking down at the sheets.

Aaron nods awkwardly and then goes to the door. "Better entertain her until you're ready to come down yeah?" He says before leaving.

Robert heaves out a sigh and then walks towards the bathroom, for a second he forgets that's he's lost weight and he's shocked at his appearance in the mirror. You can see his ribs poking a little and he looks pale still despite the slight blush on his cheeks.

Robert ruffles his hair and rubs at his eyes again before splashing water on his face and reaching for the tablets on the side, they're mineral and vitamin ones which he has to take considering he was malnourished when they got him out.

Robert goes back into the room and pulls on his top and a pair of jeans before heading down the stairs slowly, slight pain ripping through him as he goes.

Nicola's faces falls a little as he comes into her vision and Robert almost feels like apologising for his appearance as she looks at him a little stunned.

"Good to see you're still kicking." Nicola says, sips the coffee Aaron's made for her.

Robert nods at her and then searches for Liv. "Where's -"

"Gone already." Aaron says before passing over Robert a coffee and watching his husband sit on a chair opposite Nicola.

"So is this a social visit or -" Robert says, a little confused.

Nicola pulls a face. "Just thought you'd want to know that I had to speak to the police about Calum. They've told me he's been charged and that they'll be round here soon."

Aaron frowns. "What did ya say about him?"

Nicola scoffs. "That I'm sure he poisoned me to keep himself near the pair of you."

"He did." Robert admits. "He told me himself."

The air is suddenly thick and Nicola looks horrified. "Robert, I'm really sorry about what's happened to ya, but he won't get away with any of this. He won't."

Robert smiles at her, "Yeah, I know." He says quietly before looking up at Aaron almost for reassurance that he's still there.

 

-

 

It's almost like a waiting game until the police show up, nodding their heads and smiling and sitting opposite Aaron and Robert.

"Good to be home?" One of them says and Robert smiles faintly.

"What's happened then?" Robert urges after the pleasantries are out of the way.

The officer with glasses on pulls a face. "We'd like you to come down to the station with us." He says before looking at Aaron. "And we'd like to speak to you too at some point Mr Dingle."

Aaron nods his head quickly. "Course yeah." He says before looking at Robert and seeing his face pale.

"Do I have to go through everything?" Robert says, swallows hard.

"The more detail, the harder it is for Mr Radels to try and worm his way out of it."

"I thought he confessed to everything?" Robert says, panicking slightly.

The officer shakes his head. "He did, now though he's adamant you came willingly and that the fire was your idea."

Aaron feels sick and starts to ball his fists, "That sick little -"

Robert stands quickly. "Come on then, let's get this over with."

The officers walk towards the door and Aaron grabs at Robert's hand. "You want me -"

"I think I need to do this on my own." Robert says before kissing at Aaron's cheek slowly. "I'll ring you if I need you okay?"

Aaron nods, bites back all the nervous things he wants to get out and then watches Robert slide into the police car and drive away.

 

-

 

"We're just going to ask you some questions. We'd like you to be as honest as possible." The officer looks straight at Robert and smiles a little.

Robert nods, shakes his leg against the chair and blows out a breath.

"Right, so when did you first meet Calum Radels?"

Robert clears his throat, thinks back. "When he applied for the job, he came by the scrapyard."

"And what did you first think of him?" The woman next to the officer says, she has a kind look about her.

Robert shrugs, "He seemed so well together for such a young lad. I admired that about him." He says slowly, looks away from her. "How wrong was I." He pushes out bitterly.

"So you hired him, things were ... fine? You didn't pick up on anything?" The officer squints a little like he can't believe it.

Robert sighs. "No. He was just a normal lad, I thought we were mates." He looks up. "I mean looking back now I see that he - he was a bit -"

"How so?" The woman asks, pulling a hand through her brown locks.

Robert swallows, "He used to wear these ties, they looked like mine but I didn't say anything. They probably _were_ thinking about it now. I found them all at the house." He shakes his leg nervously. "He was always watching too."

"Watching?" The officer asks with a frown.

Robert shifts uncomfortably. "He caught me and my husband -" he sees that they need him to be detailed. "We were naked, and he - came through the door, anyone else would have jus instinctively turn around but he was just watching us until I told him to go." He feels himself shake a little at the memory.

"Did anything else occur before that night?" The officer asks, tilts his head a little.

Robert nods slowly. "My husband told me that - that his car was tampered with. His sister nearly died and - the brakes were broken, he told the police it was Calum but he had an alibi."

The officers look at each other. "We'll look into that." He says before pausing. "Is there anything else -"

Robert squirms, remembers what he saw in the scrapyard. "There was a - a journal. I found it and I knew then that he was obsessed with me. He wrote out my name over and over again." He says, shaken.

"Did you confront him about this?"

Robert nods. "He tried saying it was a stupid crush and that he didn't feel that way anymore but - but I still told him to go. I didn't want him working for me anymore, Nicola was coming back and - I didn't want him there."

"I'm guessing that didn't go very well with Calum. Could you tell me what happened towards the lead up to your kidnapping?"

It makes Robert feel sick, knowing he was _kidnapped_.

Robert struggles, closes his eyes hard and then opens them again. "Calum told Aaron things, about his - his self harming, he tried to break us up and it worked. Aaron didn't want to be with me anymore." Just saying that makes Robert feel sick again. He remembers how distraught he had been, how alone and unloved he felt.

"So you and your husband were - were not on good terms?" The woman asks.

"No. I tried to speak with him but - but he wasn't having any of it. That's when I went out, got a taxi into town and -"

"Do you remember what the taxi firm was called?" The officer asks him quickly.

Robert frowns hard, hates how he doesn't remember actually. "Uh - no but Pete Barton was driving me, he lives in the village. He's a mate." He faintly misses him, feels like he should venture out and say hello.

The officer nods and he knows he can go on. "I went into some bar, he followed me there and - and he wanted to talk to me but I wanted him to leave. He wouldn't." He sighs. "Then I felt sick so I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was still there, he was offering me some lemonade and I drank it."

"Then how did you feel?" The woman says.

Robert feels almost like a blur hits him. "Couldn't walk straight. I thought I was drunk but now I know he spiked it. He told me himself."

The officer nods, "When?" He says, frowning.

"When I was at the house. When I couldn't run anywhere, tell anyone." Robert swallows.

"What's the next thing you remember happening to you Robert?"

Robert steadies his breath. "Calum was on top of me. He was kissing me."

"Were you clothed at this point Robert?"

"I just had my boxers on." Robert twitches at his own words and then pauses. "Calum told me that I wasn't up for it." Again he cringes, sees that they need more than that. "I wasn't - wasn't _aroused_. I wasn't willing and he told me he was trying to get me turned on but -" he can't even believe he's saying this. "Aaron came in." He pushes out.

"And - you raced after him, stayed, what happened?" The officer flashes a small smile, tries to be encouraging.

"I told him I didn't remember anything but he didn't believe me. We had it out in the pub, he told me to go and not come back. The last thing I remember was walking down the road, tripping on something and then Calum holding me up."

The officer nods, decides to change it up a little. "Why do you think Calum did this?"

Robert knows why, "He's obsessed. He - he thought Aaron was no good, that he'd hurt me." He closes his eyes and feels himself tremble. "At least that's what he told me."

"Calum's told us about your plans to go to America, have a -"

"Fresh start?" Robert scoffs, "Yeah. He told me if I didn't go that - he'd make sure my family would pay." He says angrily.

"He's told us it was _your_ idea." The officer says, arches an eyebrow. "That you -"

"I was drugged up, didn't even know what day it was. I couldn't think of anything other than getting back to my family." Robert blurts out, can't keep hearing about what lies Calum told.

The officer suddenly looks towards the door and sees someone bringing in a small bag.

"For the sake of the tape, I'm showing Robert Sugden, item E91." He pulls out fragments of paper. "I don't know if you're aware but the fire fortunately didn't spread to the other rooms very badly. The room you were kept in was terribly damaged as well as the bathroom next to it, however -"

"The room. The room with everything in it. Did you find - find the articles and pictures?" Robert's almost stunned and then suddenly hope pours through him.

"Here Robert, are these what you were talking about?" Robert swallows and then nods his head, there's pictures there, of him, of Aaron, and articles about his shooting.

"Yes. Tell me you've charged him?" Robert stresses.

"We have, but we need to take into account his claims about you coming willingly, about you starting the fire."

Robert feels anger build up inside. "Why would I want to start a fire? He's lying." He says. "My _husband_ was there."

"He came to rescue you?" The woman tilts her head. "Tell us about that."

Robert almost smiles, knows he won't ever be able to put into words how he felt as he saw his husband again. "He fought with Calum, tried to - to help but then Calum pulled out a gun." He shakes. "I thought he was going to kill Aaron, I was _so_ scared, I begged him not to."

"Then what happened?"

"He left, I - was weak, felt sick and Aaron -" Robert thinks back to it all, God Aaron loved him so much. "He tried to keep me awake. Then Calum came back, started to throw lighter fluid around and he had a lighter with him. He just let it go and then he ran."

Robert shakes again, bites down nervously on his nails. "It was everywhere, Aaron got us out." He whispers. "He saved us."

"We - we've discovered a lighter Robert." The woman says reassuringly. "Amongst the wreckage."

Robert blows out a breath. "So you believe me?" He says, all hopeful. "Please?"

The officer offers him a smile, doesn't say anything until he turns the tap off. "Don't worry Robert, we'll get you justice." He says softly.

Robert nods, feels like he can breath without struggle.

 

-

 

The police car stops right outside the Mill and Robert climbs out, has this fight in him suddenly because he needs to be strong if Calum's going to be sent down for all of this.

"Alright?" Robert turns and sees Pete standing there, hand waving, smile on his face which is fading by the second as he looks at how Robert appears.

Robert ducks his head, approaches Pete. "Been better." He says sarcastically. "I'm just tryna be okay for Aaron."

He hates how much he's scaring Aaron, he hates that the most of all. Last night he had been up for hours, tossing and turning and kicking out and Aaron hadn't slept. Not properly anyway but he didn't complain, not even one long sigh escaped him throughout the whole night.

"He was great ya know, tryna find ya and that." Pete says awkwardly.

"I can believe that." Robert says, then can't because it still took him two weeks. He shuts that off in his mind, stores it away quickly and looks towards his home.

"How about I get ya a pint?" Pete says, "I mean - you don't have to but -"

Robert cringes. "I shouldn't really be drinking on my medication." He says, it's a good excuse, better than saying he can't face the pub just yet.

"Right, okay." Pete says. "Just uh - take it easy then yeah?" He has this pity look in his eyes and Robert resents it.

"Actually, why not? One won't hurt." Robert says before turning and unlocking the door. "Let me tell Aaron, I'll catch ya up."

Pete nods as Robert enters and finds Aaron by the sofa, sniffling as if he's been -

"Aaron?" Robert says softly and Aaron suddenly jumps up, wipes at his eyes, can't look at Robert so starts to organise the coffee table instead.

"You alright mate? How was the police -"

"Having a pint with Pete, if you want to come." Robert railroads over all the concern and questioning, causing Aaron to frown before turning.

"You're going to the pub?" Aaron's words trip out without thought.

Robert staggers a little, sees clearly that Aaron _had_ been crying and he hates himself.

"Yeah, just for one." Robert pushes out. "I just want to be normal again." He almost pleads, looks at Aaron.

Aaron nods slowly, his heart tightens because he knows what to expect, "Let's go then." He says anyway.

 

-

 

The pub is looming, large and Robert swallows down his nerves as quickly as he can. Aaron's beside him, squeezing down on his hand and then looking across at Robert. "You want to go back?" Aaron says, he does. He wants to go home and cry like he was doing for, he feels pathetic, feels embarrassed that Robert caught him having a moment to himself, thinking about everything and breaking down.

Robert keeps staring at the steps leading up to the pub, feels everything inside him strengthen.

"No. It's just the pub." Robert says, suddenly charges towards the door, swings it open and falls straight into Ross who's trying to leave.

"Oi watch out!" Ross shouts, pushes Robert off him and then feels Aaron pushing him against the wall.

"Ya wanna do that again ya prick." Aaron hisses, doesn't care if he's overreacting.

Ross' eyes are wide and then he realises _who_ he pushed, "Oh. Look - uh sorry - I -" he tries but Robert suddenly pulls Aaron away.

"It's fine." Robert says, shaking off the terror which raced through him when he felt Ross hold him firmly. Ross nods, darts through the doors and Aaron tries to calm himself down.

Robert looks at Aaron, shakes his head and sighs, "I could do without a bodyguard." He snaps, looks towards the door and pulls through it quickly, revealing the busy pub.

It takes seconds for Robert's mind to be attacked by memories of it all. That night and the things said, it's all on repeat.

"Blimey." Charity remarks from the bar as soon as she sees Robert, he keeps forgetting that he's lost a considerable amount of weight, that he probably looks rough. "Glad to see you back." She says, looks honest as she smiles at him.

Robert smiles back, feels Aaron near him and he hates himself for how snappy he was before. It's awful, this constant to and throw he finds himself apart of.

"Lads, already got ya both a pint." Pete says, waves a hand over to Aaron and Robert from a booth in the corner of the room.

Robert plasters on a smile, ignores Calum's face in his mind as he walks over to his mate, has Aaron beside him still.

_'He won't leave you so stop trying to make him.'_

Robert looks back at Aaron, has this apologetic look on his face as he does so and then he pulls Aaron's hands towards the booth, guides them there.

 

-

 

Aaron just watches on, has a hand next to Robert which can't rest on his husband's thigh as he hears his husband talking to Pete, trying to keep the conversation as light as possible.

"Need to get back." Pete says, stands. "Good seeing ya boys." He adds before smiling at Aaron and leaving.

Robert swallows, looks down at his pint which he's hardly touched because it's almost too much to drink. He's not used to it. Then he's looking at Aaron, he's sitting next to him still, hasn't gone anywhere.

"Hey." Robert whispers until Aaron looks up at him. "Sorry." He adds, it's about before, he knows Aaron was only looking out for him. "Love you."

Aaron softens, has a hand stretched out over Robert's thigh and then he's leaning towards him. "Love you."

Victoria comes through the door with Liv and her face instantly brightens as Robert looks up at them.

He's missed Victoria, feels like he's still missing her.

"Saw this once heading to yours, thought I'd feed her." Victoria says before sliding into the booth and staring at her brother. "How are ya, honestly." She asks as Liv moves towards the bar and orders herself something.

Robert sighs gently and looks at Aaron for support. "Getting there." He admits, "Slowly." He adds, sees the way Victoria's looking at the both.

"I'm proud of you, for trying." Victoria says softly, "Not keeping it all in."

Robert nods, wishes it was all true.

"How's the baby?" Robert asks, remembers seeing the picture, it made everything better for a while.

Victoria has a warm smile on her face and then pulls out a little scan card, it's the one Robert saw before and it makes him melt. "There she is."

"She?" Aaron blurts out, eyes wide. "Isn't it too early to know -"

Victoria rolls her eyes, "Yeah well, let's just call it a mother's intuition."

Robert glows at her, feels warmth flow through him. "Mum would be proud." He says without even thinking.

Victoria looks touched, like she's going to cry and Aaron looks up at Robert, sees something in his eyes, knows that he's thinking about the fire, the fire and his mum and -

Aaron feels his heart ache as he watches Robert's face fall, all the happiness drained almost immediately. He clings onto his husband's hand and squeezes, watches Robert try and shake away the feeling, the connection his messy mind has mind.

 _Tries_.

 

-

 

Marlon's there suddenly, coming towards the table with plates.

"Liv said she wanted a burger so I thought I'd do you some as well, ya know on the house." Marlon says awkwardly as Liv looks back and smiles at them, she's talking on the phone, sitting at the bar with a chip in her mouth.

Aaron arches an eyebrow. "Thanks. Why on the -"

Marlon shrugs like a mad man and then sets the plates down one by one.

Something inside Robert feels this need to tense, it's like he knows what's happening before the bowl is even set down in front of him -

"Soup of the day." Marlon says with a smile and then suddenly Robert's holding his breath.

Aaron senses it immediately, feels Robert shaking a little.

It must be a trigger - _must_ be a trigger or something because -

"Is this some joke?" Robert stammers out, feels everything shaking around him as he stares at Marlon.

"It's just onion soup I -"

"Are ya mad?" Robert suddenly stands, feels like he's going to be sick as he remembers Calum close to him, Calum feeding him, the smell, it's - it's the _same_ smell. He can't escape, he won't be able to. Not now. Not ever.

Aaron stands too, feels himself getting panicked as Robert continues shouting.

"Rob, calm done." Aaron says, hating that by now the whole pub is silent, watching his husband intensely.

Robert shakes his head, trembles as he sees Paddy walk through the door. "Bet you think this is funny." He says, tries to move himself out of the booth.

Aaron frowns harshly, "No, he doesn't, c'mon Robert, let's go home yeah?"

"Yeah Rob, calm down for us." Victoria says, she looks so scared and Robert hates it.

"Robert?" Robert hears Liv's voice, grips tightly onto Aaron's jumper and then looks at her.

"It's all fine, nothing's wrong." Liv smiles, shrugs her shoulders a little and looks around the bar, everyone is looking away, trying to avert their attention and Robert gulps.

Aaron's got tears in his eyes and holds Robert's head against his own. "Safe?"

"Safe." Robert whispers, "Can we go home?" He asks softly and then Aaron's nodding his head and shuffling them out of the booth.

"Marlon -" Robert stammers, "I'm sorry -"

Marlon looks all concerned and shakes his head, "Don't be daft," he says, watching Robert walk ahead and then looking at Aaron, "Look after him yeah."

Aaron nods slowly and then hears Victoria calling him, "I'll take Liv back to ours." She says, looks at Liv. "Fancy a girls night?"  
Liv's good at pretending that she's not scared, nods her head as she watches her brother guide Robert towards the door.

Paddy goes to speak but then stops himself, as if he knows there's no point.

 

-

 

The door slams shut, manages to rattle Robert's bones a little as he sits on the sofa and looks at his hands, they've stopped shaking.

"Should I run you a bath?" Aaron tries, doesn't hear a reply and wavers until he's in front of Robert, kneeling gently. "Robert, ya can't shut me out."

Robert keeps seeing Calum's face, how close it was to his own, he can smell it, he remembers how quickly he ate it, how it made him feel sick.

"Robert," Aaron tries, holds up Robert's chin gently. "Baby." He says, it makes Robert look at him and his eyes flicker.

"The soup," Robert forces out. "It was the same. Onion soup." He says, can't make himself look at Aaron.

"The same as what?" Robert hears Aaron say, winces.

"The same as - as what he gave me. Everything just came flooding back." Aaron has tears in his eyes, he pulls his hands out towards Robert and kisses his husband's ring.

"I'm sorry," Robert blurts out. "I didn't mean to -"

"Don't you _dare_ say sorry." Aaron pushes out, wipes his tears away.

"I keep making you cry though, don't try to deny it, you were crying before - when I walked in." Robert hates himself, feels tears in his eyes.

Aaron sniffs, "I just - I was just having a moment, thinking about everything, it's not your fault." He says quickly.

Robert nods, "I don't want you upset 'cause of me." He cries, ducks his forehead towards Aaron's. "I want to make ya happy."

Aaron throws his arms around the back of Robert's neck, "You _do_." He says, all passion in his voice.

Robert looks at Aaron and then down to his lips. They're so close, nearly touching and then suddenly Robert lets a hand fall onto Aaron's chest, it's not much but nearly an invitation.

Aaron slowly starts to rub at Robert's neck and then he hears Robert moan. He doesn't know what to do and then Robert's kissing him, hard, passionate, pulling at him until they both can't breathe properly.

Aaron feels Robert tugging at his belt, trying to push him down on the sofa and he pushes away.

"Rob -" Aaron pants out as he looks up at Robert and sees beyond the smirk he's trying to show. "I think you should have a bath."

Robert feels the sting of rejection hit him, wonders if Aaron felt the same all those years ago, on that bench.

Robert pulls a hand through his hair, tells himself he needs to _be_ himself again, this is a good way to start. "I want you." He presses against Aaron, tries to rock against his body as he kisses at his husband's neck.

There's a flash of a memory, Calum, Calum rocking against -

He pushes it away, pushes further towards _Aaron_ until he's being pulled away.

Aaron's standing, pulling down his jumper. "Too soon Rob, this is -"

Robert frowns. "What I need." He says, shakily pulling off his top and undoing his belt. "Don't tell me I don't know or that I'm not ready."

Aaron swallows, "Robert, I'm just -"

Robert waves out a hand. "I'm stronger than you think!" He shouts, "I've had to be."

There's heaviness in the room suddenly and Aaron doesn't know what to say. Instead he just walks over to Robert, tugs him by the waist and presses his mouth towards Robert's.

Robert feels like he's falling apart yet coming together at the same time, Aaron's being too careful with him though, he can _feel_ it.

"Rough, _rough_ Aaron I won't break if -" Robert's words are lost as he feels Aaron pull him down onto the sofa, looming above him, planting kisses to his neck, his chest, lower and lower and -

Calum. Of course he's making an appearance.

Aaron's tugging at Robert's jeans, wondering if this is a good idea, just wants to make Robert feel good and then -

" _No_." Robert suddenly cries like he's in pain as he pushes Aaron's body away from him. Aaron's away instantly, he's standing, looking at his husband.

"Calum, Calum I saw - he was -" Robert blurts out, sobs as he lays there, half naked, vulnerable.

Aaron cries too, shudders at the mess of a man left after Calum got his hands on him.

He's _destroyed_ him.

Aaron approaches Robert, brings him a blanket and covers him up quickly. Robert's head is bent, he's balled up, knees hugging his chest and he welcomes the protection of the blanket.

"I'm sorry, God I never should have -" Aaron shakes, feels sick as he kneels beside Robert and combs through the older man's hair.

Robert shakes his head. "I wanted to." He cries, looks at Aaron. "I want you _so_ much. But I'm -"

"You're not ready yet, it's okay." Aaron whispers, still stroking Robert's hair. "It's fine."

Robert wants to scream, "It's not though." His voice breaks. "This is just - just _sex_ and I can't even do that. This is me, this is what I'm - I'm good at!"

Aaron practically winces at his husband's completely distraught tone. "Babe," he tries to hold Robert's hand and relaxes when he isn't rejected. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Why not?" Robert blurts out. "You could do this. You could let me touch you, pin you down and - you were _actually_ -" Robert sees Aaron wince and he feels awful. "God I'm sorry." He panics.

Aaron shakes his head, kisses Robert's knuckles. "It took me - time." He whispers, remembers those nights, one item of clothing stripped at a time over a period of days. "It didn't just _happen_. You didn't let it, you knew I wasn't really ready."

Robert nods, looks down at himself and feels vulnerable so he opens up the blanket, tilts his head for Aaron to come inside and join him. Aaron's hesitant, and then he's not, he's coming in, hugging at Robert's waist.

"What if I'm not ever ready?" Robert hates the thought.

Aaron swallows. "That won't happen but - _if_ it did, you really think I'll be going anywhere eh?" He says, looks up at Robert and then sees the doubt in his face.

It hurts.

Robert can't help but think about how _active_ they were before, how they were always all over each other, handsy, touchy-feely. They had a _great_ sex life. It made up so much of their relationship.

Robert feels himself crying again and Aaron wipes his tears. "I hate being like this, he's taken everything from me Aaron, _everything_. I'm nothing now."

Aaron suddenly holds Robert's face. "Don't you _dare_ think like that." He shakes Robert. "You've got me, you've got our family, you're not _nothing_." He's all passionate again and Robert nods slowly against him.

"I hate ya seeing me like this." Robert wants to hide away, deal with this on his own.

Aaron strokes Robert's cheek. "How about you let me look after _you_ for a change eh?" He says, watches Robert try to smile. "Let me look after you." He whispers, soft and slow into Robert's ear.

Robert sees Aaron, sees how strong he's being despite those moments where he breaks down too, he's never loved him more, not ever. He'll give himself to Aaron, he'll stop being strong, stop tirelessly trying to be brave and for once in his life he'll be vulnerable, without fear.

Robert squeezes Aaron's hand, lets a tear fall down his face and breathes out.

 "Okay."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I always say it and it's probably really annoying to you all by now but I hope this is coming across as believable in terms of Robert's feelings and Aaron's supportive and that you are liking where this is going. Not long now until it's all over ;(


	37. Helping hands

 

Robert wakes without a start, his eyes just naturally flicker open and he finds himself laid out still on the sofa, Aaron tucked under his arm. They hadn't moved last night. The thought makes him smile as he gently starts touching Aaron's face, delicate hands dance around Aaron's cheek before drawing circles into his skin. It's calm, it's peaceful like this and then Robert's reminded of the night before.

He hates himself for it almost instantly, he didn't mean to react that way to the soup, he didn't mean to cry out as his own husband touched him. He thought he'd be able to get past it, for Aaron's sake, in spite of Calum, he thought it would have been easy to be pinned down by Aaron, feel himself lose all sense of control, but it had been worse than he imagined and that killed him.

Aaron begins stirring next to Robert and then he opens his eyes, realising that he was laying in Robert's the whole night, he smiles.

"Morning," Aaron says, voice croaky as he sits up on the sofa and turns to Robert. "You weren't kicking that much last night." He says, hope in his voice.

Robert smiles faintly, has arms stretched out for Aaron to hold, bring himself closer. "Nah, 'cause I believed you weren't going anywhere, didn't need to keep checking." He feels vulnerable as he says it but still does.

Aaron looks touched. "Is it - is it hard to believe that?" He says, it pains him a little because Robert should know beyond any doubt that his husband isn't going anywhere.

Robert almost looks embarrassed, "Yeah, I mean - the things _he_ said, it messed me up a little." He admits and Aaron wants to cry, knows deep down how insecure Robert was already.

Aaron rubs at Robert's arm, "What did the police say yesterday? You never did tell me."

Robert sighs. "Calum's saying the whole going to America thing was all me, so was the fire apparently." He almost loses it at the word 'fire' and Aaron knows why.

"I think we should talk about that, the fire." Aaron says slowly. "I think it might help."

Robert cringes, it won't help, it'll make him go back to a place which he's frightened of.

"Why?" Robert says, "Why would it help?" He asks, feels himself getting worked up.

Aaron shrugs. "Fire's a big thing for you." He says, tilts his head. "We both know why."

Robert shakes his head and then looks towards the covers. "I don't know what you want me to say." He shrugs his shoulders. "What happened - yeah it was, it was _bad_ but -" he closes his eyes. "I just need to get over it."

"I don't think it's that simple Rob." Aaron pinches his nose and sighs. "You can't just get over nearly dying." There's something in his voice, it breaks a little and then Robert stares at him in surprise.

He hates himself for not seeing it before, not seeing the way Aaron himself cringes as they speak about what happened. He nearly died _too_.

"Sorry," Robert says before his eyes flicker and he looks away. "Is that what you were crying about yesterday? When I walked in?"

Aaron looks almost caught off guard and he looks away. "This isn't about me. Stop changing the subject." He snaps.

Robert frowns, knows it's the truth even more now. "No," he says adamantly before he tries to make Aaron look at him. "If we're being honest and open then - then you need to be too. You were crying because - because you nearly died and - and it's only just sunk in."

Aaron stays silent, head down towards the sofa. Robert swallows, knows that he can't let both of them bottle their emotions up like this.

"Aaron, it's okay to be crying over that. I get -"

"I was _crying_ because every time I close my eyes I see you telling me to go, to _leave_ ya there 'cause in some fucked up way you were convinced that you deserved to be burnt alive!" Aaron shouts, stands from the sofa and hides his face from Robert, he can't cry in front of him.

Robert steadies his breathing, feels sick for being the reason behind Aaron's tears.

Aaron blows out a shallow breath, turns a little and feels embarrassed for his outburst, feels guilty for making look like he's seen a ghost.

"Sorry." Aaron admits, hates how that's pretty much all they saw to each other now.

Robert doesn't say anything, just keeps thinking of what he had said, of how much he meant it then.

"You just - you wanted me to leave ya and - and I get that. It's what I said to ya in that fucking car but -" Robert turns cold at the memory of Aaron's words.

_'I love you - I love you okay, please just go.'_

"But you said you _deserved_ it. I can't -" Aaron has a hand over his mouth and he turns away again.

"I wasn't thinking straight." Robert whispers, "I just needed you to be safe, I just knew that you didn't deserve _any_ of this after all those fucking times you warned me and I made you feel crazy."

Aaron shakes his head, can't turn around completely yet. "Doesn't mean you deserve to - _that_." He says shakily. "You didn't deserve that Rob." He forces out.

Robert nods slowly. "I'm trying to believe that, I mean it."

Aaron frowns, wipes at his eyes and then kneels by Robert. "You - you don't wish you had -"

Robert looks horrified. " _No_." He shakes his head hard. "No, of course I want to live, I don't want to die Aaron, fuck don't think that." He says, holding out his hand and letting Aaron hold it.

Aaron nods, feels tears swell in his eyes and threaten to fall. "Good." He says before trying to hide his face. Robert tries to stop him but Aaron tries harder. "Don't want you to see me upset, I'm meant to be looking after ya."

Robert smiles faintly and pulls Aaron's head up. "How about we look after each other yeah?" He says in this soft voice which makes Aaron melt suddenly. It's like the old Robert. His husband.

Aaron nods, pulls himself towards Robert and then holds at his husband's face.

"Don't hide from me." Robert whispers, swallows hard.

Aaron squints playfully. "Same goes for you."

Robert nods guiltily, "Deal." He whispers.

"Deal." Aaron echoes Robert's words softly.

 

-

 

"You two alright?" Liv whispers, she's back from Victoria's, eating her breakfast whilst Robert sits on the sofa.

Aaron nods, has his hands on the counter. "Yeah." He says before looking at her. "Still a little ... distant but - but here's getting there."

Liv looks relieved, "Maybe we can do something tonight, film and a pizza. Make it normal for him."

Aaron smiles, "Good idea." He says affectionately before he hears his phone.

"Hello?" Aaron says, knows instantly who it could be.

"Hello Mr Dingle, if it's convenient we'd like to interview you at the station in regards to your husband's case."

Aaron looks over at Robert, he looks almost settled, no signs of a panic attack on the horizon. It settles Aaron.

"Uh yeah that's - now?" Aaron confirms, hears an answer and nods. "Yeah I'm on my way." He says before hanging up.

Aaron walks towards the sofa, smiles as he sees that Robert's watching _Grand Designs_ and looks completely enamoured.

"Robert?" Aaron says, receives no reply. "Rob?" Nothing, Aaron sighs, crosses his arms. "Babe?" He tries and then Robert's turning around, smirking just enough for Aaron to mirror him.

"I'm fine, before you ask." Robert says, as if he knows what's coming around.

Aaron nods his head and then twitches a little. "It's not that - uh the - they want me to come in, talk about it all, my side of things I guess."

Robert looks sad almost instantly and Aaron hates how easily their little bubble can be popped at the mention of What Happened. They don't even need to say his name anymore, that's what hurts the most.

"Oh." Robert ducks his head a little. "Now?" He asks.

Aaron nods. "Yeah." He turns to Liv. "I'll drop Liv off and then go straight from there." He bites his lip nervously.

Robert rolls his eyes, knows why he's nervous. "I'll be fine." He says, heart racing a little at the thought of being alone. It's a challenge though, an obstacle he has to overcome he supposes.

Aaron's face stays the same, his words offer no comfort.

"Will you?" Aaron bites down harder on his lip. "I mean what -"

"I'll go round Vic's if - if I don't feel great." Robert lies. Aaron shoots his head up.

"Yeah?" Aaron says, voice a little light.

"Yes." Robert confirms and it's enough to make Aaron call Liv to get her shoes on.

Aaron turns, pulls his own on and then grabs at his jacket. "I promise I won't be long." He says as he ducks down and kisses Robert on the cheek.

Robert nods before looking at Liv. "See you later trouble." He winks and then feels her hug him close. She does that now, the whole hugging whenever she leaves. Robert doesn't complain, clings a little tighter.

"Call me if you need _anything_." Aaron orders with a point of the finger and Robert smiles as he watches them both leave, the sound of the door slamming makes him jump a little bit he tries to ignore that.

 

-

 

 _Grand Designs_ finishes and Robert expects there to be anyone straight after but there isn't, the news is on and Robert tries to fake interest until it becomes too difficult and he turns the television off.

The place is silent, his home is completely mute and he doesn't know what to do with himself. His mind travels to a dark place almost instantly and he feels himself try and work through, try and distract himself.

"Get your act together Sugden." Robert tells himself, feels like an idiot as he stands up and looks towards the shelf.

There's his wedding album there, it's tucked away a little but Robert manages to pull it out and hold it in his hands, smooth hands feel at the surface and he smiles at the memory of when it first came, when they sat for hours looking at it together. Just Aaron and him. It was beautiful.

Robert walks towards the sofa again and he sits there, delicate fingers going through the pages, everything inside him almost immediately settles.

Then it changes, he feels something, someone outside and he jumps up. He suddenly jumps up, feels himself shake as he sees Calum's face by the door, watching him.

Robert shakes his head, "Not real. Not real." He tells himself, knows it's his sick mind, he can't help it.

Robert shudders to himself, hears more sounds coming from outside and then darts up the stairs as quickly as possible. His heart jumps, thuds hard in his chest as he manages to race into the bathroom and without a second thought he locks it behind him, slides the bolt across with unsteady hands.

Robert looks towards the sink, turns the tap on and splashes cold water in his face, over and over again until it's hard to breath and his spluttering like mad.

"Calm down," Robert shakes, before suddenly he's looking in the mirror and seeing Calum's face staring back at him. He's smiling, _smiling_.

"Leave me alone!" Robert screams, has a hand twisting around the door handle suddenly, he keeps pushing, thinking its jammed but it isn't, he locked it and -

Robert suddenly gasps, sees that he's broken the lock, it's falling to the ground and he's trapped. He's trapped just like before.

 

-

 

"So Aaron, what did you think about Calum when you first met him?" That question's an easy one, makes Aaron blow out a harsh breath and then shake his head.

"Didn't like him." Aaron bites, remembers their very first meeting, remembers how he felt Calum's eyes drag over his body.  
The officer keeps asking questions, more and more and Aaron can't keep up until he hears -

"Now he isn't willing to cooperate any longer."

Aaron raises his head, "Why's that then?" He frowns. "Look he should be having to give his plea any day now, why are you -"

The officer clears his throat. "We've been informed that Mr Radels will uh - will plead not guilty to all charges." He says, eyes flickering.

Aaron feels sick, feels like he can't breathe properly. Robert couldn't do that, he couldn't face him standing up in court and _lying_. He couldn't face a _trial_ , a jury full of people making up their minds, seeing if Calum is guilty or not.

"No." Aaron gulps hard. "No he can't - he's confessed? He can't go back on -"

The officer sighs. "I'm afraid he can, we can't force him to enter a guilty plea, his team can advise him but the choice is up to him."

Aaron feels tears in his eyes, knows this is the ultimate revenge isn't it? Everyone hearing all the details of their marriage, everyone judging them, making up their own minds, holding Calum's fate in their hands. No.

"This will _break_ Robert, he's trying, trying to get past this all. He won't be able to -" Aaron feels himself shaking at the thought of Robert having to go through everything, standing up there and having people actively try and undermine his ordeal. "There must be a way to -"

"There is one." The officer shifts uncomfortably as Aaron looks up expectantly. "Calum wants to speak with Robert, he uh -"

Aaron's stomach flips. "What the fuck for?" He snaps.

The officer clears his throat. "He's told us that if he's able to then - then he'll plead guilty, he seemed pretty desperate."

Aaron swallows hard, feels sick once again. "I don't care, he isn't coming anywhere near him."

"They wouldn't be alone, we'd have an officer in the room of course." The officer looks away, shrugs his shoulders. "It's something that we thought Robert should be aware of."

Aaron bristles, "He doesn't need to hear this from ya." He says, "I'll let him know, see what he uh - says." He admits, doesn't know how he'll even bring up the prospect of Robert coming face to face with Calum once again.

 

-

 

Robert presses hands over his ears, tries to breath hard and fast and block out the pain, block everything out.

He sights his bandaged leg, dares to imagine the scar and feels sick. They said it wouldn't but it could, it could.

Robert heaves, attempts to push against the door frame and battle against the ongoing memories of pushing through the door in that house, when it revealed everything to him.

"C'mon, please, _please_ let me out." Robert cries, hates how easy it all comes pouring out. He can't stand it, can't stay there when Calum's so close by, when Calum can -

' _Where do you want to go?'_

Robert suddenly gaps, hears the voice, Calum's voice.

"Leave me alone!" Robert screams, shudders almost uncontrollably.

Robert pushes himself harder against the door, keeps pushing and then he hears the sound of the door - someone trying to get in.

Robert panics, feels himself almost explode a little as he hears the sound of someone on the stairs, large feet, big steps, big giant steps and -

"Go away!" Robert shouts, it takes everything out of him but he has to because it's Calum, he's coming and -

He might not be, it might be Aaron. He might be coming to help or -

"Aaron." Robert shouts, but he can't hear the reply, it's muffled but it doesn't sound like Calum, doesn't sound like Aaron either.

"Robert?" It's a woman speaking now and Robert feels himself panicking, everything is closing in, closer and closer but he clings onto the sound of the woman.

" _Mum_?"

The room shakes, it keeps shaking until he feels the door being almost taken off its hinges.

"Trapped. I - can't -"

The door slams open and Robert gasps, shaky hands come up to his face as he sees the person standing there, face the colour of a beetroot, something wooden in his hand, panting harder and harder.

"Paddy?" Robert blurts out, tears stream down his face fast.

Then there's Chas, she has tears in her eyes, hands out in front of her. "Love? Love, calm down. It's me." She comes towards him, slowly, trying to gauge Robert's reaction.

Robert swallows, "I - the door -" he points towards the broken remains of the door and then presses against his chest hard.

"It's alright," Chas says softly before turning towards Paddy. "Er Pads will uh, he'll clean it up for ya. Come here," she says, stunned at the start of Robert, he looks petrified.

Robert backs towards the sink, hands gripping tightly around it. "No - no I - Aaron, I need Aaron." He trembles and suddenly sees Calum's face there, he's standing behind Chas, he's smiling. " _No_." He screams, cowers and then finds himself sliding down onto the floor.

Chas is nearly just as frantic as he is, "Rob, oh love," she says softly, comes towards him slowly.

Robert cries hard. "Calum, he's here."

Chas looks towards Paddy and he suddenly comes closer, Robert blinks frantically and when he opens them again Paddy is kneeling down beside him, has a hand on Robert's knee.

"Breathe for me." Paddy says softly and Robert tries to focus on him, tries really hard but he's not Aaron, he _can't_.

"Aaron, I should get Aaron." Chas shaking says, has a hand through her hair.

Robert wants him, needs him but _no_ he can't let Aaron see him like that. "No -" he suddenly pulls at Chas' hand, keeps holding on tightly and he remembers how long they did in the hospital.

"Come on Robert, calm down for us." Robert hears Paddy says, keeps saying it over and over again until he _does_ , until he's calming down altogether.

Calum's gone, he isn't there, he's _gone_.

Paddy almost senses the relief in Robert and he smiles faintly, "Better?" He says softly.

Robert nods feebly, "He's gone." He says, it's almost instant, the way he shakes himself, feels embarrassed for how crazy he must have just seemed in front of the in laws. He hates himself for it. "Sorry for -" he looks towards the door, head dropping down a little.

Chas shakes her head, "Don't be silly." She says before stroking at Robert's face slowly. "Let me ring Aaron darling." She tilts her head, "Yeah?"

Robert's shocked by how kind she's being and almost freezes. He knows that Aaron's going to have to come eventually, better now he's not freaking out.

Chas stands and slowly walks towards the broken remains of the door, leaving quickly as she heads out onto the landing and pulls her phone out.

"Love?" Chas says, voice wobbly.

"You alright mum?" Aaron says, he's leaving the station, has a hand on the handle of his car door.

Chas sniffs, "Not really love, it's Robert. Don't panic but - he just uh, he needs ya. Now." She says quickly.

Aaron feels blood rush to his head and he feels sick. He feels like he can't breathe. "What - okay, I'm - I'm on my way now." Aaron says, cuts the call as he jumps into his car.

 

-

 

Robert shuffles on the floor, feels Paddy staring right at him.

"You don't need to be here." Robert almost blurts out. "I know you don't want to." He's insecurity creeps over him without warning.

Paddy can't help but stare, he's looking at this man who has the power to make or break his Aaron's whole life and yet he's - he's _nothing_. He's been completely worn down.

"Why do you think I was here in the first place?" Paddy asks, shifts a little on his knees and then sighs hard as he sits on the floor.

Robert swallows, "Supposed Chas dragged ya here." He shrugs harshly.

Paddy's eyes flicker, "Wanted to see you actually. We both did." He sighs. "I've been - I mean I, I never - never knew it was uh _this_ bad until -"

Robert looks almost embarrassed, "Yeah well," he can't say anything else.

"Panic attacks?" Paddy says before sighing, "Takes me back, ya know, with Aaron."

Robert nods slowly before he feels Paddy's hand on his knee. "You need help, proper help."

Robert squirms, "Stop acting like you care, you probably still wish I was there, with - with Calum."

Paddy suddenly looks serious. "Of course I don't. You didn't deserve any of that. None of it and -" he ducks his head, "I'm sorry." He admits.

_'I'm sorry.'_

Robert frowns. "For what?" He says, tears swimming in his eyes.

"Everything." Paddy blows out. "Not believing you, not trying to - to help Aaron find ya sooner, for -" he shudders, looks at the state of Robert again. "I'm sorry Robert." He says gently. "I am."

Robert lets tears fall down his face fast and then he sees Chas by the door. "I thought you both hated me, thought you'd be glad I was gone." He cries, can't help himself.

Chas tuts and then scurries towards Robert, pulling the man towards her as he shudders. "Robert, don't be silly. Why would we think that?"

Robert looks coldly at her. "You were quick to think the worst." He drags his gaze towards Paddy. "You both hate me, deep down."

Paddy shakes his head suddenly, "Not true." He blurts out and Robert's a little stunned. "Yeah, we hate some things you've done but not _you_. How could we? You make our Aaron _so_ happy." He says, attempts to smile.

Chas wipes at her face. "Not just that either, not just 'cause of Aaron," she comes closer, pets at Robert's hair, "Just 'cause of you. We don't _hate_ you, please don't think that."

Robert sniffs, wipes at his eyes. "I - I don't make him happy anymore, just scared." He whispers, before looking at Paddy. "He was scared in the pub, when I -" he says, looks away.

"He _loves_ ya." Chas whispers, "Don't - don't think any different. We just - ya just need to get some help love."

Robert shudders and then nods.

"We'll be - be there for you, we will Robert." Paddy says seriously, can't take his eyes off Robert as if he's desperate to make sure Robert knows he's telling the truth.

"Of course we will love," Chas smiles. "We'll su-"

Robert raises his head, "What support me?" He squints. "You didn't do much of that when -

"And we're sorry." Paddy blurts out. "Let us help you now though."

Chas strokes at Robert's hand. "You haven't - haven't had a lot of that, support I mean, I know Aaron -"

"Aaron's brilliant." Robert forces out, tries to sit up.

"We know love, can't hurt with us supporting ya too though eh." Chas tilts her head and Robert feels something burst inside him as he nods.

There's a sound of feet slamming against the stairs and then suddenly Robert sees Aaron rushing towards them, nearly tripping on pieces of wood.

"What's happened?" Aaron shouts, comes towards Robert and suddenly holds him by the face. "Let me look at ya, what's -"

Chas places a hand on Aaron's back, "The door was locked, he broke the lock and couldn't get out."

Aaron shakes, sees the door broken, feels sick and then looks back at Robert again. "Why did ya lock it babe?" He whispers, pushing their heads together.

"Panicked, I don't know." Robert says, "Sorry."

Aaron sighs, stokes at Robert's face. "Don't apolgise. You're okay now?"

Robert looks over Aaron's shoulder, sees Paddy's face. "Yeah, I am."

Aaron blows out a breath, pulls away and then looks at Paddy and Chas. "You can go now." He says, almost bitterly.

"No." Robert blurts out, doesn't want them to go now. "I mean uh - Paddy's got to clean up the mess he made," he looks towards the wood on the floor. "And I - could murder a cuppa, think your mum could too."

Aaron looks like he's softening a little and then Chas nods enthusiastically. "Yeah I could."

Aarons sighs, sees the way Robert almost wants them there, smiles a little, he can forgive them, he can try if Robert will.

 

-

 

They stay, they have lunch, they talk about normal things and then they're getting ready to leave.

"Call me if you need me, both of you." Chas says as she hugs Aaron and then lets go, has her arms around Robert instead.

Robert holds onto her, "Thank you." He whispers, feels her kiss at his head before she lets go.

Paddy stands there, being his awkward self he attempts to shake Robert's hand and then he leans in for a hug instead, it's a crushing one, makes Robert let out a harsh sound and then Paddy pulls away as Aaron and Chas stare at them in awe.

"Take care yeah?" Paddy clears his throat, looks towards Robert and then he looks towards Aaron.

Aaron shows them to the door, they linger whilst Robert stays in the kitchen.

"Thank you for - for staying with him." Aaron says softly, eyes flickering between Chas and Paddy. "Means a lot."

"We want to support him, a lot, as - as much as we can and not just 'cause we feel like we owe him, we care about him, I - I love him like my own now." Chas says quickly and Aaron raises an eyebrow in surprise.

"Yeah." Chas scoffs, "Took him nearly dying for me to admit that but yeah."

Aaron has tears in his eyes, "Thanks mum." He can't say anything else. "And you too Paddy."

Paddy shrugs. "I mean I don't love 'im but - _yet_. I don't love him _yet_. He's a good lad. He's good." He speaks and Aaron grins, he feels almost lighter because finally they're accepting Robert, properly.

Robert smiles too, just faintly as he hears it all, pretends like he hasn't.

 

-

 

Aaron has a hand on Robert's chest, he rests it there whilst they lay down on the sofa.

The film's finished and Liv's ate all the pizza, she's already up stairs, chatting away when she should be asleep because Robert keeps reminding her it's a school night.

Aaron almost feels at ease, the night had been perfect, just soft and loving and he almost forgot what he had weighing on his shoulders.

It's the case isn't it? It's Calum. It's always Calum, he'll always ruin everything.

"Stop thinking so hard." Robert mumbles, his eyes keep shutting as he speaks.

Aaron tenses, "I need to - to talk to ya about something." He says slowly.

"I know what about." Robert says, sighs as he starts stroking Aaron's arm.

Aaron swallows. "You do?" He asks.

"I didn't want - want to - I just - wanted to be normal, try at least to just -" Robert sighs again. "I looked at our wedding album and it was so - it relaxed me but then I -"

Aaron bites his lip. "You don't need to -"

"The lock broke, I couldn't get it open. I just -" Robert says, panic rising in his voice.

Aaron squeezes Robert's hand. "Robert, let me just -"

"I saw him. Calum." Robert blurts out. "He was there, well he wasn't but I thought he was. I need - I need help."

Aaron feels something break in him a little, he can't mention his name now, can't even bring up what he was planning on. It would wound Robert even more.

"Yeah? Why don't you talk to - to Karen again?" Aaron tries and Robert smiles. "I'm so proud of ya." He adds, kissing Robert's nose.

Robert smiles, "Yeah? So are your mum and Paddy I think."

Aaron feels himself burst with pride. "Yeah they are, can't believe it."

Robert raises an eyebrow. "They want to support me, it's mad."

Aaron laughs. "It is yeah." He says gently.

Robert smiles before frowning. "What was it you wanted to say before?" He asks after a few seconds.

Aaron swallows. Stays silent.

"I didn't ask about how the police stuff went. Was it okay?" Robert almost winces as he talks about it and Aaron dies a little inside.

"Yeah, course." Aaron lies, shrugs his shoulders.

Robert frowns again, "So what did -"

Aaron suddenly laughs nervously, "Ya know what I can't even remember."

Robert rolls his eyes and then smiles. "You muppet." He says gently, reminds Aaron of the old Robert. His husband.

He won't let that image go by mentioning Calum.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter, I really wanted to work with Paddy/Chas/Robert and their situation and this was the only way I could think of doing so. The twist about Robert visiting Calum and Aaron keeping this from him will all be addressed in the next chapter (I just can't stay away from angst) 
> 
> Also if you don't have me on tumblr (@littlelooneyluna) you wouldn't know but my exams start next Tuesday, so because of this ... This fic will be completed by then. So this week I'll be uploading THREE TIMES, today obviously, on Wednesday and then on Friday. Keep your eyes pealed. I don't know if this is a bad thing or not because I think some people don't like such frequent updates and would want to sort of stretch it out ? but there's not a lot I can do so I hope you appreciate it all! Thanks again guys! Xx


	38. Too hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS A SAD SAD ANGSTY LONG ONE

Robert's heart is racing, won't stop thudding out of his chest over and over again and it takes him a few seconds more than usual for him to get down the stairs, get to the sink, pour himself a glass of water.

Aaron's dead to the world, Robert had tried to just focus on the way his husband was breathing in his sleep, the way his chest rose and fell. He had tried to focus on the protective arm Aaron threw around his body but it was no use.

Robert blinks quickly, tries to block out the way he can see Calum whenever they are closed. It's torture. It makes him want to cry but he can't.

Robert swallows the water and steadied his breathing, the last thing he wants is to hear the sound of Aaron thumping down the stairs in panic, calling out for him like he's some wounded animal.

He promised that he'd let Aaron help, he just needs to work on that a little more.

He does hear the sound of feet though, his chest tightens almost immediately and then he sees that Liv is coming towards him, hair all out of place and eyes squinting.

Robert studies her for a second, realises that didn't come from downstairs, she was here already, he thinks.

"Why aren't ya in bed?" Robert questions, wonders how much of his deep breathing nonsense she heard.

Liv looks embarrassed. "I've been uh - staying down here, some nights."

Robert frowns harshly. "Why would you do that? Is there something wrong with that bed me and your brother paid good money for?"

That makes Liv smile and Robert even knows why. He sounds like his old self.

"Well then why?" Robert tilts his head and Liv looks away.

"In case you - you had a bad dream or summat." Liv's blushing like mad now and then clearing her throat.

Robert feels something inside him melt at her words.

"You didn't need to - has Aaron put you up to this?"

Liv looks almost offended. "No. I wanted to - ya know, _help_ I suppose."

Robert watches Liv and sees how she lets out a little yawn. "By falling asleep in Maths because I'm an idiot who can't stop torturing myself with thoughts about - about _him_."

Liv pulls a face. "It's not like that. Robert, I'm here for ya." She looks so serious, so warm and loving towards him and it throws him a little so he has to hug her to stop her from seeing the tears in his eyes.

"I know." He says, muffled and through tears.

 

-

 

Robert wakes and the first thing his eyes settle on is Aaron's face, his eyes are looking at him intensely and then they warm as soon as Robert opens his a little wider.

"What ya doin'?" Robert muffles his head into his pillow and sighs.

Aaron shrugs his shoulders and lets out a yawn, "I _was_ watchin' my husband sleep." He says slowly and then tries to smile. "But now he won't let me." He whispers, trying to move himself into the dip of Robert's back.

Then he thinks the worst, moves his body away as he sees the way Robert tenses just a little, just enough.

Robert lifts his head up a little and blushes, letting out this apologetic smile.

"Why ya watching me?" Robert asks, doesn't know what to say.

Aaron shrugs again. "Not a crime is it."

Robert looks at his husband, sees that the deep bags under his eyes are still there. He hasn't rested.

"Is there something wrong?" Robert asks and Aaron looks away. He can't help thinking about what the police told him yesterday. It's over and over again in his mind.

Robert needs to sit across from Calum or - or they risk the creep going for a not guilty plea.

It's almost so out of the question that Aaron feels sick.

Aaron looks back at Robert, can't tell him now.

"Nothing." He says, lies.

 

-

 

They're out of milk. Aaron sighs, swears even and Robert does exactly what he used to do, without thinking.

He reaches for his keys, starts looking for some spare change because he'll go to David's and -

Aaron's looking at him, gulping. "You - are you _sure_?"

Robert says yes before he even knows for sure and suddenly he finds himself standing outside the shop. He can feel Aaron watching from the mill door and he fights down his nerves at just being out and about.

 

-

  
It's ridiculous.

David's sorting stock when he enters and he can hear Tracy talking. At first he isn't paying attention but then he hears his name, he feels sick.

"I'm just _saying_ , if you caught me in bed with another bloke, then I'd say anything!"

Robert doesn't know what to do. He just keeps thinking about what she's said. Does _everyone_ think that? It drums over and over again in his mind.

"He's been through it Trace," David responds, turns towards his wife and shakes his head.

Robert tries to settle but only ends up hiding himself further from their view, backing towards the door.

"We don't really know anything do we? I mean why would that kid be obsessed with -"

Robert's heart races, won't stop and then he hears -

"Do you mind?" It's a voice, he can't believe whose it is. Paddy.

Tracy scoffs. "Uh _private_ convo Pads."

Robert shuffles out a little and can see Paddy standing there, face reddening. "He isn't lying and I don't appreciate you talking about him like that."

Robert smiles, actually smiles as he hears Paddy. He doesn't know what is happening but it really really sounds like Paddy's sticking up for him and no one is telling him to.

Tracy rolls her eyes and then Robert sees Charity appear, having been on the phone. She slams down the bread and juice she carried before and scowls at Tracy. "Don't catch our Aaron hear ya talk like that. Or any Dingle for that matter."

David pales a little. "She's sorry -"

"What, am I gonna have the Dingle Mafia on my hands if I say anything about Robert _Sugden_."

"He's a Dingle. He's family." Charity snaps, looks like she cares too much and then clears her throats like she needs to save some sort of pride.

Paddy's nodding his head like he agrees and Robert is almost stunned as he watches from the corner.

He watches Charity collect her change and ducks out of the shop, head down he waits for her to exit so that he can come in once again and just buy a bloody carton of milk.

Charity walks out, sees Robert and the man stares at her. "You want to say summat or?" She's treating him normally and he can't thank her enough for it.

"No." Robert says, smiles as she rolls her eyes at him and then squeezes at his shoulder as she passes. It's enough.

Paddy's still being himself in the shop when Robert steadies himself to enter again.

He's quick to get the milk, walk straight towards the counter and hand Tracey the money without meeting her eye.

Paddy offers him a smile and then turns to leave but Robert stops him.

"Paddy?" Robert says, "I wanted to thank you again, for yesterday."

Paddy's still all red and he ducks his head just a little as he nods. "Don't mention it." He says, waves a hand out and then Robert does something awful. He extends his hand out as if they're sparring partners who must show respect to each other.

Paddy's a little taken aback by it but then he shakes Robert's hand back and - Robert feels proud of himself.

 

-

 

Robert feels his phone buzzing in his pocket as walks back home, a part of him thinks it's Aaron, wondering why he's taking so long but then he says it isn't. He sees a number on the screen, doesn't recognise it but answers it anyway, hears a voice he doesn't recognise.

"Hello?" Robert asks, shudders against the wind.

"Robert Sugden?" The voice says. Robert hitches a breath. "This is PC Jones, I'm calling to ask if you've thought anymore about - about the meeting with Calum."

It's like the world stops and Robert has to stagger back, hold the milk tighter at the handle to stop himself from dropping it towards the ground.

A meeting with Calum? Why would he want that?

"Robert?" PC Jones mutters but Robert can't say anything, he just panics, ends the call, charges home, back to Aaron.

The door slams as he shuts it and he sees Aaron in the kitchen, hair wet, a towel hanging over his shoulder, loose joggers and a grey top hide his frame.

"Where were ya?" Aaron tries not to sound worried but it pours out anyway. "Liv reckoned ya went up to Moira's and got it straight from the cow's -"

Aaron lifts his head up, sees Robert, he's frozen by the door and has his mouth open.

"Rob?" Suddenly dreads fills up inside Aaron, he can't help but think about what Robert could have heard, the gossip, the nasty rumours, they were enough to _destroy_ someone weren't they?

Aaron steps closer, "Robert, what's wrong?" He says quickly, tries to reach out to Robert.

Robert feels Aaron touch him and he breathes harder. "They - Calum - why didn't you tell me?" He forces out, Aaron must know, of course he knows doesn't he?

Aaron feels his heart break a little because he knows instantly what it's about. He knows that Robert's found out about the deal, about him having to see Calum again in order for -

"Why?" Robert's not frozen anymore, he's flapping his arms around, charging towards the kitchen, pacing up and down. "Calum? You knew didn't ya? I bet ya were keen on being the one to pass on the message, leave poor Robert in the dark?"

Aaron holds his breath, followers Robert around the room. "Please listen to me, I was gonna tell ya last night but - but I couldn't. I just - I couldn't heap more _stress_ on ya."

Robert frowns. "Stress? Why would ya want me to - to go through that. I can't - meet him again Aaron. I can't _see_ him."  
Aaron has tears in his eyes, they're swimming as he grips hold of Robert. "If ya refuse - then he could get away with _everything_."

Robert shudders, looks down at Aaron who is holding onto him still. "What are ya talking about? Why would you say that Aaron?" He can't understand it, he just can't.

"Because he'll plead guilty if you don't agree to meet him." Aaron lets tears fall down his face, he can't stop them from falling down his face as Robert gasps.

No. Robert thinks. For so long the only thing which as bought him through his is the thought of Calum pleading guilty, being taken away.

"No," Robert says, pulls Aaron off him. "He _can't_ do that. He's guilty of it all. He -"

"I know baby, I -" Aaron trips on his words, blushes and then sees that Robert's crying. "Robert, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to protect ya." He shudders.

Robert sighs, starts pacing the room again. "He's sick." He blurts out. "Why would he think that I'd want to see him?"

Aaron can't answer that. "I dunno, maybe he thinks that you'd like to." He tries, the thought makes him feel sick and Robert flinches.

"Aaron, I can't see him." Robert says softly, tears fall down his face, "I can't sit there and look at him."

Aaron nods, "I know. I don't expect ya to." He sniffs, attempts to stroke Robert's arm.

"But I can't face him in court either, I can't risk it can I?" Robert's chin wobbles as he speaks and Aaron ducks his head.

"You don't need to decide now Rob." Aaron whispers, "Take your time." He says, steadily.

Robert nods, feels Aaron trying to reach for him and then he lets him. He feels Aaron cling to him and he clings back.

"We'll figure this out together." Robert hears Aaron say, it makes him cling even tighter.

 

-

 

That's the thing though, they can't.

Robert spends an hour hurled over his laptop, fingers tapping away quickly, trying to find out what sort of deal this is and if it's even allowed.

Aaron's behind him, slowly tries to pull a hand over Robert's shoulder but he knows it isn't wanted.

He gives Robert a coffee, lets him stay in his own little bubble where he know his husband is trying to sort everything out.

"Here, this might help." Aaron says as he settles down the coffee and sits opposite Robert.

Robert doesn't even raise his head, engrossed in something on his laptop instead.

Aaron looks at his watch, regrets it as soon as he sees Robert looking up at him.

"You go work." Robert says, biting at his nails and then looking back down. "Or wherever you need to be." It's a dismissal.

Aaron blinks quickly, he has a job in town with Adam, he's just remembered really but he knows he won't be going. "Nah I want to stay here." He says firmly but Robert frowns at him and then shakes his head.

"I'm fine." Robert says quickly. "Promise not to break any more locks and go crazy."

He tries to say it as a joke but it comes out all wrong and Aaron flinches.

"You need to talk to me." Aaron says, looks sad. "I don't want to leave ya obsessing over -"

It's too ironic for the situation, for the topic and everything turns sour.

Robert sighs. "This is why you don't preach." He snaps before standing up. "Why can't you just let me deal with this on my own? The way I want to."

Aaron stands, chest pushing forward and then he's pointing to his wedding ring. "Because I'm your husband." He shouts, doesn't mean to. "We're in this _together_ , I thought we'd been over this."

Robert looks down at his own wedding ring and then turns away.

"I'm just tryna _be_ there for ya, you have no idea how hard it is to watch -"

"Someone you love fall apart?" Robert spins round and faces Aaron. The question hands in the air and Aaron is reminded of his ankle in the woods, the septicaemia, the giving up in the drowned car.

Aaron feels sick, can't fight passed it.

"Yeah I have an idea," Robert says darkly. "I also know how it feels to be constantly pushed away by them too." He's talking about Gordon and Aaron feels everything inside him turn to stone and just the vaguest of mention.

"You really holding _that_ against me?" Aaron says too calmly for Robert to register, he knows that he's hit his husband hard.

"No, I'm just letting you remember that - that I had to get through you constantly telling me to go so -"

"So now it's my turn?" Aaron has tears in his eyes, feels like breaking down. "Cheers." He says, shakes his head and then balls his fists.

"Ya know you'd think that - that after everything I've been through I could help you through this more than _anyone_ but -"

"Oh go on Aaron, lets make this all about _Gordon_."

It's like a knife rips through them both and it kills them, Aaron has tears rolling down his cheeks and he gasps before walking towards the door.

"What's the point of me trying anyway?" Aaron whispers out, head firm against the front door. "He won, he's broken us because - you aren't my husband anymore, you're not _my_ Robert." He almost starts to sob and then he's struggling to open the door. "So what's the _fucking_ _point_?" The door bursts open and the cold air hits them both before Aaron slams it shut behind him.

Robert feels something shatter in his chest and then he falls towards the ground and cries. He suddenly realises he hasn't done that yet, _cried_ with no one watching so he does it a little more and then he can't stop, he can't stop the pain in his chest or the way he's hurt Aaron or how Calum still manages to haunt him every day. He just can't stop it.

 

-

 

Aaron runs, remembers the place he told Laurel to go, he needs to scream and let it all out and then he needs to cry.

He stumbles down the little stream and then he falls onto the ground. He keeps replaying what happened, how Robert was right. He was making everything about him wasn't he?

"Ya never learn." Aaron hisses to himself before sobbing. He can't get past this feeling, this hurt and guilt he feels. It's relentless.

Aaron lets out another sob and then sights a rock laying nearby. Something inside him tingles a little. He wants to reach out, wants to feel it, hold it in his hand and then he wants to -

Aaron shakes himself, feels sick at the thought of his own dark mind and then he suddenly gets up, knows exactly where to go.

 

-

 

Robert finishes his crying, picks himself up and wants to drag himself into bed and hide until Aaron forgives him.

He hates how Aaron _will_. He hates how what has happened has made Aaron even softer deep down.

But he can't help but wish that Aaron hadn't meant the part about them being broken, no, they weren't. They couldn't be.

Robert shudders as he manages to make his way towards the kitchen and pour himself a glass of water.

He's sick of himself and the constant battle he loses everyday with Aaron, he doesn't know why he's like this, can't get his head round it because - because he _loves_ Aaron more than anything and he can't ruin that but he still does this by saying stupid things like -

Gordon.

He _actually_ bought his name up, shamelessly tried to make out as though Aaron wasn't there for him at all and that _this_ was all about Aaron and his _own_ abuse.

He was _wrong_ , he _knew_ he was wrong and that it was mean and malicious and -

He couldn't stop himself could he?

Robert suddenly sees his mug on the side of the table, the packet of vitamins he had to take were right there next to it and so was a note. Robert recognises Aaron's scribbly writing instantly.

' _Take these with a cuppa ;)'_

A smiley face. Robert breaks at that, remembered a conversation with his husband ages ago about how - according to Aaron anyway - smiley faces were completely unnecessary to add to anything. Robert had told him that he liked them and that he'd appreciate the little burst of positivity at the end of a message and Aaron had rolled his eyes, said something like ' _I'm not making any promises mate'_

Robert delicately holds up the small note and then feels this overwhelming feeling of regret hit him.

He needs to find Aaron, he needs him more than anything else.

 

-

 

The scrapyard is empty when Robert parks up, he looks around and then bangs on the portacabin door yet gets no reply.

"Aaron?" Robert shouts at the door, hoping his husband will answer. "Let me in!" He says, "I'm an idiot. I'm _such_ an idiot but I need ya and I'm sorry."

Robert sighs hard, hearing no reply and then suddenly feels a wave of anger hit him. Not directed at Aaron but towards himself and his ability to fuck everything up in his life.

Robert catches sight of an iron rod, a heap of metal and sees red, smashes it hard and fast until he is struggling to breathe and all he can think about is Aaron and what he said about them.

"Sugden?"

Robert suddenly turns around in surprise at his name being called by -

Cain stands there in the scrapyard, has hands in his pocket and a confused look on his face like he doesn't know what to do or say.

Robert gulps hard, eyes flicker and then he holds the rod towards Cain.

"Private property." Robert dares to say. "So get lost." He adds, for good measure because if he's being beaten up by Cain Dingle then he might as well chuck everything at it.

Cain comes towards him and suddenly seizes the rod. For a second Robert winces and then he watches Cain pass the rod between his hands and then look up at him, then at the heap of metal.

"Hope that wasn't meant to be our Aaron's face you were smashing?" Cain says, short and blunt and enough to make Robert look down. "It should be that twat Calum's shouldn't it?"

Robert looks up at that and doesn't know what to say, it's not like Cain's shown even an ounce of interest in what happened. Robert hasn't seen him, heard from him or anything and he didn't expect to.

But then he thinks about it, Chas properly confided in him about everything. There's the connection, Robert thinks as he squints.

"It was his face." Robert blurts out. "And a bit of my own." He admits, gives in and realises that he'll be talking to Cain Dingle of all people about his fucked up problems.

"Let me guess, you took it out on Aaron." Cain says, like it's just common knowledge.

Robert sighs, almost takes it as an insult and then Cain speaks again.

"I get that, taking it out on the person who's there for you the most." Cain says, "You do _know_ that he's there for ya more than anyone else?"

"Of course I do." Robert blurts out because it's true, he's not an idiot, not blind, just - damaged and the sooner Aaron accepts that, the better.

"So what happened then?" Cain asks and Robert frowns.

"Why do you care? Why are ya even here?" Robert can't help himself, he'll be mean and confrontational if he likes.

Cain dips his head and then raises it. "I came here to see how my nephew was holding up, glad I'm seeing the answers through you."

Robert's chest tightens and he looks away. "I didn't mean to upset him." He says quickly.

Cain tilts his head. "I'm sure ya didn't." He says before stepping closer to Robert. "What happened then?"

Robert rolls his eyes. "I said he was making everything about him, about - about Gordon."

Cain's silent and then he's not, he's sighing and shaking his head and holding the rod and Robert thinks that he's going to swing it.

"Not a wise move." Cain says bitterly. "Not when he's trying to help ya see you're not on your own."

Robert rolls his eyes. "I don't need a lecture Cain alright, I know I was out of order." He bristles. "I've got too much to deal with without you tryna -"

"What's 'too much to deal with' mean?" Cain says, "Because ya know your problems our his, which means they're the family's too."

Robert hates how that makes his heart race a little faster. The thought of being a part of the Dingle's and their mountain of issues is strangely warming.

Robert gulps hard. "I need to see Calum." He admits, feels the wind picking up and then hit his cheeks, making them feel almost numb.

"Calum? Why would -"

"If I don't then he'll plead not guilty and I'll have to go through a - a trial and a court and a jury all judging me and - I'm not like Aaron, I'm not strong enough for that." He tries to keep his head down and stop the tears but it's useless.

Cain's awkward at first, doesn't know where to put his hands and then he's stepping forward, has a palm on Robert's shoulder.

"Come on son, chin up." Cain says, clears his throat and then steps away as Robert dries at his eyes, almost overwhelmed by Cain's actions.

"I don't know what to do." Robert admits. "Either way, I'm not strong enough to face it."

Cain doesn't say anything and then he steps forward. "Either way ... you'll have Aaron with ya."

Robert gulps. "Not if I keep acting like I am."

Cain rolls his eyes. "Well then stop, ya idiot." He says and it's almost nice, almost friendly.

Robert scoffs and then starts laughing and it prompts Cain to do the same. Robert doesn't know how it's ended up like this but he isn't entirely against it.

Cain smiles and then looks serious. "And besides, whatever you do, you'll have the Dingle lot cheering him behind bars for ya."

Robert feels tears start to swim in his eyes and his heart softens at Cain's words.

"Uh - thanks." Robert says slowly and then looks away.

Cain shrugs and then goes to turn away.

"Cain?" Robert says, gets Cain to turn round to him again. "What - what would _you_ do?"

He can't believe he's asking advice from Cain Dingle but - he is.

Cain sniffs, twitches his nose. "I'd sit there, listen to what he has to say for however long it is and then I'd smile and leave, go home knowing that he's lost and that he'll spend the rest of his life locked up."

Robert smiles just a little at the thought.

"I'd rather that then a _trial_ , take even longer to move past." Cain advises with a nod of the head and then he turns back out of the scrapyard, leaves Robert with his thoughts.

 Robert walks towards the Mill, head bent and then he sees his sister struggling with some shopping bags. Something inside him twists at the view, it hurts.

"Vic?" Robert says, starts to walk towards her and then he's taking the bags and looking inside them. They're filled with yellow blankets and teddy bears and his heart melts.

Victoria smiles at her brother, warm and friendly. "Thanks," she says, struggling a little still as she tries to get through the door of her cottage. "I know it's a bit early but they were on sale."

Robert chuckles, piles the bags into the hallway and then feels Victoria staring at him. "You've been crying." Victoria says knowingly, shakes her head and leans closer to Robert and holds his arm. "I don't need to ask what it's about."

Robert gulps. "I - I need to go and see him, he - he'll plead guilty if I do."

"How do you know that he'll stick to that?" Victoria says quickly, looks horrified.

Robert tenses, doesn't need her worry. "Vic, it's a part of some deal. I've checked it out, it's common."

Victoria holds her chest, "Does Aaron know about this?" She asks, tilts her head.

Robert nods. "I need to tell him that I've decided." He looks towards the door and then sighs. "I just want it all to be over now."

Victoria has tears in her eyes, "Me too." She whispers and it's enough to make Robert lean down, scoop her up in his arms and hold her tightly towards him.

 

-

 

Aaron's in the bedroom, curled up, covers thrown over him. He hears the door open, close again and feels his chest tighten.

He's cried enough now, just needs to bury himself a little more.

Robert feels his heart break and it hurts everywhere as he walks into their bedroom and sees the outline of his husband, buried deep under the covers.

"Aaron?" Robert whispers, sits on his side of the bed and sighs. "I - I don't -" he feels his hands shaking. "I don't know what's wrong with me," he admits, it's painful. "But what I do know is that - we're not _broken_."

Something inside Robert bursts and he's pulling off the covers, laying next to Aaron and pushing the sheet back over them both so that they're both hidden away.

Aaron has tears falling down his face and he's inches away from Robert, breathing softly.

"You know why?" Robert whispers, carefully starts to stroke Aaron's face, grateful that Aaron doesn't pull away. "Because - because my heart still skips a beat when you walk in the room."

Aaron gasps, feels himself shatter at Robert's words.

"Because, I still look at ya and think, how did I ever make someone so _good_ want to spend the rest of their life with _me_." Robert admits, drills down to the most hidden insecurity he has.

Aaron frowns, "Don't say it like that." He whispers back, adamantly.

"It's _true_." Robert says. "I didn't mean what I said, it was ... unforgivable." He adds, ashamed.

Aaron looks right at Robert. "I wanted to hurt myself after," he admits, hates the way Robert crumbles and they way he has to grip hold of his husband to stop him from panicking. "I didn't, I went to see Louise instead."

Robert settles, "Aaron, I'm so sorry." He says, "And I know it's not enough but - but I hate myself for what I said."

Aaron nods slowly, studies Robert's face. "I know you do." It's clear to see the torment behind Robert's eyes.

Robert grabs at Aaron's hands. "I'm _still_ your husband, _your_ Robert. I swear." He says, shaky hands try and bring Aaron closer.

"I shouldn't have said that." Aaron ducks his head, "I'm -"

"Don't say you're sorry." Robert shuts his eyes. "All you've done is try and be there for me and I keep chucking it back in your face." He hates himself.

Aaron bites his lip, strokes Robert's arm, doesn't care that it's getting hot under the covers now.

"I should have warned ya about Calum and the meeting. It must have been a shock." Aaron admits, rubs at his eyes.

Robert swallows. "It was, but I - I've made my mind up, with help from _Cain_ of all people."

"Cain?" Aaron frowns, voice high.

"He, he helped me decide that I need to see him. It's better than a trial and -" Robert looks at Aaron's face, he looks troubled by the decision. "You don't think I should?"

Aaron doesn't know what to think. "I don't want you to - have a setback." He says slowly, fearful. "I -"

"You'll be there with me right?" Robert says and Aaron nods quickly. "Then, then I'll be fine."

Aaron attempts to settle, looks right at Robert. "I hate when we fight." He whispers.

"I hate hurting ya." Robert admits, "Because I love you so much. I just - I don't know how to deal with ya loving me so much too."

It's mad, they're husbands yet still such conversations haven't been uttered aloud.

Aaron suddenly pulls Robert towards him, kisses his head lovingly. It's a sign that he agrees, feels the same.

"Will ya forgive me? About - what I said about - _him_?" Robert questions, buried deep into Aaron's chest.

Aaron thinks about what he spoke to Louise about, he knows Robert didn't mean it really but -

"You didn't mean it, right? Because if you did then we need to talk -"

Robert clings tighter. "Didn't mean it, just angry and - I'm sorry." He whispers.

Aaron combs through Robert's hair, "Okay." He says, it's not forgiveness but Robert will take it now. It's almost instinct, the way Robert lifts his head and kisses Aaron as if to say thank you. He doesn't expect Aaron to kiss him back, to pull a hand through his hair. He can see that Aaron wants him, he can feel -

Aaron pulls away, embarrassed by how little it took for him to get hard.

Robert gulps, starts to tug at Aaron's jeans and then he's kissing his husband's neck, cupping Aaron through his jeans.

"Rob, I don't think you're -" Aaron pants, knows that Robert isn't ready, he isn't letting himself go, he's almost just going through the motions.

Robert pulls off of Aaron and frowns. "You can tell?" He says, shocked.

Aaron pants, "Course I can." He says with a shrug.

"Sorry." Robert says, hates how he can't have sex with his own husband in their own bed. It's taking too long.

"Don't you dare apologise for that." Aaron whispers, kisses Robert's head. "I'll wait for you." He adds.

Robert nods, hugs around Aaron a little. "When Liv gets home, let's go out, have a pizza or something, the three of us."

"Yeah?" Aaron asks, smiles.

"Yeah, I just want a nice night with my family." Robert admits, almost to himself.

Aaron's still smiling. "Then that's what you'll get."

Robert frowns. "I don't deserve you."

"You do, you do Robert." Aaron whispers. "You know I -"

"I know." Robert whispers back, clings tighter, loves Aaron a way he never thought was even possible.

 

-

 

Robert decides to face the day head on the next morning, he climbs down the stairs and makes Liv breakfast and thinks about the night before. They'd _all_ actually had a good time. It was free from any panicked moments, any crying or scary outbursts of memories and Robert was more than grateful.

"Liv, come on, raise your head." Robert coaxes Liv up from the table she had her head bent down towards.

Her face manages to make Robert laugh and he doesn't know if he should but he carries on anyway.

"It's not funny." Liv moans, "We came back too late."

Robert rolls his eyes. "And who's fault was that?" He leans forward. "I do recall a certain fifteen year old wanting to go play crazy golf or whatever it is -"

Liv cringes. "You're so old." She teases and then Robert sees something in her eyes flicker. She's happy.

Robert swallows down a lump forming in his throat. "Come on, eat up." He says, pushing a piece of toast towards her.

He can feel Liv staring at him as he turns towards the sink.

"Before we went out, something was wrong. I know it was."

Robert turns round, doesn't have a choice really because he won't lie to her.

"Yeah it was. Me and your brother argued but we're fine." Robert says, crosses his arms over and tries to smile.

Liv goes to speak and then Aaron comes down the stairs. Robert's not even embarrassed by the way he feels like his mouth is going to start watering as Aaron comes closer.

He's wearing this tight grey top, muscles on show for Robert to gawp at and his hair has just been dried, it's gloriously still wet.

Aaron catches Robert looking at him and turns his head almost shyly. It's _mad_ considering the fact that they're _married_. Maybe some things never change, Aaron thinks.

"Uh right, school madam." Aaron clears his throat and looks towards Liv, he's trying to fight a smile because Robert's not looked at him like that for months now.

Liv groans, stands and then collects her bag, allowing Aaron to ruffle her hair a little and then dives into a hug from Robert. It's something he'll never get over.

The door slams and then Robert turns towards the sink, starts washing up and then he feels Aaron's arms around his waist, his body pressing into Robert's back and his neck resting on Robert's shoulder.

Robert melts, doesn't tense and it's the best feeling in the world.

"Is this okay?" Aaron asks, soft and tentatively.

Robert simply nods and then turns his body around, facing Aaron and locking their hands together.

"It's more than okay." Robert whispers, feels this need to kiss Aaron so he does.

When they pull away he sees that Aaron's got tears in his eyes.

"Was it that bad?" Robert half jokes and Aaron shakes his head quickly.

"No it's - you looked at me before and - you hadn't looked at me like that for -"

"Too long." Robert whispers, "I'm sorry for that." He admits before smiling. "I really am."

Aaron almost cringes and then rolls his eyes. "You don't need to be sorry. Not for anything." He says, holds Robert's face. "I love ya," he whispers, "I love ya more than ever you know?"

Robert feels a warm feeling spread of his chest and then he's smiling.

Aaron suddenly pulls a face, groans. "God, look what you've done to me, I'm too soppy for my own good now."

"You're perfect." Robert blurts out, blushes just a little as Aaron stares wide eyed. Robert gulps, pulls his hands up for Aaron to hold again. "Which is why I know you'll be there, when I see him."

Aaron nods quickly. "Of course I will." He says, "There's no rush though, you decide -"

"I'm going to ring 'em now." Robert knows he can't hide from it. Aaron looks shocked and for a second he lets his worry show. "Better to get it out the way. It'll make it quicker to move on."

Aaron sees the logic, still can't help but feel frightened.

"Okay." Aaron lets out slowly, like he doesn't quite believe it _is_ okay. "But - but after it happens I want you to go and see Karen."

Robert tenses, he was meaning to go after the bathroom door incident but then everything happened and he couldn't think straight anymore.

"I'm scared that this will mess things up for ya a bit. The last thing we want is a setback."

Robert gulps. "Fine." He sighs before getting out his phone. He knows the number to call, knows that he can't turn back once he starts speaking.

 He does it, calls, waits, apologies for hanging up yesterday. Aaron's holding his hand throughout it all and keeps promising that everything will be fine.

Then they're both silent, both waiting until -

"This afternoon?"

Robert blurts the words out and Aaron closes his eyes, it's selfish but he wanted more time to get used to the idea of Calum so close to his husband again.

Robert looks at Aaron, swallows hard. "That - that soon?"

Aaron opens his eyes again, squeezes Robert's hand encouragingly.

"Uh - okay then, I - yeah okay." Robert ends the call, sees the look on Aaron's face and then hides his own.

"Oi, come on - we're in this together aren't we?" Aaron drags out some courage and gives it all to Robert.

"Yeah." Robert nods, looks almost like a little boy.

"Well then, we can get through this can't we?" Aaron shakes Robert's hands and Robert attempts to smile. 

"Yeah, together." Robert says, means it.

 

-

 

When they pull outside the station Robert freezes, it feels like all the strength he had just disappeared and he couldn't bring himself to move.

Aaron switches off the engine, stares at his husband. "We can just turn around if you want, promise I won't - I won't be mad or -"

Robert flinches just an inch.

"Don't think there's no other way okay?" Aaron says but then Robert's taking off his seatbelt in haste, practically jumping out the car and walking towards the station.

He doesn't stop until he hears Aaron running behind him, trying to catch up with his pace.

"Sorry." Robert says weakly, then Aaron squeezes his hand and he can breathe again.

He keeps breathing, keeps feeling okay until he sees PC. Jones and he's pulling him into a small room.

"I appreciate this must be very hard for you Robert, so - I'm here to make sure you feel as comfortable as you possibly can be." 

Robert nods quickly as he sits down, Aaron's beside him.

"How long will I have to stay there for?" Robert asks, thinks about hours and not minutes.

The officer looks down at a sheet of paper. "Calum's requested at least fifteen minutes."

_'Fifteen minutes'_

Robert gulps hard, it's too long.

"What does he even _want_?" Aaron shouts passionately and Robert looks up at him. "Sorry, I just - I don't get what _any_ of this is going to do exactly."

PC. Jones scratches at his eyebrow. "He wants to see Robert, apparently check for himself that he's okay because he doesn't believe us. Now usually he wouldn't get such a privilege and we'd never ask you to do such a thing but - he's signed something which promises to plead guilty if he gets to see ya."

Aaron frowns. "And what if he - he just ignores this little agreement?" He questions.

PC. Jones shakes his head. "Then he'd be in a lot more trouble." He says before looking at Robert. "This could be very good for the case against him Robert, if he's honest with you then it can be used."

Robert just blinks slowly and then gulps again. "Can Aaron come with me?"

"Unfortunately not, he wasn't included in the agreement."

Suddenly Robert feels like he can't do it anymore and he wants to run.

"They'll be an officer in though right?" Aaron tries not to panic.

"Course. And me and you will be able to watch through the glass panelling over there, he won't be able to see us." He directs his words towards Aaron now.

Robert nods.

"I'll leave you for a minute and then come and get you when he arrives okay?"

The door closes behind the officer and Robert shudders, blows out a long breath and then falls into Aaron's chest, welcomes the soft whispers from his husband and the way he feels safe.

They stay like that until the officer comes back in, tells them that it's time.

Robert jumps off, looks terrified and Aaron breaks "I'll be right here," he points to Robert's chest and then he kisses Robert's forehead softly before watching Robert tentatively go with the officers, to Calum.

Aaron waits until the door closes and then pulls his hands up, cries quietly.

Robert walks slowly with the officers, moves quietly with them until he sees a room, there's a glass panel and a desk and then there's -

Robert feels something inside him shake uncontrollably, the officer, large and security like is opening the door and -

Calum's sitting there, he's chained to the table, a grey jumper replaces his old shirts, the ties, he looks like a little boy. His hair is flat, pressed against his forehead and he looks pale, almost yellow.

Robert practically turns to stone, can feel his chest tightening and then his stomach twists as Calum raises his head, lets out this warm yet nervous smile.

"Robert?" Calum says, tries to stand awkwardly, forgets he can't move.

Robert's feet drag him towards the chair, he can't bring himself to pull it in like he should do, he can't be that close to _him_ because all he can think about is the fire, the near rape, the tears and torment.

"I didn't think you'd come in the end." Calum's voice is tight, controlled and then he starts to eye Robert properly.

Robert sees Calum's face, he looks awful, almost frantic with his movements.

"Why am I here?" Robert ducks his head, lets the words out in a whisper. He's shocked that he's even able to say anything.

Calum looks stunned, "Isn't that obvious?"

Robert blinks, just blinks.

Aaron's there, he's looking through the glass window, feeling something shatter inside him as he sees Calum staring at his husband, he wants to scream but can't, he has to be quiet until Robert calls for him, lets him know he can't go on anymore.

Robert holds his breath, feels Calum try to lean over.

"I had to see if you were _really_ okay." Calum says, like it's obvious. "You know they like to lie." He says, eyes darting around the room.

Robert squints, can't quite breathe right yet.

"Why?" Robert blurts out. "Why would you care how I am after what you did."

Calum looks crushed. "I was angry. Imagine finding out that someone you love doesn't love you back after all."

It makes Robert's stomach twist. "Stop saying that, you don't _love_ me."

He knows now that it isn't love that Calum feels for him, it's more sinister, more frightening.

Calum stares, open mouth for a few seconds and then he sighs. "Then what is it then?" He says, voice tight and controlled again. "How do you explain what I'm doing for ya, signing my whole life away just to see if you're okay."

Robert shakes his head. "You're _obsessed_." He says shakily. "It's not the same."

Calum looks like he's going to cry and then he spots Robert's ring on his finger. "Pride of place." He says bitterly and then he looks towards the glass panelling, somehow manages to stare right at Aaron and smile smugly.

Aaron feels himself turn to stone as Calum stares and then looks back at Robert.

"He knows I'm here." Aaron panics, can't breathe.

"It's alright son, he can't touch ya, or Robert."

Aaron nods slowly, gulps and looks back to Robert.

Calum's frowning. "Didn't take you long then." He spits. "You've already forgiven him?"

Robert steadies his breath, keeps telling himself to stay strong and ignore all the memories.

"He did _nothing_ wrong." Robert says passionately. " _I_ was the one who fell for -"

Calum slouches just a little, "It was so _easy_ ya know, that's what the best part was. I thought ya were this solid couple, people told me you'd been through the wars and yet still survived." Calum smiles. "But you just fell apart so quickly."

Robert winces at the truth. "You haven't broken us."

Calum sniffs and then squints at Robert, almost like he's studying him. "Maybe not, but I've broken you haven't I?"

Robert's stunned into a painful silence and Aaron hears, watches and wants to bang on the window and tell Calum to stop talking.

Robert gulps, feels something almost break inside him and then he thinks of Aaron.

"No." He says, "You wish."

Aaron lets a tear roll down his face, he's never been prouder.

Calum frowns. "No, no I don't wish that." He says quickly. "But I know I have, you can't lie."

Robert shakes his head, doesn't speak.

"That's why I need to make it up to ya." Calum says, "Me pleading guilty to it all does that." He says quickly. "I'm giving up my _freedom_ for ya."

Robert scowls. "For good reason." He snaps. "You _are_ guilty and if you think this makes up for what you did then you're wrong."

Calum sighs. "You're angry, I get that, but in time -"

"In time?" Robert can't believe what he's hearing. "You actually think that -"

"We have a chance. I know you can forgive me," Calum's almost frantic as he jolts up. "If - if ya can forgive Aaron for - for deserting ya then -"

Robert has tears in his eyes, "You're sick." He shudders, "I - can't believe you. You want ever stop will ya?"

Calum gulps and then shakes his head, pulling his hand across the table and squeezing Robert's hand hard. "No - because deep down I know you don't want me to stop fighting for -"

The guard is there in an instant. He's pulling Calum up and hissing at him, telling him he couldn't touch and -

Aaron's losing it, he's going mad because Calum's _got_ to Robert.

Robert sees Calum being unlocked from the table, he's on his feet and being dragged away and Robert can't look up, he's just frozen until Aaron's running towards him and he's shaking at his shoulders.

"Rob, babe what's - let me look at ya? It's fine, you're okay now." Aaron's saying everything Robert wants to hear but he almost can't react to it.

It's only when he thinks about being home does he raise his head. "Are we done now?" He says, digs deep to stop himself from unraveling because Aaron can't see him like that. Not again.

Aaron's eyes flutters and he shuffles on his feet. Robert notices that he is kneeling, Aaron's hands firm on his knees.

"Yeah, we are." Aaron gulps. "Let's go." He suddenly stands and Robert does to. "You did so -"

Robert winces, doesn't want praise. "Just want to go home." He blurts out and Aaron nods, backs away a little so that Robert has more space.

Robert tries to smile, watches Aaron pull the door open and then stares down at his hand, Calum touched it, wants to burn it.

 

-

 

Victoria catches them as they pull up to the house, can't help but walk a little quickly towards the car window.

Aaron lets out a little sigh because he doesn't know if Robert's up for it, for questions and whatever else she throws their way. He looks over at Robert who hasn't said a word the whole journey back home, not even small talk from Aaron could bring something half meaningful out from him.

Aaron sees Victoria draw nearer and then gently touches Robert's shoulder, he doesn't know what to think when his husband doesn't even move, he just freezes. Aaron doesn't know if it's a good or a bad thing.

"Rob, your window, pull it -"

Victoria's suddenly knocking on the window and Robert's taking off his seatbelt, pushing the door open, nearly hitting her in his haste and then Aaron's rushing towards them both.

Victoria looks a little shocked and then tries to smile at her brother, "You two been somewhere nice?" She says, completely oblivious to what Robert has just been through.

Robert surprises Aaron, starts speaking.

"Police station, had to see him, couldn't risk a _trial_." Robert says before touching his forehead, "Look, I've got a headache, can I speak to ya later?"

Victoria starts blinking almost frantically and has all this red flush on her cheeks. "What? Rob, I - this is a big thing, are you okay?" Victoria looks over Robert's shoulder and sees Aaron's pale face, she knows that the meeting must have ended abruptly or that something happend.

Robert sighs, feels everything too heavy on his shoulders. "I just want to go to sleep, forget it even happened." He says as he looks towards the door of his house.

Aaron steps forward. "Maybe we could come round tomorrow night or something, have a nice chat, ya know - when we're ready."

He says it like they're _collectively_ the problem, like it isn't just Robert.

Victoria nods and then pulls her black coat further around her. "Yeah," she smiles a little. "I'll cook, if I'm not too worn out." She adds before her smile fades and she turns away.

Robert looks down at his hand, won't stop until Aaron's opening the door and he's coming through the door, trying to think of something, anything.

Aaron's chewing his lip nervously, "I - uh think that there's that film on tonight, the one with uh -" he tries to think quickly, can't.

Robert walks towards the sink slowly and then pours himself a glass of water.

Aaron nods slowly, has nothing to say until he sighs. "Don't shut me out. Please." He feels like he's been here before countless times, he can't count, doesn't even want to.

Robert looks towards the stairs, it's scary how easily he has a one track mind, only focusing on one thing.

"I'm not, just need to go lay down for a bit." Robert forces out, tries to meet Aaron's eye.

Aaron shuffles on his feet. "I'll - do you want me to -"

They've gotten into this soft habit of rubbing each other's backs and it's comforting and loving and -

Robert shakes his head, "I'll be fine on my own."

It feels like the biggest lie he's ever told in his life, says it anyway though, doesn't even try to take it back.

Aaron's chin wobbles out of nowhere and he fights this anger inside which makes him want to charge towards Robert and tell him not to do this. Not just take this giant steps backwards like he's doing.

"Okay, yeah fine." Aaron whispers, looks down as he watches Robert disappear.

Robert walks towards the bathroom, feels Calum everywhere, he feels like his whole body is somehow tainted just from that one touch.

Something jolts in his mind and it's like he can't breath, just has to get Calum off him as quickly as he can so he turns the water on, sinks his hand into the basin and almost blanks out.

All he sees is Calum and he suddenly he has tears falling down his face and it's never ending - he can't even see and everything's blurry in his vision.

_'No - because deep down I know you don't want me to stop fighting'_

Robert shudders, still finds himself almost frozen and completely numb of anything other than the voice of Calum in his head. He's in a void, an intoxicating terror and then -

Aaron's flying towards him, screaming, panicking and Robert doesn't know what's happened until he sees the steam everywhere.

His hands are red raw and yet still he can't move.

Aaron's eyes are wide, tears fill them immediately. "Robert? Babe, baby oh my - your hands are -"

Robert's just not listening, he's frozen and Aaron feels his heart pour out of him. He doesn't know what to do, suddenly panics.

"Robert!" Aaron screams right in Robert's face but nothing changes at all and it's _painful_.

Aaron gulps hard and then reaches for his phone. "Mum?" He says suddenly, "Mum there's something wrong with Robert and I can't -"

Aaron hears her telling him to calm down and he can't, he hears her saying that she's on her way and that he needs to call an ambulance because he could be having an _episode_ or something.

"Okay," Aaron shudders and then sobs. "Mum, come quick please I'm - I'm scared mum."

Robert's still by the sink, he's still there and he won't stop looking down at his hands. He won't do anything.

"I know darling, it's going to be fine though." Chas says, reassuringly and then Aaron's ending the call, ringing an ambulance and -

"Hello, I need an ambulance, my - my husband, I think he's having some sort of episode 'cause he won't - he won't respond to anything I'm doing or saying and -" Aaron's voice cracks. "He's burned his hands and - my name? Aaron Dingle. Yeah, okay, _please_ come quickly."

They do. They arrive and so does Chas and Aaron realises why instinct told him to call her, he needs his mum.

He falls into her arms, closes his eyes tightly as they try to help Robert, try to get him to respond.

Robert just won't. It's like he's finally gone into shock and he's had it on delay for so long that now he has no control over it.

"Robert, please, Robert look at me. It's me, Aaron. You need to let them -"

Slowly, so slowly Robert edges closer towards the medic and then he's being guided out the room and away from Aaron.

"I need to be with him." Aaron demands, unravels himself from his mother's grip as he sees the medic look at him.

"Course," he says, tries to smile. "Look, your husband seems to have experienced an episode. It's usually provoked by a traumatic experience or shock or -"

"It's been on the cards since the beginning." Aaron whispers, always knew that it'd get this far.

The medic looks sad and then Chas squeezes Aaron's shoulder tightly.

"You're both welcome to come in the ambulance with us." He medic says and Aaron agrees, finds himself in the back of an ambulance, staring at his husband and crying once again. He's instantly bought back to that day, the fire, the ride to the hospital. It was just like this.

Robert's laying down, they've wrapped his hands up in something and he has his eyes towards the roof of the vehicle, but Aaron can still see the torment and pain in his eyes. He wants so bad to hold his hand, but he can't.

He just _can't_ because _Robert's not himself at the moment_ , he tells himself, it's the worst thing to admit in the world.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter was too much in terms of content but I felt like I couldn't stop writing and it flowed in my head at least. I know it's looking all doom and gloom right now but it's going to get better and Robert's mental health is going to be addressed fully. Thanks, as always, for how amazing your lovely comments are. <333


	39. Back to us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cry (a lot) and then smile ;)

 

They do tests, keep checking over and over again and Aaron can't handle the waiting game. He can't bare it, knowing that he'd let Robert down that badly, that he'd et him wander upstairs and nearly burn his hand off.

"Love?" Chas holds out a plastic cup of coffee and Aaron takes it from her.

"Again. Another thing to bring him down." Aaron shakes his head as his mum sits next to him. "I try to move him forward, I _try_ but then this happens." Aaron's distraught, looks exhausted from it all.

Chas' eyes flicker, "No, love this - it's just a little setback. It was bound to happen after seeing _him_."

  
Aaron sniffs. "I know, I'm just _sick_ of it. I just want him back mum, not like this." He holds his head in his hands and feels his mum gently rock him until his phone goes off.

It's Liv. It's nearly six o'clock and she's probably wondering where they are.

"I can't tell her." Aaron blurts out and Chas looks confused. "She's had to deal with too many hospital visits over the past few months. "I - I'll see we're still out, that she should stay round Gabby's."

Chas' eyes flicker but she doesn't protest, watches her son stand and go and speak to his sister quietly in the corner of the room.

 

-

 

Another hour passes before Aaron finds out what's going on.

"Robert's not burnt his hands too dangerously, it will heal over a few days. It's the mental side of his condition which I need to address, I've spoken to the other doctors and -"

"He's not depressed is he?" Aaron blurts out, tears swell in his eyes as he thinks about it.

"We think he is showing signs of Post-traumatic -"

Aaron's world turns hazy, he can't feel or think anything and he's crying, Chas is holding him close.

"He'll be fine." Chas reassures Aaron, knows all too well how it goes.

The doctor clears his throat. "He - he seems to have shut down, blocked off everything purposely in order to suppress a single thought in his memory. It's why he isn't responding."

Aaron's chin wobbles. "How long will he be like that for?"

The doctor pulls a face. "I'm afraid it's hard to say, couple of hours, days -"

" _Days_?" Aaron gasps, "No, no you have to make him better." He wills, "I need him better _now_."

The doctor looks down. "It's really up to your husband." He says sadly. "In his notes it does say he was spoken to by Karen Farmers, we can arrange for her to see him."

Aaron nods and then gulps. "Can I see him too? I need to -"

"Of course you can." The doctor says, "It's best not to try too hard to coax something out of him though."

Aaron bites down on his lip and follows the doctor, leaves Chas to gather her thoughts in the hallway.

 

-

 

Robert's just laying there, eyes fixed on his hands which are bandaged. He isn't moving an inch as Aaron shuffles through the door and stands next to him.

"I know you're sick, you're not well and - and I'm sorry for not seeing it but - if you think you can shut me out like this and I'll leave ya then you're wrong. You're _so_ wrong Robert."

Aaron can't say anything else, just watches how stone like Robert appears and wants to cry.

"You're trying to get rid of _him_ , you think this is the best way?" Aaron snaps, just a little but Robert doesn't even look up. "Well it's not, being open and -" he hates how he's preaching and suddenly shakes his head. "I'm here and I'm not leaving. Not ever."

 

-

 

Aaron nearly falls asleep in the chair and then he hears Karen knocking on the door. He looks towards Robert, sees that his husband has just been staring at him, blinking slowly, not speaking. It's something, Aaron takes it to mean something and then everything.

"Hello." Karen's voice is still soft and delicate and Aaron stands. "I've looked through his notes, I was wondering if I could have a word with him." She speaks like Robert's not even in the room.

Aaron nods reluctantly, smiles at Robert and then leaves.

Karen sits, looks at Robert.

"I want you to know one thing Robert, this is common. The disorder you have after _everything_ you have been through, it's not going to define you. You can't let it consume you like you're doing right now."

Robert suddenly feels a tear roll down his face and Karen comes nearer.

"He's _never_ coming near you again." Karen whispers. "It's passed now and I need you to try and box it away, you need to remember the pain, remember your sadness and yet still move past it."

Karen gulps. "Otherwise, he's won." She says. "Don't let fear consume you Robert, let it make you grow stronger than any memory you have, let it strengthen your mind, your family, your marriage."

Another tear falls down his face.

"Don't lock yourself away like this because soon you won't be able to find a way out and you'll be stuck this way, and you'll regret it Robert."

Karen goes into her bag and pulls out a card. "I can't force you to see me but - I'd rather you come to me then keep seeing you laying in here."

She stands then and Robert lets out this little gasp, looks towards the card and then Karen and she smiles at him before leaving.

 

-

 

Chas comes through the door with a smile on her face.

"Hiya love." Chas holds her breath, Aaron's just sitting there holding Robert's hand.

Robert still has a vacant expression on his face and he stares at Chas who's in front of him.

"You're gonna be fine. I know you are because - look at me eh?"

Aaron smiles softly but Robert doesn't even react.

"We're all here," Robert feels Chas squeeze his hand. "Until you're ready to come back to us properly yeah?"

Aaron's touched by it, feels like he might cry.

 

-

 

They say they can't keep him any longer. They say that he's healthy enough to go home and Aaron's petrified.

Chas helps them both, she's great really and as she makes them a cuppa Aaron tentatively watches Robert walk towards the sofa and sit there, not saying a word.

Aaron gulps, looks towards his mum. "I don't know what to do." He admits.

"Leave him." Chas advises, putting a tea bag in each mug. "He's in shock, he'll be okay by tomorrow."

Aaron nods, feels all this love rise up inside him. "I don't know what I would have done if you didn't come and - help me, calm me down a bit." Chas looks up in surprise. "I'm sorry for taking everything out on ya before."

Chas comes closer towards her son and squeezes him tight. "It's okay love, I was to blame for telling ya to move on all the bloody time."

Aaron pulls away and Chas smiles.

"He'll get through this ya know." Chas says and then she's all emotional. "I love ya darling, you know I do don't ya?" Aaron nods. "I love ya _both_."

Aaron's heart gives way and he clings to her even tighter, feels a part of him has almost just been completed by her words. He wonders if she knows how much they mean to him after all this time.

 

-

 

Robert's the same the next morning. He's stayed down stairs after falling asleep on the sofa the night before.

Aaron stands by the kitchen, watches his husband wake up and yet nothing changes. He's still almost frozen.

"Morning." Aaron tries, comes towards Robert and sits on the coffee table. "You feeling any better?"

Robert doesn't move an inch, just keeps blinking.

"Shall I make ya some -"

There's a knock on the door and Aaron wants to kick himself, knows that it's Liv and she hasn't got a clue what's happened.

He answers it, watches her come through the door.

"I know, I know, I forgot my keys though so I had to knock." Liv says, pulling a hairband out and redoing a ponytail.

"Liv, you need to get to school now." Aaron says, nervous.

Liv shrugs her shoulders. "Settle down, just need to get a textbook." She says before looking over towards the sofa. "Oh morning to you too Rob."

Aaron laughs nervously, "He's uh - not feeling well, a bit uh, under the weather actually so I don't think he needs your -"

"What's wrong?" She's curious, comes closer towards Robert and sights the bandages. "What have ya done?" She panics, her face flushing red.

Aaron stands in front of Robert. "Hot water, accident. He's fine though."

"You just said he wasn't feeling well." Liv squints, "What's going on?"

Aaron sighs, guides her towards the door. "Don't freak." He warns. "Robert's not responding, it's like he's shut himself down."

Liv looks horrified. "But why? I thought he was doing well."

Aaron gulps. "He had to see Calum yesterday, it's a long story but - but now the doctors reckon he has PTSD."

Liv looks distraught now and Aaron hugs her.

"I don't want you worrying about anything, you hear me? Nothing, okay?"

Liv pulls away, suddenly finds her book near her others and shoves them into her bag and wipes at her eyes. "Better be going to school." She says before slamming the door shut.

Aaron wipes a hand over his face and sighs before walking back towards Robert. He'll sit in silence all day if he has to.

"Remember when I took ya to Bar West? Forty five minutes I sat there waiting for you to speak."

He thinks he sees a ghost of a smile on Robert's face.

"I didn't think about leaving once though ya know." Aaron whispers. "I knew even back then you were worth the wait."

For a second Aaron thinks that Robert will say something but he doesn't.

Aaron's phone starts ringing, it's Adam, shouting all sorts down the phone about having to meet a deadline, not being able to finish it on his own losing money.

"Mate, calm down. I - no I can't just leave Robert, Adam I don't care if it's only for a few hours, he needs -"

Robert twitches and then he's slowing grabbing the remote, pushing down on the power button and suddenly _Grand Designs_ is on.

Aaron watches how calm Robert looks, melts just a little and then he's agreeing on the phone and hanging up.

"Just need to go to work for a few hours," Aaron stands, Robert doesn't react. "I'm gonna have uh - my mum check in with ya every hour okay?" He says, unable to resit pressing a kiss to Robert's hair and backing away. "Love you."

He tries to ignore the way the silence stings as he leaves.

 

-

 

Robert's in darkness, almost landed into this state of oblivion and his swimming, trying to stay a float as the sky grows black and everything closes in.

He could hear Karen, could hear Aaron and Liv but he couldn't move. It was just that simple, there was no way he could bring himself to stop what he was doing, pushing every thought down in his head, trying to numb himself so that he can't feel Calum anymore. The thought consumes him, manages to override everything else entirely.

Chas comes, he can't even look at her as she makes him a sandwich and tries to make small talk. She leaves once she realises that she's failed, that Robert just can't. Simple as.

 _Grand Designs_ finishes and Robert feels such a crushing sense of disappointment that it's almost embarrassing. He looks down at his bandaged hands and wants to rip them off. He wants to try and -

Robert stands slowly, thinks about Calum as he wanders over to the drawers, he's looking for scissors and then he finds something he didn't expect to see. Robert's staring down at a notepad, Aaron's writing all over the pages. It's a list.

  
\- _Door slamming_

_\- Loud bangs_

_\- Soup (especially onion)_

_\- Petting his hair (sometimes)_

_\- Kissing quickly_

_\- Locked doors_

_\- Straddling his hips_

Robert's in shock, feels his heart ache as he sees the top, what the list is called: **Triggers for Robert**

He gasps, puts a hand over his mouth and cries because Aaron's made this for him, for them and it shows Robert everything. It shows him how much Aaron cares. He needs to break free from this darkness, needs to let go and listen to what Karen said to him.

' _God, you need to move on.'_

 

-

 

Aaron's a nervous mess at the scrapyard, titchy and distant and he nearly topples over a tray of copper piping.

"Aaron!" Adam shouts, makes Aaron jump and escape his own thoughts.

Aaron gulps. "Sorry. I -" he shakes his head. "I should be getting back to Robert."

"Oh come on man, he's doing better." Adam almost wines and Aaron raises his head.

"You have 'no idea." Aaron says shakily, feels tears in his eyes.

Adam seems troubled by that. "What?" He asks. "Mate has something happened?"

"I think we've lost him, I think I've lost my husband for good Adam and I don't know what to do." He just breaks down, can't do anything but fall into Adam's chest and sob.

Aaron doesn't even know when he pulls away finally but Adam's got tears in his eyes too and he's clearing his throat.

"Let's go inside, I've got some beers yeah? You can tell me all about it." Adam coaxes Aaron into the portacabin, Nicola's not there thankfully.

Aaron sits in his chair, looks at the desk opposite him and sees Robert's things laying there. He feels like crying again and then Adam passes him a beer.

"Mate, I - what's wrong?" Adam tries and Aaron opens up.

"He's got PTSD." Aaron sighs, gulps hard. "He's gone into shock Ad, he - he won't speak."

Adam frowns. "What do you mean?"

Aaron shakes his head, "It's like he's a mute, he's just cut himself off from the world. He doesn't care anymore, he's just given up."

Aaron looks like he's still wrapping his head around the whole not talking idea and it shows as he bends his head and tries to say something helpful.

"Mate, you need to give him time, space before -"

"I can't give him space because I'm scared that if I do - he'll realise he won't need me Adam." Aaron gasps, it's been held in for so long. "And I need him - _I_ need him so much, _God_ he has no idea." He swings the can back and necks it down.

"Easy Aaron," Adam shuffles towards Aaron and then his phone goes off. It's a message alert from Vic. "Oh uh it's Vic, banging on about this dinner."

Aaron winces, "I doubt he'll be up for that, ya know he'd have to talk and move for that to happen." He scrunches his face up as if he's in pain and it rips through Adam.

"Ya want to get back to him?" Adam asks, slouches.

Aaron bites his lip, "Of course." He says, rubbing at his forehead. "But I know he doesn't _want_ me to." He shrugs his shoulders, "He doesn't need me, I bet he doesn't even love -"

" _Enough_." Adam says, "Stop it now." He adds, he shakes his head. "You're not thinking straight."

Aaron leans back in his chair and sighs. "Maybe." He bites his lip again and then he has tears in his eyes. "I'll stay here though, at least until Liv gets back, she shouldn't have to deal with that at all. She practically ran out this morning, she looked scared."

Adam tuts, gulps hard. "She'll be okay." He whispers, Aaron nods his head, "You all will, trust me."

Aaron tries to smile, can't.

Liv rings, she's desperate for a sleepover round Gabby's and he knows what it's about - agrees reluctantly.

The sun is nearly setting when Aaron finally leaves the scrapyard, he doesn't know what to expect when he gets into his car and makes his way towards the Mill.

His mum hasn't text him in over an hour and he feels his heart twist a little as he pulls up at the house and prepares himself for a silent, long night, alone in their bed.

The door opens with little force and Aaron slides off his shoes, shoving them in the rack and then he looks towards the sofa, Robert isn't there and his chest tightens. Then he sees a flicker of a candle or something and his attention is drawn towards the kitchen.

Robert's standing there, a tea towel has been thrown over his shoulder and he's wearing a pair of old jeans with a dark green jumper which is too big for his frame now. He looks so nervous that Aaron's heart races _for_ him.

"I made - made us some pasta, we didn't have a lot of -" Robert looks down, then towards the table, the red cloth and the candle in the middle. "I'll have to get us some more tomatoes -"

Aaron's shaking, it's mad how quickly he cries, how it all pours out of him and he can't help but run into Robert's arms. Robert doesn't even pull away, he cradles him and they rock together until Aaron pulls away, questions if it's all really happening as he holds Robert's face.

His husband still looks pale, has his hair flat down on his forehead like before but he looks so young, so innocent and he's trying isn't he? He's trying to do something nice.

"I love you, I love you, I love -" Aaron holds Robert's face and he lets tears fall down his face, "Robert I don't care about the bloody tomatoes." He whispers, manages to make Robert actually smile.

Robert slowly strokes Aaron's face and it's so tender that Aaron gasps. "I'm sorry for leaving you."

Aaron knows what he means and his heart breaks because it's all too much, this morning his husband wasn't there, he was replaced by someone else but now he's back.

"You're back now," Aaron shrugs, "I don't care about that, I just -" he dares to grip Robert's jumper, "Don't leave me again, try not to."

Aaron shudders as Robert suddenly looks serious. "I won't." He says softly. "I can't explain what came over me Aaron." He can't understand, it was like he was locked in his own body but it didn't feel like his really.

Aaron shakes his head, "You don't have to try." He says, starts stroking Robert's arm like he used to do.

Robert lets him, closes his eyes and just lets him.

 

-

 

"How did you make this?" Aaron asks, looks at the thin bandages on Robert's hands and then at his bowl.

Robert looks all nervous as he clears his throat. "Your mum helped me, when she came round, the _third_ time."

Aaron feels all warm and happy and then he frowns. "Is it weird to ask why?"

Robert shakes his head and then gulps. "No, it's not." He lets out shyly and then suddenly he's taking something from his pocket and pressing it down on the table.

Aaron recognises it instantly and blushes hard.

"I found this." Robert whispers. "It was like everything just made sense, you love me and that's all I should be thinking about."

Robert gulps as he studies Aaron's expression.

"Say something." Robert wills.

Aaron breaks out into this dazzling smile. "Bit rich coming from you don't you think?" He jokes and Robert smiles too.

Aaron slowly reaches out and strokes Robert's hand. "I convinced myself you'd given up on us, that you didn't love me anymore."

Robert's horrified, squeezes Aaron's hand tight. " _No_. Look Aaron, me - me shutting off had nothing to do with you and everything to do with _him_."

Aaron has tears swimming in his eyes and Robert steadies his breath.

"Just because I have ... PTSD." It's hard for him to get out, Aaron notices. "Doesn't mean it defines me." It's what Karen said. He believes it now.

"I know that babe," Aaron whispers. "I just - I'm scared that you'll leave me, think you deserve to do this on your own and you _don't_."

Robert has tears in his eyes, just listens because it looks like Aaron isn't quite finished.

"I'm scared that - that you'll switch off again and I'll lose ya for good, properly and you won't come back to me and I'll be left -"

Robert comes off the chair and suddenly hugs Aaron tightly, he holds him and drops his arms around his neck, squeezing softly as Aaron shudders beneath him.

"I won't, I promise I won't." Robert says quickly. "I was just scared of him Aaron but I'm not anymore." He pulls away and sees the state of Aaron. He hadn't slept the night before, that much was plain to see.

"I'm sorry Aaron."

Aaron shakes his head. "You don't have a thing to be sorry about, okay?"

"I made you think I didn't love you, how could I even do that to -"

Aaron places a hand on Robert's chest to stop him. "It's okay." He says softly.

Robert's eyes flicker for a second and then he digs into his pocket, produces another piece of paper.

"I wrote this, my own list." Robert says, passing it to Aaron and watching him read. 

  
**Things that make Robert better:**

_\- Blankets by the sofa_

_\- Grand Designs_

_\- Morning hugs_

_\- Victoria's Shepards pie_

_\- Victoria's baby_

_\- Victoria_

_\- Making Liv breakfast_

_\- Doing Liv's hair_

_\- Liv_

_\- Kissing Aaron_

_\- Hearing that Aaron loves me_

_\- Aaron rubbing my back whilst I try and sleep_

_\- Aaron_

 

Aaron starts crying again, he can't stop until he's pulling Robert towards him and he's stroking his hair.

"I need you to know," Robert whispers. "I hate leaving ya, and I'll try not to again. Because I love you so much Aaron, I'm sorry - I love ya."

Aaron blows out a breath and nods his head. "I love you too." He whispers, pushes their foreheads together and then their lips.

It lasts for a few seconds before Robert pulls away.

"I - I'm going to see Karen on Tuesday and then maybe you could come along the next time I go?"

The next time. He's going again, Aaron's thinks, he's going more than once.

"Of course i will." Aaron pushes out, fills his heart burst with joy.

Robert smiles, "Good." He admits. "Because you know I can't do any of this without you."

Aaron frowns. "Don't be daft."

"It's true." Robert says. "I heard everything you said you know, I couldn't switch you off even if I tried."

Aaron smiles, feels his heart melt and then he kisses Robert again.

"I know I keep saying this but - me and you, we'll be okay in the end." Aaron whispers. "We'll do this, together."

Robert nods. "Together, no more shutting off."

Aaron feels guilty. "But you have P -"

Robert gulps. "I'll manage it."

"We'll manage it Rob."

Robert smiles softly. "We'll manage it." He echoes, can't believe he's this lucky to be loved by Aaron like this.

 

-

 

He tells Victoria with a sense of calm which almost breaks her. She wants to hold him and never let him go but she does when she sees him tensing a little around her.

"Rob - I'm so sorry." Victoria says, looks like she needs a stiff drink instead and she sips her orange juice at the pub.

"Why are you sorry?" Robert blinks softly. "I'm not going to let this rule my life."

Victoria nods, has tears in her eyes.

"I mean it was a long time coming wasn't it? After _everything_ , even before he came along, I was _shot_ as well." Robert explains and Victoria steadies her breath.

"I'm here," Victoria squeezes Robert's arm and then looks down towards her stomach. "We _both_ are."

Robert warms at that, stays for another drink until Victoria disappears off for a checkup.

Chas brings him a sandwich with a smile and he just blurts it out.

"I've got an appointment tomorrow for my PTSD."

Chas makes a face and then sits down. "Oh, Aaron didn't say."

Robert shakes his head. "He uh - he's trying to get out of a deal or something but -"

Chas raises an eyebrow and then realises what Robert's trying to say.

"Maybe you could come instead. If it's not too much trouble or -"

Chas looks touched, "You'd really want _me_ there."

"I'd really want my mum there." He doesn't even know why or how he has it but he does and he wants to bury himself in the ground for being so foolishly open.

Chas' eyes flicker and then she squeezes Robert's hand. "I'll do alright in her place I think."

"Yeah. You will." Robert says, can't believe how easy it is to squeeze her hand back.

The appointment isn't scary. He thought it would be but it's not really.

He gets it a bit more as well, what he has and what it means.

The doctor keeps saying things like 'it is not life debilitating' and 'it's just a part of your life now' and it seems to actually work.

It's enough to make him feel a little better at least but of course he has questions, of course.

"Will I start hearing voices and not be able to switch them off?" He thinks of Chas. That's what happened to her too didn't it? She heard Carl King's voice and -

"If you do then, then it'll be an episode you're going through."

Robert shudders and the doctor smiles warmly.

"Don't be scared Robert," he says and passes him a small leaflet.

It's all about dealing with his disorder with loved ones.

He thinks of Aaron almost immediately.

 

-

 

They go through it together, flick through every page and Robert watches Aaron absorb all and try and not look so overwhelmed.

Robert places a hand on his. "I know it's a lot."

Aaron gulps because _it is_. But he's been here before hasn't he? With his mum. He'd been to the hospital, the visitations, heard all the talk.

"We'll go through it together though." Robert adds hopefully.

Aaron smiles and then kisses the top of Robert's head. "Of course."

 

-

  
Robert can hear whispering from downstairs and he approaches the living room slowly, sees Liv hugging a pillow on the sofa.

 "Yeah - well he looks fine, but it's his brain innit. I've researched it all, yeah, Gabby just listen for a second. What if he shuts off again?"

Robert feels his heart race and thump out of his chest.

"We couldn't handle that. _I_ couldn't. He won't Gabby - no - he won't ever be the same."

Robert feels this need to step forward and Liv sights him, looks horrified as she hangs the phone up.

"You scared?" Robert asks slowly before coming towards her. "Because I am. But I promise, just because I have PTSD doesn't mean you're going to lose me."

Liv gulps and then watches Robert sit next to her.

"What did the doctors say today?" Liv's chin wobbles.

Robert had told Aaron and it had been easy to. "I could have some bad days. But as long as I keep on top of my medication then I'll be okay, hopefully."

Liv gulps. "Just feel helpless."

Robert stings, it's what Aaron had said to him as well. "How about you be my reminder then, with all the medication. You keep me on track yeah?"

Liv smiles, Robert knows it makes her feel special and he loves it.

"Love ya kid." Robert whispers into her hair.

"Ditto."

 

-

 

"It's good to see you in a different setting." Karen says, has her hair in these plaits which remind Robert of Liv, make him instantly settle.

Robert nods. "Yeah, I suppose." He's still a little nervous.

Karen gulps and then shuffles a little forward, "What managed to - get you out of your -"

"Aaron." Robert says simply, almost with a shrug. "Of course it was Aaron."

Karen smiles, looks happy and then frowns just slightly. "I think we should talk about Calum." She insists. "If you're ready."

Robert blows out a breath, it's been a week since he saw him and he's fading almost completely from his memory.

Robert nods his head, "I was scared." He admits softly.

"Are you still scared now?"

Robert thinks about it, he still keeps having little nightmares but they don't last long and Aaron's always there, rubbing his back and giving him a glass of water.

"No, not really." Robert says slowly. "I'm not scared that he'll come and get me or anything like that. It's not an irrational fear."

Karen seems impressed by his thinking. "Good Robert, that's a very clear way of looking at it."

Robert smiles, tilts his head. "Can I bring Aaron next time?" He asks.

Karen smiles, "I'd love to see you both.

 

-

 

Aaron nervously chews his nails and Louise smiles at him. He's told her what happened and she's yet to reply.

"I don't think you realise how important your reaction was Aaron."

Aaron's eyes flicker. "Ya what?" He says softly, doesn't understand.

"You reacted almost instantly to Robert, you realised he was hurt, needed medical attention and you got that for him." Louise says warmly.

Aaron gulps hard and then nods.

"I needed to, I couldn't just bury my head in the sand." Aaron explains.

Louise leans back in her chair. "Think back to what you may have done a few years ago."

Aaron blinks and then he gets it. "Probably would have hurt myself after I got him help. Probably would have - have hit a wall or - myself."

Louise nods. "Did you think about doing that after you got him help?"

Aaron's eyes widen. "It didn't even cross my mind."

Louise's smile is so warm and dazzling and Aaron feels proud of himself. It's strange.

"You've made so much progress Aaron." Louise says softly.

Aaron smiles, can't believe how much he _does_ believe her words.

 

 

-

 

Liv's done something weird, she's made tea for them all and it's not even that bad. They haven't sat at the table like this for ages, with smiles on their faces and heads leaning back from laughter over something silly.

Aaron has a hand on Robert's thigh as they finish up and Aaron gently strokes Robert's hand back.

"- And then she said she was going to call the teacher so I had to stop." Liv's blabbing on about something and nothing and it's series because it's like music to his ears - it's simple, it's normal and it's just why he needs he thinks.

Aaron smiles, "Well good." He points a finger at Liv. "You stopped before it went too far."

Liv nods her head and then looks at the clean plates on the table. "Oh so it went down well then." She declares proudly.

"Yeah it did, it was nice Liv." Robert leans closer. "Better than Vic's." He says and Liv practically beams.

Liv stands and starts clearing the table as Robert and Aaron look on in shock.

"Since when did she start clearing the table?" Robert whispers as Liv passes.

Aaron laughs, strokes Robert's hand. "God knows," he mutters before he looks a little more serious at Robert. "You sure you want me coming tomorrow?"

They're having this joint sort of session and Aaron can't lie, he's worried about it.

He's worried that they'll say something and then won't be able to take it back and have to _talk_ about it all.

He's being silly. He knows he is.

Robert gulps hard. "Of course I do." He says slowly. "Unless you don't want to yourself?"

Aaron shakes his head. "No I do want to, I do."

Robert suddenly kisses Aaron's forehead and it's so soft that Aaron's heart breaks. "Then there's no problem." He whispers.

It starts slow, Aaron's nervous and almost jittery as he comes through the door and then Robert does this amazing thing. He holds his head, steadies his nerves and everything seems to stop feeling so scary.

Karen makes them do this thing and suddenly they're openly talking about what happened, facing each other and staring into each other's eyes.

"I want you to tell each other one thing you learnt from what happened to you both." Karen says gently.

Robert blows out a breath, goes first. "Well uh - the obvious one is, Aaron's always right."

There's the sound of a soft chuckle going through the room and Aaron smiles. They haven't joked about any of it yet and it's all strange and odd but Robert's seeing a lightness in all this darkness and it's something.

"What I also learnt is that you're the most - most patient man I've ever met." Robert says, looks down and then raises his head. "And you love me more than I thought."

Aaron gulps, he feels a lump in his throat which won't budge. "More than you'll ever know." He whispers before clearing his throat. "I uh - I learnt that you'd do anything for our family, you'd protect us from anything." Aaron looks down. "I've always been insecure about - about you dealing with me and Liv but you showed me that you love what we have, you - I should have never doubted ya."

Robert looks all warm and fuzzy and Aaron holds his hand before looking back at Karen.

"So what you've just done is prove that you can find something positive out of this experience." Karen informs them before smiling. "Now why don't you -" she leans forward and passes them both a notepad and pen. "Write down your biggest fear about your relationship."

Aaron's eyes grow wide.

"I know it sounds scary but - but it's going to help, help you tackle any issues you have and actually talk about them."

Aaron slowly picks up the pen and starts writing. His fear is easy to think of and soon Robert's writing one down as well. Aaron gulps as he holds the notepad and then clears his throat.

"My uh - my fear is that -" Aaron feels like an idiot. "That Robert will realise how strong he is, realise he doesn't need me and leave."

Robert's heart literally shatters and he can't breathe for a second.

" _No_." Robert shudders, "Aaron -" he holds out his hand and then the notepad falls in between them and Aaron can see what it says.

' _I'm scared that Aaron will realise how weak I am, realise he doesn't need me and leave.'_

It's enough to make Aaron wince and then Karen's seeing what it says and she's sighing softly.

"You see how similar your fears are?" Karen says.

Aaron can't believe it. Neither can Robert.

"Aaron, do you think Robert's weak?"

Aaron shakes his head passionately. "No, he's he bravest man I know. He is. He just doesn't know it yet."

Robert's eyes flutter and then Karen looks at him. "Do you see that Robert? You have nothing to fear."

"Robert, will you leave Aaron?" Karen says, "Because you grow more independent again?"

Robert shakes his head. "Of course I won't let." He says. "It's mad to think -"

"That's what you think Aaron will do though isn't it? Leave you in the end?"

They're silent for a few seconds.

"Don't you see how irrational it seems to the pair of you?" Karen says and Robert nods. "You _both_ love and care for one another, you just need to know that neither of you are going anywhere."

Robert squeezes Aaron's hand, "I won't leave you, not even - emotionally." He says softly, refers to his shut down and feels his heart race.

Aaron nods and then he has tears down his face. "I trust you." He blurts out and it's everything.

Robert squeezes Aaron's hand. "I trust you too."

 

-

 

Another week goes by and Aaron sees Robert growing, he's smiling again, laughing along to things on the television and then he says something over dinner which makes Aaron gulp nervously.

"Back to - to work?" Aaron says, then tightens his grip around the fork.

Robert blinks softly. "I've been doing work at home all week haven't I? Come on, you'll be there to protect me." He says gently.

Aaron smiles at that and resists the urge to tell Robert that he was there last time and yet Calum still managed -

"If you're sure." Aaron says slowly.

"I am." Robert says a little too quickly. "Don't get me wrong, I love being here but - you know how I am. I get restless."

Aaron nods. "Yeah I know." He says and then he sees something in Robert's eyes, thinks back to when he came home. The way Robert had been a little silent and shy and clingy until Aaron helped him open up.

"You gonna tell me what before was about then?" Aaron says, "Unless it was about going back to work." Robert looks down, shrinks back into himself. "It wasn't."

Robert lets out a shaky breath and then thinks back to what came in the post. He's proud of himself for the way he reacted, it was shock, pure and utter shock but then Aaron came through the door and everything inside him managed to settle and push it back.

Robert stands and then goes towards the sofa, reaches down for the crumpled letter and then comes back to the table.

"It's uh - Calum's sentencing." Robert says shakily and Aaron's eyes grow wide. "It's in a weeks time, lets me know that he's pleading guilty to all charges."

Robert sits down and Aaron can't speak.

"It's - I mean - _Rob_ he's pleading guilty." Aaron whispers, "That's what we wanted."

Robert nods and then ducks his head. "Yeah it is." He says and it's weird, he's thought he'd be happier.

"Look we - we don't need to go to the sentencing if you're not up to it. The _last_ thing I want is another setback."

Robert raises his head. "I need to go I think." He bites his lip and then shrugs. "I think." He repeats and it's clear that he's unsure.

Aaron slowly pulls a hand over Robert's and smiles. "You don't need to decide just yet."

Robert nods, knows he doesn't. "I know. I know I don't but -" he stops himself and then strokes Aaron's hand. "Maybe I should ask Karen what to do."

Aaron nods quickly. "I think that would help."

Robert does, of course she says it's up to him and he buries his head in the sand, becomes engrossed in what he used to love - working. He likes it, it calms him down and settles his thoughts until he can't keep ignoring it anymore.

They're in the pub, Robert holds back the memories and becomes proud of himself for quickly his mind was able to suppress them.

Chas is there, pouring them pints and smiling nervously.

"You decided what you're going to do - ya know about - tomorrow?"

Aaron practically winces, wanted to be the one to ask Robert himself tonight but apparently his mum is just too supportive now.

Robert gulps, Aaron hasn't been reminding him and he has no idea really that it's - it's happening tomorrow whether he goes or not.

"Not sure yet." Robert says with a shrug and then hears Charity approaching.

"I think you should just go." She says, collecting empty glasses and then coming round the bar.

Chas scowls. "No one asked you - nosey."

"Nah, think she's got a point actually." Robert didn't even realise Cain was sitting in the corner of the pub nursing a pint. "Might do ya good."

"Yeah well the last time he got advice from you he ended up -" Aaron snaps, then hides in himself and apologises.

Robert clears his throat and Cain comes towards them at the bar. "Well I wouldn't mind seeing him get sent down." He says, "Don't think Chas or Aaron would too."

Aaron scowls. "This isn't a nice family trip out Cain." He bites.

Cain looks apologetic and then downs the rest of his pint. "It's up to you." He directs at Robert and then walks out.

Liv's already in bed by the time they get home and Robert stands by the bathroom sink staring at himself for a few seconds whilst Aaron locks up down stairs. He does it three times now, just to check.

Robert's skin isn't pale anymore, the bruising has gone down and his eyes are almost bright again. He's put on weight too, enough for it to be noticeable, enough for him to stop taking all those vitamins.

Aaron comes through the door quietly and strips down to his boxers, like usual. Robert's eyes wander, like usual and they both stare at each other almost in awe.

They've spoken about this, about touching, having sex like before and it's touchy ground because Robert still has nightmares and Aaron's scared that if he tries anything, something will react in Robert and he'll freeze.

Robert's touched him, kissed him, of course he has but it hasn't gone any further than that.

It will, Robert thinks. It has to, as soon as he's locked up, Robert tells himself.

Robert climbs into bed with Aaron and stares up at the ceiling.

"I've decided to go tomorrow." Robert whispers as he feels Aaron turn towards him. "For me. Not for him."

Aaron squeezes his hand and buries his head into Robert's chest.

"I'll be there," Aaron says, although he's panicking inside. "By your side, and then we'll go back to -"

"It won't be normal." Robert's eyes are watery. "You do know that don't ya?"

Aaron gulps hard and nods. "Of course I do." He says softly before hugging at Robert's waist. "But that doesn't mean - Robert I don't love ya any less."

Robert seems warmed by it and nuzzles close to Aaron. "I love you now even more than I thought was possible."

Aaron gasps, thinks about how closed off Robert made himself before and then looks at his husband now.

His shock is apparent as Robert raises an eyebrow.

"What?" Robert says slowly and Aaron just blushes a little.

"That soppy stuff is a exactly something my Robert used to say." Aaron whispers and then Robert kisses him and keeps kissing and kissing until his lips are numb and his eyes grow tried.

He doesn't even dream of Calum and the outcomes of the next day, Aaron's lips on his manage to make it all just melt away.

 

-

 

It's the first thing Robert thinks about when he wakes up, he's seeing Calum. He's actually going to have to see Calum once again and it might destroy him. Aaron's made them breakfast, keeps trying to keep things light and ignore how slow Robert's movements are, how quiet he is being.

Liv notices though, squeezes at Robert's hand before she stands.

"Rob?" Liv says softly and Robert looks up. "Today, I - wish I could be there." She's so genuine and Robert has to make a laugh out of it.

"Wish you could miss double maths more like."

Aaron chuckles as he listens by the sink and Robert warms at the sound.

Liv's chin wobbles and then she throws her arms around Robert. "Love ya." She mumbles. "He'll get what's coming to him."

Robert nods against her and then doesn't want to let go until she's pulling away and he's staring at her.

"Thank you." Robert says as he watches her leave. Aaron comes closer, presses a hand on Robert's shoulder and squeezes.

"She's right you know. He'll get what's coming to him today."

Robert smiles nervously and then nods.

Robert's stands in his suit near the door, pressing down his tie. He hasn't worn one for months and it feels completely normal. Aaron whistles and makes Robert blush as they both get ready to leave and then there's a knock at the door.

Aaron frowns and then goes to answer it. The door swings open and Victoria stands there, bigger than when Aaron last saw her and Adam's holding her shoulder. Aaron looks behind them and sees his mum standing there with Paddy and Cain and Charity.

"Jesus, what are you lot doing here?" Aaron says, confused.

They pile in.

"Call it moral support or whatever." Cain says, shrugs.

Robert's heart flutters and he nearly falls back in shock as Paddy smiles at him and it looks genuine.

"Come on then, lets go." Chas says, rubs her hands together and then squeezes at Robert's arm.

Robert finds it strange, feels almost ready to face it all.

 

 

It's starting, they're in their seats and Aaron's got him all to himself for a second.

"Look at me Rob, whatever happens I love ya and I'm with ya in this, forever yeah?" Aaron whispers, feels nothing but love pour out of him.

Robert hugs him close and they rock a little before he kisses at Aaron's neck gently. "Love you." He says and then he sits down, holds at Aaron's hand tightly and then watches everyone settle in the room.

Robert's blood runs cold as he sees Calum enter and then everything goes quiet as things are talked through again and he hears them mention his PTSD.

It makes him wince and then he feels Aaron start to tense around him and he looks over, smiles to reassure him.

It all carries on. Calum looks up and Robert sees how small and weak he looks, he has a black eye and he wonders how he got it. He actually wonders and then everything inside him turns numb, he doesn't want to know.

Aaron sits there, tears swell in his eyes and then he hears all the sneers from his family and he feels better about all the support Robert gets.

Robert tightens around Aaron's hand and then he hears it -

He hears the charges against Calum.

Arson

Two counts of attempted murder

Harassment

Abduction and Drug abuse.

The list is lengthy, keeps going and Robert shudders as he hears the judge go through it all and then -

Life. It's life. It's twenty five years minimum and -

Robert has tears swell in his eyes, he feels Aaron press a kiss to his temple and he's crying too and then chas is leaning towards and whispering in his ear.

"It's over son, it's over."

She's hugging him and Charity's cheering and Cain is jeering like mad and -

Victoria's in tears, hugging Adam and -

Calum looks up for a split second and he's completely in shock but still manages to say something.

"I did it for you." Calum says and Aaron suddenly stands, leans over the bar.

"You better shut your twisted little mouth your sick prick! You've lost." Aaron screams, tears fall down his face and then Cain's holding him back.

"He's not even worth it lad." Cain mutters.

Robert touches Aaron's hand and softens the younger man and then he's looking down and seeing Calum's face.

He's not scared one bit, he can stare right at him and not even think about cringing away from view. He stares him down and then Calum's being taken away and he can breath again and it's mad.

Aaron has a hand over his shoulder and he kisses Robert's temple again.

"You did it." Aaron whispers and then Victoria's rubbing at Robert's arms.

" _We_ did it." Robert confirms, loses himself a little and darting into a kiss with Aaron.

As he pulls away he can hear the cheers around him and he smiles, his shoulders relax and he can breath, he can breath just fine.

The Dingles want to celebrate and Robert wants to be polite about it, sips his beer at the bar before disappearing off outside with a small smile of his face as he watches Aaron hug Paddy.

He's alone for as long as he wants to be really and then Aaron's right in queue, propped up beside him, kicking their feet together. 

"You alright?" Aaron asks and then sighs. "Stupid question, sorry."

Robert shudders and then looks at Aaron. "I finally get it, how you felt when - when he got sent down."

Aaron feels weird, he never thought Robert would actually understand how strange he felt that day. A mixture of relief and horror had swept through his heart and then such an awful feeling of 'Is this it?' which just couldn't go away.

Aaron squeezes Robert's hand. "Weird innit?" He remarks before looking a little seriously. "You do realise that - that he won't ever hurt you again don't ya?"

Robert nods and then looks up. "With your family around? Nah I think I'll be alright."

Aaron chuckles and his heart swells. "Can't believe they all came." He says. "Actually I do, you're one of them now. It's what our family do innit, stick by each other."

Robert bites his lip like Aaron does and smiles.

"Yeah, it is." He realises.

 

-

 

Nicola's catching up to them as they had back into the bar for another drink and then she's smiling.

"I heard. I'm so glad." Nicola says, genuinely looks pleased for Robert and he smiles.

"Cheers." Robert ducks his head a little shyly and then Aaron's stepping in for him.

"Eh he got done for all the drugging you as well, with the poison. Twenty five years for it all." Aaron says and then Nicola clears her throat.

"Let's hope the little scrote never sees the light of day again eh." Nicola says a little too loudly and then Cain's slamming a fist down on the table.

"I'll drink to that!" He says and then the pub starts cheering.

"Me n'all." Pete says, heading towards Robert and hugging him quickly. "Look mate I'm sorry I couldn't come, work was mad today for some reason."

Robert shrugs. "Ah so business is good again?"

Aaron watches his husband from afar, sees that old charm start to creep in and he has this enthusiasm which he's practically dripping from. It's magical.

Robert wants to get home, back to Liv and Aaron notices, starts saying goodbye.

"Thanks." Aaron says as he hugs at his mum, "For everything." He mumbles and then she's got tears in her eyes and she's having to wipe them away as Robert hugs her too.

Cain stands there and Robert plucks up the courage to shake his hand whilst Charity watches on, winks at Robert.

"Cheers Cain." Robert says softly. "I meant it."

Cain scoffs. "You better." He says bluntly before breaking into a smile.

Robert manages to laugh and then he smiles because it was so easy to just _laugh_.

As they go to leave Chas catches his arm and Robert turns towards her.

"I know we've talked but - I mean it, if you need anyone to talk to about your - ya know PTSD then - you know where I am. You know if you think you'll only Aaron if you tell him about it, I'm here."

Robert smiles and then Paddy has an arm around Chas.

"We both are." Paddy adds seriously.

"I know." Robert breathes out, feels light as he feels Aaron tug at his hand and they go to leave.

They hold hands all the way home and then they spot Vic with a tray of food coming towards them.

"Vic, what are ya playing at." Robert says, takes the large tray from her as she struggles to keep a grip of it all.

Vic frowns. "I was gonna give them to ya, thought you wouldn't really want to cook."

"Is that where you were all night, in your kitchen?" Aaron asks, they had hardly seen he since they got back from court.

Victoria almost looks guilty and Robert shakes his head.

"You didn't have to do that, honest." Robert says, "You're -"

Victoria touches her stomach affectionately. "Yes, _pregnant_." She rolls her eyes and then they suddenly widen. "Look I - tomorrow I find out what they sex is and - I was thinking of doing a party in the pub, you know, place your bets sort of thing.

Aaron breaks into a smile as Robert looks confused.

"A bet about the sex of your baby?" Robert blurts out and Victoria pulls a face.

"Oh come on, that is so something you'd do it if it was you having a child."

There's just something in the way Aaron says it that makes Robert's heart jump out of his chest and he remembers the dream he had about Aaron and -

Robert gulps down the memory and just laughs nervously.

"So, can I count on seeing you both there?" Victoria asks.

"Of course." Robert says before hugging her and kissing her head, feeling bad for the smidgen of judgement he just had.

"Good." Victoria says and then she smiles at Robert. "I know a lot happened today but I just want you to know that - I'm so happy you're getting better."

Robert smiles.

"I mean it, and knowing that he's got life, well it's - it's amazing." Victoria says. "'Cause guess what Rob, you can start living again can't you?"

Robert's eyes flicker at her words and his heart beats faster.

 

-

 

Liv crushes him. Her arms are around his within seconds and she hugs him so tight that he has to squirm a little. It's still mad, but he loves it. 

"I knew he wouldn't get a silly sentence." Liv says as she pulls away.

"Yeah." Robert says, still a little overwhelmed.

"Oi, come on, help me unwrap this lasagna and then set the table." Aaron shouts towards his little family.

Robert rolls his eyes and then blows Aaron a kiss and his husband catches it and - Liv just melts inside a little.

 

-

 

It just happens and Aaron doesn't complain one bit. One minute Robert's laying on his back and then next he's tossing Aaron over and kissing him all over and Aaron lets out all sorts of strange sounds because he can't believe that Robert's being like this with him. It's the old Robert.

"Want you, _so_ badly." Robert whispers into Aaron's ear and the younger man jolts a little at the voice.

Aaron had his hands through Robert's hair and then starts to cup at Robert's trousers and then his -

There's a knock on the door and Robert jumps off, pulls at his trousers and clears his throat as he answers it.

Liv's standing there, looking petrified and Robert instantly becomes a big brother.

" _Liv_? What's - what's wrong?" Robert says, tries to hush her small whimpers.

Aaron's on his feet, looking at her and then he's pulling her towards their bed.

"Come on, what's wrong?" Aaron persists, holds her hands as Robert pets her head.

"It's daft. Just had a - a really horrible dream and -" Liv looks towards Robert. "You'd died."

Aaron gulps hard and Robert shudders. He'd dreamt of his own death before. It was awful.

"I'm here." Robert whispers and then kisses her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

Liv's chin wobbles and then she nods. "It was bad."

Aaron nods. "Come here." He says, tears in his eyes as he holds her. "That man isn't coming anywhere near our family again."

He insists. "He won't hurt Robert, or me, or you or Gabby ever again okay?"

Liv nods against her brother and hugs tighter before pulling away. "Can I sleep - just at the end of the bed? I don't want to be on my own, I'll just think about it all."

Robert doesn't hesitate. "Yeah sure." He says before getting her duvet and pillows.

Aaron holds Robert's hand all night and the older man drifts off feeling completely overwhelmed by how whole his life is now.

 

-

  
Robert and Aaron are late, of course they are, they only live a few feet away from the pub after all.

It was actually Robert's fault. He insisted on spending more time on his appearance and Aaron let him because he knew he was self conscious about his weight.

"You look fine." Aaron hisses as they enter the pub.

"Just fine?" Robert actually teases and Aaron's heart skips a beat once again.

"Erm." Aaron tilts his head. "Okay, half fit actually."

"Nice." Robert says dryly and then Aaron kisses him.

Charity's there, buckets in her hands. One's pink and the other is blue.

"Place your bets lads." Charity jiggles them both.

Aaron thinks of Adam and the fact that he's convinced it's a girl. "I reckon it's a boy." He says.

"I thought you said Adam was sure it was a girl?"

"Exactly." Aaron shrugs and Robert rolls his eyes before laughing.

"I reckon it's a girl actually." Robert says and then smiles. "Imagine Adam with a little girl, he'd lose the plot wouldn't he?"

Aaron pulls a face. "God yeah. He really would."

They smile at each other and then they're oddly silent again, it's like they can read each other's thoughts and they don't know what to do with them.

The door opens as they place their bets and Adam and Vic come in, big smiles on their faces.

"Alright then, come on tell me I was right!" Pete calls over the crowd. "It's a little girl isn't it?"

Leyla smacks his chest. "You just want to get one over me."

Victoria laughs and then looks towards the cake they have. There's nothing but white icing on show, the colour hidden beneath.

"Come on." Charity wines and then Adam holds his hands up, picks up a knife and slowly cuts into the cake revealing blue sponge.

"Another Barton boy!" Adam jeers, he looks so happy that Aaron has to swallow down a lump in his throat and start cheering with everyone else.

Robert smiles, can't help but be happy as he hugs his sister and sees all her joy shine out of her.

"You'll be amazing." Robert whispers. "So amazing." He adds and she hugs him tight enough for him to not want to let her go again.

 

-

 

Robert shuts the door and laughs, they've both had a little too much to drink and Aaron races up the stairs because he thinks he'll be sick.

He isn't though, comes into the bedroom to find Robert stripped down to his boxers.

Aaron gulps hard and looks at his body with delight.

"Liv uh - interrupted yesterday but I was - ready. Trust me." Robert says, starts coming towards Aaron and kissing his neck. "I want you, I need ya."

Aaron obliges, takes off his top and soon they're back into the rhythm of things. They're rolling around in bed and gasping for air as they push and pull and Aaron finds himself being in charge, Robert's flush, pink and eyes alert as he gasps for Aaron to take control.

"Trust - trust you."

Aaron kisses him, their tongues clash and dash and then Aaron's pressing inside of Robert, not believing that Robert trusting him enough like this, agreed everything he's been through.

It's even better than it used to be and Aaron feels every inch of him tingle once they lay side beside after they've both been satisfied and are in a state of blissful pleasure.

Aaron has a hand on Robert's chest and he kisses him slowly.

"Love you so much." Aaron says softly.

Robert's on cloud nine. "Worth the wait then?"

"You always have been." Aaron says sincerely.

They fall into silence before Robert speaks again. "Don't think Vic and Adam will have a lot of time for this soon eh." He says and then frowns. "Not that I think about her doing anything like this, ever."

Aaron laughs breathlessly and then sighs. "Nah but, they'd be doing something even more worth while won't they."

Robert's shocked by Aaron's words and he doesn't know what to say for a second. "Didn't know you admired parenting all that much? Or kids."

Aaron shrugs. "Course I do. I mean, who doesn't like kids?" He asks.

Robert bites his lip. "I'm no good with them."

Aaron scoffs. "You'd make a great dad." He says, meant to say uncle because - _shit_.

Robert looks right at Aaron and he shudders a little. "Aaron -"

"Didn't mean to say that." Aaron says, freezes and looks embarrassed.

"Or didn't mean for me to hear it." Robert asks.

Aaron gulps, looks embarrassed again.

"Aaron I - I'd love to - I'd love to have a kid with you." Robert blurts out, can't stop himself.

Aaron's eyes widen. "You would?" He says slowly.

Robert nods. "In an ideal world. But I'm -"

"It's a bit soon to start thinking about all that isn't it." Aaron says, holds Robert'a hand. "We need to focus on getting you more comfortable with dealing with your PTSD."

Robert nods again and then his eyes flutter. "Do you want kids with me, you don't need to say yeah?"

"I want everything with ya." Aaron shrugs and then his stomach churns. "The thought of having a little girl or - or boy of our own, loving someone who's ours, I'd love that with you. Never thought I would but I do."

Robert smiles shyly. "I wanted to tell ya how much I wanted a kid one day with ya, then everything happened."

Aaron blinks softly. "Remember what Vic said about living again?"

Robert does, knows that he has to cherish everything he holds dear now even more than he did before.

He kisses Aaron and then gently holds him.

"Soon then?" Robert whispers. "We'll start looking into it." It makes his heart flutter.

"Soon." Aaron whispers back before kissing at Robert's neck. "Might want to do more of this before we get bogged down by nappies though eh?"

Robert rolls his head back and laughs. "You read my mind." He says slowly before kissing Aaron back and for the first time in his life doesn't feel scared or even a little bit apprehensive about what his future holds.

He doesn't need to anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank everyone so much for the support for this fic, it's literally maddening and it really has always spurred me on to keep writing. The epilogue for this is in the works and should be uploaded soon, I really hope you like the direction this took and that I haven't disappointed.


	40. An epilogue of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys, the end, I hope I don't disappoint and that you like how I left things ... Strap in for one last time!!

 

**_Three years later:_ **

 

Aaron flattens down Robert's tie and fights for the _second_ time that evening to rip it off and attempt to drag his husband back to bed.

Robert sees it in Aaron's eyes and shakes his head.

"Uh you're supposed to be encouraging me to go tonight, it _is_ sort of a big deal."

Aaron smiles warmly, has a hand on Robert's chest and then nods.

"Yeah I know." Aaron's chest tightens and he admires his husband just for a few seconds, he sees it all back, he sees the smile and the cheekiness and that lust in Robert's eyes and he can't believe he got him back. How many people got to say that after everything they went through?

Robert strokes Aaron's arm and then dips his head. "Wish ya could come." He says softly.

Aaron sighs. "Me too." He whispers before sighting a certain someone by the door and instantly smiling. "Shame little princess here can't fend for herself yet."

Robert looks round and sees their little girl, all blonde curly locks and big blue eyes that remind him so much of Aaron his heart always skips a beat when he sees her.

"I know right, she's already _three_ , she might as well be cooking us dinner." Robert says sarcastically before he feels Annie tugging at his leg and beaming like she always does when she sees him in a suit. It's something which always makes Aaron beam too, seeing how much their daughter loves her daddy.

Aaron picks Annie up and holds her by his hip, something which always makes Robert smile because he's sure that Aaron has no idea how domestic and fatherly he looks when he does it.

"Daddy giant in a suit!" Annie says, flicks the hair from her face and beams again.

Robert melts at the nickname, knows to her he must really be eight foot tall.

Aaron starts playing with Annie's hair and then nods. "Do you remember where daddy giant is going tonight?"

Annie wriggles a little and then shakes her little head.

Aaron leans in closer to her like he's going to tell her some secret. "Daddy's going on the telly remember?"

Annie starts clapping her hands together and practically lunges her whole body towards Robert in hope she will be caught. Robert extends out his arms and feels her fall into him as he holds her.

"Auntie Vic and Uncle Adam are coming round to watch too aren't they?" Aaron says, stroking Annie's hair. It reminds him of Robert, like everything about her does. She's protective and yet soft at the same time and Aaron loves that about her with all his heart.

"And Liam! I want Liam to come as well!"

She's besotted with her older cousin, the beautiful boy Victoria and Adam spoil rotten.

Aaron nods and then watches Annie wriggle down from Robert's grip and attempt to brush the hair out of her face once again. It's too long but apparently she's Rapunzel so it can't be _cut_.

Annie disappears out of the room and Aaron tugs at his husband's waist.

"I think we should tell her when you get back." Aaron whispers and Robert knows exactly what he's talking about.

"I don't want to get her excited like last time. It was awful Aaron." Robert points out, thinks back to the pregnancy, how well it was going up until it wasn't going well at all and they had to sit down and tell their little girl that she wouldn't have a little brother or sister after all.

It nearly destroyed them. Nearly.

Aaron shrugs. "Lucy's further along now though isn't she? We actually know the sex and everything." He doesn't want to sound desperate, doesn't want to push because he permanently feels like it was _him_ who wanted another baby, until Robert reassures them that it's his dream too.

Robert nods slowly, accepts it and then Aaron bites his lip.

"I know you're scared." It catches Robert off guard. "But that's why you still so Karen, why I still see Louise." After all this time they still visit, still talk about anything and everything which is in their way or making things difficult in their minds.

Robert tries to smile and then he feels his heart beat a little faster as he thinks about everything they went though with Annie. She'd been premature and Aaron had reacted awfully, he broke down, couldn't believe what was happening, how small their little girl was and it tipped him over the edge when they were told that she might not make it. It was terrifying and yet Aaron - his brave Aaron - was willing to try it all over again, only to know that it didn't work. It was just another blow - one that made Robert stand stronger, fight harder for his family and be there for his husband through it all, crying with him and for him every night.

"It's looking good isn't it?" Robert says tentatively. "I don't want you to break down again Aaron."

Aaron chills and then nods. "I know babe." He says softly. "But she's fine, she rang me today, said she'd felt the baby kick."

Robert radiates. "Really?"

"Yeah." Aaron whispers, thinks about how amazing Lucy was to try again for them after last time.

Robert's phone rings and it's Pete telling him he'll knock when he's outside in the taxi. Aaron smiles excitedly and then starts pressing down Robert's tie nervously until Robert grabs his wrists.

"Why are _you_ nervous?" Robert questions before smiling. "I'm the one who has to do a speech."

Aaron bites his lip and then gulps. "Promise you're not angry at me for not coming with you."

Robert frowns and then holds Aaron tighter towards him. "Promise." He whispers and then kisses him.

"Daddy!" Annie calls and it's mad how they both instantly know that she wants Aaron, just by the way she sounds.

Aaron rolls his eyes playfully and then goes after her, leaves Robert to spray himself with something expensive and look towards the picture near his cologne.

It's one of the four of them. Annie being held by Aaron and Liv looking down in almost awe at her little niece. The picture is beautiful, always reminds Robert of that first night they had with her when she was finally bought home.

[ " _Is this really real?" Aaron asked, gently stroking Annie's hair as she lay between them in their bed. Neither of them wanted to part from her even if they had a lovingly decorated crib only a few metres away._

_Robert nodded his head, eyes fluttering because he was so tried but he just could sleep._

_"I'm so in love with her." Robert whispered as he kissed her forehead and watched her sleep, watching her chest rise and fall._

_Aaron gulped at that and had tears in his eyes. "I am too ya know." He said, because he'd been scared for so long that he wondered if Robert thought he didn't want her or something. "I was just - didn't know what to do because she was so small and they said -"_

_Robert lent over and kissed Aaron's head. "Shh, don't be silly. You were just scared, but now she's here and we're going to love her so much aren't we? She'll never have to worry about her parents not loving her enough."_

_It struck a cord in them both and made Aaron's eyes flutter, it's what they had in common - fear that their parents didn't love them enough._

_"You're going to be the best daddy." The way Aaron said it made Robert's heart melt._

_"Yeah? Well you already are." Robert said and held out his hand for Aaron to hold as they watched Anni sleep._

_They didn't get a wink of sleep that night, didn't even mind. ]_

 

  
Robert smiles softly and then looks down at Liv in the picture, he misses her.

Suddenly Robert feels an arm around his own and Aaron's sighing.

"She couldn't find her tiara." Aaron laughs before looking at Liv. "She'd want to be here too you know, if she wasn't at the Lake District finding shells for that Uni research thing."

Robert smiles. "Still don't get it, even if she does tell us a thousand times."

There's a knock on the door and Aaron and Robert go down the stairs to answer it. It's Pete smiling and Aaron braces himself for the many questions Annie will have for him like always.

"Pete." Annie says, longing every letter out as she speaks and then tugging at his arm.

Pete's used to it and looks down at her. "Yes sweetheart?"

"Do cows marry other cows?"

Aaron shakes his head. "Alright little one, enough with the questions, Pete's only getting daddy giant and leaving really soon."

Pete smiles, crouches down towards Annie who is playing with her farm animals. "I suppose they do."

"Because they are all girls so can they get married?"

Pete looks towards Aaron, out of his depth just a little and then Aaron sighs.

"Of course they can." Aaron says slowly, they've approached this before and she's taken it well. "Daddy and me got married didn't we? We're both boys."

Annie nods and then smiles. "I want to marry a boy _and_ a girl."

Robert catches her words and gently kisses her head. "One at a time though eh?" He says before twisting his watch and looking towards Aaron.

"Right, see you later then yeah?" Robert says, tugs Aaron closer and shows his nerves just a little.

Aaron kisses him, tries to deepen it but then Annie's chanting 'daddy and daddy sitting in a tree' and it makes them laugh too much.

"I'll be watching, ya know on the live stream or whatever it's called." Aaron says. "You'll be amazing, you've worked so hard for this."

Robert gulps. "Yeah, we have."

Aaron rolls his eyes. "I've not done anything."

Robert frowns. "You've done everything."

He says before kissing Aaron harder and then pulling away.

"Bye bug." Robert calls over to Annie and watches her race into his arms. "You be good for daddy fluffy okay?"

Aaron scowls at the nickname that Robert helped their little girl come up with, it's meant to encourage him to stop gelling his hair and it's working.

"I will." Annie says before hugging at Robert's neck and then sliding down from him. "Watch you on the telly." She says, jumping up and down and then runs back to her toys.

Aaron groans. "She's full of energy, great." He says sarcastically before he hears Robert laugh.

"She'll be both of our problem tomorrow." Aaron cuts in and Robert nods knowingly before going towards the door and seeing Pete waiting.

"Love ya." He says as he heads out with Pete.

"Love ya too." Aaron says, watches his husband leave with a seductive gaze which Robert notices as he quickly turns round.

"You checking me out?" Robert says as Pete gets into the car.

Aaron shrugs by the door. "Still got it babe." He says and Robert looks up and down Aaron. "Yeah, well so do you."

 

-

 

It's when he gets to the town hall in Hotten and is shown round to the back of the stage when he really starts to feel nervous.

He has a speech in his hand, gulps down whatever tells him to run for the hills and then he sees Karen.

"You made it?" Robert says as she approaches him and then smiles.

"Of course I did." Karen says warmly and then tilts her head. "You're nervous?""Yeah, just a bit." Robert looks down feebly and then sighs. "I didn't expect it to be this _big_ , there's loads of people out there."

Karen shrugs. "Maybe I helped spread the word."

Robert smiles. "You didn't need to do that."

Karen rolls her eyes. "Yes I did. Robert, I don't think you know how much you've done for people who have went through what you have."

Robert's eyes dart all over the place and he thinks back to when he told Aaron about his plans. About what he wanted to do.

_[ "What do you mean you want to make a difference?" Aaron said as he pulled his legs over Robert's lap and turned the telly down._

_Robert's heart had been thumping like mad as he shrugged. "Dunno, like help people. I want to help people who have been through what I have."_

_He'd been talking to Karen about it all, it had been two years to the day since Calum took him and he was emotional._

_Aaron looked at Robert seriously. "Where has this come from?"_

_Robert looked down. "Nowhere, just want to do something active about - about what happened, there's so many people who don't know how to move on, don't have the help."_

_Aaron blinked. "And you want to give them that?" He linked their hands together and Robert nodded. "Yeah l do."_

_"Well then I'll help you do it," Robert looked up in shock. "You can set up a charity network or something."_

_"You're on board with this, really?" Robert couldn't believe it._

_"Why wouldn't I be?" Aaron's eyes searched Robert's. "I think it's an amazing idea."_

_Robert hugged him then, melted into Aaron almost completely. ]_

 

Robert steadies himself as he watches Karen go and take a seat, he needs just a second to himself just to think about what he's going to say.

He has a whole hall dedicated to his charity, the one he built up from nothing. The one which got the mayor interested, the one which was recognised by the local mental health authorities in Hotten. The one which is a big deal now, big enough for him to win some sort of award after raising enough to fund a support home.

Robert gulps and then feels his hands start to shakes. He's taking his medication like always but he can't stop the way he feels like it's all too much and -

There's a hand on his shoulder and it's so familiar, soft hands and dark purple nails and -

" _Liv_?" Robert spins round and she smiles nervously at him. Her hair is in braids and she's wearing a grey jumper.

"Didn't realise I'd be so under dressed." Liv remarks, bag on her shoulder as she speaks.

Robert's taken aback. "Don't worry about that. I thought you couldn't make it."

Liv laughs. "You believed Aaron is what you did, of course I'd make it."

Robert feels himself blushing and he can't help but hug her tightly. She's taller. She's actually gotten taller and he feels like asking her how dare she but he can't.

"I've missed ya so much." Liv says as she pulls away. "How's my little trouble maker?"

Robert relaxes a little. "Oh Aaron's doing fine."

Liv rolls her head back and laughs, it feels the space between them with a relaxed sort of buzz.

"Nah she's a dream," Robert says softly. "Misses ya like mad."

Liv looks towards her bag. "Well I've got presents for her, and the little one on the way."

Robert's eyes widen. "Aaron told ya?"

Liv pulls a face. "He was just really nervous on the phone and I could tell." Liv smiles. "It's going to be okay this time."

"One premature baby, one that didn't even make it past three months, it's not _looking_ good." Robert snaps a little and then gulps hard as he sees Liv's eyes flicker. "Sorry."

Liv rubs his arm. "You're going to be great." She blushes at her words and then smiles again. "Promise."

Robert nods. "We're telling Annie tonight, if she's getting a brother or sister."

"You telling me too?"

"Looks like it yeah." Robert whispers before he looks beyond and sees more people coming in.

"Would ya just relax. You're good at public speaking." Liv says.

"I _was_." Robert says, it's almost ghost like.

"You _are_ , so stop fretting about it and let them all know exactly what you deserved to get that award thingy." Liv says and it works, he hugs her again and then watches her take a seat right at the front. It's amazing, how easy he feels himself just give into a feeling of pride for himself.

 

-

 

Aaron watches Liam race towards him and crash into his chest.

"Ya alright buddy?" Aaron says, watches Liam bounce excitedly on his knee and play with his own brown curly hair.

"Are we watching uncle Robbie on the telly?" Liam asks and Aaron nods his head.

"Yeah we are." Aaron whispers, picks Liam up and greets Victoria and Adam by the door.

"You want to go find Annie?" Victoria says softly to her son and Liam slides down from his uncle and starts calling for his cousin.

"How was he before he left?" Victoria says as she kisses Aaron on the cheek.

Aaron shrugs. "Nervous, a little." He says, folding his arms across himself and then feels Adam playfully massage his shoulders.

"He'll be solid up there though won't he? He's Robert Sugden."

Aaron nods and then Victoria smiles. "Shame Liv couldn't come down, Rob told me." Aaron has a glint in his eye. "Or -"

"It's a surprise, she's staying for a whole week as well, he's going to be made up."

Victoria beams. "That's brilliant." She says. "I know he wanted her to see all the work that -" she suddenly has tears in her eyes.

"Oi you, enough with the tears." Aaron chastises playfully.

"I'm just proud of him. So proud Aaron."

Aaron hugs her then and Adam goes off to be the playful immature man child he loves to be with Annie and Liam.

"So am I." Aaron whispers as he holds her close.

"Sorry. My hormones are all over the place recently and -" Victoria stops herself short and Aaron freezes around her.

"Pregnant sort of all over the place hormones?" Aaron whispers softly and Victoria's eyes dart all over the place.

"It's early days, like really early." Victoria says gently, hands out.

"We told ya about Lucy trying for us again." Aaron counters. "Despite not telling anyone else."

Victoria cringes. "Sorry." She says and then looks towards the floor.

Aaron tuts, "Don't be daft, come here, I'm made up for ya both." He says, looks over at Adam laying on the floor with Annie attacking his hair and Liam desperately trying to defend his father.

"Right you lot, what about we make some cupcakes and then settle down to watch Rob on the telly yeah?"

The children laugh and Adam lets out this playful cheer which makes Aaron settle just a little.

 

-

 

"I'd like to thank you all for attending this celebration of 'Open Eyes' charity this evening, honouring Robert Sugden, the founder of such a brilliant charity which has managed to change the lives of so many."

Aaron can hear it, he can see Ruby standing there, announcing Robert and he feels something inside him burst a little.

Annie's sitting on his lap in the living room and Chas has already rang to say she's recording it as well.

Aaron finds himself nodding along to Ruby's kind words, knows that the charity had become such a project for his husband and helped with his recovery so greatly.

Robert walks out onto the stage and it's mad how quickly Aaron wells up at the sight of his husband, Annie's clapping her hands together like mad and he can't help but laugh before telling her to settle down.

"But it's daddy giant!" Annie points out almost indignantly.

"We know darling," Victoria says as she tries to stop Liam from getting too excited as well.

Aaron looks towards Liam and Annie, "Ad, do us a favour and play with them for a bit. I don't want them hearing about _him_."

Adam nods slowly and then throws Liam over his shoulder as Annie playfully tells him to stop hurting her best cousin.

 

-

 

Robert clears his throat, feels a flashing light hit his face and then just breathes. He just breathes slowly and then thinks of Aaron and Anni watching and everything seems okay.

"My uh - my name is Robert Sugden, you know that already though so -" Robert clears his throat, just breathes. "I'm overwhelmed really, when I started this charity I didn't think it would be this big. I wanted to do something, something that would benefit those affected by stalking as well as raise awareness for how damaging it can be. Stalking, becoming obsessed with someone who does not want the attention nor the insistent disruption to their every day lives, has the ability to completely strip someone of themselves, their friends and their families. It needs to be stopped." Robert clears his throat again.

"My 'story' started over three years ago now when I welcomed who I thought was a good employee into my business. I ignored all the signs until I was alone. Until I couldn't turn to anyone else because I had backed myself into this corner, too stubborn to see what was really going on and -" Robert ducks his head. "Soon I was being completely taken over by it all, soon I was being taken from my home and everything seemed to lose hope. I was only saved because of my family, because of my loved ones, my sister and my brilliant husband." He can't help but smile, Aaron mirrors it immediately.

"But not everyone is as lucky as me, some people don't get saved like I did because they find themselves completely alone with no one to turn to once the ordeal is over. I want to talk about what happens after they've been sentenced, after they can't go physically anywhere near you but it doesn't feel like that. Instead it feels like they're with you all the time, and - I can't  _imagine_ how I would have got through all those dark days without my family with me. I couldn't picture it, but so many out there have no choice but to face it all alone, they have to change the locks themselves, they have stay up all night in fear that it will happen again, they have to sort their heads out themselves because they're too afraid to go outside and get the help they need. It's not _fair_."

He sees the reaction in the audience, faces that he knows, that he's helped and they seem to understand.

"It's the reason why I had to do something about it, because I know that there are people out there who can't turn to anyone and it's something which needs to be addressed. I uh - I was diagnosed with PTSD after what happened to me and some days are dark, horrible, and I lash out without even meaning to but - but I know I'm not alone in my mental health issues, I know I have someone." He thinks of Aaron immediately. "Everyone should know that. Which is why 'Open Eyes' works to promote weekly group sessions and support meetings for those who have experienced something so scary and damaging and cruel and made them fear the world. Just knowing that someone out there understands how it feels despite every case being completely different, it works wonders, it makes you feel like you aren't in this alone and that the world isn't as scary and unkind as you believed once. Then slowly, with the help of all those support workers, you start to feel like you again and it will be okay."

Victoria's crying and Aaron stares open mouthed at his brave boy.

"I uh - I want to thank some people for getting me here today, because without them, I wouldn't have had the courage to start living again. So, first of all there's Karen." He looks right at her in the audience and his heart swells. "When I first met her, I wasn't ready to speak about what happened to me, not one bit. But she helped, she helped me so much and I'll always be grateful for her. Everyone should have a Karen."

There's a small ripple of laughter and Robert ducks his head shyly.

"I also want to thank Ruby for being the best assistant in the world, for helping me get here and constantly telling me that it was possible to help as many people as I had in mind. Without her support I don't think the ideas would have got passed my living room sofa. There's also my sister Victoria."

Victoria didn't expect it, eyes widen as she watches her brother start to smile.

"She said, after everything happened, that I could start living again and - I don't think she'll ever know how much that meant, how massively it changed my outlook on the situation. So thank you sis." Robert's hands are clammy and then he looks at Liv.

"Then there's Liv." Liv smiles at him and Robert swears she has tears in her eyes. "My other sister. I don't think she understands how much she's helped me throughout the years, being in charge of my pills, painting the first charity support house. She's been amazing, just like her -" Robert gulps.

"Just like Aaron, my husband. I've never met someone like him before, someone so kind, _so_ loving and patient and - I never thought I'd be so lucky, never thought I'd deserve it. He's just - stood by me throughout everything, coped with my dark days and - he's been this light when I just can't help but travel further into this _darkness_."

Aaron's crying, feels like he can't do much else.

"He's been my everything and for that, I am eternally grateful. Because he's not only helped me with this charity but he's also given me a family, he's given me a beautiful little girl."

Aaron sniffs, turns back to Annie who is still fighting with her uncle.

"Annie, daddy's talking about you now." Aaron says, fights back his tears as she races towards him and lands on his lap.

"Our beautiful little Annie." Robert has tears in his eyes and Aaron's eyes just sparkle as he sees Annie's face light up.

"Daddy's helping people again?" Annie tilts her head up and Aaron kisses her head.

"Yes darling," Aaron whispers, "Daddy's a hero remember?"

Annie flicks her hair out of her face and starts clapping her hands together.

Robert steadies his breath. "This charity is just going to grow, and it's going to help so many more people and I just - I hope it's helped people find themselves again, realise that no one is alone, because opening your eyes to what's happened, seeing between all those lines and getting the help you need. It's life changing, and it will make you _you_ again. Thank you so much for your time."

The response is crazy, everyone is standing and applauding and then Ruby is crying too and Robert just stands there, _proud_. 

 

-

 

Annie and Liam start clapping their hands together and cheering and Aaron can't help but cry, so many tears of happiness it's unreal.

"Uncle Aaron, are you sad?" It's Liam, clambering onto him and pulling hands through his own curly hair.

Aaron squeezes Liam close, "No buddy, just proud, just so proud. Happy tears yeah? Happy tears." He whispers.

 

-

 

Robert comes through the door with Liv and can hardly catch his breath before Aaron is kissing him breathlessly and softly caressing his cheek.

Robert laughs as Aaron pulls away and looks over at Liv.

"Glad to know you two still have the 'spark' or whatever it's called." Liv says flatly before hugging her brother.

Robert's completely high from the fell of Aaron's lips and he can't help but stare at him.

"So you watched it then?" Robert asks, tilting his head and seeing that Aaron's eyes are a little red from crying.

Aaron holds Robert by his suit. "Never been prouder, honest." He whispers before kissing him again, this time more softly.

"Uh - hello guys, standing right here." Liv waves a hand out and then watches them break apart.

"Cheers for not telling me she was coming." Robert says as he walks towards the sofa.

Aaron smiles, "Wanted it to be a surprise." He says, shrugs his shoulders.

Robert looks around and then frowns. "Where's Vic and -"

"Liam got a little too excited with Adam," Aaron looks towards the lampshade, broken. "Vic said she'll call you tomorrow."

Robert laughs. "Good thing he's my nephew." He says, inspecting the damage.

Liv shakes her bag, "Where's madam?" She asks, "I've got pressies."

Aaron yawns. "In bed, come up and see if she's still awake." He says as they walk up the stairs and towards her room.

Annie's in her little bed, hand sewn flowery quilt by Victoria is thrown across her. The little fairy lights in her room make the colours on the wall look warm and inviting and Aaron smiles as he sees her little chest rise and fall.

Robert tiptoes into the room and presses a kiss to her head before looking up at Aaron and remembering what they were planning on doing.

"Maybe it's a sign, we shouldn't tell her yet." Aaron bites his lip nervously and then Liv shakes her head.

"Well then tell me." Liv says eagerly.

"I don't want it to go wrong again." Aaron admits before getting upset and going to leave.

"Aaron -"

"Tell me what daddy?" Aaron's head turns back and Robert's eyes widen, their little girl has got into the habit of pretending to be asleep when really she's awake and just trying to be nosy.

Aaron gulps hard. "Nothing darling, go to sleep."

Annie does the opposite, sits up in bed and then gasps as she sees Liv. "Liv! Liv! Liv!" Annie kneels on her bed and Liv hugs her tightly.

"Hello beautiful," Liv whispers before kissing her hair.

Robert looks at how nervous Aaron seems by the door and then looks at Annie.

"Sleep time now Rapunzel, come on, lie down for daddy." Robert whispers gently, strokes at her hair as she smiles at him.

"Daddy, I saw you on the telly." Annie says softly, holding Robert's hand. "Daddy fluffy was crying with happy tears."

It makes them all laugh, how she remembers things.

Robert kisses Annie's forehead, "That's nice." He whispers, tucking her in.

"What did you want to tell me!" Annie wines, she's so quick and sharp and Aaron knows she gets it from Robert.

Aaron doesn't know what to say, he can't bear the thought of having to tell her once again that the baby is gone off to heaven, he wants to leave it for as long as possible suddenly and he knows it's mad because only a few hours ago he was excited.

Robert notices, finds strength and then calls Aaron over.

"Okay," Robert says slowly. "Do you remember Lucy?"

She only visited a few weeks ago and Annie nods.

"Well - she's helping us again."

Annie's eyes widen and then she smiles. "Am I having a baby?" She gasps, looks right at Aaron.

"Uh - no, sweetheart it's not you having the baby, it's - me and daddy would look after them." Aaron says cautiously. "If uh -"

"Will this baby go to heaven again?" Annie suddenly looks disappointed and her face mirrors Aaron's. "To be with grandad Jack and nanny Sarah?"

Robert has to look away then, it hurts too much considering he's told her all about her family who always look down and watch out for her.

Liv steps in, kneels in front of Annie. "Hopefully not." She whispers. "We _really_ hope not."

Annie nods slowly and then tugs at Robert. "Okay then." She whispers, "Daddy don't be sad."

Aaron frowns and then pulls her into his arms. "We're not sad, we're _happy_ aren't we daddy?"

Robert nods slowly and then smiles. "Do you want to know a secret?" He whispers towards Annie.

Anni beams and Aaron knows what he's going to say.

"The baby is a little boy." Robert whispers, tries to gauge a reaction from Annie and then he hears Liv start to sniffle.

Annie jumps on the bed. "Brother! A brother!" She leaps into Aaron's arms by surprise and he kisses her head.

"Happy?" Aaron asks and Annie nods.

"I can teach him football with Liam." Annie suddenly realises and she smiles even more before yawning.

"Alright bug, time for sleepy byes." Aaron whispers, drops her slowly down onto the bed and watches her wriggle.

She offers her father's a sleepy smile. "Thank you," she whispers and it melts their hearts at her gratitude.

"Love you Annie." Robert lets out, stroking her arm and seeing her blue eyes start to close.

"Love you baby." Aaron kisses her forehead, "Sweet dreams."

 

-

 

Liv sleeps in her old room and Aaron and Robert can hear her already arranging to meet Gabby the next day, they hear the excitement in her voice when she says that she's having a little nephew.

Aaron's chest tightens just a little and Robert notices as they lay in bed.

"It's going to be okay." Robert reassures him as he curls up beside Aaron.

Aaron nods and then shakes his head. "Enough worrying," he says slowly and then he gently strokes Robert's arm, amazed at how much his touch effects Robert. "I'm so proud of ya."

Robert kisses him then, allows his hands to wander as he feels Aaron backing away.

"I'm trying to be nice here and all ya want is sex." Aaron laughs and Robert flushes pink at just the _thought_.Robert rolls his eyes. "Fine, shower me with your praise." He says, kissing at Aaron's neck and making the younger man moan.

"I won't lie, it's been a nightmare at times." Robert pulls away at Aaron's serious words. "But it was worth it, every single bit was worth _this_."

Robert nods, "Can't believe ya didn't leave."

"Never." Aaron whispers passionately before kissing Robert and pinning him down onto the bed hard.

Robert looks up almost in awe and Aaron frowns.

"What's up?" Aaron asks quickly. "Rob -" he panics just a little.

"I love you Mr Sugden, I love ya so much."

Aaron smiles softly, "And I love Mr Dingle, which is why it's going to be okay right?"

Robert nods his head and then kisses Aaron, doesn't ever want to stop just kissing Aaron Dingle.

It _is_ okay, this time nothing goes wrong, they get to paint the spare room blue and bring home their little boy and Annie holds him in the same position for the whole night.

They call him Jacob Patrick Sugden and Robert and Aaron's hearts melt at their little boy who means the world to them both.

Annie adores him and Liv starts getting scarily broody, Vic's besotted, her pregnancy going just as well and getting the practice again with the newborn little boy.

"It was okay." Robert says, one night, when years have gone by and it's so out of the blue that Aaron has to dig deep into his memory to understand.

"Yeah it was." Aaron says, digging out a plastic dinosaur from the back of the sofa and watching Annie do her homework.

Things have changed, there's no denying that and Aaron knows that they aren't what they used to be, before anyone called Calum ever came into their lives, but that's okay, that's _fine_. What they have now is so much _more_ than he ever thought possible.

He has a family with Robert, an actual one, with screaming, fighting, loudness and yet laughter with loving, loyal children and his heart swells. He never knew he'd love children so much, never knew that seeing Robert with children would make his heart ache with love. Just the thought of Robert holding their newborn baby in his arms, it's -

"Rob ..." Aaron says slowly and Robert already knows what he's about to say.

"Yeah I do." Robert says, looks towards Aaron's bright face. "I mean, one more wouldn't hurt."

Aaron throws his arms around Robert and kisses him hard before slowly sinking his hand down Robert's pants and making Robert blush.

"Babe -" Robert hisses but he can't say anything else, it's mad, he never thought they'd still be this wanting after all this time.

Aaron looks over at Annie, she's far away enough and Jacob's at football practice so they _do_ have the time.

"Oh come on Sugden." Aaron whispers seductively as he pulls Robert up from the sofa. "We've got some baby making to get up to." He says, drags Robert all the way up the stairs and Robert just goes with it, pretends that's the way it will happen and then crosses his fingers, knows Lucy's already been teasing them about having more.

He can't think of a better idea, for himself, for Annie and Jacob and Liv, and for Aaron. It's mad, he thinks as he lays next to Aaron in their bed, to cast his mind back to all those years ago and remember how hopeless it all was once. He doesn't get that feeling anymore, doesn't allow himself to even think of Calum Radels as much as he used to. It's a fading memory, one that won't completely leave him, but it is _fading_ , being overwhelmed by all those beautiful memories of family and love and - there's little room for anything else now.

 

_Fin_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINITO. 
> 
> It's finally done and I honestly am so sad about it all. It's been such a rollercoaster and I'm so pleased that so many of you like it honestly. When I first started writing this fic, it was purely for myself because a) I longed for a stalker fic (well my sick mind did) and b) I honestly didn't think anyone would want to read a fic so heavily dependent on a made up character so I didn't have the pressure to please many. 
> 
> Turns out it went down better than I expected and it was just mind blowing because although other fics have gone down well which I have wrote, I never expected this to be compared to the likes of 'A different kind of love'. I just want to thank every single one of you for leaving such a pure comment, for making me feel like I'm not so bad at writing and just being so positive and happy towards me and this fic.
> 
> When I read comments about not only the storyline but my actual writing skills, it honestly means the world to me so I just really want to say (again) thank you for building my confidence and loving this fic so much. Just thank you! 
> 
> I hope all those who liked this continue to like my other future fics because knowing I have so many amazing people who are willing to read my work is just the best.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr and let me know what you thought: @littlelooneyluna


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